Maham

I can't deal with the thought of getting married. How can I get married when I've a past which is so uncertain that I myself have no idea when it can again appear in my life. The hopeful faces around me are choking me to death because I can't disappoint them. 

On the other side, I can't say yes to the proposal either, not because I've feelings for someone else but I haven't moved on from what my life had served me years back.

Stop lying to yourself!

"Mahru, my princess." Baba's voice pauses my sobbing. He knocks for the third time yet I didn't give any answer. I don't have the guts to face to him after the stunt I pulled earlier. I shouldn't have rushed away, I've embarrassed him much along with Chachi and Chacha. 

What they must be thinking of?

"My child please open the door for your Baba." Unable to bear his pleads, I unlock the door, not daring to look at him.  

"Is Mahru upset with her father?" He softly questions.

Upset? How can I be upset with you? It's you who should be angry on me. 

"No Baba it's just that I don't want to get married I don't want to leave you. The thought alone scares me." A low chuckle fly out from his throat. 

"My bacha don't be scared every girl has to go through this. And one day it was bound to happen why not today. I will always be with you my dear. It's a part of nature. You are my big girl na so stop crying and try to understand. I won't force you but at least think about it. I want to see my Mahru happy. Plus I am getting old I also want to see my grandkids."

"BABA!" Hearing him talk about grandchildren makes more embarrassed than I was before. Starting a whole new life isn't as easy as it seem. There are so much connected with every aspect of it.  

He again laughs."Okay lets go out it's not good to leave the guests like this. Beta remember the choice is always yours. Do what you feel like." 

"Give me a minute please." I quickly fix my crying face and head to sit between the crowd, where my life will be decided, where things can either go well or for the worse and all these depend on my choice. 

It's strange how marriage works - basing upon a simple yes and no thread.  

As my feet takes me closer to the living hall, I can sense a pair of eyes boring deep on me but I've no courage to lookup. Mr. Rahaman has arrived. His presence makes my wild, knowing the man sitting in front of me would be my future is giving me nightmares already. 

Who thought the man I went to negotiate about a land with, I'd be negotiating life with him in the future? Months back if anyone would've told me that this man is going to be my husband, I'd have laughed until my stomach hurt. Life is indeed predictable. It always brings you which you never expected. Never cease to absolute surprise - should I be disappointed or thankful to Allah? 

Now I've gave up everything on Him, my Raab. Whatever He has planned for me, it's for the best.   

"I know it's a new thing for you Maham and you are not ready. Take your time and even if your answer is no. I will respect it and won't be angry on you." Aunty kisses my head forehead. She says in a lower tone only for me to hear. 

She really adores me, doesn't she? Would I do injustice to her affections if I say no? She reminds me of Ammi a lot. Only I know how much restraining I'm having on myself, trying not to break out into waterfall of Nigeria. 

Why am I so emotional? 

Mr. Rahaman and Baba exchange a few words after they are being introduced with each other. My fingers have found their soul mate - my veil. If there would be any competition of scrambles veil with hands, I'd be the winner of the decade. Nervousness isn't a pretty feeling to feel right now, moreover the anxiety kicks my left self-control when Baba goes to talk with Mr. Rahaman alone. 

What are they talking about? About me? Is he telling him that he doesn't want a plain girl like me to be his wife? If that's the case then why he came in the first place? 

Arrg! I'll faint. So many question attacking me.

"Bhabi let me tell you some advantages of marrying my brother." Hafsa sits beside me. "You'll get a big fat family and two nanad (sisters-in-law) who will constantly keep you entertaining and you'll never be sad." She is trying to cheer up the worried air. 

"Plus you can play with me all the time." Abraham speaks with a broad smile. His cuteness make me smile. "Mama I'll stay with Chachi when she'll come at our house. You'd rest then." He reluctantly mocks his mother. He is so mischievous. His words bring happiness to everyone's face.

"Badmashiya kam kiya kar tu! Dekhiye apki beta kiya bol rhe hai. (Don't be so naughty! Look what your son is saying). Actually it's better for me. At least I'd be at least free from his pranks." Naargis Bhabi says with relief. She smiles at me and asks, "Can you handle this prankster, Maham? I'm already declaring he is your responsibility now." 

