Chapter 22

-- Tobias

Our family's new favorite thing is to take mornings as slow as possible. Of course, this only happens when both Tris and I have off. But we cherish these days spent only in pajamas.

I laid awake this morning, Tris curled into my side, her head on my chest. I'm not really sure if she is awake, but her breaths are still steady. I find myself torn because I wanted to get up and make her and I coffee, but I also want to lay here and never get up.

Hesitantly I shift, seeing if I can slip away from Tris without disturbing her too much. I fail miserably, Tris waking up and yawning, her eyes coming to mine.

"Good morning, I didn't mean to wake you," I say as she yawns.

"I was awake, but good morning," she says, moving in for a kiss as I place my lips to hers.

She places her head back on my chest and sighs heavily. I squeeze her hip gently with my hand that holds her to me, now noticing how hot it is getting in here.

Usually around this time of year the freezing cold compound suddenly turns into an oven. The transition from May to June is always the hardest, but once we get use to the heat it isn't so bad.

I place my lips to her head before moving to get up, but again she stops me. She pulls my lips to hers, igniting a slow, passionate kiss between us.

This time its my turn to sigh, our lips moving slowly as her hands rest on my chest and mine lace through her hair.

In the past Tris would be concerned about her look in the morning or how stale her breath was. I never fully understood it since we both have seen the other at their worst and I could care less about what she looks like in the morning because she is always beautiful to me. That being said, the past is the past for a reason, and I love being able to wake up to a kiss like this every morning.

"You can wake me up with a kiss like that whenever you want," I joke when we separate, satisfied by the small smile on her lips after I say it.

I can tell that just like usual, Tris is okay since last night. She rarely lets her PTSD get control of her anymore, and when it does, its only temporary like last night. It's taken years of therapy for her to get to that point, but it's just one more thing that I am extremely grateful for.

"I'll go make us some coffee," I say, noticing Indy scratching at the door.

"Thank you," she smiles, going into the bathroom as I leave the bedroom.

Before I went to bed last night I went back and forth on how I was going to give her her old initiation jacket I managed to track down from her case during the Faction War. I thought it would be a nice excuse to take her on a date, but I also knew it would be hard to convince her to get out of her pajamas on our day off. Plus, I'm not sure what kind of reaction she will have, or if she'd even have much of a reaction if we were out in public.

Even though it seems anti-climatic, I decided to just leave the jacket on the kitchen table and let her find it on her own. Her and I never have been big on making a huge deal over things, and there's no way I could hold onto it for an anniversary or birthday gift considering they are both too far away from now.

Plus I also may or may not have ordered her an identical jacket, but this one saying 'Eaton' instead of her maiden name 'Prior', and put Head Ambassador in the space under her name which is blank on the Prior jacket considering she went to war instead of getting to pick a job. Josh said it would take a while to come, so I'm just hoping that once it comes I am able to hide it until her birthday.

The coffee maker beeps as I set Indy's food bowl on the ground, and just like every morning I fill the two mugs with the dark liquid, my mouth watering at the familiar scent.

"Coffee's done," I say as Tris heads in my direction from the bedroom, another yawn coming from her mouth.

"Thanks babe," she takes the mug in two hands, sipping the hot liquid.

I try and not show my emotions as I drink my coffee next to her. I don't want her to notice my anticipation towards her finding the jacket that is simply folded on the table. It's a skill I confidently can say I've mastered, but everything is different when I'm around Tris.

I begin to question if she thinks the jacket is mine. They are identical after all-- the whole compound has the same exact one just with a different size and embroidery.

Tris is observant though. I tell myself to be patient and not encourage her to look or hint at something off.

"What are we doing today?" she asks, taking another sip from her mug.

"I don't have any plans, do you?"

"No," she shakes her head, "I'd be nice to get out of here for a while though. Maybe take Tom outside somewhere. Or I could call my parents and see if we could go visit them. I'm sure her and Evelyn would love to catch up."

"That would be nice," I agree.

Her jacket stays in the same spot through her phone call with her mother, Thomas waking up, and our family eating breakfast.

I nearly die from both humor and anticipation on how she doesn't even realize the jacket isn't mine but is hers.

Finally though, after she loads the dishwasher with the dishes from breakfast, she acknowledges the jacket.

"When's the last time this was put through the washer, Tobias?" she asks, picking up the jacket and brushing some dirt off.

I hold back my snicker. That jacket has never been washed. It was put in a plastic bag after it was found in Candor and added to Tris' case file. The thing is filthy, but that's only expected when it went through a war.

"I don't know," I play it off, wondering how far I can take this with her.

She finally picks up the jacket from its folded position, and now it shows how much smaller it is than mine.

I try to read the emotion on her face as she says nothing. She inspects the jacket, her fingers running over her maiden name embroidered on the left breast. For a moment I worry that the jacket might induce a panic attack from her.

"How the hell did you find this, Tobias?" her voice settles my worry as I see her smile.

"Tobias?!" she insists when I realize I forgot to answer her.

"It took a lot of work. A lot of phone calls."

