"Can we talk?"

Layeba winced internally, hearing those words from her own mouth. No one liked to talk! At least the words, we need to talk didn't roll out of her tongue. For that she was glad.

The words were so unexpected for Yazaan, that he didn't give an answer for a moment. She was really full of surprises today. First, her smiling at him. Oh, yes he noticed. Then, knowing she also believed in love was a shock for him. He didn't know why, but he always thought that she would be the cynical type, the ones who didn't believe in romantic love (which he was very wrong about). And now she wanted to talk. To him. Willingly.

Is the apocalypse upon us or what?

"Sure." He swept his hands towards the chairs that were set in a corner of the lawn. She was about to sit but changed her mind at the last moment, knowing she wouldn't be able to control her nerves.

What did she want to talk about anyway? Yes, she wanted to let him know that she was willing to move on from the previous bitterness. But how could she say it?

Will you be my husband?

But he's already my husband! Her conscience replied.

Can we forget everything and start anew? She tried another angle.

Start anew? But would that automatically imply that i want him to leave whatever his businesses were or would i have to voice them out too? A question came from herself.

Allah! Could i sound any more selfish?

But it is what it is. I want him to change. His and mine lives would be bound together if i get on with this. And i can't and won't accept what he does.

Aahhhh! Why did i even think talking was a good idea?!

She internally groaned. Which wasn't so internal. Her inner turmoil managed to show on her face, which amused Yazaan to no ends and made him wanting to know what she was thinking. Various expressions which passed on her face in a span of a few moments were more than what she expressed in front of him freely.

He cleared his throat, making her aware that she was bickering with herself. Reprimanding herself for the last time that she was a renowned, successful surgeon and this should be quiet easy for her, she gave him her full attention.

His eyebrows arose, questioning her when she didn't speak.

"Oh!" She cleared her throat. "Um. . ."

It was not. Not easy at all.

Quick Layeba, think! Say something.

Why not turn the tables at him?

"I wanted to ask the reason why you were here", she said finally.

Phew! That sounded right. She thought about what she said, testing those words. No it didn't. Dang!

But the words were already out of her mouth. And she didn't have to regret any longer, for her interest in wanting to know exactly why he was here piqued when he started working his jaw. Exactly! Why was he here?  There must be a reason why he came to Lahore with his brother, who still wasn't able to walk properly. But what was that reason?

Oh, she really did turn the tables. The way he averted his gaze behind her, looking at the doors as if waiting for someone to come and save him, really added to her curiosity. She furrowed her brows.

What could it be that he's actually nervous?

She looked at him expectantly and he remembered his conversation with Ozhan the night before. He had also wanted Yazaan to tell her about what happened in Hunza after her brother's death. Swallowing, he realized it was now or never. He had to tell her.

"I wanted to inform you about something."

"Okay?"

What he was about to tell her, she could either be really greatful or curse him forever. Knowing Layeba, he knew that the chances of the former were very thin. Before he could chicken out (funny how a five feet something girl could make a six feet mafia lord even think of that), he finally said;

"Shah Zaman is dead."

Silence.

There was an utter silence which seemed to engulf her in it. Even the birds had stopped chirping. Or maybe they were, but she didn't hear them, for her heart had started beating so loud, it seemed to overpower any noise. With those four words, she seemed to be transported in that same warehouse. And she relived the fear which she had so bravely concealed under the pretence of a tough woman then.

They call me Shah Zaman, by the way.

The sun had already been hiding behind the clouds before, but only now did she feel the lack of its warmth. The chill of a sunless, December day seeped into her bones and her body quivered slightly. Did she hear him right? Was the man because of whom her brother wasn't breathing was dead?

Might i remind you that your mother is still inside?

She swallowed. Looking into his eyes, she searched for any sign of humour or foolery but found nothing except sincerity and anxiousness. But she still couldn't bring herself to believe that he had said what she had listened, so she whispered not quite trusting her voice,

"What? H-how?"

"Shah Zaman is dead. I killed him."

Shah Zaman is dead. I killed him.

She felt dizzy. She couldn't remember what she had wanted to talk to him about.

Shah Zaman is dead . I killed him.

He kept looking at her, hoping she would say something. But she was too consumed, trying to process the fact that the man she was ready to accept as her husband had done exactly because of which she was not accepting him.

He killed someone. Again.

She thought back to the time she was held captive. No doubt, she hated Shah Zaman. And she didn't have it in her to not curse him. But she didn't want Yazaan to be the one whose hands got covered in his filthy blood. She wanted justice to be served but she knew Yazaan wasn't the one to serve it. In fact, he was the last person to speak of justice.

