26th of July, 2007
Michael is 48, Angela is 43

Michael: I watched as Angela and my kids hugged when the judge gave his approval for adoption.

"Now all we have to do is sign the papers and it's official." I smiled and kissed my wife.

"Then what are we waiting for, daddy?" Paris pulled on my hand. "Let's go already!"

"Paris, sweetheart, we're doing that later, at home... But now we're gonna celebrate." Angela told her.

"Yay!"

I took Blanket's hand, and Prince and Paris walked with Angela back to the car where Grace waited for us with the rest of the kids and AJ.

"Baby girl, come to mommy..." my wife cooed and held out her arms.

Grace gave AJ to her mother, "She just ate, and slept for a couple hours, so I hope she won't bother you."

"Not at all..."

Angela nuzzled our baby girl then put her against her chest.

"Ange, why don't you get some rest? I'll entertain her." I said.

She hasn't slept at all last night, and instead spent the night in the nursery next to AJ's crib. She wouldn't let me help, and I let her do it herself because it was our baby girl's first night at home.

My wife was worried, although she had nothing to worry about. AJ was perfectly healthy.

"It's okay, Michael, I just want to hold her." Angela smiled, cuddling our baby closer.

I sighed and leaned back. She's just being protective, like any mother would be. This is nothing.

~

"Daddy, can I have this?" Paris walked up to me with a makeup kit for kids. "Lily and I want to have a slumber party soon and this would be perfect."

Angela and I decided to take the kids to a toy store before heading to dinner somewhere in LA.

"Sure, have you seen Angela?" I asked.

"I think she's with AJ in the baby part of the store." she answered.

Rose and Jared were talking between themselves, each showing the other their new toy.

"And what did you two get?"

My daughter held out her new doll and a storybook, "Wead."

"Later, Princess, I promise to read it to you, but now daddy has to go check on mommy." I kissed her head.

She whined and stretched her arms up for me. "Daddy! Up!"

Jared joined her, "Up!"

Sighing, I crouched down in front of them. "I can't, babies. I'll be right back."

I asked Grace to look after them and found Angela looking at some baby toys, with AJ wide awake in her arms.

"Babe," I called. "She has a stroller, put her down a little."

"I know, but I want to hold her... Hey, do we still have those play mats Rose and Jared had?" she said without looking at me.

"Yeah, they're in the closet in their room... Angela, why don't you go spend some time with the other kids, I can take care of AJ."

"I'll sit next to them at dinner, I just want a little time with my baby now."

I sighed and turned her body to face me, "But today is about spending time as a family..."

AJ stirred in her arms, and Angela hurried to shush her.

"Oh, I think she did something in her diaper. I'll go change her," my wife smiled. "Why don't you gather up the kids and AJ and I will meet you all in the car?"

She put AJ down gently in the stroller before going to find the bathroom.

~

I don't know why I thought something might change at dinner, but it didn't.

Angela did sit next to the kids... With AJ in her arms. The only time she didn't hold her was when Lily asked to hold her, and even that only lasted less than a minute.

"Babe, can I have her? I didn't hold her the entire day." I said, hoping to get her to focus on the other kids for a change.

"It's actually been three hours since she ate, so I'll go feed her." Angela told me and stood up from her seat.

"I can do it, we'll just ask the waitress for some hot water to warm up the bottle."

"She's been eating from the bottle the whole day, I rather just breastfeed. I'll be quick, promise."

Angela kissed my cheek before finding her breastfeeding apron in AJ's bag and sitting down in the corner of the VIP room.

"Angie wasn't like this when Rose and Jared were born. What's the point of becoming our mom if she won't be with us?" Prince whispered to me.

"She's just a little bit over-protective with her, that's all, son... I'm sure tomorrow she'll be spending more time with all of you." I told him.

He sighed and I looked at all of my older kids who had the same disappointed look on their faces.

"Hey, you guys, if it makes you feel better, you can have whatever dessert you want." I said.

Blanket's eyes lit up, but his older siblings still looked kinda sad, and Rose and Jared just sat in their high chairs, waiting for their mom to come back.

~

I rolled on my back in our empty bed, waiting for Angela to join me, although I knew there's a low chance of that happening.

She's probably in the nursery, and fell asleep on the rocking chair again.

"Daddy?" Blanket opened the bedroom door. "Can I sleep with you tonight? Mommy didn't say goodnight and I couldn't fall asleep..."

"Of course, baby boy. Come here." I patted the empty space next to me.

