Brady swirled the spoon in his slowly melting ice cream. He rested the whole weight of his head on his fist connected to his chin. It was a sunny afternoon, but to Brady it felt like foul weather. He wasn't outside but the sun wasn't bright enough, everything felt gloomy.

The worst part about it was he didn't understand why he felt this way. It's not like he wanted to, it's not like he hadn't tried to lift his mood. He'd even called DeVante to cheer him up, but it only lasted as long as the phone call. He loved the fact that their friendship had progressed so much in such a short amount of time.

It had just been a day since his shock with Leo but twenty four hours didn't seem enough to get over it. Did it also mean that Leo liked women too?

"Your mood is giving me the chills," Jade pretended to hug himself and use his hands to warm himself. "I've almost never seen you like this, the last time was when you came over to brood about how Astrid cheated on you."

That might be true, Brady thought.

But it was almost like Jade always pointed directly to the burned area whenever they had to talk or anything. His intuition was something Brady still couldn't grasp. The accuracy with which it lashed, still a mystery.

Although what Jade had said right now wasn't exactly accurate, it had it's truths.

"It's nothing I should be upset about," Brady sighed, an attempt at shaking the gloomy mood off him, he failed miserably.

He watched as a child out the window left his mother's grasp to bend down and pick up something, then rush back excitedly to share his findings with her.
What the child had picked would have interested him so much if he wasn't having such an annoying time.
 
"Except you are. And I know you, it'd need like at least the end of the world to bring you down," Jade answered.
He did know Brady pretty well, and this was going to end with Brady blabbering out everything.

"You would be too, if you thought you were doing your best and then he just shouts out someone else's name."

"What in hell are you even talking about?" Jade asked.

"Fine! I gave him a blowjob which really looked like he was enjoying and then boom! It's a name that you don't recognize that rolls off his tongue," Brady heard himself say, he wondered where his filter always ran to when it came to Jade.

Brady crossed his arms, he was aware he was becoming angry again. But he wasn't going to acknowledge the fact that it might be jealousy eating at him.

"You what?!! Is this the same guy who kissed you? Whom you also kissed back?" Jade showed mild surprise, contrary to his tone. "Alright the next time we meet here, call an ambulance ready because I know I'm going to have a heart attack."

"Jade," Brady looked to his friend. "I'm starting to believe I'm not straight after all. It's very frustrating because I can't get this man out of my head."

"I'm always here with you, every step of the way. No matter who you want to be with. I'm only worried about someone taking advantage of you but I know for a fact that you're a good judge of character. But in case of anything, you have me okay?"

Brady hid his face and nodded.

"How does it make you feel?" Jade said calmly after the previous shocking revelation. "The whole situation?"

"I don't know, I don't want to see him. But..."

"You want to see him at the same time?"

Brady was a bit surprised but nodded.

"It's okay to feel that way too. What about him? Has he said anything to you, reached out? Anything?"

Brady thought of the messages piling up in his phone, the ones he had stubbornly refused to open. He also thought of the phone calls he'd ignored. And then he suddenly felt guilty. "He has, but I'm just...arghh every time I want to, it's like I can't. I don't want to talk to him either." Brady was pushing away something he knew was inevitable.

"You have to hear him out. Sometimes, things aren't what they seem," Jade said.

Brady always wondered how he could always sound so soft and warm with not so much as a smile on his face.

He still felt like after all this time, there was still a lot Jade hadn't told him. So much under the surface. Why did he not smile? Or if he did, what had convinced him that it wasn't worth it anymore? Of course that was really changing now with his husbands, but this was hardly the time for it.

"You know, you're a tough guy but you don't look it," Brady laughed as he said it, the first genuine laugh he'd had in a while, and that was something for him because he was laughing almost all the time.

"If you insist," Jade shrugged.

"Never seen anyone like you."

"There's no one like you either. There's also the other option we're dismissing. The notion that this could you," Jade's eyes shot to Brady's, "falling in love."

For the second time in his life, Brady choked on ice cream. The first time was when he was having a competition with Ella and Liam had decided to take on the role of comedian for the day, but that was a story for another day. He sputtered incessantly as Jade rubbed his back.

"Relax! I'm only joking."

"Yeah," Brady let out an uneasy laugh. "Yeah, of course."

                ____________________

Brady got to his apartment. He'd picked one around the busiest parts of the city because it was most convenient, but he'd been thinking of moving. He just needed a little more time.

He stopped dead in his tracks as everything came in to view. Leo was leaning against his car, phone in hand and eyes darting between it and the entrance, as if waiting for Brady to come out anytime.

It was fight or flight for Brady. He knew he should talk to the man but one foot was already stepping back. He wasn't ready for this. Maybe he  should come back later when Leo was gone. But of course he had to have the worst luck on the planet because the angle at which Leo's neck rested rotated and halted right in his direction. Right where he'd been trying to run away.

Brady's mouth opened slightly then clamped shut as Leo walked towards him. The taller man stood before him and Brady had to wonder if he really did get more handsome with every moment.

He wasn't going to stay angry for long, this he knew deep down. So he'd use whatever anger he had left at the moment. He feigned indifference.
"Shouldn't you be at work?" Brady asked. A voice filled with spite.