"I can't believe this. I never thought I'd see this jacket again," her smile is priceless as she comes over to me, wrapping her arms around my torso.

"Thank you so much. I seriously can't believe you found this!" her smile is glued to her face, and it stays there even after she presses her lips to mine quickly but passionately.

"It really does need to be washed though," I half joke, "It literally hasn't been washed since you last saw it."

+ + +

-- Tris

"She hasn't told you anything?" I question Shauna over the phone.

"Are you sure your eyes weren't being fucky Tris? This is Christina after all. You know she wouldn't be able to keep a pregnancy quiet.

"That was a small bump. I know it. There's no way a bump like that can be passed off for gaining weight. You know?"

"Did you ask her?"

"No. I didn't know how to bring up the 'so hey, why do you suddenly have a baby bump?' conversation without being upset over her not telling me!"

I hear a thump and one of her twins cry in the background over the phone.

"I have to go, sorry. Duty calls," she chuckles. "Call me later!"

I hang up the phone just as Tobias comes home from work.

"Hey," he says smiling, then furrowing his eyebrows when he sees me, "What's up?"

"Christina's pregnant."

His lips draw in a line. I don't know if it my upset making me unable to read his emotions or that he literally has none.

"She hasn't told me either. She has a bump though, so she must be pretty far along."

"Or faking it?" he shrugs, leaning on the door frame.

"Christina is one to do many things, but honestly I don't see faking a pregnancy being on that list."

"Okay," he says holding out the 'o', "So not faking it then."

"Tobias you are no help," I roll my eyes at him, walking away.

"Babe I'm sorry," I hear him following me, "I just don't have anything to say. I'm sure you're jealous, and hell, so am I for the matter. There's nothing we can do. Life isn't fair, and we'll have a baby soon too."

"Maybe we'll have a baby soon," I sit on the bed in the guest bedroom, crossing my legs under me.

"We will," he comes over, sitting next to me on the bed.

"It's been eight months, Tobias."

"I know," he takes my hand in his.

"Thomas is going to be four next week."

He nods his head, probably his mind going to the same place as mine.

How did time go so fast?

"Life isn't a set timeline, Tris. Things won't always happen when we want to. Yeah, its been a long eight months, and who knows how much longer we will spend trying. I'm down to keep trying as long as you are, but it's also okay to take a break or temporarily give up for a while."

I nod, tossing the idea around in my head.

Taking a break sounds like backwards progress in my mind, but maybe it would be for the better right now.

Tobias has had a lot of meetings with the group looking to investigate the building again. I still don't know what the results of that will mean for me. Even though I know I am innocent and Tobias will fight to make sure this re-investigation will not go against me or anyone rescued, it is an added stress right now.

I nod slowly, still not entirely sure of what I'm nodding about.

We both are super busy, between him with the investigation and me with training the millions of new ambassadors I have. Now added to that I have to figure out why the hell Christina or Will, two people I consider my best friends, just so happened to never mention to me that they are pregnant.

"I can see you're thinking," Tobias says like he usually does when he wants me to tell him what's on my mind.

I sit silent for another few moments, not sure how to voice my thoughts.

Chris and Will's life shouldn't have an impact on my life, so therefore I won't let it.

The reality is is that the two of us are busy.

Life happens, things continue to move forwards, and at the end of the day maybe it's just not meant to be for the time being.

"That's probably a good idea for right now," I say, feeling the sad smile on my face that makes Tobias take my hand in his and sigh.

"You don't have to agree just because I suggested it," he hesitates.

"No, I don't. But I do agree. Who knows what this investigation is going to bring out, Tobias. Maybe a baby just isn't meant to be for us right now."

This time it is his turn to sit and nod silently, clearly lost in thought as well.

I think about edging him on and asking him what he's thinking, but then I decide against it.

"I love you, you know," I say, turning to Tobias.

My thoughts immediately go back to the first time I told him I loved him, way after the first time he told me he loved me. I still feel guilty for who I was back then and how I treated him.

"I know," he smiles, squeezing my hand.

I lean in and he meets me in the middle, our lips meeting and slowly moving together. Somehow each time I kiss him it is nothing like the first time we kissed yet completely identical at the same time.

Every day I fall in love with him again, just like the first time I did. And yet, that love I have for him today is completely different.

It took years of work for us to realize we compliment the other. We fight, we disagree, we get so busy we forget to leave time for ourselves, we get jealous of our friends, and sometimes of each other, and yet we come out stronger.

We are stronger together, and if what we want isn't meant to be right now, then I'm okay with that, as long as I have him.

And Thomas too, of course.

We separate for a second when the kiss gets more heated, his eyes searching mine, making me laugh.

"Yes, we can try one last time," I chuckle, biting his lip playfully.

.

Hey everyone!

First off, thank you so much for your patience this summer. I know I disappeared for like, well, two ish months... sorry about that.

It looks like over these two months we've picked up a lot of quarantine binge readers (seriously, some of you managed to plow through 4 books in less than a week, some people a few days. Y'all are crazy) so welcome if you are new!

All the love,
Kat