Chapter 16

-- Tobias

Christmas came and went, as did the new year. The decorations were taken down across the compound, including the massive tree in the Main Building.

It has been almost surreal how quickly life just snapped back to normal. Two months ago there was tons of stress and anxiety. Tris being home from the hospital and on new medications, along with her healing injuries and the constant threats at the Bureau was stressful for us all. The Bureau felt threatened by our city of Chicago because of a threat made by Peter, and he posed said threat in former Candor leader West's name. We gave Peter to the Bureau as what was suppose to be a truce, but they still felt the need to assert their dominance and station about one hundred of their troops at our fence.

One month ago we were moving Tris's family into a new house, and then the idea of peace was just a thought in all of our heads. She has been off her medicine for a short time at that point, and it became frustrating that we potentially could try for a child, but ultimately that anxiety of the Bureau at the fence still remained.

That day when we moved them into that beautiful, spacious house; that day was the first day a group of Bureau troops left the fence. Three weeks after that day, all the troops had left the fence and have yet to return. The Bureau sent us a message basically stating that they still have a close eye on us and our actions, and that they aren't hesitant to make Chicago's life a hell again, but they restored our communication and resources we receive through them once again.

As for Tris and I, well, now that the posing threat is gone and she has been off her medicine that she was given for a while, we are actively trying to conceive our second child. We were lucky to end up pregnant pretty fast with Thomas, so now things are just a waiting game as to if this time will be just as easy.

I smile as I look down at Tom walking next to Indy. He giggles as he jogs to keep up with Indy's pace, both of them barely two feet in front of me with Indy's lead connecting us. Tris is staff training with Zeke this morning, and the weather is predicting a blizzard to start later, so I figured it would be good to get outside for a walk before we are trapped in for a few days.

That is the one nice thing about living in an underground compound and in an apartment: no snow removal.

I can remember as a child bundling up into as many layers as I could fit under my coat and going out every hour to shovel snow from the driveway to our Abnegation home. I would clear ours, then if I could still feel my limbs I would help a neighbor with theirs, go inside to thaw, and do it all again until it was too dark to see.

There was a time where the drive wasn't cleared when Marcus came home from work, simply because the snow was coming down as quickly as I was clearing it. Marcus got so furious about how negatively I was impacting his image because of it, despite all of the compound surrendering to the idea that they could keep up with the snow. Everyone had just let their drives go until the snow had stopped, but Marcus insisted I go out and clear it, in the darkness of the night.

I look back to Thomas as we walk. He is carefree, just like most three year olds are, and he walks with such character and joy as he takes in his surroundings.

I don't ever remember a time as a kid where I felt like how he is currently acting. I don't remember feeling joy or peace; being free of anxiety and fear was not a part of my childhood.

I am just so, so glad that I can make it a part of his.

"Let's start heading back home, Tom," I say, tightening my grip on Indy's lead a little as we slow to turn.

I can tell Tom doesn't want to go back, but I smile when he obliges and joins Indy and I in facing the direction we just came in.

Some flurries are just beginning to fall as we enter the compound through the entrance at the Main Building. Its amazing we only have had a small amount of snow yet this winter, considering this is the first big snow storm they have predicted yet for this season. Its two weeks into January already, and for some reason it feels like time is just flying.

"Let's go see if mom is still in the training room," I say, turning right as we exit the main building. Tom stays closer to my side compared to when we were out on the sidewalks as we navigate the smaller dauntless hallways. I can hear the clanking of staffs against one another before we even reach the training room. Its a lot louder than usual, and immediately I know Tris must be home already. Being in the training room while everyone is training on staffs is one of her biggest PTSD triggers still till this day, and it makes total sense as to why.

Still, I peek in the door and look around. There's only about eight people in the room, although the noise generated sounds about like two dozen, and I only see Zeke and Amar walking around correcting the pairs as they go through what seems like a warm up. I don't interrupt them and they don't notice me as I quietly close the door again, then continue to walk down the hall with Tom and Indy.

"Mom must be home already," I tell Tom, wondering if he even understand the different locations of the compound yet. He doesn't seem concerned or have a care in the world as we follows Indy home, going through hallway after hallway of apartments to finally reach ours.

