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He looks at me, my heart beating at warp speed, he tried to open the door. "Baby...please..."

I can hear him instantly bursting into tears, he threw his hand into the car to lay it over mine that I kept on the steering wheel. "Baby...I know I'm an a*shole who doesn't deserve to be forgiven but I can't do it anymore...It's only been three days but I feel like I haven't seen or felt you close to me for years..." he takes my hand with both of his to move it towards him and places it against his chest, letting the strong and fast beating of his heart hit my hand. "I love you so much and I feel like slowly dying all alone in this house that I should be sharing with you..."

"Do you think I don't love you Jungkook...? Do you even know how hurt I was?" I turn my head to look at him, no matter how much I hate to see him sad. "You cannot say something you don't mean, I don't believe in that excuse..."

He lets his head go forward, dropping his eyes down as the tears are falling down. This is the most painful thing to see him like that. "I swear to God I didn't mean it Y/N. I was just mad and disappointed..."

I glance away, his hands holding mine tightly with despair. His sobbing into my ear are unbearable.

"I need to go Jungko—"

"No! Please...!" he grips onto my hand, begging me to not do as thought. "Stay with me...even if you ignore me, act as if I wasn't there, please stay here by my side...I won't bother you, neither talk if you don't want to but I can't stay here all on my own. "

I sigh but glance away, pulling my hand away from his larger ones.

"All I'm asking for is to see you close to me...You can yell at me, swear and throw disgusting words at my face, I'll deserve it with no doubt but...Don't go..."

At the sight of his deep grief, I take my phone in my hand and close the window, I noticed him worrying, not knowing what I was doing. I turn the ignition off and open the door to get out of my car.

The man almost jumped on me, taking me into his arms as if we hadn't seen each other for years. His hand in the back of my head keeps me against him tightly, making me hear his sobs in my ear loudly.

I hug him back, missing just to feeling of his body against mine after a short time. "Let's get in the house...Daehan is alone," I step back from him no matter how aching it is. I gulp down the tight knot in my throat, averting his face to not cry even more and I head towards the house. I step inside and put a smile on my face as soon as I see Daehan on the couch, waiting for us in the calm.

He beams at me as I'm forcing myself to not burst into tears just to think about Jungkook. "You stay here cuddle?" he holds his Nemo plush tightly in his small arms. "Yes, I want to be with you."

"I'm happy then," his lips remain curved upwards. "Kookie?" he asks for the man's attention who went to the kitchen side in order to hide his tears. Just from the back, we can see him wiping his face before turning around. "Hm?"

The little boy stands up and runs to him, while I go sit down on the couch.

"Are you sad...?" he speaks in a low voice while scrutinizing the man's features and expression exposing his state. "Uh? N—No, I'm not my baby..."

"But you're crying...do you want me to hug you?"

Jungkook smiles but nods without saying anything. Daehan stands on his tip toes to place his big plush on the kitchen counter and let himself get lifted up by the tall man. My little brother wraps his arms around his neck and gives him a hug but I can see how much Jungkook is being affected by it, he nestles his head in the crook of his neck and tries to hide his face, crying nonstop.

Is he crying like that because I'm here or he hasn't stopped since I left the house? From the look into his eyes, their puffiness, color and the bags under them, he must not have slept a lot these past few days.

"Why are you sad?" he pecks Jungkook's cheek and looks at him with sorrow. He passes his hands over the man's face to wipe the tears away. "I'm...I'm just a bit tired..."

"Oh...and why don't you sleep...?" 

"I do..." he fakes a smile and looks at the young boy's face, he kisses his forehead and strokes his back.

"Do you want to go sleep and take a rest?" the child pats his hair kindly, caring about the person he considers as his dad no matter who he is for me. "No, I want to stay with you and cuddle...I missed you two a lot..."

"I missed you too Kookie," he hugs him to give some comfort to the man that is obviously not feeling good.

"Have you and Cuddle eaten?"

"I did but not Cuddle, Boba cooked for me and I bought a chocolate donut for you to eat too," he smiles at him, feeling like he did something good that will make the man happy. Jungkook grins and pecks him, "Thank you my baby, I'm going to eat it but do you want to cook with me?"

He nods, showing some enthusiasm about it.

•••

Jungkook places a tray with some different dishes full of food, on the coffee table in front of me, then sits down by my side with Daehan on his lap who's holding the donut he bought for him. This is my favorite food that he cooked...

