What happens when the girl who loved the little things in life gets consumed by the kind of sorrow she refused to believe even existed? I wasn't used to loneliness. I wasn't used to feeling like everyone was against me. I felt as if I was standing on the edge of the cliff and there was no other way but down because the walls were closing in from every possible direction. I wasn't exactly claustrophobic but my chest was tightening this time. I felt trapped. I didn't see the way out. I couldn't climb that high. I had nothing to grasp onto. Hopelessness began to settle into the pit of my stomach, bringing that bitter taste to my mouth. 

Zach kept texting. I realized I still cared about him because if I didn't, I wouldn't open the messages. But I did. Each one had me hold my breath. 

　　"Via, please answer me." 

　　"Please, talk to me."

　　"I'm sorry, Vivi. I'm so sorry." 

　　"I really want to fix this, tell me how to fix this." 

　　"I will do anything, please." 

　　"Via." 

I wasn't sure if I wanted to hear his explanation. I had found that if I wanted answers, I could only rely on myself and the pace at which my memories were returning. Despite them being all scattered and in no true timeline, they were the only thing I had that I could hold onto. The only thing I could believe. I had to trust that at some point, they would begin to make sense. 

Days passed. Maya tried to talk to me a couple of times more but when she was greeted with nothing but silence in return she, too, gave in. The only type of communication I had with her was the nod in her direction when she entered the living room or the kitchen. 

So, I spent my days, painting. I spent my days doing the one thing that still brought me peace of mind. I could shut it all off when I focused on that blank piece of paper. My only worries at that time were the lines I was drawing. I only had to think about where to move my hand next, where to create a curve, and where to let go. Easy enough, right? 

***

To my relief, Monday came quickly. As much as the days seemed to drag on for a while, once I allowed myself to sink into my art, hours passed quicker than I thought. 

I didn't feel like wearing bright colors. Probably for the first time in my life. 

I tugged a black shirt up to the middle of my arms and buttoned it up. I rolled the sleeves up and accompanied it with dark denim. 

Maya wasn't home, she left a few hours prior, to catch the early shift. 

I locked the door behind me and I was already on my way. 

The moment I walked into the gallery, it felt like I was hit with a breath of fresh air. It meant I could spend the next few hours doing what I loved with people who were nothing but kind to me. I knew now that I've been here before for a fact. I taught here before. I taught the same group of people. My feelings weren't lying to me. 

"Good morning," I said to the elderly ladies who were already waiting for me. 

They paused their loud chatter to greet me in return and Edith hurried to her feet, even though it looked like she was moving in slow motion. 

I just reached the desk when she caught up with me and tugged on my sleeve to catch my attention. 

"Hey, Edith. Everything okay?" I asked with a small smile. 

"Hello, sunshine. I brought you my peach cobbler as promised." 

A wide smile rested on her visage as she proudly held up a small platter with her quivering hand. 

My features softened as I took it from her. "You are so sweet, thank you." 

Edith looked pleased with herself and even shot a dirty look at the rest of the women. 

"Are you okay, dear?" she asked upon observing me for a moment or two. 

I placed the platter down on the desk and forced out my best smile. I figured there was no point in worrying this lovely lady. She couldn't do anything to help me out and so, the only response I had given her was a nod of the head. 

"Is that boy giving you trouble?" she asked under her breath and leaned just a little closer so we could gossip. 

"What boy?" I asked her and cocked my head to the side as I got the colors ready. 

"Oh, the handsome one. The one that came over the other day. I tell you, dear, if I was sixty years younger ..." 

"Whoa!" I exclaimed and laughed out loud for the first time in days. 

"I'm old but I'm still a woman, Via," she chastised me. 

I pursed my lips into a thin line to hold back another chuckle and shook my head. 

"So?" she insisted. 

"He just turned out to be who I hoped he wasn't." I gave her only a brief response, not wanting to go into detail. Hopefully, it would be enough for her. 

"That's a shame. Our Lucy there has been crushing on him ever since her husband died." Wow, this woman really had no filter. 

My eyebrows shot up in amusement. 

"You know him?" I questioned. 

"He's been coming here forever. Oh, he always looked like such a lovely boy," Edith sighed and a frown appeared on her already wrinkly forehead. "He was always so nice." She leaned closer again, whispering under her breath again. "I didn't mean to snoop ... " Lies. " ... but I think those flowers are from him." 

I looked at her confused and paused. "Flowers?" 

Edith looked at me then stretched her neck to glance behind me to spot the empty vase. 

"Lucy! Give the girl those flowers back!" Edith bellowed, hitting the floor with her walking stick a couple of times. 

One of the ladies, Lucy, I presumed, poked her head from behind the aisle and let out a sigh. "I haven't gotten flowers in so long, though." 

"They are not for you, fucks sake," Edith grumbled as she made her way back to her spot. She stopped in front of Lucy and waved her cane in front of her face. "When did you even take them, you kleptomaniac?" 

"That's okay, Lucy," I smiled. "You can keep them." 

Lucy's frown turned upside down in a matter of seconds. She brightened up, her smile growing so much it threatened to break her face in half. 

"Oh, you mean it?" she squealed and I laughed. 

"Of course."

Lucy lowered with a grunt and plucked something out of the bouquet. A note. She waved it at me and I approached her with cautious steps. Reluctantly, I extended my hand towards it and took it from her grasp. 

　　"I miss you. I'm sorry. Love, Zach." 

I released the breath I didn't know I was holding as I read the note. As I looked up, I saw every woman stare at me and so, I forced out a smile, the best I could manage. 

"Oh, is it from him?" Edith asked. 