The door is unlocked when we arrive, so I let us in, removing Indy from his leash as he runs to his water bowl immediately after.

"There's the little one! Little One, ha ha," I turn as I hear a familiar voice. Lynn sits at our kitchen table with Shauna and Tris, and even though Tom has only met her a few times, he seems to recognize her and runs over to say hi.

"Aren't you clever," I laugh in regard to her unintentional pun on Tom's nickname from Amar, "Good to see you, Lynn. And hey, Shauna," I smile towards her.

The three of them have small remains of what looks like salads on the table,and until now I didn't realize it was lunchtime.

"Hi, babe," I peck Tris on the lips in greeting, then turning to the fridge to get myself and Tom some water.

"Is it snowing out there yet?" Shauna asks from behind me.

"Yeah," I respond, turning around to put the lid on Tom's cup, then taking a drink from my own. "It was just starting to flurry as we came home."

"I hate snow," Lynn sneers, bouncing Tom on her knee. He laughs, and I still am honestly shocked that he remembers her.

"I think its nice," Tris comments.

"Yeah, for the first thirty seconds its nice," Lynn remarks, "Then its freezing and messy and hard to travel and--"

"Yeah, yeah, you hate snow, you hate everything. We get it," Shauna shuts down her sister, making both Tris and I laugh.

"What brings you home, Lynn?" I ask. She is stationed out at the fence and usually is home one week every month, then occasionally on the weekends. She rents a small place out there, then commonly will stay with her mom when she comes back to the compound. If I'm remembering correctly, she was just home a week or two ago.

"Heater broke out there this afternoon and its cold as hell out there. No way I'm staying out there for the blizzard. I heard they got it back up and running within the hour, but I was like 'fuck that' and decided to use some of my personal days I've been saving to come home for the storm."

I nod in response. If I were in her shoes, I probably would do the same thing.

"How does a grilled cheese sound for lunch?" I look to Tom and he nods eagerly.

"A smart man," Lynn nods approvingly, making Tom giggle, "Grilled cheese is my favorite."

I can't help but mentally laugh at how Lynn can go from saying "fuck that" in front of a child to treating him like the child he is.

About a year ago, Tris and I accepted that Thomas is going to hear the cursing and obscure bullshit said in the Dauntless compound no matter what. Us personally try to watch our profanities around him, but what our friends do and say is just going to happen. It would be too exhausting to try and fight them all for cursing, because its always been the natural language in the compound till this day.

Of course, say if Tom turns four and starts cursing like a sailor, I will put my foot down and teach him not to talk like that. He's a smart boy, and like everyone in the compound he will grow up and curse, and at this point we are leaving that obstacle to deal with when it comes.

"Oh, shit. Look at the time," Lynn says, looking to Shauna who give her an equally pained face. "We told mom we'd be there to help her by two, and it's almost two thirty now."

Shauna and Lynn bid us goodbye, and now the three of us Eatons remain once again.

"How was training?" I ask Tris, sitting half a grilled cheese in front of Tom and sitting down with a chicken sandwich for myself.

"It felt good to exercise again. They had a class coming in today, and I stuck around for the first few minutes. I really wanted to stay, but once the noises started going I just had to leave," Tris says, closing her eyes tightly, clearly upset with herself.

"Hey," I take her hand in mine, "Don't be so hard on yourself."

"I know. I just thought I was going to be able to last longer. I was there with Zeke and Amar, whom of course I completely trust. And before anything started I was talking with the eight people in the class for quite a while, just demonstrating with Zeke and talking out scenarios. They all seemed really committed to learning and I was beginning to trust them too. I should've been able to stay longer. None of them in that room would've even considered hurting me," She says, clearly very frustrated with herself, and she shouldn't be.

"How often does this class meet?"
"Every Saturday, give or take."
"How long would you say you were there today?
"Once they pulled the staffs out for everyone, maybe ten minutes?"

"Tris, ten minutes is a long time," I say, shocked. I thought she was going to say she was there for two or three.
"No, it's not. The class typically is two hours. Ten minutes is not much of that."

"How about you try again next Saturday, and maybe shoot for staying 15 minutes. You shouldn't be so hard on yourself about this, you've been through a lot involving those staffs," I say, rubbing my thumb across the back of her hand. She doesn't respond, and I decide not to push the conversation any further.

