"Pardon?" I ask, doubting I heard him correctly. Thank God I'm not eating because I'd probably choke.

"Yes," Adrian says, confirming his previously said words. My chest feels like it's going to explode from my heart beating so hard and fast in it.

I laugh incredulously, standing up because I can't sit here and have him stare at me. I can't even be near him right now. "Is this another one of your games, Adrian? Is that what this is?"

Adrian stands up as well, moving the chair away so he could come closer to me but I stop him by putting my hands out. He respects my wish and stops. "I never played any games with you, Cassandra."

"Oh, you did. You really did."

He stubbornly presses his lips together into a thin line. "This is why I said it's important you listen to me until the end."

"You can't expect to come here after a month, telling me you want me back and just keep giving me orders!" Being angry is a safe choice right now. Because if I don't stick to anger, I'm going to have an emotional breakdown. There are so many different emotions swimming inside of me, I feel like I'm going to explode any minute.

"Yes, I understand that. This is why I'm asking you to, please, sit down and listen to what I have to say."

"What if I don't want to hear what you have to say? What if I'm seeing someone else? I mean, one month is a long period of time. A lot could change." I purposefully taunt him just to see his reaction.

His face remains stoic, but I see his hand clenching the back of the chair so hard his knuckles turn white. "Are you? Seeing someone, I mean." There's an edge to his voice that wasn't there before.

I remain quiet because I don't have it in me to lie to him. He'd know. And I'd feel bad.

Adrian nods. "Good." He relaxes his grip on the chair.

"I wasn't waiting for you," I say quietly.

Adrian's eyes become gentle. He knows I'm lying. "I didn't expect you to," he says, lying as well.

"Why are you really here?" I ask him, afraid that his answer won't be the same as before.

"I told you, Cassandra. I want you back," he says, the same strong emotion in his voice than before. He sounds so sincere, the inner walls it took me one month to build almost

I feel like there's not enough air in the room all of a sudden. My legs can't carry my weight anymore. Adrian is instantly by my side, holding me by my arms. I have to blink a few times to get a clear view again. And what a view it is!

"Breathe," Adrian says with that fuck-me low voice of his that doesn't help my state at all. As a matter of fact, it only makes it worse when I realise how good he smells. That familiar smell ... it feels so good to be held by him. I hate that weak feeling. I hate that I'm still falling for his words so easily. He could have me right now if he wanted to.

I step back, losing his touch and put my hands on where he touched me because it feels so cold now that he's not having his hands there anymore. My skin was burning when he touched me and now chills are running down my body.

This is a problem.

"You can't have me back, Adrian. Not under those conditions anymore. I'm not a thing you can use until you don't get bored of it and then decide to throw away." I would have liked nothing more but to be his again, but not like I was. In this month, I came to a realisation that I deserve more in life. I can't be the other one. I don't want to be a dirty secret.

"No. Not like that, Cassandra, of course not," he says.

"I also don't want you to promise me to give me something you're unable to in your current situation," I warn him, reminding him that he's still legally someone else's.

"When have I ever made a promise to you that I couldn't keep, Cassandra?" he asks, his eyebrow raising.

I have no answer to his question because I know he's right. He's never made any promises he couldn't keep. It's mean of me to think he would start now.

"That's what I thought." Adrian nods, making a point. "I wouldn't be here, telling you I want you back if I wanted you under the same conditions as before. That wasn't what you deserved and I'm here to actually give you what you do deserve."

My heart is close to falling out of my chest. It's beating so fast that it actually hurts. "What the hell are you talking about, Adrian? I don't think you actually know what I deserve. You're still a married man and I don't want that. If that's what I deserve, then I'll go against it and rather stay alone than be a mistress to a married man ever again."

Adrian's eyes become gentle and he's looking at me with a softness that wasn't there before. He lifts his left hand, showing it to me and I furrow my eyebrows, not knowing what exactly I'm looking at. "Not a married man anymore." He points a finger to his ring finger.

I look at it closely and he's really not wearing the ring anymore. "That does not mean anything. You could take it off for all I know." I think it's easier to believe that he's lying than to admit to myself that it scares me if he's telling the truth because I don't know what will happen then. That would mean he'd be free and with whomever he wanted to be. And I don't think if I liked that idea.

Adrian smiles yet again, completely unfazed by all the accusations I'm throwing at his face. "A lot has changed in this month you were gone."

"Yeah. Clearly."

"Katherine is not living with me anymore," Adrian continues as if I didn't say anything. "I paid my lawyer good money to hurry with the divorce papers."

"Have you ever even loved her?" I ask him because that's been bothering me for a long time. They were married only on paper, or so he assured me, but I wonder if it was from the start. And if so, why? Why would someone marry if there was no love involved?

"Not in a romantic way. I tried to love her as a friend, but ..." Adrian pauses for a second. "Some people are just very difficult to love, I'd say. She was one of those people. Or she just didn't have the right person to love her."

I always thought she didn't have enough love in her life and that's why she turned out to be such a bitter person. Perhaps I assumed correctly. "Why did you two get married then?" It does not make sense.

"Can we please sit down and then have this conversation?"

I press my lips together. "Fine," I give in in hopes that he'll finally tell me the whole story.

We both sit down again. "Will you at least eat some more?"