I nodded my head and pushed the note into the back pocket of my jeans. 

Edith tilted her head to the side, giving me a sympathetic look but I couldn't ponder on it for too long. I had a job to do and the sooner I got to it, the better. 

Taking a deep breath, I spoke again. "Alright, ladies. Let's get down to business." 

***

I tried my best not to think about him throughout the couple of hours while I was at work. I answered questions, even the personal ones, albeit vaguely. I didn't have the proper answers to the queries about myself when there was so much I didn't know. But I didn't let that get to me too much, at least for the time being. 

Sometimes, I wondered if anything that left my sister's mouth, my friends' mouths was the truth, or was it simply adapted to what I was allowed to know. Was my life really my life or was I only a marionette, guided by someone else? Who the hell even knew at that point. 

My phone buzzed again and I pulled it out of my purse. The notification read that I have received a voicemail from Zach. My finger hovered over it, unsure whether I was ready or not to hear his voice again. I missed him. Of course, I fucking missed him. I dared to admit to myself that I've been falling for him. We were good together. Until he turned out to be the same as everyone else around me. A part of me wished he never would've agreed to go out with Tyler that night. It would've kept a veil over my eyes but at least I would've been happy. Well ... Happier. 

Hesitation accompanied my movements before I finally opened the voicemail and placed the phone by my ear. 

　　"Hey, V. I promise, to leave you alone after this but ..." A sigh followed. There was so much pain in his voice that had me stop in my step. " ... I need you to know that I really am sorry. I want to tell you everything, I do. I'm just scared of what might happen if I try to force these memories out of you. It was easier to pretend I didn't know anything. I didn't mean to lie to you. You're the last person I ever wanted to lie to but Maya said it might be for the best. You need to remember on your own. Maybe ... Maybe you'll find it in you to forgive me when you do. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, Vivi. I'm still here for you if you ever decide to need me again." 

Hearing his voice again felt like an arrow shot through my heart. I closed my eyes and ran a hand down my face, to my surprise finding my cheeks damp. I wasn't even aware he had, once again, made me cry. What was new anyways? It felt like that's all I've been doing lately. Funny. I went from being the girl who couldn't stop smiling to the girl who was wondering what smiling even was. The tables can turn before you even know it. 

"Hey, are you okay?" a gentle, feminine voice asked. 

I turned around and took a deep breath, trying to pull myself together before I answered, in fear my voice would break. I was greeted by Jane's warm eyes. 

"Hey. Yeah, just having a rough couple of days," I admitted. 

She squeezed my shoulder and gave me a slight smile. "This might be bad timing but can you work Friday? One of the teachers got sick and I need someone to take over the Friday group. It's a bunch of college students and they might be a handful but ..." 

I nodded. "Yeah, of course." 

I figured the more I worked, the less time I'd have to think about Zach and everything else. 

"Great. Thank you, Via," Jane responded, her smile growing. 

I waved her goodbye and continued my way. 

A part of me wanted to go back to the treehouse but that was a long drive away and I had no car. Plan B was the beach. The spot where I've always gone through when I needed to be alone with my thoughts. However, the last time I went there, Zach was sitting in the same spot. 

After some debating with myself, I decided to risk it. Fuck it. It was my special spot first. 

***

A wave of relief washed over me when I heard the sea crashing against the sandy shore. I kicked off my sneakers and let them hung from the tips of my fingers as I pushed my toes into the warm sand. 

Not a single soul was around. Just me and one of the last summer breezes. 

My eyes fell shut as I breathed in the salty air and let it wash away the weight from my chest. I dropped my shoes and my purse on the floor and walked closer to the edge of the sea. On the way, I dropped my jeans and my shirt before I sat down and let the waves fall over my feet as I stretched out my legs. 

The water wasn't as warm anymore but it was still nice. To my luck, for once, the day was still sunny and hot. 

I dragged my fingertips over the sand, drawing a pattern that was erased almost as quickly as created under the water. A small smile touched my lips and I stared at the ships, far away, right by the horizon. 

A quicker, deeper breath entered my lungs and I knew exactly what was happening. I laid back on the floor and closed my eyes, letting another memory consume me. 

　　"Attentioooooon," a male voice whined next to me and I raised my gaze from the piece of paper I've been drawing on. 
　　"Shh," I hushed him and poked him with the pencil. "I'm almost done." 
　　Dramatically, he rolled on his back and huffed. 
　　I chuckled and rolled my eyes, placing my sketch on the floor, and got up. 
　　"Okay, okay, you big baby." 
　　I held my hands out to him and he took them before climbing to his feet as well. 
　　"Finally!" he exclaimed and picked me up, throwing me over his shoulder. Swift steps were taken towards the water and I kicked my feet in the air while placing a smack on his rear. 
　　"You are insane! Put me down!" I laughed but my demand remained unheard. 
　　Our bodies crashed into the water, my arms instantly reaching for him in an attempt to hold myself above the surface. 
　　"I hate you!" I announced through a peal of laughter. 
　　I sheltered my face from the high waves in the nape of his neck. His calloused but gentle hands brushed over my back and pulled me closer. I remained wrapped around him as tight as I possibly could, somewhere in the back of my mind knowing he would pick me up and toss me into the water if he even senses that I was beginning to let go. 
　　"Are you cold, baby?" he muttered but the grin didn't move from his face, the face I still couldn't see. 
　　Finally, I turned my head, only spotting a single brown iris looking down at me. 

My chest elevated with a breath as a pair of hands shook me awake. My eyes shot open and there it was — that same brown iris. 

"You," I breathed.