Koga Yudai, or rather me, was born in Chiba in 1997, the youngest of the brothers.

And like any other child, I had a dream. I became a marathon runner in high school and even received a full scholarship due to my athletic abilities. Besides being good at it, I loved the feeling of freedom and strength that running gave me. But times have changed just as I have changed over the years. I decided to turn down the scholarship to study dance, something I loved, unbelievably, more than running.

So, my long 2 years and 8 months of a lot of heavy training began, a little late because for them I was already considered a little older than average. This actually always bothered me a little but I knew I had a gift that many didn't have, so nothing would stop me. I have always been very focused and determined and my dream was close to coming true when I was asked to participate in I-Land. I would finally have my chance to debut in South Korea.

I was ecstatic and completely blinded by my own ambition and certain greed. I thought it was the best. I never even had time to think about feelings for girls or things like that. It seemed insignificant compared to what I really wanted for myself. Of course I could have been attracted to someone at some point but it never stuck with me for long. It was something completely momentary and insignificant.

I knew that from the moment I decided to become an idol, to become K, I would have to abstain from romantic relationships or anything like that, so it never really interested or bothered me. I was happy, anyway.

Until the day I went to I-Land and saw that boy. I have never been as fascinated, interested or curious about someone as he is. All I knew about him was that his name was Euijoo and he was Korean. And visibly quite shy, which made him naturally cute. We didn't even have time to get closer, he lived on the Ground. He wasn't good enough like me, just like the others.

It was the first time I felt these feelings, which was confusing and frustrating for me because it seemed like they could get in the way of my path, of my dream and I couldn't just let it affect me. But I must confess that when he left, it affected me in some way.

I never had a very good personality within that "game" and simply knowing that he wasn't there anymore made me simply ruin everything. I blindly believed that my talent was enough to win. But I was terribly wrong and it cost me to fulfill my dream of debuting. I also believed, I was sure, that I was going to debut because I was the best, the best of all. Unfortunately, I showed my worst side and losing was all my fault.

But also, it taught me a lot. Euijoo was there to see me fall, but I just wished he was there so he wouldn't let me fall.

We lost the little contact we had, obviously, after I-Land. I only got a chance to hug him at the end of the show, but I was too devastated to think about my feelings for him. Either way, we would never see each other again. Or at least that's what I thought.

Two years of waiting that seemed infinite passed but I never lost hope of debuting.

When the invitation to debut in a Japanese group from Hybe came to me, it was the best moment of my entire life. My efforts would finally pay off and I could show the best version of myself to the company, the members, and most importantly, the fans.

In the midst of the contract signing meeting and other bureaucracies, I found out that three other members who would debut with me had participated in I-Land, which was a big surprise and I was excited to see them again, even though I didn't know who they were. For a moment, Euijoo came to mind but as quickly as it came, I soon tried to forget it. He was Korean and the chances of debuting in a Japanese group were slim.

So, I was ready and eager to meet them the next day.

A lot of things would happen from now on, literally, as we still needed to decide who the other 5 members would be so I was so radiant and confident that nothing could ruin it.

But as soon as I set foot in the room and saw him, it was like my world had collapsed, in a good way or a bad way, I don't know. I just froze for a moment. But I was a good actor and soon I needed to get my heart working again.

"Taki!!! You're so big!!!" I hugged Taki tightly. "Where did that little boy go? You look so different, oh my God!! Two years change people a lot, don't you think?"

It was hard to hide how I was feeling about Euijoo in the room. But I was doing well enough.

"Nicholas, how are you, man???" I shook his hand and pulled him into a brotherly hug. "It looks like I-Land was yesterday, doesn't it? You look great, dude. Really nice to see you!"

As I get distance from Nicholas, I was trying to hide my happiness to see Euijoo standing there, the cutest shy person in the world, staring and smiling, and waiting for me.

"Euijoo...Right? Oh...I wish we had more time together...I mean, now I think we'll have time, right? I greeted him, laughing to hide my discomfort.

God, he's so cute, I can't even look at him much!

.....

As an introvert, I found it difficult preforming for others.

During i-land, I really tried my best. Only to fail miserably. The time spend in the ground, and then later getting eliminated, I really did lose a lot of confidence.

But something kept me going. I knew that wasn't the end for me. And after getting the invitation to debut in a Japanese group, I finally realized that I have learned so much from i-land. That was an essential lesson for joining &audition.

My confidence boosted, and I worked hard to do my absolute best. And learning Japanese was another challenge to face. But I faced it all with determination. I was happy to find Nicholas, Taki, and K also going to debut with me. It gave me a bit of reassurance. Though my relationship wasn't so strong with them, at least I knew them, and suffered similarly.

Seeing K again had sparked an old fire in me that I had felt before, though I wasn't exactly sure what it was. But I knew it played a huge part in failing in i-land. Which scared me a bit.....

&audition was a whole level of hard training and lots of new challenges to face. I tried my best to keep my distance from any distractions.
Specifically K..

I had a feeling that I knew could effect my training if I focused on a charming individual, rather than my training. As an introvert, it wasn't too hard.

After what felt like decades, we debuted as a nine member group. And out of all the members, I became their leader. A big responsibility I was determined to do my best at. And now that we were &team, we became quick friends. Alike brothers. However, a tension only grew between K and I. At least, I felt this tension... If he felt that way, I wouldn't know.

I was shy. Very shy to approach him too frequently.

One evening, as I headed to the new dorm, I was shocked to see that K would be my roommate....