"I don't want to force you to eat but...I want to make sure you don't skip any meals..." he speaks in a low voice without being able to look at me.

"I feel sick when I eat Jungkook..." I mumble, feeling bad to say that when he took care of cooking everything just for me. I feel so much in a bad state that the hunger is not even felt in my body.

"When did you...last eat something...?" he seems hesitant about asking me this question, making my heart die just to witness the effect our fight got on him. "I can't remember..."

"Can you eat...? Please...just in order to give some energy to your body..." he peeks at me furtively, acting as if we were just at the beginning of our relationship. "What about you then? When did you eat?"

"I..." he turns his head away to avoid my face and wraps his arms around Daehan a bit more. "I haven't eaten anything..."

"Since when?"

"Since you left the house..." his voice lowered as his tone turned doleful. "Kookie..." the young boy takes a look at him as I still cannot believe he has been starving for three days. "Yes my baby?"

"Eat a little bit, this is bad to not give energy to your body..." he holds the sweet snack close to his dry lips. Jungkook moved forward and bit into the donut, making Daehan smile and wait to be able to feed him again. "Is it good?"

"Yes," he nods, his lips curved up to show some happiness while staring into the innocent boy's eyes. "Thank you for buying this just for me my little baby..."

"You're welcome, but you're going to eat everything, right?"

He agrees and bites into the food one more time, my eyes unable to look away from him while he's chewing on it. "Don't you want to eat it with me?" he passes his hand through the child's hair. "No, it's just for you Kookie."

"Okay," he caresses his cheek and takes hold of his frail arm to hold it up to his mouth and eat the rest of the pastry. Some chocolate stained his skin, leaving some of it on his lips.

"Oh wait," Daehan moves closer to the coffee table to grab a tissue and gets back on the man's lap properly. He folds the Kleenex and wipes the sweet icing off the man's lips. "You had some left on it, you're more dirty than me when I eat Kookie."

He slightly laughs in the quietest manner, his eyes still drowning in extreme amount of water. He slowly drifts his look away from the boy now hugging him to direct his eyes in my direction, he meets mine but I momentarily glance away.

I sit on the edge of the couch to get closer to the coffee table and take the chopsticks in my hand. I don't want to eat, there's nothing in my body telling me that it wants to be fed or is in need of any type of food but I cannot let this on the table without eating what was cooked just for me, when I didn't even ask for it.

I dig into the spicy rice cake and enjoy the food that is cooked the perfect way, no matter where I go or who cooks this meal, Jungkook is the only one able to make it taste that way which is the best for me.

"I tried to make it the way you like it...not too spicy...I hope it's not too bad..."

"It's good..." I opine to not let him worry about this. I know he would easily get disappointed by himself if it wasn't perfect.

•••

Jungkook comes back into the living room after putting Daehan to bed. He sits down by my side while I'm keeping my eyes on the TV without paying any attention to the show playing but only thinking deeply. The only thing I can hear is Jungkook's voice in my head, repeating those words that hurt me, the way he yelled and the stares full of anger that I never saw before.

What if that side of him become more present with the time passed together? I don't want to have to deal with it one more time, the look into his eyes would be too scary, his deep voice would stab my heart with intensity and his words would be the worst. Loving him so much is what makes me afraid to lose him.

"Have you lost your feelings for me?" he breaks the silence with softness. The shakiness in his voice made me look at him.

Even if I was shocked by his reaction that I would never have expected, I don't know how he could think that. "Do you really think I would be able to stop loving you...?"

"I don't know..." he gazes at me with confusion, hurting me with the sadness darkening his features that I was used to seeing bright and full of love.

"You hurt me by talking that way to me, the way it sounded like it came out of your chest with your eyes staring into mine. That's what you did to me," I hold back from going too far, already feeling the pain in my throat just from seeing him crying and trying to contain it. "But even if you made me feel completely broken, I still love you, as much as I was on the first day we started dating. You cannot even know how much I do but if that type of stupid fight could make us break up, then our couple won't last for too long."

"You don't believe in us...?" he looks at me with a sore heart, his face telling me that he's in the deepest grief ever.

"That's not a question that I can answer without knowing how you feel about it."

"I love you Y/N. I love you more than anything...I wouldn't want to even think about breaking up with you or else I won't lose my time living anymo—"

"Stop saying that," I cut him off, hating the stupid words he's saying. "I hate when you say those things...You cannot say you would kill yourself if I wasn't with you anymore...This hurts me...what if you could one day lose your feelings...? You could maybe find someone like me..."