Not having it in her to argue with him, she simply turned, wanting to leave. But this time, he didn't let her.

"Aren't you going to say anything?"

She licked her bottom lip and swallowed, her mouth suddenly feeling too dry. She hummed and nodded slightly.

"You're an idiot."

The words left her mouth before she could stop them. But didn't regret to speak her mind one bit. He looked at her in disbelief. He didn't know what he was expecting her to say but this was not that.

"What?"

She faced him and looked him in the eye.

"Exactly what i said. You're an idiot. You're looking at me with those expectant eyes. What were you hoping, huh? That you'd tell me you've killed someone or main tumhare uper phool phaikoon gi?"

(And i'll throw flowers at you?)

"I'm not sorry for it. He had to pay for what he had done to my brother. To you." Though he had hardened his voice, he couldn't believe he was explaining himself to her and listening to her scolding like an obedient child.

"Yes, he had to pay! But you weren't the one to make him!" She poked his chest with her finger and snapped, "Who are you? Police? Judge? Or prime minister? Oh no, i forgot! You're THE mafia lord and think you're above all of them!"

She took in a deep breath and rubbed her face. What was she thinking? She won't ever be able to accept who he is. She didn't even want to try. How could she accept a murderer? These thoughts shadowed all the reasoning that was lingering in the back of her mind, pressing to make appearance but her state of mind didn't let them.

A faint ringing of her phone from the house reached her ears but she ignored it.

"What's gonna happen now, huh?" From her tone, she sounded as if she was genuinely asking but then answered herself. "You killed Shah Zaman. What did that accomplish? Hmm? Thand par gayi hai ab? Sakoon hai? I'm not aware with your ways but even I know it doesn't end here. He hurt one of yours. You killed one of theirs. What next?" He just kept his quiet. "Let me tell you, you are next. Ozhan is next. Maybe even Abeerah or Bi Jaan or I am next. You are well aware yourself that sooner rather than later you'll wake up and find that one of your loved one has met the same fate as him. What will you do then? Kill the entire valley?"

(Are you at peace now?)

If he said that he got her point, he would be lying to himself. He didn't. He would without hesitation kill the entire valley if need be. But one thing he did admit was she was not very far off the line. It didn't end with Shah Zaman's death. Just a day after he had killed Shah Zaman and Saqib, one of his own men who was a traitor, Shah Zaman's brother had declared himself the leader of the opposite gang and was doing everything in almost desperation to kill Yazaan and everyone related to him.

"But you know what's worst? You're too pig-headed to even understand any of this." She shook her head. "You disgust me!"

And she went inside the house. She picked up her phone from the coffee table in the kitchen and looked at the screen. Two missed calls and one message from the hospital. She opened the text message.

Aoa, Dr. Layeba. You're to report to the manager's office at sharp 10:00 a.m. today.

She checked the time and it read nine fifteen. Massaging her head a bit, she went to her room to get ready.

Outside, Yazaan picked up the garden chair in rage and threw it far. He didn't even know if he was angry at her or his own self for even thinking of telling her that. What was the need anyway? It's not like anyone else would've told her. He pulled at his hair, wondering what he was to do now.

Curse you Ozhan! Why did you even want me to tell her that?! What is your sick mind is upto now?!

•~•

In the evening, Ozhan paced his room, Layeba's words echoing in his mind. Well, not exactly paced with the plaster on his leg. He checked the time. 4:43 p.m. He didn't even know why he was so worked up over her words.

What's the point of burning if the one you're burning for doesn't even know?

Should he tell her? Should he finally get it over his chest now? Layeba was right. He had nothing to lose. He should tell her. But would he be able to? He groaned.

Was this karma or something? Have i been cursed by Lala?

"Sanem Api! I'm so happy. I got admission! And in the best medical university of Lahore!"

Abeerah's excited voice reached his ears. They both were back. Finally! Though he did not know why exactly he was waiting for her.

"Congratulations, dear. Now you're with us for a whole year, InshaAllah and will only return with a degree."

Sanem's words added salt to his wounded heart. I knew i didn't like that woman for a reason. Irritating, annoying bi-e-eech!

"Anyway, darling. I've got to go home now. I'll probably see you tomorrow. Allah hafiz."

Not a minute later, the front door clicked, indicating that Sanem had left. There was complete silence in the house then, seeing as all the kids had accompanied Shiza to her brother's house, yet his own rapid heartbeat and the ticking of the clock seemed deafening.

