This chapter has a mature parallel in the separate book I have created for mature scenes. This one is a new book under my profile and it is separate from the parallel book for AFY.

Chapter 11

— Tris

Moving back home from the hospital is always an adjustment. I'm no longer surrounded by machines and nurses watching my every breath.
I get to be around the people I love most basically whenever I want.
But mostly, I don't have to sleep in that awful, uncomfortable hospital bed anymore.

"Good morning, beautiful," I roll over to find Tobias close to me, his arms moving to loosely hold me.
This is my second morning waking up like this, and today is my second full day home.
I wouldn't trade waking up like this for anything.

He softly presses his lips to mine, my hands resting on his bare chest as his hand pushed me closer to him from my lower back. I deepen the kiss, causing it to turn into a full on make out session.
It's as if we don't need to leave the bed this morning and it is just he and I in the world.
I roll my hips lightly on his torso, causing him to groan and grasp my ass through my sleep shorts.
I roll us over, my upper body laying on top of his as we continue to kiss. I feel myself breaking a sweat and forgetting about the mild pain in my leg as his hands move along my small hips and I loose myself in his lips.
I've been wanting to be like this with him for weeks.
There was just no way we could possibly be this close in the not-so-roomy hospital bed.
I just want more.
I want more skin on skin.
I want more closeness.

"Tris," his thumb somehow makes it's way between our lips and I sigh, snapping back to reality where my leg is moderately hurting.
"I really wish we had more time for this," I can tell by the look in his eyes he is feeling the same way I do. "But you need to take your pills, and I need to get down to the office." He chuckles as I stop holding myself up on him and just lay my whole body weight on him. He rubs circles on my back and I am comforted by the breaths he leaves on my neck.

"Just a few more minutes?" I pepper kisses on his lower jaw and I see him smile.
I already know the answer to my question, so I roll off of him and sit upright. Using a single crutch, I stand myself up and wince. Every night my leg becomes stiff, and even with the special morning festivities this morning, it does not change the searing pain or make it more tolerable.

I crutch my way out of the room to be greeted by Indy who is yawning and wagging his long fluffy tail. He hops over to me, stopping just when I worry that he may jump up.
He's smart.
He knows I'm hurting right now.
I don't know how he knows, but he knows.

"Good morning, good boy," I coo, rubbing some fur out of the way of his eyes. He beats me to Thomas's bedroom, whining and wagging his tail outside of the closed door. I open it and he barrels in, jumping up on the bed to wake up the toddler.

"Good morning, Thomas," I smile, turning on the light next to his bed. He lets out a sleepy groan, causing me to laugh. I sit next to him on the bed, rubbing my hand over his growing blonde hair.
He really does need a haircut.

"Time to wake up, sleepyhead." I pull back some of his covers and Indy hops off the bed and leaves the room. He probably hears Tobias in the kitchen and is hoping he will be fed.

"Come on," I coax. "It's time to go potty." I encourage, knowing Tobias has been trying his best to potty train him while I've been gone.

He slowly sits up, then plops his feet on the floor and runs off as if he hasn't been wanting to get up a few minutes ago. I laugh, wondering where the random energy burst came from.

Standing up off the bed, I prop my crutch down and pull up the sheets and covers to make the bed. I hear the toilet flush across the hall, then tiny footsteps running again.
"Did you wash your hands?" I hear Tobias's voice and the footsteps go in the direction that they came. I can't help but laugh to myself as I now hear the faucet run for mere seconds.

"Here," Tobias meets me as I turn around to get my crutch. In his one hand is a smaller pill and a larger pill. The other hand has a glass of water.
I don't feel the energy to fight him on taking them this morning, so I take the pills from him and swallow them, accepting the glass of water. He kisses my forehead, and hands me my crutch, taking back the empty glass.

My body screams every morning that I put that large pill in my mouth.
My mind tells me to hide it, then spit it out later.
My automatic reflex is to throw it across the room, or find the nearest trash can and throw it in.
I worry that one day I will try to hunt down the bottle of pills and flush them.

Deep down I resist these temptations, because I want to wake up every morning in my house and not in the hospital.
If I don't take those pills, I will probably be back in the hospital.
If I'm back in the hospital, I'm not waking up next to Tobias every morning.
I'm not getting to greet Indy every morning.
I'm not getting to wake up Thomas and see his little cute grumpy face each morning.

I don't want to give this away, so I don't give in to the temptations of my brain and body.
The damn pills make me miserable, but my life at home makes me happy.
I'll choose the happy again and again, each and every damn morning that those two pills touch my tongue.

+ + +

"I'm so sorry we never got the chance to visit!" Shauna wraps me in her arms the second she enters my apartment, joy all over her face.

"It's okay, seriously! I can't imagine life with two toddlers. Don't worry about it!" I smile, pulling away from her embrace to only be met by Zeke.
"Glad to see you, kid." He smiles, his daughter, Erin in his one arm. Jake is already off playing with Thomas on the carpet in the living room. The two are already best friends, just like their fathers are.

"Come on, boys. We have to go meet the baby!" Shauna says to her and my son and the boys listen, joining us at the front door.

Tobias asked me to wish Will and Christina his best since he had to go into work this morning. Josh had returned from the Bureau late last night, and the leaders were having a meeting, despite it being a Saturday morning.

Zeke knocks on the door then opens it, a traditional Dauntless standard of not just letting yourself in, but also not waiting for a response after knocking.

"Hey!" I smile as I see my two friends, a tiny little baby in Will's arms. Christina slowly stands up from the couch, but she has a smile from ear to ear when our eyes finally meet.