I know its hard for her to even think about her past.

I've been there, and so has she.

I know for a fact now that this is how we complete each other: we both understand the other's struggle.

Tom and I finish up lunch, he only eating half of his, and I put the dishes in the dishwasher while Tris puts him down for his daily nap. She returns to the table, sitting back where she was prior to moving.

"I'm worried about Christina," she says out of nowhere. I turn to her, leaning my forearm on the counter.

"How so?"

"I don't know, I just feel like something hasn't been right with her almost this whole year."

I sigh, wondering where this is going.

"I know, I know. You have mixed feelings about Chris. You always have, you always will, but just let me bounce ideas off of you, please," she pleads and I oblige, sitting back down at the table.

"On the day when we went to move my family, remember how Will ended up staying that night before and Chris left, mad about something?" She says and I nod, recalling the conversation.

"I mean, my suspicion goes way back to when she lost her shit on me visiting week almost two years ago. The Chris I met when I was 16 would get upset, but never angry and violent like that," she is deep in focus when she talks, her eyes focused on a spot on the wall.

"We've talked about this before, Tris. Her sister is really all she had at that point--"

"Yes, I know," she cuts me off, her eyes coming to meet mine. "Then there was the up and down 'forgive me', 'fuck you', 'I'm sorry, I'll never do it again' waves. I was talking to Shauna at lunch, and she hasn't seen Chris in weeks, and honestly neither have I. Out of everything she has done in the past, that is not like her. Then I was trying to get more out of Cara about that day when we chatted on the phone a few days ago, and she has a suspicion that things aren't right between her and Will."

"I mean this as politely as possible, baby, but is that any of our business?"

"No, and yes I understand your point, but I have a point here too and Chris and Will are two of my close friends so let me continue," she says and I nod, signaling her to go.

"That night, she left because she lashed out on Will. She started making all these false accusations, literally out of nowhere, saying that he doesn't love her, and how he has hurt her before and basically all of these lies that literally came out of nowhere. They were at the dinner table, all normal and having genuine conversation, then like a light switch, she was lashing out on him."

I'm still not seeing Tris's point, but I let her continue, trusting that she has a point to this.

"So she left that night, went back to Dauntless, for some reason stayed with Rose, and was fine. Things were fine until that morning when they woke up, then Chris started lashing out on Rose, claiming that she is a bad mother to Charley and how she doesn't deserve a child and just all this crazy stuff, again, out of nowhere."

She takes a breath and continues, "Then, this morning she came into the staff class. She was acting so weird, not saying anything, kind of lurking around the perimeter of the training room, probably hoping no one would know she was there."

"So, she's lashing out again, like she did when Rose was pregnant," I say.

"Yeah, but why?" She asks and I shrug.

"I just wonder if it's like a PTSD thing for her, or if it's something more serious. I really feel like she needs to be taken to a doctor, or a psychologist, and Cara had agreed with me."

"And there's nothing we can do to make her go," I explain and Tris rolls her eyes at me.

"Tobias, I understand that. No matter what, this is my friend, and I'm worried about her! I'm worried about my family in that house, and her visiting with Will, only to lash out in front of my niece again, or maybe this time accidentally hit one of my parents in the face since they live there too now!"

I sigh, knowing she has a point there.

"You're right, it's weird that she lashes out like this, and I agree she needs help. Has Cara considered talking to Will about it? He's the only hope at getting her any help."

"She has, and that's where it came out that she has been lashing out on him more and more at home. It's like she's paranoid or something."

"At least Will knows how to hold his own," I shrug and she nods.

"I just worry about her," she says after a few short seconds of silence.

. .

"I know you do," I take her hand in mine. "But there's nothing you directly can do here, because all she will do is lash out on you if you do tell her she needs help. You just have to relax and focus on you, love."

She nods, clearly appreciative that I let her talk out her thoughts on Christina.

"You know," I smirk at her, "I might know a way to help you relax a little."

She makes the first move, wasting no time to lean in and press her lips forcefully to mine. She moves to sit on my lap, our tongues immediately colliding in heated passion.

We loose ourselves in each other, just as we have many times before.

She is my soulmate, and a life without her is something I don't even dare to think about.