He took a step to rush to her room but stopped, deeming it best to wait for a while and give her time to freshen up for she must be exhausted. Hours seemed to pass, which in reality were only a few minutes.

Not having enough patience, he rushed to the room opposite his after about twenty minutes and knocked on the closed door. A soft come in and he entered.

Abeerah had just come out of shower and was drying her hair with a white towel beside the dressing table. Seeing Ozhan, she raised her eyebrows and asked, "Yes, lala? You need something?"

Entranced by her beauty, he couldn't answer. He should be used to it by now. And for most of the part, he was. But then, she would look at him with those big innocent green eyes and he'd be a goner.

Her eyebrows furrowed and concern etched on her entire face. She dropped the towel and came towards him, putting the back of her hand on his forhead.

"Lala, are you okay? You've gone pale. You look like you've seen a ghost!"

He cleared his throat and took a step back, her hand falling at her side.

"Now i know i may look like a churail right now but you need not be so worried about it", she teased, grinning broadly.

Itni haseen churail!

"No, i just had a slight headache. Heard you coming, what happened of your admission", he asked taking a seat on the small couch in a corner.

"Oh! I got admission. That too, in the best university. And you know what? It was like Bhabhi had specifically asked the dean not to give me admission. The test was so hard and the verbal one, even more so much. But then. . ."

She continued laying out all the events to Ozhan who listened intently but was also far gone in his own thoughts, if that's even possible.

She looked so carefree. Her eyes shone brightly and her smile never seemed to leave her face. The comfort and sense of protection she felt around him was visible in her actions.

And he got another reason to keep his feelings to himself.

What have you got to lose? Layeba's question rang in his ears.

So much.

•~•

Layeba tossed and turned in her bed. Another restless night. But tonight it was for her conscience was eating at her. She couldn't help feeling that she was wrong this time. Whatever she said to Yazaan this morning, he didn't deserve that. Well, part of it. She already knew what he did. And she couldn't expect him to just leave it all in the blink of an eye. This is who he was. And she hadn't exactly given him a reason to change nor she had told him that she wanted him to change. Well, again, only part true.

She knew she had to apologize. For her own sake more than any other. And she had a lot to ask him. And had to tell him what she thought of this relationship. But it wasn't that easy, was it? Talking, that is. She had already tried to in the morning but it hadn't worked.

And all the hours in hospital without having much to do gave her a lot of time to overthink and doubt her statements. Returning to hospital was a bittersweet moment for her at first, returning to the place she lost her Meerab to. But then, it turned lively, seeing as all the residents and nurses (except for those who held a grudge against her) and even fellow attendants welcomed her back with open arms. Apart from that, it was mainly paper work and reforming her panel (most of the patients were of Dr. Yasir). She had decided that she will serve at ER on alternate nights. Life finally seemed to get back on track.

Except for she still couldn't sleep at night. She threw off the blanket, wore a cardigan and loosely wrapped her stole on her head. She peeked out of the window, just knowing that Yazaan would be sitting in the lawn. And true to her speculation, he was.

She went down, in hopes of talking to him but turned her path to the kitchen, wanting to satiate her hunger pangs seeing as she hadn't had dinner. She opened the fridge and found tonight's curry. But who in his right mind would light up the stove and make tortilla in the middle of the night?

She took out the tub of ice-cream from the freezer and scooped some in the bowl. She placed the bowl on the breakfast bar and brought a spoonful to her mouth.

"You were wrong, you know."

She gasped, the spoon fell down on the floor, making a mess on her shirt and her hand went above her heart, trying to calm her racing heart down. She glared at Ozhan, who was sitting in what seemed to be signature place, beside the door of the kitchen in the dim light, blending in the background with his grey shirt and black trousers.

"Tumhein pata nai ab konsi mout ai hai, Ozhan par tum mjhe zaroor meri qabar main utaaro ge!" she snapped at him, grabbing a tissue and wiping her shirt.

(I don't know what doom is upon you now but you sure are intent in lowering me to my grave.)

He didn't say anything, just looked at her almost accusingly.

"What happened now? What was i wrong about?", she asked, her heartbeat still a bit fast.

"You said i had nothing to lose. You were wrong. I have so much to lose, i can't even begin to count."

She sat on a chair, eating her icecream. "Firstly, don't twist my words around. I never said you had nothing to lose. I asked what you have to lose. You assumed it yourself that it was nothing." He looked a bit thrown off by her words, but didn't say anything else. "Secondly, enlighten me. What do you have to lose?"

"Well, for starters, i could lose her trust in me."

"You could." She nodded thoughtfully.

