Bakugo honestly doesn't know how he got here.

He went from having Sero and Aizawa knowing to having Iida knocking on his door after receiving a couple of messages and a few missed calls from the class president.

Iida knows judging from the messages Bakugo read and after the first few knocks, Bakugo throws the door open.

"Keep your voice down, idiot. Come in," he whisper yells, pulling the other teen in by his shirt and sticking his head out to see if anyone was around. Thankfully, no one was, so he closes the door behind him and spins around, glaring at the taller teen.

"Glasses, I need you to shut the fuck up about this. Sensei already knows about this shit and so does Sero. I didn't want any shitty extra knowing about this, so don't tell anyone. Got it?"

Iida is obviously taken aback, staring at Bakugo like he grew a second head.

Dread hits him like a bus as he realizes that too many people knew. It was bad enough that Recovery Girl and Aizawa knew, but they were his teachers. That was fine. But Sero and now Iida? Shit.

Not even Halfie knows and they've been going to the store every Friday for a month now.

"Bakugo, I would like to be here for you. I know it's been months, but it's still a rough process, and now that I know about this, your actions from the last few months make sense."

Bakugo is filled with rage at his words, but he takes a deep breath, shaking his head at Iida and motioning for him to leave.

"I'm talking to someone, so just leave it. It's fine. It was months ago. Just leave me the fuck alone. What would help me is for you to treat me exactly the same and continue being my messenger for dinner for the class. Got it?"

The other nods hesitantly, but nods nonetheless.

"I understand. I will make my leave. I offer my condolences, and I'm serious about talking to me if you need to. It's necessary to have a support system through tough times like these. I hope you feel better soon."

He leaves right after, leaving Bakugo wondering what life choices he's made to end up here.

It's just after dinner and before Iida got there, Bakugo was just about to get into bed for the night to get some sleep. On top of everything else, he's been having bad dreams, and now there's this. Just great.

The blond sighs and turns off the lights before getting into bed.

He's all settled in and scrolling on his phone when he gets a notification.

_______________
Walking Dead

You're not allowed to go to class tomorrow.

You're meeting with Hound Dog.

Iida told me he found out and that you've been avoiding the class. That's not healthy and I thought we talked about this.

_______________

Bakugo stares at the messages and exhales heavily, on the verge of a breakdown. He feels it in his chest. The heaviness of what's to come. It's overwhelming and it's starting to make him panic.

The rush of adrenaline has him scrambling off his bed and pacing his room as he stares up at his ceiling, taking deep breaths.

He tosses his phone on his bed and shakes his hands in front of him to calm his nerves. He cannot break down right now.

He can't.

His mom dying was the worst possible thing that could happen in his life. Even worse than him dying. Or him getting tortured to death.

Fuck and now he's spiraling, trying not to freak himself out as his breaths turn into wheezes.

It's high pitched and disgusting and he sobs, making it harder to breathe because he misses his mom and he hates pushing everyone away but no one understands.

He just doesn't want anyone to pity him.

Doesn't want for people to feel sorry for him, but he needs someone and it hurts and he doesn't know why he's been trying so hard to push everyone away. He still cares about them which is stupid because that's why he was distancing himself.

Shit and now everything is ruined and everyone hates him and when he dies he'll have no one.

Air is not getting to his lungs and he falls to the floor, knees making a loud thud when he hits the ground.

He grabs at the floor, not finding purchase as the panic gets worse. He takes a deep breath in after a harsh sob and it sounds shaky and broken, but worst of all, it's loud.

Loud enough for Kirishima to hear it apparently because he hears a door opening loudly before a quick knock on his door.

"Bakugo? Bakugo are you okay? What's wrong?"

And Bakugo, the dumbass, decides to hold his breath so that the crying isn't as loud. He's already out of breath, so he doesn't last long before he's breathing loudly and crying even louder.

Shut the fuck up. Fuck.

"Bakugo, I'm coming in."

Of course, he didn't lock the door, thankfully, because if it was locked, Kirishima would have broken it down.

The red head comes rushing in, dropping to his knees in front of Bakugo who can't seem to catch his breath in between all the thinking and panicking.

"Bakugo, what's wrong? What's wrong with you? Why are you crying? Are you okay? Shit, man, you're not breathing. Bakugo- Bakugo breathe," he yells, voice rising in the panic.

Kirishima forces Bakugo's hands away from his face and holds his face in his own hands, staring Bakugo down.

"Look at me, man. Come on. You gotta breathe. I know it sounds stupid, but breathe with me. Come on," he coaxes.

His voice is getting level and Bakugo's brain finds that comforting, apparently, because he finally grounds himself and tries to breathe normally.

After a minute, which is still not enough time for Bakugo to catch his breath, but enough for him to talk, he starts apologizing brokenly, feeling beyond guilty for being such an asshole to his friends.

It sounds cut off and stupid as he stutters through an apology at the end of a breakdown. "I'm sorry- I was stupid. I'm sorry I pushed-" a breath, "you guys away. I'm sorry."

Kirishima shushes him and pats his back. "Just catch your breath, Bakugo."

The blond gets frustrated at how pathetic he is right now. He can't even give Kirishima an apology that he deserves because he can't even breathe right, and Kirishima doesn't understand. Doesn't let him apologize.

"No, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have been so mean. I'm sorry," he sobs, unable to get himself together.

God, he probably looks fucking stupid.

"Dude, you look like you're dying. Stop apologizing and catch your breath. I'm not joking, I need you to focus on your breathing," the red head says, voice exposing how concerned he is.

The emotions running through Bakugo all at once makes him feel like it's impossible to get his breath under control and even harder to stop the crying.