"That won't happen," he refuses to agree with my statement. "That won't ever happen. I swear to God, I know my heart and mind enough to know that no one will ever be able to make me feel so happy and good in my life. I won't live with anyone else but you, even if you want to break up with me, I won't ever be able to forget you and see someone else."

I immediately wipe the tear that rolled down my cheek away. I've never seen him crying so much...

"Will you be able to love someone else after me...?"

"Never I will..." I shake my head to answer him. "But if those types of fights keep on happening, if you can't even control your own self and your words then I think that my heart will start to get harmed seriously and not beat the way it was used to doing it in the past for you...I love you too Jungkook but I can get hurt as well..."

"That won't ever happen again Y/N...I promise..."

"Now I want to know why you said that so firmly. Why you yelled and swore at me that way."

"I was..." he gazes down, his fingers toying with the pillow he laid on his crossed legs. "I was terrified after what I received...I thought you were being harmed by someone...that you could have got kidnapped, tortured or something like that...I swear I felt like my heart was really aching but for real, as if someone was pressing onto it and provoking painful things into my chest...I knew and was sure it was Leo once I saw him taking his phone when I called the number. When I saw you were there and safe...I imagined you with those guys...remembering what he said made me think about terrible things that he could have done if I didn't come—" he chokes up on his words as his voice cracked. "That hurt me so much...I didn't want you to be close to them anymore...and when we got back home and that I noticed you were on their side, defending him and not believing me, this made me feel disappointed...I couldn't understand why you wouldn't trust me more than other guys and this is what made me lose my temper...I regretted it so badly that just one second after you left the house, I couldn't hold back from crying, my whole body was shaking just to think about what happened and what I did..."

"I know I annoyed you with my texts during those three days...but being here without you was the hardest hours to pass in my life...I had to apologize, I wanted to make it up the best possible and make sure you would not cry or feel more hurt because of me...I wanted to show you that I love you, that you shouldn't feel bad because I never meant anything of what I said...Thinking about you crying all alone made it worse and I knew I had to do something to prevent this..." he glances away and erases the sadness leaving his eyes away from his face. "I would do anything to be perfect for you...to be the man you deserve to have...I would do anything possible Y/N."

"I already told you not to talk that way Jungkook," I lay my eyes, making me fall into his red and teary ones. "Why can't you understand I don't want you to do things you don't want to. What would make me deserve a perfect man? I'm nothing like perfect so stop wanting to be someone that is always the best, I just want you to be normal, the person that you are because that's the reason why I love you."

"You are perfect," he contradicts me, telling me words that I can't trust. "Have you seen all the things you do for the people you love? You forgive everyone because of how kind you are, you always do everything to make the others happy before thinking about yourself. I'm nothing without you and you know it."

"But you don't seem to trust me..." I lay my eyes on him. "I believed you when you told me that, the only think I couldn't be sure of was the person. I didn't understand how you could have received some text from him given the fact that he didn't have your number. That was the only thing I doubted but you were so out of your mind that I thought this would be better to let you talk and just let you calm down. I know I'm stupid Jungkook...but you scared me..."

"I...I scared you...?"

"I knew you wouldn't hurt me but hearing you yelling, telling those words and being so mad...I was scared...I really saw just in your eyes how much you were hating me at that moment—"

"No Y/N, I didn't hate you. Don't say that," he interrupts me at the sound of my words. "I would never hate you, unless you would cheat on me...but not for that, I was just angry about all the things that happened...if I reacted that way it was only because I love you like crazy and I'm so sorry if I caused that to you..."

"Did you really think I was cheating on you...?"

"I don't know..." he gazes down to the left, surely understanding that this disappoints me to hear him saying that. "I just heard you on the phone...I heard what you said and hearing Jimin and you together where he seemed to be trying some things with you...I couldn't handle it..."

"He was just annoying me like he's used to doing with me...but nothing more and I swear Jungkook," I tell him he truth sincerely. "You know I would never dare to cheat on you, I love you..."

"I know...I'm sorry...it's just that Jimin is always flirting with you, he looks at you in a way that tells me he wouldn't mind trying something with you if I wasn't there..."

"Even if he was trying, do you think I would be interested? You know the kind of person that I am and I hate flirty guys, that's the reason why I couldn't stand the way you were acting with me when we met..."

