Chapter 6

— Tris

I exhale as I wake, forcing all of the air from my lungs.
Sleep has been proving to be more and more irrelevant with each waking morning.

My body craves the oxycodone it once was able to have. It got its second chance, and now that second chance has been ripped away for now I only get two small doses each day.

"Good morning, Tris," my nurse, Julie enters the room.

I still haven't finished my personal mental evaluation, as I do each morning.
I look up at her and try to form some words of a good morning, but my voice fails me.
My head is pounding, but it doesn't stop me from checking the rest of my body.
My hands: they're trembling. Ten fingers, each one shaking at their own pace.
I run my shaking hands down my arms, stopping to mess with the IV on my left hand.

"It's just fluids in that one, Tris. It's helping you... don't rip it out." Julie says in a mothering tone and I nod a response.

It's okay, not hurting you. I repeat in my head.
Don't touch it.

I move my right leg, move my left despite the bandages, and take note of how they are trembling just like my hands.
Ten toes, attached to shaking feet.
I'm okay.
As okay as I can be for the moment.

I take my shaking fingers and grip the thick blanket that covers me.
I am unable to get warm lately.

I find myself secretly hoping that if I grip the fabric tight enough, my hands will stop shaking.
Internally, I know the theory doesn't work. Despite this, I still do try it several times a day out of desperation to stop shaking.

I now stop thinking inside my head and turn my attention to Julie who messes with the IV in my foot.
The IV that keeps the addiction side of my body from killing the normal side.

"Is Thomas coming today?" She tries to make small talk as she presses the small amount of oxycodone into the tube slowly. I am unable to answer as the drug takes over my body, making me severely shake and feel as if my limbs are going numb.
This happens every day. And just like every day, Julie sits down next to me and holds my hand and talks as I selfishly pay no attention to her.
I clench my eyes shut and let my body consume itself.

I can feel my pulse in each piece of my flesh. It feels as if my veins are trying to throb out of my body.
The shaking stays at its intensified state for what feels like hours.

And then, just like every day, it all stops.
The addiction is fed, so my body stops revolting.

The shaking slows to a mild occasional twitch.
My head throbs much less, along with the rest of my body.
My limbs become less numb, and I can feel them again.
I finally am able to speak a good morning go Julie as she releases my hand and changes out the fluids going to by body via the IV in my hand.

"You're getting moved out of the ICU today," Julie tells me. "You're more stable, and you're doing so much better, even though you might not feel like it. This means you can start rehab, and you'll be able to have more visitors." She smiles and I nod.

"Will you tell my husband my new room?" I ask, my voice hoarse from not speaking yet today.

"Of course, darling," the older woman addresses the bandages covering my leg.

I can't allow my eyes to leave a single spot on the floor.
I don't want to look at my leg.
I ran into this issue before, where I ended up in denial as to what had happened.
Cara had helped me through that last time; coaxing me to take off my cast and touch my leg for the first time in years once I started physical therapy.

Gosh how my life has changed since then.
I don't have time to loose my mind over my leg again.

I don't think and just look down as Julie changes the bandages.

I'm surprised by what I see.
It looks... oddly normal.

There is a small a good sized dent where the muscle tissue was removed, and still a few stitches left to be healed.
It is still very swollen, but I can somewhat feel the bandages being moved off my leg.
Not all my nerves are gone, I smile.

I sigh, leaning back on the bed as she finishes with the bandages and then preps all the machines I'm hooked to to move with me to my new room.
I clench my hands that tremble uncontrollably.

I feel as if I've had too much caffeine.
Looking from the outside in, it really is insane what my body is doing to itself to desire this drug.

The bumps and movement of my bed allow my body to drift off as I am relocated to a different section of the hospital.

I can't wait to see Tobias today.
I hope he brings Thomas.
I'd love to see Indy, even though I'm not sure if I'm allowed to or not.

I miss my family.