"Yes then we can have some time for us." Umair Bhai winks at her, making her blush like a tomato. He do earns a good smack from her in return.

Laughter again returns into the hall. Even before being a member of their family, they have embraced me with so much grace and love printing me to feel more than blessed. They have already made me one of them. Who does this nowadays? 

Marriage is always the worst night terror for girls - the main issue is the in-laws. Everyday news of bride being murdered or physically abused and many more horrible stories roam in the media. After reading and hearing all horrible news what in-laws does to a girl, the trust on this pious and beautiful alliance erases away from the very core. 

But seeing these lovely people around me I feel like the luckiest girl in the world. 

Few moments later they return after having their talk. Baba's face is hard and blank. What happened between them? What did he said to Baba? I steal a glance at him through my eye lashes. He has somewhat the similar expression and he appears to be lost in deep thoughts. Hafsa changes her seat once Baba comes. He sits beside me and finally asks me the question everyone is eagerly to know the answer of.

"Mahru what's your decision?" He softly asks me. 

Should I say yes? Should I say no? Should I run away again? My hands are becoming cold suddenly. My entire life depends on my answer. What should be the answer be? 

"If you all are happy with this alliance, I've no objections." And I mumble what everyone is anticipating to hear.  

"My answer is also yes." Baba closes the proposal with his consent in the end. 

Chachi jumps like a two year old kid and hugs Aunty. Everyone congratulates each other joyously. The boundaries of happiness finally breaks. The smile, laughter and enjoyment are buzzing everywhere. Bhabi feeds a bite of sweets and Mr. Rahaman. 

"Beta, please show me your hand." Taking my hand,Aunty slids a bracelet to my wrist. It's a heavy golden bracelet with mesmerizing old design craved on it. It looks extremly expensive. I'm about to deny it when she tells, "This is our family heirloom. My mother-in-law gave me when she came to see me and her mother-in-law gave it to her. Keep it safe. From now on, you're my daughter too." She kisses my forehead and hugs me happily. 

Hawwa drags Mr. Rahaman to sit beside me as Hafsa would be clicking photos. Allah how can I express how much uncomfortable I'm! I've never been this close with an unknown man. 

Are you kidding me? Then what about him?

I mentally shuts my subconscious. It nags a lot. 

Abraham puts one hand on around my neck and other on Mr. Rahaman's, pulling us more closer. For some brief seconds our eyes meet, speaking in an unknown language. There is something in his stares which I can't quiet comprehend. They never feel inappropriate, it radiates comfort.

After the photo session, Chacha requests Aunty to leave after having dinner. It takes some effort to persuade them but they agreed anyway as Aunty and Uncle have a lot to discuss about the wedding with Baba and Chacha. Hafsa and Bano has took Abraham to the compound so he'd play with the other kids of the society. Umair Bhai and Mr. Rahaman engage in their own business talks. 

On the other hand, Bhabi and Hawwa are helping Chachi in the kitchen. Raiza draws me inside my room and showers me with her excitement. "I can't believe you're getting married. Yaay." She tightly hugs me. "I'm so happy for you Appi." 

A knock at the door interprets our sister bonding. Pushing the door, Hawwa peaks in. "Bhai wants to speak to you Bhabi." My eyes almost jump out. "I mean Ammi has sent him to talk."

"Isn't this part meant to happen before the both parties say yes." Raiza teases. I elbows her to stop. Hawwa and Raiza leave the room laughingly, leaving me alone with him. Suddenly I feel the shortage of air to inhale. My heart pumps blood faster than horse running on the field. 

"Ahm." He clears his throat to get my attention in the situation. He is still standing near the door, keeping a straight gaze on me. 

"What you wanna talk about?" I blurt out without thinking. I clasp my mouth with hand, being astonished on my own words. His raises his both eye-brows together.

 How can I behave so rude? What he must be thinking of me now? "I-I'm sorry I didn't intent to speak like that. I'm j-just..." I don't know what to say anymore. My eyes accidentally lock at his direction. He is wearing his usual business-man attire. His features aren't changed except a little dark circles under his eyes, proving the sleepless nights he spent. Rather than that he still looks the same as I've seen him on the first day. His tie is hanging lose around his neck.  

