Adrian kindly asked me to wait for him in his bedroom while he makes a conference call in his office. And I was kind enough to do so. I might look weak, doing everything a man asks for, but I don't know ... I enjoy doing things he asks me to do – to some extent, of course. I like pleasing him.

I don't know if this is love or something else. Heck, I have no idea how relationships work. I just do what makes me feel good. And seeing him happy and pleased makes me happy and pleased.

So, I'd say, a healthy relationship doesn't have a strict definition that everyone should abide by. A healthy relationship is when both people make each other happy. And then it's all about balancing everything between them.

I can't say that what Adrian and I have is a relationship. It's not and it can't even be. No one even knows about us, no one outside this house, at least. And no one can't. But that doesn't really bother me. What bothers me is that he makes me happy and I have a good time with him, but I have this fear that he's going to leave me or make me leave him and then I won't know how to be happy again.

But, then, on the other hand, no one has a guarantee the other person won't leave. People claim to love you one day, but walk away from you with no problem the next. Therefore, I would rather have this than some false hope and expectations. Now I at least know where we stand and I know that a man like him would never want to pursue a real relationship and build his life with someone like me. I really don't belong in his world. But, sometimes, it's nice to pretend that I do. As long as I remember to go back to reality.

Some days, our arrangement saddens me. Other days, it makes me grateful that I have a chance to know him. And be with him. But on most days, I'm scared. Scared that I feel too much and he doesn't feel enough. And even if he does feel it, this thing can't grow. It can't go further. And I don't want to waste my youth being a dirty secret.

I feel unworthy, although I fully knew what I was going into and I also knew that I can't have him the way I wanted it. I accepted it. I wanted what I could get – him in any way he'd give himself to me. Call me shallow or greedy, I don't care. I don't regret it. And if given a chance again, I would do it all again. My decision would stay the same.

I wait for Adrian in bed, reading a book. I'm happy I have at least some time to read again. When I was living in my flat, alone and broke, I would read just to avoid my life. Reading is like an escape for me. I didn't live good then, I didn't have a good life and I hated thinking about it.

Reading about imaginary characters and their problems put me in a better place. It also filled me with hope. Even though the characters in the books aren't real, it makes you feel like they are. And all is good at the end with them, no matter what happens.

Now, I'm not reading to escape my life. I'm reading it because I just enjoy it. Now I'm surer than ever that I chose the right occupation to study for. I enjoy reading books more than anything, ever since I was a kid. My father used to love to read me stories. I was always a great listener until I learned to read, which was surprisingly fast.

I smile at the memory of him, but my smile is sad. I don't think I'll ever stop missing him. He was literally the rock in our family and now that he's gone, it completely fell apart.

Adrian comes into the bedroom, interrupting my thoughts. My eyes fly to him like a magnet, taking him in from head to toes. Magnífico. As always. He never fails to take my breath away when he comes into the room. Whenever my eyes set on him, I'm left speechless for a second. He has that kind of vibe, that kind of beauty that's intimidating.

He's already opening the buttons on his dress shirt. He looks at me and then at the book in my hands. He smiles fondly, shaking his head to himself. "I see you have ways to get yourself busy."

I shrug, giving him a flirtatious smile. "I know how to entertain myself just fine, yes."

Adrian's eyebrow arches a little, his eyes full of amusement. "Oh, really? We might put that statement to a test, then."

My eyes widen just slightly when I realise he interpreted my words a little differently than I actually meant them. "Oh," comes out of my parted mouth. I'm stunned into silence. Just the thought of what he has in mind makes me hot.

Adrian only smirks. "I'll go take a shower," he says quietly.

I nod, appreciating the view when he takes off his dress shirt and then turns away from me, heading in the direction of his bathroom. I watch his back muscles move, my teeth biting my bottom lip.

When he closes the door behind him, I have to blink a few times to regain my composure. My head drops back against the wall, my eyes dreamily wandering up to the ceiling. It's times like this that it makes it all worth it. It's times like this that I want to squeal like a high-schooler who just got asked on her first date by her long-time crush.

What we have is not perfect, but it's ours and that makes it enough for me.

It doesn't take Adrian long to come back out, bare-chested, wearing only his boxer briefs. I forget all about the book in my hands. I close it and put it on the nightstand. That doesn't escape Adrian's notice and I see he tries to keep his face neutral, but he fails. I see him biting down the smile.

