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Chapter 18- Flashback

POV: Rey

What have I done?

What have WE done?

I guess I'm not all to blame considering this was kinda a team effort thing.

How did this happened?

Stupid question... I know how this happened. I just don't remember when we...

Wait- I had shoved it to the back of my mind, but it was there all the same.

The memory.

It wasn't a bad one, I just thought that if I had forgotten it had happened, then there was no danger. No doubt.

But it was there. It was there when I had eavesdropped on Snoke and Ren. Somehow I had to have known that the child he spoke of was already growing inside me. Maybe I had, but I chose to ignore it.

I'm paranoid, or so I assured myself.

Fear is for the weak, I lectured myself.

How could I let this happen?

~~~~~~~~~

Flashback 

I threw a quick punch which barely grazed Ren's cheek as he dodged easily.

I let out an exasperated sigh I jumped and swept my foot at his head, but he ducked with a smirk plastered on his face.

Before I could land on my feet gracefully, he shot upward and dragged me to the ground.

My breath was knocked from my lungs as a result of the jolt as he held my shoulders down and hovered over me smugly.

I growled as I struggled to get up, but he grabbed my hand as it came towards his face. He held both of them over my head as he stared down at me.

I blew a piece of brown hair away from my face in exasperation.

"You cheated." I grumbled, meeting his glare head on.

"Not true. Your acrobatics, although beautiful, left you exposed. If you want to pull one of those, you have to be prepared for their counterattack." He whispered and I couldn't help but smile slightly as I felt his breath waft against my cheek.

A strand of his raven-like hair had slipped in front of his eyes causing me to impulsively reach up and brush it away, tucking it behind his ear gently.

His eyes softened as he leaned down and pecked my lips briefly.

Before it could be more he hopped to his feet and offered a hand to help me up.

"Try again." He stated, trying to sound indifferent.

I stood in front of him, calculating what I was going to do and measuring it against his reaction time.

"In battle you don't have time to think-" he started as he came towards me, but I jumped, sweeping my foot at his head again. This time when he ducked and came towards me I had already landed and launched myself up again caught his neck between my legs and yanked them sideways. I redirected his upward force used it to throw him down.

He was on the ground in an instant, and I smiled when I heard him grunt. I had already released his neck and was straddling his torso and held his hands at his sides.

"Not bad." He breathed, obviously trying to catch his breath. I gasped as he grabbed my shoulders and flipped me over. "Next time just take into account that your opponent may be bigger than you."

I groaned as he leaned down and met my lips tenderly, allowing them to linger longer than the last kiss.

I reached up and tangled my fingers in his hair as he became more persistent. I could feel his patience wearing dangerously thin as I felt the muscles in his shoulders tense when he deepened the kiss.

Knowing the reason, I bit his lip playfully, just to torture him.

He surprised me by jumping to his feet and yanking me into his arms, colliding his lips into mine forcefully.

Before I knew it he was dragging me by the hand out of the training room and towards his quarters.

I knew that if I told him no, he wouldn't dare force himself on me. Turns out, I don't want to say no anymore.

When we had finally reached his room and he had the door firmly bolted behind us I was pressed up against the wall immediately with his lips leaving a trail of fire down my neck.

I gasped as he lifted me into his arms and pressed closer, if it was even possible.

I could feel every muscle in his body against mine, and I wanted more.

I broke off the kiss and led his hand to the back of my wrappings.

"Are you sure-" I just nodded and smiled as he carried me to the bed with my legs coiled around his torso. While walking I felt him easily undoing the cloth that hid me from him.

When it was off and on the floor, he set me on the bed gently. He gazed at me for a moment, which caused me to impulsively cover my chest to shield myself from his ogling, but he shook his head.

"You are beautiful, there's no reason for you to hide it. Especially from me." He said softly as he removed his top as well. Without thinking about it, my arms slipped away from my chest.

I couldn't help but stare at his torso. He was beautiful. I felt my face glow red at the thought. Luckily it was dark in the room so I don't believe he noticed.

He smirked down at me, as if he knew what I was thinking.

I grabbed his hand to yank him onto the bed, straddling his waist as I bent down to kiss him. I could feel his surprise at my sudden boldness.

It wasn't long before he got impatient and he flipped me over, my legs still plastered to his sides as we stayed locked in an embrace.

To say I was nervous was an understatement. Believe me, I knew the birds and bees, but I had never actually done it, or anything related to it (considering it was sort of against the Jedi Code). The fact that I wasn't shaking in consternation was a miracle in itself.

When it was over I lay there for a moment, staring at the ceiling. I had the urge to grab the blanket to cover myself, but it was too hot for that and I was surprised to find that I didn't care if he saw me anymore.

I felt him leave the bed briefly to throw on some clothes, throwing me a tshirt on his way, somehow knowing it takes way too long to put my wrappings on.

I slipped it on over my head and when it emerged again I was met with Ren's dark eyes. He was smiling, I don't think I've ever seen him smile so much. He pecked me on the lips and laid down next to me, pulling me to lay on top of him.

I felt the dull pain of what I had done, I couldn't help but be just be as happy as he was. I smiled into his chest as I felt exhaustion sweep over me.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

I shook my head as if to clear it of the memory as I stuffed another thing of clothes into my bag.

Kylo Ren waited in the doorway, seemingly lost in thought as he stared at nothing.

I knew he was right. If I stayed here, my child was to become a Sith.

Not just any Sith... the most powerful of them all.

I couldn't have that for them, and I knew Ren didn't want it for them either.

I don't know where I was going to go, but it had to be away from here.

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