POV: Kylo Ren

I stared after her, stunned and unable to comprehend what just happened.

Her fluctuating feelings were going to give me whiplash.

One moment she was leaning to kiss me and the next she couldn't get away from me fast enough.

On the contrary, I am no better than she. She must think I am absolutely mental.

I think I am mental.

Only a mental person would have feelings for their enemy...

I guess I have to admit it.

I would be somewhat disappointed if she were to die. So that means that I enjoy her presence occasionally, but I don't "like" her per say.

Perhaps that is a lie...

Snoke had to sense the disturbance. Hell will have a field day with me if he has sensed it.

The worst of this is not the severe chastening I would receive, but the fact that Rey didn't feel anywhere near the same way I did.

She hated me.

When I had killed Han Solo, I had extirpated any chance of it being different between us.

In my defense, I had believed that killing Solo would make it easier to be on the darkside, but it had done the complete opposite.

I now harbored this execrable regret.

Yes you heard correctly. I regret killing Han Solo. I have gone through nostalgia every day since.

I had never truly admitted it until now, but denying it is futile.

The fact of the matter is, I cannot bring him back. I cannot change what I've done.

Snoke knows this. Which is why he probably hasn't said anything about the turmoil rolling inside of my.

Rey knows this. She would like to continue to believe that I have completed my journey to the darkside as a result of it, but in reality it's just made my pull to the light stronger.

I had killed the wrong person that night. How was I to know it was Rey that was my pull and not my father?

I barely knew her. She had just peaked my interest, but it didn't matter.

From the first moment I saw her, I knew she was different.

I knew that I wouldn't be able to put her through the torture machine that I had put the pilot through.

I knew she would haunt my thoughts for eternity.

POV: Rey

My light sleep was interrupted by a meager tapping on my door.

I sat upright immediately as I rubbed my eyes and regained my surroundings.

"I- um who is it?" I asked stupidly, knowing it wasn't Ren because he wouldn't have knocked.

"Me. Fn2184? I took you to Kylo-" He had already begun to open the door as I threw on I robe and hopped off the bed.

"Right! Right. Um how can I help you...?" I asked as I yanked the door from his grasp and met him with an inquiring stare.

"Wow um you obviously not fn2183... Which isn't bad I- this was a terrible idea I don't know why I-" Without his helmet on he looked so awkward and well.. human. So I took pity on him and cut him off.

"You're right, I'm not. I'm Rey." I smiled at him as I almost forcefully took his hand to shake it. He seemed stunned that I had even bothered to acknowledge him. "fn2184 seems a bit long, don't you have a nickname or something? My friend goes by..." I trailed off remembering that I probably shouldn't mention anything to do with the rebellion here, and that included Finn.

"I never really thought about it-"

"How about Nate? Nate sounds good. Okay you're Nate." I cut him off again. I smiled at him brightly as he still looked uneasily down the hall.

The only reason I was even bothering with this guy was because talking to someone was making my headache hurt less and it seems to dull my frustration.

"I'll ask again, Nate, what brings you here?" I asked, though I didn't want to scare him away, but it was a tad bit strange that he had found me.

"I was assigned to guard Ren's "pet"  which had been a former storm trooper. Not just any storm trooper, a female. So naturally, I was curious if it was you." He explained casually, despite calling me a "pet".

I rolled my eyes as I glared down the hall angrily. "I swear if he really calls me a pet I will kick his-"

"He doesn't. It's just something that the other troopers came up with just for the sake of calling you something." He gushed rapidly, worried he had offended me.

I rolled my eyes dismissively and glared up at him. "Well it's me, but I'm not actually a storm trooper I'm-"

"My apprentice." I jumped and my head snapped towards him as Kylo Ren strolled towards us, his mask firmly placed on his head.

Terror swamped Nate's features and his eyes widened at me in shock. "You're.. You're a Sith?"

He hastily put on his helmet as Ren stopped before us, he held his blank stare on me briefly as if to keep me from saying something doltish.

Before I could even open my mouth he had whipped around to face Nate, who flew back and collided with the wall. His struggled gasps could be heard through his helmet as my eyes widened and I gasped in surprise. I yanked at Ren's arm to try to stop him.

It didn't even budge as I cried out, "Stop! What did he do?"

"He had his helmet off while on duty. Go away, let me handle this." He growled as he pulled Nate towards him and caught him by the throat.

"Are you sure that's the only reason? Not because he was talking to me?" I muttered as I narrowed my eyes at him angrily.

I couldn't see his expression change, but he seemed to glance at me for a split second before snapping Nate's neck. I gasped in horror as my hand flew to my mouth and the limp body fell with a sickening thump.

I felt tears begin to prick against my eyes as Ren turned to face me and I couldn't help but lurch away from him in fear. I could feel his fury radiating from him, which made my heart pound in angst.

"Don't flatter yourself so much as to believe that everything is about you." He rumbled and turned to walk away, but changed his mind as he stalked towards me. He pulled off his helmet as if to release the inferno that blazed from his eyes.

"If it were the case I would like to remind you of a crucial point that could save others like him." His voice came out low and raspy, it sent chills down my spine. He stopped only when he was a couple inches from me. I had already pressed myself against the wall as much as I was able to, there was nowhere for me to go.

