The single, short word left my lips but my eyes were glued to those familiar, always warm, mismatched irises. I could feel a flutter in my stomach, followed by a sad landing of the butterflies he usually awakened. 

I didn't realize just how much I actually missed him until I laid my eyes on him again. At first glance, he was still the same Zach. He was still giving me that small smile that somehow still managed to pop dimples into his cheeks, he looked a little lost as he did most of the time and his cart was an absolute mess. I internally cringed at the sight of beer cans being placed on top of a bag of chips for some unknown reason. Simply Zach. 

He tugged on his red and black lumberjack shirt for a moment, his nervous fiddling almost pushing his trolley away from him. There was something oddly pure on this man and I could never put my finger on it. He was tall and bulky, ink covering his skin, and yet, at moments like these, he looked like a child. 

It seemed like he didn't know what to really say either and just for a split second, I had to remind myself that I was pissed at him. 

"How have you been?" he finally asked, breaking the silence. 

It dawned on me that I could've just grabbed my trolley and walk away, instead of standing there like the complete moron that I was. 

I shrugged my shoulders slightly. "I've been okay," I lied. 

I did try, though. I tried to be okay and I tried not to think about him. But he was stuck on me like a leech I couldn't get rid of. If I somehow managed to get through the day distracted enough to keep him from entering my mind, he crept into my dreams. 

"Okay," he replied, rather awkwardly, and shifted his weight from one foot to the other, his gaze everywhere but on me. 

I gave him a halfhearted smile and pulled on my trolley before turning away from him and walking back down the section, away from him. 

It wasn't until I put some distance between us that I realized how fast my heart was beating. I couldn't comprehend the effect he seemed to have on me and I sure as hell didn't know what to even do about it. When he looked at me, I always felt like I was falling apart and being put back together at the same time. It was almost unnerving sometimes but the intensity also made me feel like he really saw me, like he saw into my core and the rest of the world just faded away. 

Maybe it was just wishful thinking. He was the only one who knew how to calm me down. Even then, in those few minutes, I felt calm. I felt like myself. For those short, few moments, I was okay. 

Despite my mood swings not being erratic that day, I left the store with a sad expression on my face. I carried the bags down the sidewalk because surprise, surprise, I still didn't get the license. I really should fix that. 

A few feet down the street, I heard someone jog up to me. 

"Via!" Zach called out. Oh, no. 

I turned my head and looked over my shoulder. "Yeah?" 

He hardly stopped in time, his eyes widening and if I didn't take two steps backward, there was a good chance he would crash right into me. Fucking Zach. 

The male let out a nervous chuckle before tearing his digits through his thick, blonde hair. He clasped his hands together behind his back and finally spoke: "Do you need a hand? You can't carry all of that on your own." 

I looked down at the heavy bags, the plastic already digging into my skin leaving behind an obnoxious sting. But it was Zach. And I was pissed at him. 

"You don't have to talk to me the entire ride, just let me carry that," he said. 

I contemplated my answer for a bit but I gave him an answer as a relaxed sigh passed my lips when he took the bags from my hands. Shit. 

A small smile accompanied that genuine kindness he always had in his eyes. I didn't understand how someone like him could've been so cruel to me. It didn't make any sense. 

He began to walk alongside me and I wasn't entirely sure what to do with my hands anymore. I awkwardly shoved them into the too-small pockets of my jeans. Fucking jeans. I pulled them out again, realizing that didn't make it any better, and judging by his look, he noticed my fumbling. 

"Are you ever going to let me explain?" he asked after a few minutes of walking in silence. 

My big, green eyes shot to his face, eyebrows pulled together into the faintest of scowls. 

"I thought you said I didn't have to talk to you," I stubbornly replied while I was well aware that I heard Tyler out. But then again, Tyler didn't hurt me in the same depth as Zach did. I didn't trust Tyler, I didn't confide in Tyler. 

"Sorry," he mumbled and remained quiet for the rest of the way back to my apartment building. 

The sound of that little 'sorry' that passed his lips had my insides wrench and I mentally slapped myself. I guess, being around him and staying as mad as I had been was harder than I planned. 