"She's comfortable around me. She feels safe around me. She shares everything with me-"

"Not everything. There's a lot she doesn't say to anyone, things that are locked away in her writings." She cut him off.

"If you're talking about her journal, i know of it. I've read it." Her eyebrows arose, but was she surprised at him invading someone's privacy? Not in the slightest. "And even in that, she hasn't mentioned me once. So i know the feelings ain't mutual. And i can't risk her trust just because you think i should tell her."

"Woah woah woah! Woah! I want you to tell her? Okay, maybe yes. But not only me. Your brother does too. But most of all, you want to tell her yourself. That's why my words are bothering you so much. Else, tell me, devar ji, do you think my words would be able to force your decisions?" He didn't say anything, telling her she was right. "I thought not."

She smiled slightly, enjoying rendering Ozhan Khan speechless way too much. By this time, her icecream was finished. She washed the bowl and spoon and dried her hands.

"Anyways, don't care what you do or do not. It's your life and it's upto you how you spend it. In regret, agony or in bliss."

That was all she had to say. She wasn't too intent on playing cupid now, was she? She made two cups of coffee and grabbed them, walking out of the kitchen. Well, maybe some final words won't hurt? Afterall she did know something he didn't.

"By the way, just because something isn't written doesn't mean it's not true. And more often than not, people who write keep more than one journals."

She left, leaving him with his thoughts.

She exhaled. One more Khan to go!

She went outside and thanked Allah that he wasn't smoking. He was lost in another world, his right leg over his left and bottom lip between his thumb and pointer.

She approached him and held out a cup of coffee in front of his face. He was a bit startled but didn't jump as she would've. He was a bit annoyed at her, to be honest, for the morning, having her repeat same things over and over to him again. But nevertheless, grabbed the mug, thankful for the warmth it provided to his frozen hands.

No matter how much irritated he was, he wouldn't pass a once in a lifetime chance of his wife offering him something willingly. Be it poison. And as he took a sip, he found that coffee wasn't anything less for it was practically coffee in sugar rather than the other way around.

"I understand what you did. Why you did. Well, sort of. After everything you had to go through. What happened to you parents. Maybe even i would've went down the same path", she said carefully, trying not to hit on a nerve.

But she did. He snapped his eyes to her in disbelief, anger underlying somewhere in them too. "How do you know about that?"

She cleared her throat. "I have my sources."

"Ozhan told you, didn't he? Who else would? I don't know why the fuck does he trust you so much! He wasn't supposed to tell you!", he growled making her squirm in unease.

She took a sip to calm her nerves. She, more than anyone else, knew how extreme people could behave about their not so pleasant pasts. So, she had to tread carefully. She licked her bottom lip and said, "I know i shouldn't have asked him. But i had questions. I have questions. To understand you better. So would you answer them or . . .?"

She probably didn't even herself know what that or was. Because she hadn't considered the possibility that he may just tell her to fuck off and be done with it. But now that she thought of it, she knew that it was highly probable.

And by the way he scoffed, she knew he wouldn't be very forthcoming.

"Understand? You? Humor me, Dr. Layeba! You don't understand! You only judge. Make assumptions, based on what you hear and stick that idea in your head without having any intention to change it. That's what you'd done. You'd made a clear image of me in your mind without even meeting me. You had already judged me to be this haramkhor without even giving me the benefit of the doubt, as if you would know what the life i'm living is like! Do you think i wanted to be this way? No! But what would you know! The great Doctor Layeba Hussein only believes what she judges to be right! And now you want to understand! How convenient!"

He threw the mug on the ground, the grass soaking the contents almost instantly and rubbed his face. The frustration that must've been building in him for long finally erupted out, each word a slap to her. But he was yet to deliver his final blow.

"Just because one's sins are out in the open doesn't mean that others are saints. And you are a prime example of that. And you know what your sin is? You thinking that you're better than any of us. That you're better than me! You are so proud of i don't know what! Those obligations of Islam you fulfill? Kisi per koi ehsaan nai karti tum. Apne liey karti ho tum. To phir guroor kis cheez ka hai tumhein? Hmm? You don't even know yourself that. But maybe you need to think of all this before you judge someone else!"

(You don't help anyone by all of them. You do it for yourself! Then what are you so arrogant about?)

She couldn't seem to breathe. Blood drained out of her face and her eyes went wide. The reality of who she had become slapped her so hard, she had neither words nor strength to retort. It was as if all power had been sucked out of her. It was all true. She was proud. Of what? What did she ever do that made her better than them? And just even thinking that, even if it wasn't direct, made her worst of all.