He cuddled close to me and sighed. "Why is mommy always with AJ? It's not fair."

"I think your mommy is scared something might happen to her if she isn't there."

"But why?"

"It's grownup stuff you won't understand, Blanket," I kissed his hair. "Now go to sleep, we're gonna have some more fun tomorrow."

"Nothing's fun without mommy." my son said.

It broke my heart to hear that, but I couldn't tell him what was going on with Angela, he'd just be more upset.

But he's right, nothing was fun without Angela. I didn't even enjoy dinner with my family because she wasn't there.

"Go to sleep." I whispered to Blanket.

"Goodnight, daddy."

"Goodnight."

~

27th of July, 2007
Michael is 48, Angela is 43

Angela: "Angela... Angela, baby, wake up... AJ is crying..." I heard Michael say.

I pushed his hand off, "Let me sleep."

"I want to, but you keep coming here."

Slowly opening my eyes, I saw that I was in the nursery on the rocking chair.

"This is the second night you've slept here," my husband sighed as he picked up our daughter from her crib. "You have to stop worrying, babe, she's fine..."

I uncovered one of my breasts and once AJ was in my arms, she quickly found my nipple and started sucking on it.

I sighed in relief and leaned back. Never in my life did I think I would ever enjoy breastfeeding, but something about feeling my baby close, made me feel happy.

"You can't go an entire night without sleeping, Angela. You need your rest." Michael said.

"I know, I'm just..." I wasn't able to complete my sentence.

"You're scared."

"Of course I'm scared, my baby girl had kidney surgery five minutes after she was born, and her pregnancy was a series of events I'd rather forget, but I can't, because no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't keep her safe. I had one job as her mother, and I failed at it."

"Baby..." Michael came over to me and wiped my tears. "You didn't fail, look at her. She's a healthy baby girl now, and a beautiful one, too... All those things that happened weren't your fault. So you have to stop thinking that something is going to happen to her..."

"How can I? So many things happened to her when she was inside me, imagine what could happen now that she's out."

"Nothing will, because when she was inside you, she depended on you, but now she has the both of us. And I swear, with God as my witness, I won't let anything happen to her."

His words were reassuring, but I couldn't let myself believe him.

AJ suddenly started crying loudly, making me look down at her red face.

"Give her to me and go get some sleep." Michael said.

"No, she's hungry, she has to eat." I told him and held my daughter closer to me.

"Angela-"

I cut him off, "I know what I'm doing, Michael! Just go and let me take care of my daughter!"

AJ cried even louder, and Michael sighed again.

"Fine... I'm downstairs if you need me."

He placed a kiss on AJ's head before leaving the nursery and I hurried to give my attention back to her.

~

"Come on, baby girl... I'm trying, I really am... What am I doing wrong?"

I rocked my baby back and forth but she wouldn't calm down.

"Mommy," Blanket showed up at the nursery door. "Daddy said there's someone downstairs for you."

"Not now, Blanket." I told him, and sat down, hoping to attempt to feed AJ again.

I was tired, my arms hurt from holding her, and I had a massive headache, but I couldn't let myself put her down. I didn't want to feel like I failed again.

"But mommy-"

"Blanket, I said not now," I looked at him. "Can't you see your baby sister is crying?"

I returned my gaze to AJ, and helped her latch onto my nipple, but she refused to take it into her mouth.

"She's only crying because you're trying too hard, honey."

I looked up and saw my dad.

"What are you doing here, daddy?" I asked as I covered my breast.

"Michael called, he said you wouldn't let anyone touch her. So I offered to come help."

"I don't need help."

"Really?" he raised his eyebrows. "Because it looks like you do."

I shook my head, "No."

"Angela, give me my granddaughter." he ordered.

"Daddy, don't do this... I need to calm her down, please, let me calm her down."

"Now, Angela."

Except for our similar looks, my dad and I also shared the same stubbornness.

I knew I couldn't win this, so I gave up and placed AJ in his arms.

He took a seat on the rocking chair, and cuddled my baby close to his chest.

"I already tried cuddling her-" I started saying, but he cut me off.

"Don't worry, baby girl, I know what I'm doing..." he whispered and moved AJ to where his heart is, then started singing.

My dad has an extraordinary singing voice, but he never used it. He's a pediatric surgeon, and a very successful one. He was even chief of the pediatric department in UCLA until he retired last year.