"I wasn't a flirty guy..." his eyes meet mine with disbelief. "I just...I was always feeling something inside of me when I was thinking about you and...I tried to act cool in front of you after what I heard from your brother..."

"What? What did he say?"

"The first time he mentioned you, he said you were a brat but that you were a cute one that was very caring with people no matter what you were pretending to be. He said you were adorable because of how shy you could be in front of people that you liked, and that you were totally not shy at all once you were facing people you dislike...When I first saw you, I thought you were a confident girl with the way you were dressed so...simply but with style that was making you sexy in your clothes...I have to agree you were a little brat sometimes," he smiles faintly, remember the old times. "I just thought that given your appearance and behavior, your type of guy would be someone confident and manly who wouldn't be afraid to flirt with a girl...I thought wrong when we started to have more serious talks...I realized it was just an appearance and nothing else, I understood that it was just to hide something terribly painful inside of you that was a person you were trying to conceal behind it..."

I look away, facing the truth coming from his mouth is a bit hard. He's right and he knows who I am...more than I know myself.

"Anyway...We were....both at fault so let's stop this conversation," I put an end to it. "I'm sorry..." he apologizes again, when there's no reason fro him to do it.

I let the silent remain into the room but grab hold of a tissue to blow my nose, I've been a crybaby for these past few days and my nose is being tortured like hell.

"I...I just want to ask you one last thing..." his voice passes through the painful quietness of this dark room. It's affecting my heart to an even higher degree to see he's seriously hurt by the situation and tension between us. "What...?"

He gulps down but sets his eyes on me, "Is it going to be like before between us...?"

"Jungkook...This was just a stupid fight. It's not like if you had cheated on me or something like that, it will get back to normal after some days...It's just hard for me to look at you and not think about what happened...that's all..."

"It's the first time it happens between us and...I was scared you could have not loved me anymore because of much of a douche I've been...I thought it would have been over...that you would have left me and that I would have had to go through way more pain...I was frightened..."

"Yoongi told me to wait for some days...to see how it would go once we would have been away from each other..." I reveal something that I couldn't keep to myself. I know he could take it in the wrong way to hear me saying I would have wanted to test our couple.

"You didn't miss me...?"

"Of course I did...I felt so lost and...bad...but..." I hesitate about going further, given how my words could make him cry even more heavily than he is right now which could be way too much. "At the same time I was so angry with you that I wasn't sure I would want to see you soon..."

"I understand..." he sniffles. "But I missed you a lot...I could not even get into bed, I kept on thinking about you and the fact that you were not with me. That was hard not to have you close...I wanted and needed you in my arms, against me, your smile and the things you make me feel just by being here with me...I would never have expected to feel so hopeless and lost without you by my side."

"Why didn't you call Taehyung...? Or someone else...?"

He shrugs and averts my eyes. "I didn't want to see anyone other than you..."

"I'm sorry for not answering to your texts and calls," I finally have the guts to apologize for acting that way. "Don't say sorry. That's my fault..."

I don't say anything. These past few days just showed that we love each other a lot, no matter what happens we will always get back together.

"Have you slept last night?" he asks me quietly, which sounds like he's being scared or hesitant about posing some questions. "Not really..."

"Are you sleeping here...?"

"...I don't know..."

"I'll let you the bed for yourself if you want to be alone, I'll just sleep on the couch..." he speaks as if we were on the point of breaking up. "Why would I make you sleep on the couch, idiot?" I glare at him, hating to have the need to always correct him when he knows I would want to be with him. "Maybe because you would want to be alone..."

"You can't stop crying...Even if you're acting which I would doubt, I can't let you spend the night on the couch knowing that you will be sobbing all alone in here..."

"I would deserve it...you're way too kind with me..."

This man is really unbelievable. "I know I am...but I don't care."

I put my eyes on the TV. This is hard to be in that situation when we were used to being so close and stuck together like glue even after all this time together...maybe it sometimes has to blow up...that's how life is.

"I can't have a hug yet...?" he almost slurs, making it barely audible. "You just said I was too kind, and the one between us who would need a hug the most is not you..."

He turns his head, passing his fingers over his wet cheeks while looking at me with his sad baby face. "Does that mean I can take you in my arms...?"

I nod and look away. I just need him as well and love him way too much to not forgive him.

He moves onto the couch and gets closer to me, his body touching mine, he wraps his arms around me and nestles his head in the crook of my neck. I missed his warmth, his strong muscles enveloping me, that's something I could never be able to live without.