"You are mine."  He rumbled huskily and I felt his hand grip my chin as I glared up at him.

I pulled my face from his grip as I stared forward. I was his apprentice, yes, but how does that mean that I can't speak to anyone?

"You can speak, just not to him." His voice seemed to drip with his possessiveness over me.

"Well I can't very well do that now that he's dead, can I?" I snapped as I crossed my arms over my chest  and glared up at him.

Suddenly he lurched closer to me, causing me to drop my arms in shock and stare forward in fear. 

"Don't be afraid." He whispered, but I was terrified. I was petrified at the thought of what he would do. Of what he was capable of.

He could snap my neck easier than the storm trooper's, and what would stop him? He was still possibly furious with me for leaving him earlier.

My body had begun to tremble as he drew my chin towards him so I had to stare into his eyes and I felt his breath billow over my lips slightly.

Suddenly I couldn't breathe. I felt as if the breath had been forced from my lungs and I was too timorous to replace the oxygen as I felt my eyes flutter shut.

It was happening again. I should be furious at him for thinking that he could control me, but my resilience was disintegrating.

How petty of me, to end up in the arms of a man- no a monster, with murder still fresh in his eyes.

My anger seemed to dissolve as I felt his thumb brush my cheek softly.

Maybe it wouldn't be the worst.

I pried open my eyes to see that he was even closer and his eyes seemed to darken with something even more intimidating.

Maybe just once...

His eyes seemed to draw me closer as my hands found themselves dragging up his chest and to his neck.

I sucked in a breath before I felt him crash his lips into mine. Immediately I knew it would be near impossible for me to turn back now.

I wrapped my arms around his neck to pull my self against him, but he halted my efforts by just pressing me against the metal.

I could feel just about every muscle in his toned torso as he kissed me hungrily, and I'm sure I almost matched his desire as I met his lips.

If I didn't know any better I would have believed there was lightning transferring between us because I had never felt anything so charged radiate through out my body.

All of a sudden Ren had grabbed my waist and lifted me up the wall so I could wrap my legs around his torso. This enabled me to tangle my fingers in his hair gently, which was surprisingly soft.

I nearly yelped when I felt him bite my lip gently, begging for more, which I gratefully allowed with a soft moan. His grip seemed to tighten on me and I felt him gasp, almost sounding strained.

Without breaking our kiss, he carried me into my room, gripping my thighs to keep me from slipping. The door slid closed automatically behind us, but I barely noticed as I tugged on his hair lightly.

I was straining to keep my body still in his arms as he squeezed my thigh mildly and he sat on the bed, allowing me to kneel on my own.

He suddenly seemed irritated I was merely hovering over his lap as he yanked my legs back around his waist so I was sitting on him.

I broke away to gasp briefly and stare at him with wide eyes, but he only smirked at my reaction for a split second before pulling me back in.

I took the time to realize that I was still in my training clothes and I felt him tugging at my wrappings.

No way. I have to draw the line somewhere.

I smiled slightly against his lips as I broke away and I pushed him back onto the bed so he was laying down and I was completely on top of him, hoping it distracted him from undressing me.

I heard him groan softly as I took my time pushing my hands up to his neck before brushing hair from his face swiftly and meeting his lips again.

His arms snaked around my waist and neck to bring me closer him. It seemed to be not good enough for him because in the next second he had flipped me over so I was under him, still clutching his torso with my legs.

He kept his body weight off of me by bracing himself above me with hand on either side of my head.

When he finally released my lips I had to gasp for air as he moved to my chin and down my neck, causing my heaving breath to hitch in my throat.

His kisses seemed to leave a trail of fire in their wake as I began to tremble under his hold. I felt his breath waft against my stomach as I gasped in shock and tugged his hair to bring him back up to me.

Too close.

His lips harbored a mocking smirk which earned rolling eyes from me as I pulled him down to kiss me hungrily.

I had never felt this way before, this need. I needed him. I couldn't get enough of him, and I knew that was wrong.

The haze in my head had was receding just to make reason clear and I gasped in shock when I realized what I had done.

Ren pulled away and looked down at me, concern and possibly fear upon his face.

"Rey." He whispered warningly, knowing I was just about to bolt.

My mouth just gaped open as tears rushed to my eyes no matter how much I tried to fight them.

"I don't-" I broke off as a sob overtook me and felt Ren shift to beside me, but his arm stayed over me as I curled up on my side, unable to meet his gaze. "I don't- I shouldn't have done that. This was a terrible-" I gushed miserably and surprisingly I wasn't angry at him for once.

I was angry at myself for feeling this way.

"Rey, do you want me to leave?" For the first time since I had met him, he sounded as if he genuinely wanted an honest answer.

I stared out at the wall for a beat before responding. I felt his arm start to slip off of my side and his warmth began to disappear from my back.

I flipped over and grasped his shirt before he could leave as I curled into his chest, shaking my head slowly.

I heard him sigh above me as he enveloped me in his arms, his chin resting on my head.

What was wrong with me?

Who am I, that lays with a monster?

Why did I never want to leave his arms?

This wasn't part of the plan...