—Tobias

"Uncle Uri!" Tom runs into Uriah and Marlene's apartment, his arms outstretched as Uriah lifts him into the air.

"Hey there, One!" Marlene obsesses over Tom, taking him from Uriah's arms and causing Uriah to pout.

"Thank you so much for watching him today. I would've brought him with me if it wasn't for the meeting."

"It's not a problem! He's gonna help us pick out our little boy or girl today!" Marlene smiles.

A little over a year ago I remember hearing their desire to have a pet. They weren't sure if they wanted their own children soon, if ever, but they wanted a dog to start.
So I assume today they are going to pick out their dog.
Unless, of course, they're not telling me something.

"That will be fun!" I smile. We chat for a few more minutes before I head back to my apartment.

"Come on boy!" Indy jumps up at the sound of his harness. "Let's go see Tris."

He is more than thrilled when he jumps in the back seat of Amar's truck. He loves going for rides, even though he never seems to know where we're going.

He sticks his head out the window, his tongue flying free as we make our way to Erudite. Somewhere in the back of my head I wonder if I should've ran this past Tris, but I doubt she will mind.
What mattered was running it past the hospital staff, which they allowed since she is leaving the ICU today.
Indy flops around the backseat in excitement when the truck stops, and for a minute I feel as if he is a puppy again.

"Let's go!" I open the backseat door, catching his leash before he bolts off to smell the grass.
We make our way through the front door to the hospital and I check in at the front desk. Surprisingly getting through with Indy is a breeze for they had my name down and that they were expecting us both of us. They tell me Tris's new room number and we are off.

Indy walks close to me, just as I trained him, despite all the commotion of the halls in the hospital.

We walk down the long white hall, Indy's toenails scratching on the tile, and take a left at the end of it. Following the signs, we finally make it to the wing of inpatients. Per my dislike of elevators, we take the stairs up three floors and are greeted with a hallway identical to the one we were previously in.

I don't know how people work in here without going insane.
How do they tell floor from floor?
Maybe they don't have to, and they only work on one floor?
I don't know.

We walk down the hall as I keep track of the numbers on the wall. I smile as the numbers grow closer to the number of Tris's, and in seconds we are outside a door with her name physically written on a piece of paper in a slot outside the door.

I knock quietly twice, then open the surprisingly light door.

"I brought a different baby this time," I chuckle, still holding Indy's leash close to me. He is clearly excited, since he hasn't seen Tris in many months, and I don't need him hurting her, even though I know he never intentionally would. He whines, pulling on his leash and rapidly wagging his tail.

"Hi!" Tris coos, leaning over to him as he puts his paws up on the bed. He licks her hands, and I keep a tight hold on him so he doesn't jump up on the bed.

I notice how badly Tris is shaking today as she clearly tries to fight the tremors to pet Indy. Her hands seem to be the worst, and she looks like she's having a panic attack by the severity of it even though it's clear that she is not.

"Hi, love," I bend down and press my lips to hers softly. I linger my hand on her face, and I can feel her internally shaking.

"I missed you," She smiles, pressing her cheek into my hand. Her voice wavers, which I assume is from her whole body shaking.

I rub my thumb across her cheek before sitting down next to her.

"I figured if enough blankets still didn't keep you warm, maybe a seventy pound fur ball might," I remark when she asks and is confused as to why I brought Indy. "Also, I have a meeting to go to in the next building over in about an hour, and I was told I can leave him here with you, only if you want of course. I figured watching him is probably easier than Tom, because he will just sleep, and isn't a toddler."

"Can you help me move over?" Her voice is small and wavers. "So he can lay up here?"

"Of course." I smile and barely lift her to move her across the bed slightly.
I can't wrap my mind around how severely she is shaking.
My heart just aches that she has to go through this.

She laughs lightly as I lift up our large dog, placing him on the section of the bed that is still way too small for his size. He automatically lays down, stretching up to lick her face as his tail thumps on the hard plastic handle of the bed.