He's crying again.

I lean towards the coffee table and take the whole box of tissue to be sure I won't have to hurt my back thousands of times. I position myself back in a proper way for Jungkook to be able to hold me against him and I grab a tissue. "Stop crying..." I put it on his wet cheek, making it remain and stick on his skin. He takes it and rests his head on my shoulder to blow his nose and then take another one to soak it with his tears.

I remember when he didn't want to cry in front of me in the past. Now he's totally letting waterfalls run down his eyes, his hands shaking and not caring about how his voice cannot stop cracking when he speaks. I know it wasn't just because of how this would have made him feel less manly but only because he didn't want to show any bad things in front of me. It's great to know he doesn't restrain himself anymore and show me his real feelings.

He places the tissues onto the coffee table and keeps his hold onto me, hugging me like a baby.

"I love you..." he murmurs in the crook of my neck. I let some seconds pass without responding and then finally pronounce the same words. He pressed his warm and swollen lips on my skin, sending shivers down my spine at the sensations that I missed.

"Do you remember the day you were at my brother's house with a girl just to make me jealous...?" I bring up with no good reason for me to do it. "Why are you talking about that...?"

"Because...that's the first day I realised how much I was in love with you and got terribly hurt to see you with someone else..." I look down, passing my fingers over his forearm to feel his veins. "Do you know the reason why I did that?"

I shake my head, silently.

"I was crazy about you and I know I was a damn jerk, trying to flirt with you when in real, I was shy as hell to face you. The more we were seeing each other and the more I wanted to be with you. I was always making sure to wake up on time to get ready and wait for you everyday, even though I was acting cool and normal, I was always making everything perfect, I would make the house a mess just to keep you for longer with me...So at that moment with that girl, you were hiding your feelings so well that I didn't know what to do to make you fall in love with me, I thought you were hating me but at the same time the way you were blushing when I was close to you made me think that I could maybe have a chance, so I did that, I barely knew that girl but she was just a friend of mine and I told her that there was a girl with who I was infatuated and needed her help. Some minutes before I knew you would arrive at the house, I made her go there and we planned everything, trying to make some things in front of you that would make you jealous if you liked me...and...when I saw your reaction and how much you were cutely ignoring me the day after...I knew I had a chance with you and told myself I couldn't miss it..."

"I indeed hated you for doing that to my heart, you were the first boy who made me feel so crazy..." I turn my head to look at him as his teary eyes finally faded away. "And I thought at first that you were just a flirt who was trying to add me to his list of girls he dated."

"I never dated a girl before you, you know, and I won't date anyone after you either."

"I hate you because I can't even be mad at you, even when you yell at me and swear, you always regret a second later and cry like a baby which makes it impossible for me to be angry when I would have the right to be..."

"Be mad at me if I deserve it. Don't look at my face just because you find me cute..."

"Did I mention the word "cute"?" I make all the efforts possible to restrain my smile at his adorable behavior. "You didn't..." he keeps his big eyes into mine, giving off an innocent look. "You just always tell me I'm cute..."

He leans in so as to give me a kiss on the lips, but I move back. "Not yet."

He gazes into my eyes with some disappointment, feeling a bit embarrassed with the way I rejected him.

I crash my lips on his. "I'm the one who has the right to do it."

A faint smile reflecting some joy finally forms on his face. I turn my head to look away with a smile that I'm trying not to let within his sight but my heart soften at the feeling of the tip of his nose nuzzling my cheek. "Y/N...I know this is random but...why don't you ever cry in front of me...?"

"What are you talking about...?" my eyes meet his. "You never show when you're sad or in pain...why do you do that with me when you know I'm here for you...?"

"I...I don't do that..." I avert his eyes at the lies pronounced. "Honey...please...this is a serious talk and I want us to tell all the truth...Taehyung told me what you were saying to them and how you are when I'm away..."

I breath sharply but never put my eyes into his again. "It's just better like that, I want you to see me happy and nothing else..."

"Y/N, we've both been together for more than one year now, you cannot think like that anymore, even though this is to not hurt me, I want you to tell me when you have problems, when you don't feel good and all. I don't care if this will hurt me, I cannot stand the fact that you keep those types of things to yourself. I love you and your problems are mine, you know that..."

"Yeah...I promise I'll do it..."

He pecks my temple and nestles his head in the crook of my neck. "I love you so much my baby..."

"I love you too..."