"My momma always said that a good lullaby is the best thing to calm down a crying baby," dad smiled down at AJ who was falling asleep. "Back in Louisiana she used to sing to me all the time... She was such a special person, your grandmother. Too bad you never got to know her."

My father was born and raised in Louisiana, in a very judgmental environment. His mother was an African-American who married my grandfather, a white man from a very established family, in the early 1940's.

My dad was born a few months after they got married, in 1942. But being a biracial couple made it hard for my grandparents, to say the least, because they decided to stay in Louisiana to be close to my grandmother's family.

My father grew up as an outcast in the community they lived in, as he was a mixed race child, and people at that time weren't used to have that kind of thing, especially in Louisiana, where there was strict segregation.

He always told me how confused he was as a child. He didn't know if he was defined black or white, and that made it difficult for him.

When my father was 14, his mother got pregnant again. It was an accident, but both his parents knew they wanted to keep that baby, my aunt, Jane.

But my grandmother couldn't handle the pressure of having another baby, and died a few minutes after giving birth.

That's why I knew something must be up when dad mentioned my grandmother, because it's a rare occasion. He doesn't like to talk about her.

"Michael tells me you're not sleeping... Honey, you know you need your strength." dad sighed.

"Daddy..." I said.

"No, you listen to me. I know how you're feeling, I do. Your grandfather acted the same way after my mother died. Jane was just a newborn, and me and her were the only thing my father had left from his wife. So he didn't want anyone to touch us. But of course, that couldn't be possible, because Jane needed to eat, and back then the only replacement we had for a mother was a wet nurse. He didn't want one, and after almost an entire day he gave up and hired one."

"What's the point of this, dad?"

"What I'm staying is, that you need to let go a little. Your daughter is as healthy as ever, and there are plenty of people who can take care of her if you just give them an opportunity," my dad explained. "I mean, for God's sake, you wouldn't even let Michael, her own father, hold her. Does that seem right to you?"

I shook my head and looked down at my feet.

"I'm scared something might happen to her if I leave her alone." I admitted.

"But she's not alone, baby girl. Her father is here, and her siblings, and now her grandfather, too." he smiled at me.

He noticed she fell asleep and gently put her in her crib.

"Thanks, daddy."

My dad pulled me into a tight hug, "Anytime, baby girl. I love you."

"I love you more." I said into his chest.

"Impossible," he laughed. "Don't you know a father's love can't be defeated?"

"He's right." I suddenly heard Michael.

I pulled away from my father to see him with Blanket still standing there.

"I'll give you two some privacy," dad kissed my cheek. "Let's go, Blanket."

Michael walked up to me, "So are you going to get some sleep and let me take care of AJ?"

I nodded and hugged him. "I'm sorry for yelling at you. I'm really tired."

"I know, Angie, and I'm not upset," he said. "And your father was absolutely right. You can never defeat a father's love. I love AJ more than you can ever imagine, I would never ever let anything happen to her."

I gave him a kiss, "I think I'll go to sleep now."

"Yeah, you do that."

"Just remember to wake her up in three hours to eat-"

Michael cut me off, "I know, Angie."

He smiled at me before I walked down the narrow staircase that led to our bedroom and fell on the bed.

~

I woke up from Michael talking in his baby voice, and when I opened my eyes I saw him with AJ in his arms.

"Who's daddy's little princess? You are, AJ..." he cooed and bounced her up and down a bit.

"How long did I sleep?" I asked.

"For about six hours..." he answered.

"Six hours?!" I gasped and looked under the sheets at my shirt that was soaked from breast milk. "Great, I leaked... Did she at least eat three hours ago?"

"Yeah, she finished an entire bottle."

"Can you bathe her?"

"Of course." Michael smiled at me.

"Great, just be careful with her stitches..." I said, thinking about how much I should take a bath, too.

"Don't worry, I know what I'm doing. Would you please go clean up?"

I nodded and got up, "I feel gross."

He kissed me and rubbed my shoulder.

"We'll be back soon."

I waved to my baby girl as her father took her upstairs again.

"Oh, I almost forgot," Michael reappeared and placed another kiss on my lips. "I love you."

"Me too, Mike."

"Thank you for letting go a little," he said. "And you have to spend more time with the other kids, I think they're a little jealous."

"Yeah, probably." I sighed.

He went upstairs again which allowed me to go into the bathroom and fill myself a bath.

I stripped myself from my clothes and threw them away, then leaned back and enjoyed a little alone time, knowing my baby girl is safe with her daddy.