"Nervous." He fills my blank space. "It's okay." He shrugs, giving me a little smile. He is uncomfortable himself. I shift my eyes from him to the balcony. 

"Would you like to seat?" I politely offer.

"That balcony seems nice." He walks to the balcony and sits on the bamboo chair. I meekly follow him. The silence between us is not very comfortable. There is so much I want to ask him and I'm sure he has something to ask me too. But we are trying to find peace in the tranquility pacing between us. 

"Tum - mera matlab ap khush hai es nikkhase? (You - I mean are you happy with this wedding?)" His question makes me wonder, am I truly happy? 

"I don't know." I mumble in my lowest tone but heard me anyway. "And you?" I think we'd have a talk before stepping into a new life. May be I'd learn something about him. 

"Khabi khabi kuch faisle ap lete hai, jaha khushiya ap nahi dhunte. Bas vo faisle liye jate hai, es umid may shayed zindigi apki nasseb may apki kuch khuwaasye sach kar de. (Sometimes you take some decisions where you don't search happiness. You just take it, hoping may be life makes some of your wishes come true in your fate)." I fail to understand what he really meant. 

"Shayeed. (May be)" I don't wan to make fool of myself so I chose to go with his flow of talking. 

I look everywhere but at him. I can't make my eyes look at him. And his constant staring is drilling holes in my soul. What is he trying to find in me? Why the feel of his gazing feels no alien to me? What is it with this man? 

"Um would you like to have some snacks or coffee?" I change the topic. 

"No, I'm good. Thank you." He declines my offer. He body language has been screaming to ask me something but he is holding himself back. What you want to say? 

"Are you ready to commit to a stranger for the rest of your life?" He speaks out of the blue. What exactly does he want to know? About my past relationship? Has Baba told him everything about me? No, no he won't do that. But isn't this deceiving him by not referring about my past? As he's going to my husband, he's a right to know. I should tell him.

"I've something to tell you." We sate at the same time. We let a giggle out at our timing. "You go first." I say smilingly. There is a strange comfort zone between us. My heart is telling me, I can trust him. He's a good guy. A strong trust is drawing me to him. His warmth smile, reaching his black eye making them twinkling like the stars in the night sky yet a ocean of sadness float in them. 

The sun is gradually melting in the sky, bringing darkness in the sky. Another day is ending, giving us some new hopes and joy. 

"No you go first. Please." He requests. Am I ready to tell him everything? How will he react? Unconsciously, I again start to play with the hem of my veil. "Have some mercy on that veil. You'll tear it anytime." He jokes. I immediately let go of my veil. I'm sure my cheeks are now burning with blush. He laughs at my action. That laugh. It seems so familiar. 

He used to laugh like this.    

Mahru! What are you thinking? Have gone crazy?

Why I always think about him? It's been five years. He has no place in my life and I already moved on. Or have I?

Jerking all the useless thoughts, I glance at him for once and decide to tell him. But before I'd talk any further, Abraham burst inside my room, jolting me up slightly. 

Gosh! 

"Chachi Dadi Jaan is calling you. Come fast." Grabbing my hand, he pulls me from my seat. I stand and my right foot hits the leg of the chair.

"Ouch." It's hurts. Big injury hurts less comparing to these small hurts. 

"Aham look what you did. She got hurt." He scolds him. "Are you okay?" The concern eyes hint me that he cares for me. What? What am I thinking? 

Abraham bends his head low, tears are forming in his innocent eyes. "I-I'm sorry Chachi. Abraham is bad. He hurts Chachi." He cries. 

"Mr. Rahaman it was completely unnecessary to scold him. It's not his fault." I level myself to his height and wipes his chubby cheeks. "Our Abraham is the best boy. He can never hurt anyone. Chachi is alright mere baccha. (my baby)" I console him.

"But Chachu scolded me." He innocently murmurs. 

I give a stern look at Mr. Rahaman. He makes a sorry face, in return. "Well your Chachu made a mistake and he surely needs to apologize."

"I'm sorry bade miya. (Elder mister)." He knees down beside me, holding his ears. This scene makes me awe. The angry CEO is holding ears in front of a kid. Who would have thought? 