The corner of my eyes flickered in his direction. I saw him peering back at me, the glimmer in his eyes now long gone and replaced by something that could resemble sadness. Pride's a bitch, am I right? 

Stopping in front of the large door, Zach's gaze traveled up the front of the building and stopped at a certain point. I knew exactly which window he was looking at. He was looking at my bedroom window. 

My heart twisted in my chest and cursed my name as I took the bags from Zach's hands. On the way, my fingers brushed over his own and I held my breath. His gaze was fixed on the plastic bags leaving his grip and he let go with some reluctance. 

I was about to turn around and walk inside when his voice captured my attention. 

"You know ... Not everything was bullshit, Vivi," he said, softly so. 

I lingered in my place, somehow feeling so small. 

His eyes sought mine. "I meant everything I said. I want to help you remember I just can't ..." he trailed off and let out a frustrated sigh. 

You and me both, buddy. 

I shook my head slightly. "I can't do this, Zach." 

Confusion flashed in his eyes. "Do what? I'm not asking you to do anything, just listen." 

He sounded so vulnerable, so desperate and I couldn't bear it. When he spoke like that, it made me angry with myself for denying him the opportunity to reveal his own side of events. But I could still feel the blade of the knife in my back each time I tried to inhale and he was the one who put it there. I thought he was my salvation. 

I sighed and gave him a single nod of my head. 

"I can't tell you everything because—" 

"Via! Thank god I caught you!" Scar exclaimed as she ran up to us. 

Zach closed his mouth and pressed his lips firmly together as Scar bent forward and rested her hands on her knees to catch her breath. 

I looked from Zach to the blonde female. "Hey, Scar. You good?" 

She exhaled heavily and waved her arms before flashing us a wide smile. "I'll live. I need to talk to you." 

Her bright blue gaze shifted between me and Zach who now looked more uncomfortable before and even a little irritated. I tried to ignore him and focus on the woman instead but how does one really ignore a 6-foot-whatever man when he takes up most of the space? He was so fucking annoying for messing with my head. 

It wasn't until then when I realized that Scar has been talking and already a few sentences into the conversation. 

" ... And Doctor Jones said that he doesn't know what I'm talking about." 

I blinked at her, trying to catch up with her without revealing that I wasn't actually paying any attention. 

"Wait, what is this about?" Zach chimed in, a perplexed frown on his forehead. 

"Oh, shit. Should I have waited?" Scar gasped, her hands flying over her mouth. 

I closed my eyes and threw my head back, exasperated. Still, I could feel Zach's eyes on me. For some reason, I always felt his eyes on me. 

Regaining my composure, I gestured to the blonde female. "Scar is helping me figure it out. She said she saw the doctor swap my files in the hospital and that there's no way I was just anemic. Which kind of makes sense because I pass out a lot while on the prescribed pills." 

Scar bounced on her feet. Where did she get that energy? Where did mine go? 

"Those aren't pills. They're just vitamin C pills. Not even with iron and stuff," she added and I raised my eyebrows at her. 

"What do you mean?" 

Scar curled her upper lip. "I thought you figured it out. I saw them on the kitchen table and I took a look after our conversation. They're definitely just regular vitamin pills. I'm pretty sure there's nothing wrong with your blood-work. I mean we could check but I'd have to sneak your sample into the hospital and—"

"Okay, okay, easy," Zach interrupted and gained both of our attention. "One thing is for sure. You can't tell Maya about what you're doing. She'll lose her shit," he added and for some reason, he settled his gaze on Scar. Granted, she looked like she might say something by accident and I didn't know her that well. 

"She won't tell her." I still felt the need to defend her. 

Zach pursed his lips and I placed the bags down on the floor. 

"So, you haven't found the files, yet?" I asked. 

Scar shook her head. "Not technically. I know which room they might be in but I don't have access. I'll have to figure something out but don't worry. We'll find out what's happening," she reassured me.

I nodded my head and placed my hand against my forehead. 

"Are you okay? Are you dizzy?" Zach was in instant alarm mode. 

I smiled slightly. "No. I'm just thinking how absolutely bizarre it is to speak about figuring what the fuck is wrong with me in front of someone who knows but won't tell me," I almost snapped at him and regretted it instantly, noting how he recoiled. 