"It's so good to see you," I say, wrapping her in an embrace. She holds me unusually tight, but I don't mind.
It's the first time she hasn't screamed in the first five seconds of me being in a room.
I'll take what I can get.

She moves on to greeting Shauna and I smile, Thomas clinging to my right leg as if he wasn't in a room of people he knows. The baby gets passed to Christina and I am finally able to greet Will, also giving him a hug and congratulating him on the baby.
We all eventually sit in their living room, the three toddlers running around playing behind us.
"How are you feeling?" Shauna asks Chris as I'm handed the tiny baby from Will.
It makes perfect sense that she was past her due date once I hold the baby. She is so tiny and barely weighs anything compared to how I remember Thomas as a newborn.

"I'm sore, but really not too bad. This soreness after a c-section has to be nothing compared to giving birth naturally," Christina says, sitting back in her chair. She smiles over at me holding her daughter and I give her a small smile back.
I don't even remember how her and I left things.
I can only assume that it was bad, but from how she looks at me now it as if nothing ever happened between us.

I turn my attention down to the tiny sleeping baby in my arms. I can't see her eyes since she is asleep, but her skin is similar to Christina's, but more tanned than dark. Her tiny facial features and little fists cause me to loose my mind with baby fever.
She's just adorable.

"What's her name again?" I ask, knowing Cara told me it because they had a name picked out before she was born.
"Layla Marie." Will answers me and I nod, smiling.
"Beautiful name for a beautiful little girl," I comment, my attention not leaving the tiny baby in my arms.
Gosh, she is cute.
There's something about newborns that is uniquely addictive. I don't know if it's their tiny features or the adorable tiny clothes, but I cannot get enough of all of it.

Eventually and reluctantly I pass Layla to Shauna, knowing that I can't hog her and obsess over her forever.
She's not yours, Tris. You have to share. I mentally laugh at myself.

"I was only planning at having her at the hospital and not having a c-section," Christina shares. "It was good we ended up going to the hospital once I started having pain though, because the found out once we got there that she was breech. They broke my water and tried to get her to turn around, but in the end they suggested a c-section, so that's what ended up happening."

"She's so tiny! How the hell were you past your due date?" Shauna exclaims and Zeke comes up, putting his head on her shoulder to see the baby.

"They said it probably wasn't calculated correctly," Will explains. "But she is just below average being seventeen inches long and exactly five pounds."

We all continue to chat for about an hour and I can't help but be confused by how okay Christina is with my presence.
Cara told me she was getting worse and that she didn't think it was the pregnancy causing her severe mood changes.
But now she's no longer pregnant and she seems to be fine.
I don't know.

It's nearing nap time for all the toddlers once we leave Will and Christina's place. Once Thomas and I return home we have some lunch and then I put him down for a nap. Just as I close his bedroom door Tobias comes in the apartment.

"Hey," he says, wrapping his arm around my waist and I press my head into his chest.
"Their baby is so cute," I mumble, looking up at him. "I want one." I pout like a child, causing him to teasingly pinch my bottom lip.
"Sounds like somebody's jealous," he chuckles and I nod, resting my head on his chest.

"We just have to wait a little while. It'll go fast," he reassures and I sigh, knowing he is right.

"I'm impatient," I look up at him again, kissing his jaw lightly. "How was the meeting?"

"Reassuring, it sounds like the Bureau is being honest when they say they will pull their troops in five months. And Josh agrees with my decision not to send Dauntless troops over there to make things "even" like they suggested."

"That's good," I sigh in relief.

The three of us have a relaxing afternoon and night. As Tobias gets Thomas ready for bed I take a shower, allowing the warm water to wash over my body as I feel myself physically relax.
However, my mind has yet to relax.
I can't stop thinking about newborns, and how badly I want another little baby.
Something about holding Layla today made me just loose my mind. I've known for a while that I would love a second child, but I don't think I realized how badly I wanted one until now.

I clearly know all of the reasons that we cannot have a baby right now.
I'm on birth control for so many reasons: all of which I all wish didn't exist.

Five months at a minimum.
Yeah, I have birth control for three months, but there's no way I am putting another child in this world until I trust that the Bureau is done pestering us.
It's enough I worry about Thomas in this world every day.
I don't want my children to have to go through even half of what Tobias and I had to go through.
I won't selfishly put a child in this world just for them to have to suffer in a war.

I sigh, turning off the water and stepping out of the shower. I use the bathroom wall for support instead of my crutches. I slip on some loose pants and a shirt, then go out to the bedroom to be with Tobias.

•

He is laying on the bed and is still in his clothes from today. He sets down his phone when I sit down on the bed, the mattress dipping to my side the slightest bit as I swing my legs up, allowing my crutch to rest on the table next to my bed.
I lay on my back, knowing that he's facing me. I run my hands over my forehead and let my hands rest over my head.
I've been missing being close to him. The kissing, the touching, the meaningless nothings: they've all been at a minimum while I was at the hospital.
I can tell he's unsure of my state.
The truth is that I am fine. Of course, he probably is too scared to touch me and break me.
I've missed him in more ways than one.
Of course, I missed him because he is my husband and my other half. I love him.
In another way, my body has missed him. I've missed the small touches, the closeness, the kissing like we had this morning.

Finally, I had a few bits of this back yesterday and today.
It makes me want more.
I know that he wants the same as well, but he is clouding his decisions with his concern for me.

"Can we pick up where we left off this morning?" I ask as I roll over, my voice small.