To say I missed her was an understatement. I craved her presence like I was a drug addict and her skin was my heroine. I needed her the way the plants needed the sun to live. And I know it sounded stupid and cliché, but I was a writer and the only way I can describe my feelings is like this.

She was the only thing that made me happy.

I got my degree and I started my own website. I got a business and I worked hard. But it wasn't enough.  I wasn't happy. Not truly. I could get through the day with a smile and sit by myself and enjoy the simple pleasure of editing a manuscript or writing something down in my journal. To people who don't know me, and that included my mom, they didn't know that there was something missing in my life.

I wrote to her back after she sent me that last letter. She didn't reply. I expect she couldn't. I wrote to her every time I could, telling her about what has been happening.
Sometimes when I was alone I took out the letter and read it. It reminded me to keep fighting. I still had that hope that we'd be together someday soon. I just had to wait.

I sat now at my desk in my office, drinking my warm drink. I had a pile of manuscripts ready to be blogged in ink. I did do computerised editing, but nothing beat the smell of paper and the feel of the pen writing the new words.

I thought again about Emma. I had been thinking of her all morning. She was an imposter of Leah, a cruel likeness that made me want to curl up in ball or bash my head against the wall. She was so sweet. I kept thinking that I should get to know her, but I didn't know if I should get involved. Her image would just burn a hole in my heart.

A knock on the door interrupted my nostalgic thoughts. A tall man entered my office. His familiar face made me smile. Five years I had known this guy. He had been Ryan's roommate. My old friend Ryan was playing rugby internationally so he was a way a lot.  He came down at the end of the year to spend Christmas with James. I had met his roommate after he moved out of his mother's house.

"Hey baby." Liam called out and I put my cup down for him to give me a hug.

Baby.

Yes. Liam was my boyfriend -- much to my mother's delight. I liked him a lot ... I could actually say I loved him.  I loved him like one could love a person who has always been there for you and helps you get through everything. He was my rock.

"Hey. What you doing here?" I asked.

He grinned. "You left your phone at home."

"Oh! Thank you so much." I took my phone from him and checked my messages.

There was a missed call from an unknown number. It must be from a client. It if was important then they'd call back. I messaged Ryan and told him to call me after his match. I scrolled through my emails quickly and then turned back to Liam.

"Want a coffee?" I got up from my seat.

Liam found it very comfortable in my chair. He threw a hand through his quiff and winked at me, his brown eyes gleamed. I laughed so softly. Shouldn't he be at work?

I came to the coffee machine and made him a strong black coffee just the way he liked it. I reached for the sugar and my eyes caught a sight I shouldn't have seen. It was Emma. She was by the boxes in the corner of the room, close to where I was.

She was bending over and I bet anyone would have loved that. I shouldn't even be looking and I didn't... just once. Maybe twice. Unprofessional scenes entered my mind. She just arrived today and she was already teasing me. I knew she wasn't doing it on purpose, but those tight skinny jeans really outlined... damn.

I had never been attracted to other girls besides Leah. I never had to look at anyone else and after she left I was too heartbroken to look at people and have another relationship. I didn't know if I was the L word, but I think that was obvious. I didn't like labels though. You loved who you loved, that was that.

I was definitely attracted to Emma. She flipped her hair and moved a little and I just stood there watching like an idiot. This was wrong. I should look away. Right now. I just couldn't. I wish I could. The memories of Leah came back to me unexpectedly and I remembered everything of that night.

Her body was warm next to mine. I trailed my fingers over her bare skin that glowed in the moonlight that came in from the curtain.  No one was around. No one heard. I kissed her till I forgot my own name. All I cared about was us. How I could worship her body like no other. I was torn apart with the feel of our bodies touching. I was in an euphoric bliss when we made love.

Everything. Everything was her. 

I breathed her in. I kept her close.

I loved her like no one had ever loved before. 

It was perfect.

"Stay with me?"  I begged, kissing the soft spot on her neck.  Her eyes closed in pleasure. Our breathing was quick and heavy. All I heard was my heart pumping  and there was this  ache to be with her again and again.

She moaned, "always."

"Hello again!" I jumped awake.

There was Emma in front of me. I shook my head and I bit my lip to control myself. I couldn't believe I had those thoughts again. It always came back at the usual times. And it was even more weird that I was thinking of that we'll staring at Emma.

"H--hi." I stammered.

"Who's the coffee for? Are you having another one so early in the morning?" She smiled that heart stopping smile again.

"Err..." I looked down at the cup, trying to remember what I was doing before. "My..."

I looked at her and I realised that she had to be straight. What was the chances my mom employed a lesbian? I sighed, frustrated with myself.

"My boyfriend." I answered. 

I swore her smile wavered a little as I said boyfriend, but I was probably imagining it.

"Oh? He's here?"

"Yeah." I took the cup and awkwardly looked around.

"Well...I hope you're happy." She said and I wondered for a long time why she had said that after she had left.