I don't understand why he tries to hide his true feelings. I understand he doesn't want other people to read his emotions, being in the business he is in, but I don't understand why he's like this at home, in his own house.

Adrian climbs on the bed, computer in his hands, and I turn to him. "Can I ask you something?"

He doesn't hide his smile this time. "Of course, Cassandra," he says patiently, the same answer as every other time I asked him the same question.

"Why do you try to hide your emotions when you're with me? I understand why you do it with other people, but why at your own home?"

Adrian looks at me, thinking about my question. We had a similar conversation to this already. He knows I don't like not knowing what he thinks or feels, although I started to learn how to read him. You just have to be very fast and very observant to catch the slightest change of his otherwise expressionless face.

"I don't even realise I'm doing that anymore." He frowns. "I'm just so used to it doing it all the time with other people that I sometimes forget I'm doing it."

"Is it hard? Controlling your emotions so much and always being careful what you say and what your face shows? I know I could never do it."

Adrian smiles. "It's not hard for me. I've been mastering this basically my whole life so I don't even have to think about it that much." He falls silent for a second. "You know, you're actually the first person to ask me about this." He shakes his head to himself as if the thought is amusing to him. But he also looks surprised by it for some reason.

"Really? That's ... surprising to hear." Or not. I think back to the first time I met him. And even now, he looks so unapproachable sometimes. I think you have to get used to him and I bet he makes many people fear to even talk to him.

"Is it really?" he asks. "Even you said I don't really give off a friendly vibe."

I give him a look. "I did not say it like that."

He chuckles. "With other words, but with the same meaning. It's alright, Cassandra. I don't live my life to make friends and please others. I just want to enjoy doing what I do and I'm a firm believer that I'll have the right people by my side. I don't even want the wrong ones anywhere near me." He gives me a deep look, a meaningful look that I don't quite understand, but it creates a knot in my stomach.

"Can I also talk to you about something else?" I ask.

Adrian closes the lid on his laptop, giving me his full attention. "Yes, Cassandra. You can."

This is a sensitive topic, but I want to talk to him about it now because I don't think how things will go tomorrow after I visit the gynaecologist. "I don't even know how to word this properly, so I hope you'll understand what I'm trying to say." Adrian's eyebrow lifts just slightly. "This relationship between us, whatever is going on, it's getting kind of hard to know the line sometimes. You know, during my working hours, I don't always know how to react in any given situation. You're still my boss, but you're also so much more and I tend to get confused."

"So, if I understand correctly, our communication confuses you?"

"Well, yeah ... I don't really like being told what to do, but you're my boss and I have to accept that, but it doesn't always sit well with me and I take things personally when I shouldn't have." I shut up for a second. "Okay, maybe that's actually my own problem ..."

"No, no. There's a reason you told me and I happy you trust me, Cassandra. It's always better to be honest with each other and talk to each other than don't say anything when something bothers us. Don't you agree?"

I shrug. "I do, of course." I just always thought men like that don't exist – or only exist in books. But Adrian always wants to talk things out instead of running away from them. I love that. I love his honesty and I love that he wants to be open with me and vice versa. He makes me feel like I can tell him everything. Well, not really everything, but a lot.

"I learned that you love to mouth back so you'll either do that to me as your boss or your lover, but I'd say that when we're alone, you don't have to go by the strict rules of you being my employee and me being your employer. Just look that you do that when we have guests."

"Okay. That sounds reasonable." I don't even know why I overthink this so much.

"If anything bothers you in any given situation, you can speak up about it right then and we'll solve the issue immediately."

I nod, letting out a long breath. "Alright, thank you." I grin and he grins back.

"Is there anything else you would like to talk about?" he asks me softly, his eyes roaming all over my face.

"No, not at the moment. I think I'll just go to sleep now."

Adrian's head cocks to the side.

"I'm tired," I clarify. "Are you taking me to the gynaecologist tomorrow?" I hold my breath while I wait for his answer.

"I am. Don't worry, it's just a check-in, or so she assured me. It won't take long."

"When are we going?"

"I was thinking some time afternoon. We can go to lunch afterwards."

"Okay," I say, lying down on the bed, my good mood already vanishing, replacing with worry. This might be my last night here. Not only in this bed, but at this house, too.

Adrian leans down and kisses my forehead. "Goodnight, Cassandra."

"Buenas noches." I close my eyes so he can't see the tears pooling in them.