Scar frowned. "He knows?" 

I nodded my head and clicked my tongue against the roof of my mouth. 

The blonde pointed her small fist in his direction. "So freaking tell her," she demanded. 

Zach blinked at the tiny blonde threat and looked over at me for help but I wasn't providing it. 

"I can't, I keep telling her that," he proceeded to defend himself. "Last time I told her it ..." He stopped talking again. He was never finishing his sentences anymore. "Last time I told you, by accident more than anything. I didn't know what was going to happen but ... It got you triggered again. And this time, I can't risk it, Vivi. I won't. You'll remember on your own and when you do, you'll understand." 

Scar visibly regretted her verbal attack on the male and scratched her elbow, keeping to herself. Her eyebrows were pulled together, eyes on the floor. 

If this was just another attempt to protect me, it wasn't working. I opened my mouth to speak but before I had the chance to, Scar already beat me to it. 

"I'm gonna leave you to it, Via. I'll call you if I find anything out, okay?" she said softly and gave me a small, apologetic smile before retreating where she came from. 

I waved at her before settling my gaze on Zach. 

One hand was buried deep inside his pocket while he was using the other in an attempt to scratch a sticker off a streetlight's post. 

"Tyler told me—"

"Tyler told you what?" Zach interjected, his full attention suddenly on me. 

I closed my mouth and stared at him for a couple of seconds. "What the fuck is with you?" 

Zach contorted his face and let out a heavy sigh that moved his entire body. "I'm sorry. What did he tell you?" he asked again, this time softer. 

It seemed like this was putting everyone on edge. I fucking wanted it to be over too. 

"He told me that I used to date him. And that I ... " I could hardly stomach the word. " ... Cheated on him." 

I couldn't quite read Zach's expression. 

"With you." 

Everything inside of me silently begged him to tell me Tyler was full of shit. Give me something, anything. 

The tension was growing between us, his eyes didn't move from mine and all I wanted to do was wrap my arms around him. Stupid Zach and his stupid eyes and his stupid shirt and his stupid fucking face. Ugh. 

"You can't just label it like that," he finally said. "There's so much more to it and please, Via. If you ever trusted me, then believe this. We really are doing this for your own good." 

I exhaled and stepped away from the bags, combing my fingers through my hair, making my messy bun a little messier. 

"I feel insane, Zach. Can't you get that?" I asked, stretching my arm out to make a point. 

His lips parted as he shook his head. Ignoring the glanced we received from bystanders and people passing us, he approached me and my whole body tensed up. His hands hovered on each side of my face before he rested them on the sides of my neck, his thumbs brushing over my cheeks. 

I closed my eyes and held my breath, his skin on mine feeling like someone just poured gasoline on a wildfire. Please, don't ...

"Listen to me," he said softly. So softly. "Just be you. Live the way you would've lived because this ... This is going to take time. I promise you, we're just trying to do the right thing." 

My eyes burned with tears and I wanted to look away from him but his hands didn't let me. His rough fingers caressed my skin and I tried to swallow down a sob. I miss you. 

"I know it's hard, Vivi. I can't imagine what you're feeling right now. But please, don't force this. Let it come to you when it's time," he almost begged. 

My gaze took in his features while he spoke. The two different colored irises, the contour of his face, the curvature of his lips, the small, light stubble covering his cheeks and chin. Was he always this handsome? 

"I don't know who I am anymore," I whispered. 

A single corner of his mouth elevated a touch. "What do you mean? You're Olivia Axton. The same girl you've always been. You're Vivi. And the Vivi I know would not give up like this. You're not a bad person." 

I remained quiet, getting lost in those hues. His words came with a certain weight to them, one I could not deny. And he was right. I couldn't control this. Not really. And if the consequences were that bad then ... Maybe I should have just focused on being who I was. 

My hands moved to his wrists and wrapped around them. Hesitantly, I moved them from my face. 

"I just wish you would've told me those things sooner," I said with a small shrug of my shoulders. I gave him one last, sad glance before I picked up my plastic bags and walked inside my apartment building.