"I grant my forgiveness chote miya (Younger mister) only because of Chahci and you've to buy a box of gummy bears." I chuckle at their conversation. 

"As you command." He picks him up on his lap laughingly. 

We left the room with broad smiles painted on our face. The dinner rains of talk showers the rest of the evening. The elders talk so much about the preparations and arrangements of the wedding which actually flies above my head. Mr. Rahaman declare he wants a simple wedding. He certainly spoke my words. I too want a small and smiple marriage. Too much preparations aren't my cup of tea. 

Therefore, it is concluded that we'll have nikkah (Marriage) first then the rest of the ceremony will be held peacefully. Mr. Rahaman and I was ready to omit the other ceremony but the urges and pleas of the younger party prevent from doing so. After all, they should also get the chance to enjoy and entertain themselves. After all the ceremony the Rukhsati (Bride's farewell) will be done in the end. 

I personally liked this arrangements so I give my consent to it. 

"Beta we'll wait downstairs. Come after saying bye to you would-be bride." Uncle and rest of the crowd goes down, leaving us alone once again. 

"Um goodnight then. Take care Miss Qazi." A little blush cracks on his cheeks as he scratches back of his neck. 

"Take care. Assalamu Alaikum." I reply.

"Walaikum Aslam." 

He steps out in the stairs and goes down to the compound. I don't know why I bring myself to the balcony. Before hoping inside the car, he looks up at me and waves his hand. In the dim light of the compound, I can see him clearly. Waving him back, I rush inside my room. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

"Mahru Neela ji proposed the date of Nikkah after two weeks." Baba informs me while sipping his morning tea. "Ayan is going to Dubai next month for a project so she wants the Nikkah to be done before than. As it'll take months for him to return."

Hearing him makes me sad. Two weeks! Just two weeks. "Itni jaldi hai mujhe sasural bhejneki? (You want to send to my in-laws as soon as you can, don't you?)" 

"No my child. I was just informing you. If you want the date you'll be postponed. Please don't say like this. You are my princess beta." He says.

"It's fine. I'm okay with everything decide." I wipes my tears and give a smile of assurance. "Actually Baba I need to go out for sometime. There is someone I need to invite for my marriage." I seek his permission.

"It's her, isn't she?" 

"H-how do you know?" Shock shakes me. He already knows.

"I'm your father, after all." He proudly utters. He gets up and hands me a piece of paper. An address is written on it. I stare at him idly. "It's her address." My mouth wide opens. 

"B-baba how did you get this?" I question.

"I'm my princess's superman that's how." I cheers up to the fullest. But there is something poking me. 

"What if she never listens to me?" Mumbling in sad tone, I stare at the address.  

"You won't know until you try. Now go." Hugging him, I jump in joy. Yes, I've to try once. I can't be a coward anymore. I hurriedly get dressed and head to the address. Chachi told me to call Mr. Rahaman so that he can company me. She sometimes talks impossible things. Why would he come, leaving his important for me? Moreover I need to do this alone.

Hiring an Uber, I head to today's mission. 

After a two hours of drive - thanks to the Delhi traffic, I finally reached my destination. Paying the driver, I stand in front of the massive gate of the villa. My heart starts to beat faster. It's been five years since I saw her. How will she react? Well I've to find it myself, I guess. 

"Where are you going?" A guard stops me from going in.

"I'm here to meet Afiya Haider." I tell.

"No Haider lives here. It's Siddique Villa. Didn't you read the name plate outside?" Oh. How can I be so forgetful? 

"Is Afiya Siddique here?" I ask correctly this time. 

"Yes she is here but who are you? I've never seen you here before." He suspects me. 

"Who is it Ramesh?" A familiar drives in my ear. Turning my head, I see her standing at in front of me. Once a teenager is now a grown up woman. It takes me a second to recognize her. Her expression is cold and stern. She isn't happy to see me at all. But I couldn't control my emotions and I run to her. Taking her into a tight hug, I let tears flow freely. How much her absence has haunted me, only I know. She was my best friend, my sister.

"I missed you Afi." I sob badly. 

She frees herself from my embrace, maintaining a straight. "Come inside." With that she marches inside, leaving me standing on my spot. I'm not used to with her cold shoulders. The Afiya I remember, she was built of warmth but the Afiya I met just now, she isn't my bestie. 