I give him a look that says don't push it and he clenches his jaw, clearly not amused by the situation, but he doesn't argue about it. "My father and Katherine's father were in the business together. My father was basically working for Katherine's father. They were friends, I'd say, until my father fucked up royally. He had a brief relationship with Katherine and she got pregnant.

"It's safe to say that Katherine's father wasn't pleased when he found out. Her father demanded I had to marry her and provide for her and her child. I didn't agree, of course. I was with another woman then, the one I cared for very much at the time and my father knew she meant a lot to me.

"To put it briefly, he blackmailed me, using her, explaining in detail what would happen to her. She would suffer before he'd get her killed. My father, Cassandra, was not a nice man. He was a monster. A contract was made then that I have to marry her and stay married for at least 10 years.

"Katherine was in love with someone else as well. She wasn't happy about the deal. She hated me and hated my father even more. But her own father made her believe that no one else would love and respect her because she's carrying a kid while remaining unmarried. That whole situation was messed up and I was too young and too stupid to fight smarter and harder."

This whole time I'm listening to him with an open mouth and wide eyes. I have chills running down my body because I haven't imagined that it was this bad. "Where is the child now?"

"He or she was never born. Katherine had a miscarriage. It wasn't on purpose, it just happened. It wasn't meant to be, I guess. She had a really hard time after we got married. She was crying non-stop. And after that, she was never the same. She wasn't like that from the start, she used to be a kind woman with dreams that, unfortunately, got all crushed. I'm afraid I could be the one to blame for failing to give her the life she wanted and deserved.

"But at the time, I was devastated, too. The woman I was planning my future with got married two years after I did. She wasn't going to wait for me and I never asked her to do it. She's happily married now and I'm truly happy for her. I haven't talked to my father since then and I don't have any wish to even know how he's doing. He ruined my life with his stupidy. He never knew how to be a father."

"Adrian, I – I don't know what to say. Dios mío." I cover his hand with mine, physically comforting him because I find no words to tell him how I feel. This is huge for one person. And this explains his behaviour and why he's so closed-off. I understand now why it's so hard for him to trust people and open up. He couldn't even trust his own father. He didn't have anyone in his life.

"I don't expect you to say anything. It was a time you knew about my past if we want to build a future together."

I remove my hand from his and put it on my thigh. "Thank you for telling me about it." I'm happy he decided to share this with me on his own. "But you still haven't explained why you're here exactly."

"I told you when I came here. I want you back in my life."

"Adrian, this is not how it works. Just because you can't find someone else to help you with the boredom you might be experiencing, it doesn't mean I'll be up to entertain you again." He knows how I feel. And I know he doesn't feel the same. This could never work. I can't pretend anymore. I can't just pretend I'm okay with that.

"You really don't get it. My God," Adrian says in disbelief, putting his hands on my face, framing it and bringing my face closer to him. "I love you, Cassandra. I have for a long time now."

I can't breathe. I. Can't. Breathe. I briefly feel his thumb softly stroking my cheek.

"Cassandra," Adrian calls softly, his eyes gentle and also worried. I must be pale like a wall behind me.

"What did you just say?"

"I love you," he repeats. No hesitation.

My mouth falls open. I'm trying to catch my breath. I shake my head in disbelief. "You don't."

"I do," he argues back.

"No. No. You don't, Adrian."

His hold on my face tightens a bit and he forces me to look deep into his eyes. "I really, really do, Cassandra. This is why I'm here. To tell you this. And to bring you back."

I feel a tear falling down my cheek that Adrian quickly wipes. "Why now? Why did you make me feel so stupid for having feelings for you because you made me believe I was the only one who caught feelings?"

"Oh, Cassandra." Adrian's voice is on the edge of breaking. He grabs me and lifts me on his lap. I'm so numb I can't even react and fight him. I just sit calmly, fighting back the tears. "There was so much going on at the time. I didn't want you to stay and go through with all of that because of me. I couldn't promise you something I didn't know when I'd be able to give you."

"Loving someone isn't something you can postpone, Adrian," I say quietly, aggressively wiping the tears that keep falling, angry that my tears won't stop.

"I have loved you for quite some time now. But then finding out you tried to force a child on me was an ultimate betrayal for me. I trusted you and I never thought you'd do this without my consent. And then Katherine's father died, days after I decided I can't stay married to her and make the same mistake I did when I was young. I let one woman go, I'm not losing you, too just because of my father's foolishness.

"I do realise there were times, a lot of them, that you got mistreated by me and that was solely because of the confusion of my own feelings. I can apologise for that, because I am sorry – deeply – but I do not expect you to understand or forgive me. After all, you were nothing but good to me."

I'm so confused and conflicted. I don't know whether to believe him or not. I don't know what reason would he have to lie to make and create a fool out of me, but he sounds so sincere and he's telling me exactly what I want to hear. I don't know if it's on purpose or if he really means everything he's saying. "How do I know you're not lying to me?"

Adrian brushes my hair back. "What reason would I have to lie to you?" he asks the exact same thing I was wondering. "You'll have to trust me. We had a good time together, didn't we? We go together well."

I look down at my hands and smile sadly. "There were some good times, but I wouldn't know if we really go together well."

"I'm telling you. We do. We didn't start off as normal couples do and we had some unfortunate events, but we have a free way to make it right this time." Adrian takes my hand in his. "Are you willing to try? With me?"

That is a million dollar question I don't know how to answer properly at the moment.