Seeing her go white as a sheet, made his eyes go wide. What have i said? He didn't mean to say all that to her. He knew what inner battle she must be going through now. And it killed him to see her face that. But what was done was done. It was all true and he didn't know what else to say. He was never the one to take his words back. And even if the words came out through his subconscience, they were as true as the day of judgement.

He turned to leave, giving her space to sort her thoughts out. But her voice cut through the silent night, halting him in his stead.

"I don't want divorce."

What! His brows furrowed and he faced her. Where did divorce come in between this?

Was she considering it all along?

Would i be able to free her?

While he was thinking all this, she didn't even have any idea what she was saying. The guilt was weighing her down but she also knew that if she let him go this time, she wouldn't be able to talk to him for a long time. And in list of things she wanted to say to him, an apology was also in order.

She placed the mug on the ground, stood up from the chair she hadn't even known she'd occupied and took slow steps towards him.

"I don't want divorce. I never considered it even when i hated you. Even when the mere thought of living with you repulsed me, the thought of divorce never came to my mind. Because i'm afraid of doing something which my Lord hates. But now that you said all those things to me, i realized that i was trying too hard that i became exactly what Allah forbabe me to become." Suddenly, tears leaked of her eyes and she couldn't stop them. "I- i'm so so so sorry for judging you like that. I had no right. I have no right. And i hope you can forgive me for that."

She pressed her fist to her mouth, hoping to stop the sob that threatened to erupt from her mouth but failed. And just like that, she was engulfed in a warm embrace, his hands going around her back and head resting on top of her head. She felt safety in his arms which he knew by the way she nuzzled in his chest. He felt content because he knew that he was regaining her trust which he had lost and kind of relieved that she didn't push him away.

No sooner had he thought that when she stepped away and wiped her face. "Anyway", her voice was stuffed. She was far too gone to realize that she was standing way to close to him. "I was saying. I never considered divorce as an option even when i loathed you. And now that i don't, i don't even want to consider it. But the only other option is if this - whatever this is between us - " she measured the distance between them with her finger back and forth, "works. But i don't know how it would either, with you being who you are and me not wanting to accept it." She raised her hands in frustration and let them fall again. "I thought maybe if i know more about why you do what you do, i would have a reason to give this a shot. But i - ooumph!"

Her monologue was cut off by his cold lips. Her mind went blank, not giving her body instructions to push him off, that this was too soon. To give him a piece of her mind that this isn't what she meant when she said to give their relationship a shot but she stood there frozen and watched his eyes close with her wide ones.

He put more force onto her unresponsive lips which seemed to snap her out of her daze and she pushed his chest but he just gripped her hand, bending it behind her. With his free hand, he pulled her even closer to him. On and on, he kept assaulting her bottom lip, not urging for more, but not having enough of her either.

Incoherent sounds came out of throat indicating her breathlessness and he finally left her, putting his forehead against hers and breathing harshly. He opened his eyes to find her red as a siren. He was pleased to not find hate or disgust in her dark eyes, only confusion and hesitation.

Good. I could work with those.

She frowned and he smirked.

"What? You were giving me a headache with all the things you didn't know." If a devil had an innocent face, it was definitely like the one Yazaan gave Layeba in that moment.

She pushed him back, creating some distance between them. "You - you -" Seemed like her mind still wasn't completely processing because she was lost for words and settled on, "you opportunist!"

He threw his head back and laughed while she cursed herself.

Really Layeba? Opportunist?

"That i am." He grabbed her by her shoulders, dared to peck her lips once more and made her sit in a chair. He sat in the chair in front of her and straightened his black kameez. He leaned back and smiled, enjoying her being lost for words, for once.

"So, you wanted to play twenty questions."

•~•

Assalam o alaikum people!
How are you all?😊

I'd save you from the excuses and just say that i'm sorry for updating late. Hope my chapter will be enough to make you forgive my tardiness.😁❤

So, how was the chapter? Did you enjoy it? Give me your thoughts in the comments.

Phew! Finally Layeba got called out for being so judgemental. It was starting to get on my nerves!

And eeeeeh! They kissed!😘😘😘 well, he did. But same thing!

I know i said that it will be the last chapter before the prologue part BUT there MIGHT come a chapter in between, cuz this one got sooo long! Seriously 5000 words😳 i just hope i didn't bore u guys enough to leave this story in the middle.

Anyway, won't waste your time anymore.

Please vote⭐ comment🖋 share and follow😉
Take care folks!
Until next time (hopefully it will be soon🙈🙈)
Lots of love❤❤❤
Javeria.