I tell her about Thomas, and how he his going with Marlene and Uriah to get a dog today, and how he can't wait to come and visit her again. She smiles, listening to me as she runs her shaking hands through Indy's fur. I can tell she's struggling by how much she is shaking, but it seems to give her something to do, so overall I am glad.

Before I know it I have to leave and go to the meeting. I sigh, not wanting to go and leave my wife, even for just an hour. I do know it will be a quick meeting though, for I know nothing has changed since the last one.

I show her where his leash is, which I did not unclip from his harness, and kiss her goodbye before heading out and finding my way out of this hospital with identical floors.

+ + +

Just as I thought, the meeting brought no changes.

Still waiting on the Bureau to reply to our message.
Still waiting to send people to talk to the Bureau.

Right now is just an anxious waiting game, and we all agreed to wait a month with no changes before automatically sending a few peaceful individuals to chat without any agreement from the Bureau.
Of course, that's not the desired execution of finding a resolution to this "Cold War".

I leave the main building of Erudite on a mission to get back to the hospital and back to Tris and Indy. I allow my thoughts to take over as I march through the compound on a mission.

I remember the chat I had with Dr. Scott on the phone yesterday when I brought up bringing Indy to visit Tris today.

She told me how therapy dogs were once used very frequently for patients, and how Erudite is working to build up a support system of therapy dogs for patients.
She had absolutely loved the idea of bringing Indy to see Tris because of how calming and relaxing dogs can be during stressful or depressing periods in one's life.

No, Indy isn't a trained therapy dog like how Marie was explaining dogs that were trained to help people with seizures, and people who are blind. But, he is a dog with a lot of love, and any change for Tris is a positive change.

Just the way she was running her fingers through his fur, I knew it was the right call.

Yes, he's mellowed out in his older age, but he really can be a hyper dog when he wants to be.
In the end, he has been there when I was at my darkest.
I got him as a puppy just months before we discovered the building holding so many people prisoner.
He helped me through mourning Tris, even years after her death.
He forced me to get out more; to love again.

He forced me to heal so I would be prepared when she came home.

She needed him more once she came home.

The first time she met him, it was rough. He was young, she had severe PTSD and wasn't sure how to handle it, and he wasn't sure how to handle her.

But once she came home to Dauntless, he helped her in the same way he helped me.

He followed her as she paced in pain during the middle of the night.
He would cry at the base of the couch when her PTSD caused her to hide in fear as to what could hurt her.
He would come to work with her, and stay in her office as if to protect her.

He's always been there for us. Always seeming to know each step of our lives before it even would happen.

I'm so glad she is out of the ICU and able to have him come and visit.
I know he can benefit her in a way Tom and I just can't.

I sigh, finally reaching the outside of her new hospital room. I tap on the door lightly, then open it.

His head is on her upper abdomen, and his body is curled onto hers. He is awake, his eyes following me as his tail lightly thumps.
Other than that, he does not move.

Even he knows how rare sleep is for her.

But today, she sleeps. Her hands are laced in his fur, and her chest slowly rises and falls.
She didn't wake when I came in either: something she never has done since she has returned home.

I hold my breath, slowly and cautiously lowering myself into the chair next to her bed without a sound. I can't help but feel my heart flood with joy as she does not stir and Indy doesn't move.

I don't dare speak, but I do think what I would like to say.
Good boy, Indy.
Good boy.

.

Y'all spoke.
Y'all wanted some Indy.
Here's a shit ton of our favorite good boy Indy

I've really personally wanted to be writing more about him, but lately he just hasn't been fitting into the plot, so I do apologize for him getting pushed aside, it happens.

Sorry my updating schedule has been shit this summer. I really did plan for things to be better, and there still is hope that they can get better, but I've just been so busy my dudes like I never saw this coming.

2.24k reads!

If everything goes as planned, I should be seeing you all next Friday with another update!

Thanks for reading!

All the love,
Kat