However, I follow her inside. I sit on her white sofa in the large hall. She orders the maids to brings me some refreshments. "Why are you here Maham?" Her behavior is unfamiliar to me. 

"Afi I-I'm" I couldn't speak a word.

"Five. Five years Mahru. It took you five years to finally come and meet me." She says in disbelief. She has hurt been too. "Where were you when I needed my bestie the most? Where were you all those years?" She yells. Tears flowing from her dark brown eyes, conveying the pain in her heart. 

She hugs me out of the blue and cry her heart out. "Mahru why did you do this to our friendship?"

"I'm sorry Afi. I'm so sorry. I know my sorry won't heal anything. But I'm really sorry." I cry along with her. 

After weeping for a few minutes we control ourselves. We wipe each others face just like old times. "Please don't stay angry with me. Forgive me please." 

"I'm not angry, I'm hurt. Hurt by my bestie." She says. "Whatever happened with my brother, why did you let our friendship to suffer the consequences? When did you become so selfish?" She spats disgust at my actions in the past.

"I- I thought you'll hate me after what I did. I couldn't gain the guts to face you. He was your cousin and I avenged him. There were so much spilled milk all over. I'm sorry." I try to clarify. 

"How could you think that? Mahru whatever might happened you knew I'd always support you yet you'd no faith on me." She is justified at her words. She'd have give her life for me but that guilt of ruining her family members stuck needles to my heart. 

"I'm so sorry Afi." I beg for her forgiveness. 

"Pagli tu na badli. Mera bestie hai tui. Tujhe itna iyad kiya pata hai (You didn't change crazy girl. You're my bestie. How much I missed you you know that?) Now enough talking about the past. But this is the last I'm forgiving your stupidity." She warns and laughs, finally embracing like she used to before. "How have you been all these years?"

"Missed my bestie and tried to survive without her. How Danish Bhai?" I ask. 

"He is too busy nowadays with business. After quitting army, joined Baba Jaan's business." She rolls her eyes. She never liked him away from her. She always demanded his presence and time. Totally a child. "What are you doing these days?" 

"Actually, I came with a news." I'm afraid to drop the news on her. What will be her reaction? "I-I'm getting married." 

"Oh! She reluctantly replies. When she realized what I said, she screams the top of her lungs "WHAT!" ARE YOU KIDDING ME? WHO? WHY? WHEN?" 

"Realx! Relax!" I calm her down.

"Relax my foot! Spill everything now." She glares at me. She is freaking out.

"Date has been fixed after two weeks. And I'm here to take my bestie with me. I need her on my big day." I say with hope. 

"Girl you're all grown up, aren't you? If you'd get married without telling me I'd have murdered you. I'm so happy for you." Her face lit up with excited glee. 

"You've come tomorrow at Chachi's place." I state. 

"Mahru, I'll come day after tomorrow." Her euphoria fades away as agony sets in. I can't figure out her sudden change of mood. Sensing my puzzled expression she says, "Don't tell me you don't know anything?"

I nod my head in no.

She sighs deeply. "Tomorrow is death anniversary of Taya ji (Elder Uncle)." 

This news creates more confusion for me. His death anniversary. He is no more. "When did he passed away?" It's true I hated that man to core but I never wanted him death. May Allah grant me Paradise. 

"On the night when Rayan Bhai was arrested, Taya ji got arrested too. But on the way to the police station the car in which Bhai was being taken got hit with an oil truck and it blasted. Hearing that news Taya got a major cardiac arrest and went to for a year. He died four years back." As she continue telling, my heart ache and twisted in the worst way possible. 

His car got blasted? Where is he now? Is he alive? 

No. No. He has to live. He can't die. 

"Mahru! Hey! Are you okay?" I shiver vigorously. My breathes are shorten. My mind has stopped working. I can hear her calling my name but I can't response. Soon darkness grasps me like an old mate. 

________________________________________________________________________

This is a birthday special chapter... Yes today is my birthday. 12 December. 

Let me know what you think about this chapter and please show some love by voting and sharing.... 

Stay blessed all my lovely cupcakes....

Love yaa all