"Work can wait, I need to talk to you," Leo answered.

The sound of his voice was one Brady had never heard before. He looked down to where Leo's fingers were restless. The man was desperate.

Brady faked a smile, "No," he said and walked hastily to his apartment.

Leo was on his heel, "Why wont you?"

"Because I have nothing to say to you."

"Then hear me out."

Brady wasn't having any of it until Leo grabbed his arm and used it to make him face him. "Brady, please," he said, the emotion seeping out of all the broken parts of his voice.

Brady couldn't pretend he hadn't heard it. Brady stared at him, head turning a thousand screws per second. In his life currently, he had two weaknesses. One was sad people, who always tried to hide it because of how deep their scars went. His second weakness was Leo.

He'd thrown himself in the man's life thinking he could walk away anytime he decided to, but that was quickly proving to be more difficult everyday, impossible even. And now, a sad Leo? One who's voice even broke for Brady's sake? It was more than he could handle. It ignited a fire within him, Brady had to do something.

Right then, the urge to hug Leo was stronger than the one to lock him out and be stubborn. He itched to, even almost took a step forward. Luckily he thought better of it. "Fine come on in," he said and opened his door.

"Sit here," Brady said pointing Leo to the kitchen table. "You can talk as I fix you something to eat."

Leo did as Brady said. "You get bossy when you're angry," Leo said, more like an observation.

Brady didn't miss the hint of pride in Leo's voice. It played with his insides as it always did when Leo seemed to be pleased with him.

He decided to change the subject. "Speak," oh shit, he did it again.

Leo only nodded. "First, I'm really sorry, I didn't mean for that to happen."

One didn't need a genius to figure out what Leo was referring to. He interlaced his fingers and set his hands on the table, looking Brady in the eye as he said it.

"Of course you didn't," Brady wasn't giving him any chances. When did he get like this, he was so jealous, and it was rapidly giving way to anger. Brady turned around to fish out what he could prepare in less than ten minutes.

"Don't be like that, that attitude doesn't suit you."

"Oh and I'm sure you'd know exactly what suits me," Brady couldn't even recall if he'd ever been like this in his life.

"Fair enough." Leo's eyes darted from left, to right then down. "Just so you know, I thought of you the entire time, I really didn't mean to."

"Yeah, I wouldn't be so sure."

"No you have to believe me," Leo said, the edge creeping into his voice.  "When you look at me, do you really think I want anyone else? Besides yourself?"

"Well whoever that name belongs to apparently," Brady continued to avoid eye contact with Leo.

"Okay fucking stop it!" Leo got up, Brady was sure he hadn't even noticed it. He walked right around to Brady and leaned in. "I see you, do not dismiss yourself as insignificant to me."

Brady's heart leapt. The anger was so vivid in Leo's face. "I see you, its you I feel, it's you I want."

"You don't have to worry about it, its not like we're seeing each other," came Brady's cold reply.

"Except we are."

"Yeah but not really right?"

"Why are you so angry about it? It's the most you could do right? You don't mean—" Leo took a break, he must have been taken aback, anyone would have been. "You want us to really go out? Is that what it is?"

"That's not what I said."

"That's not a no either," Leo countered. "You could try by actually asking me out."

"No! No I wouldn't—" Brady caught the look of hurt that crossed Leo's face before it disappeared.

He couldn't for the life of him figure out what was wrong with him today. He said all the wrong things in the smallest amount of time. Like the next thing he said, "Move."

Brady didn't say it to sound like a brat. He didn't say it to hurt Leo. He really just wanted him to move, the man was so close and he might see the guilt written in his eyes.
His eyes that he didn't notice were tightly shut, like he was afraid Leo would kiss him, draw out the weaker side of him at will.
A hand was on the hard planes of Leo's chest, trying to push him away.

"Yeah you're right, it's not like we're seeing each other," Leo said, his voice so defeated.

With every fibre of his being, Brady regretted the words he'd initially uttered himself. When he opened his eyes, Leo had turned away.

Except we are, he thought. Except we are.

Leo did as he said, he moved. Gave him more space than he had asked for.

"Lisa is my ex, you have to know. It's hard to keep her out of my head even until now, I loved her, I really did. And sometimes I wonder if part of me still loves her. But do I still want her? Not a chance with you around. Moments with you are when I can truly forget her. She's the reason I still can't fucking sleep! She's the reason I still hurt. Everything hurts and I'm sick of feeling that way. I'd say I need you but this is temporary isn't it?" Leo let out a bitter laugh.

He couldn't see Brady shaking his head continuously because he was already stalking towards the door.

"No! wait, Leo—"

"I'm sorry Brady, I really am," Leo said. He didn't even look back as he stormed out.

Brady seemed frozen in place for a few seconds before rushing out to maybe find him, say something. Anything. All he got to see was the back of Leo's car, speeding out in the distance, carrying with it a piece of him he'd read wrong.

I'm sorry Brady, I really am.

He sunk down against his door when he got back inside and pulled his knees to his chest.

I'd say I need you...

Somewhere in his chest was hurting. His head felt heavy against his knees as silently, he let his mind scream.

_____________________________________

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