He's so anxious and guilty and worried and scared and sad and- just so many things he can't stop from bubbling over.

"I'm calling Mr. Aizawa," Kirishima says, taking his phone out with one hand while the other hand rubs circles on Bakugo's back.

Bakugo doesn't even try to stop the other teen, just focused on catching breath like Kirishima instructed. It's harder than he thought, he realizes. Especially because he can't stop crying. Fuck, he's crying so much, his vision is blurry with tears, and no matter how many tears fall, more follow soon after.

He's sniffling because he has a runny nose and his head is starting to hurt.

All he feels is weak.

By the time Mr. Aizawa arrives, Bakugo's breath is under control, but he's still crying and now he has the hiccups.

"Kirishima, tell me what happened."

The man is looking at Bakugo, and making sure he's not hurt, checking for injuries as Kirishima tells him what he knows.

"I heard Bakugo's door close while I was in my room and then a little while after, I heard crying. It was loud, so I got really worried and came to check on him. That's when I found him here on the floor. He started saying he was sorry while crying really hard and not breathing right. He just caught his breath about two minutes ago."

The man looks Bakugo over and sighs, which makes Bakugo feel even worse. The blond keeps hiccuping, too. It's damn annoying. "Thank you Kirishima. I'll handle it from here."

Bakugo doesn't know what to expect from the talk that Aizawa is most definitely going to give him, and the thought of the million things he can say is sending Bakugo back into panic mode. So as soon as that door is closed behind Kirishima, Bakugo starts apologizing to him, not really knowing why, just feeling like he has to.

"Hey, hey, Bakugo. It's okay. You don't need to feel bad."

But Bakugo does feel bad, so he shakes his head at the man. He feels like shit for causing so much trouble right now and then cringing when he hiccups again.

Shit, he should've gone to cry in his restroom with the shower on.

"Can you tell me what brought this on?"

He could, but he won't. How stupid would it sound to be like 'oh I just had a panic attack because you told me I couldn't go to class tomorrow and it sent me into a rage but I was so overwhelmed with everything else so I just fell apart'?

There's more to it, but that's the gist of what happened.

Instead of answering, Bakugo shakes his head, refusing to admit that the man had a part in him getting thrown into a panic attack.

The blond refuses to look him in the eye, and drops his head, not letting Aizawa see his face.

Aizawa is quiet for a while, and Bakugo hates it because his hiccups practically echo in the silence that's overcome the room. It's even worse when the man speaks up because then Bakugo feels guilt well up in his chest when the man says, "Did I help cause this?"

Bakugo lets out a breath that sounds like a sob before he hiccups and take a deep breath in. The hiccups are getting old.

"I-" his voice sounds fucking pathetic and raspy, and he also doesn't really know what he wants to say, so he pauses. "I need you to leave."

He hears the man's breath falter slightly, but he can't force himself to look up at him as he finally stands up, dusting his pants off.

"I'm sorry, Bakugo, but I can't do that without being sure you don't hurt someone else or your-"

Rage waves over Bakugo in an instant and he yells. He yells louder than he should and it's obnoxious and rude, but he feels it's necessary because this man is hell bent on making Bakugo admit that he self harms, when that's something Bakugo has never done.

"Get the fuck out of my room. I don't hurt myself. Holy shit, I never have and I never will. Stop fucking accusing me of that. I told you I'd never and you know why. Get out."

It's so loud, he's sure the whole floor heard it. It doesn't matter, though. He doesn't care.

The man just looks at him, more shocked than angry, really, but you can see the annoyance in his eyes. "Maybe you don't, Bakugo, but I am not letting any possibility that you could be hurting yourself continue. I made that mistake in the past because I thought I could trust my student, but they lied. I want to trust you, Bakugo, but you're going through a hard time right now, and although you're usually very rational, grief does bad things to people. I'm simply worried."

Bakugo calms ever so slightly at the man's words, but the anger lingers a bit.

At least the hiccups are gone.

"I know it must be annoying, but I need you to know that I'm only worried about your well-being and you have not been doing anything to help yourself heal. Iida tells me you're hiding your mom's passing from people. It's been months, Bakugo. It's time that you stop hiding it."

The blond sniffles, annoyed at all the emotion he's displaying.

"I'm not ready. I can't do that now. I- I just need more time. Therapy doesn't help when I know Hound Dog is reporting back to you and my dad hasn't reached out to me in weeks. I need time."

Bakugo can see the man nod out of the corner of his eye.

"Okay. Hound Dog only tells me when you're hurting yourself or others. I promise he doesn't give me any other information other than that. I need you to know that I respect the boundary between us and my knowing of these things is only to ensure your well-being. It's protocol for one of your legal guardians to be updated on this information, and since your dad isn't taking responsibility there, the job falls on me."

The words make him embarrassed about his dad. His own dad won't grow up and be the guardian Bakugo needs so now Aizawa has an extra job.

It's worse than Bakugo would've imagined and he kind of feels a little bit of himself die just a bit more knowing that he's lost so much and he can't seem to get a hold of absolutely anything. He's actually falling apart and the knowledge that he's helpless is isolating.

He's falling apart right in front of his Sensei's eyes, and the man has no idea as Bakugo stays still, unmoving and filled with so much panic.

"Bakugo?"

The teen blinks up at the man, breath caught in his throat.

Bakugo is falling apart.

"Do you understand that? That I have to know when you're doing things to hurt yourself? It's for your safety."

The blond nods, unable to focus on anything except keeping himself together because he feels broken. His brain is unable to focus on anything other than the burning panic that's increasing by the second.

He has no idea what he's doing and now he's suffering.

"Bakugo, are you breathing?"

As if suddenly reminded, he exhales heavily and inhales deeply, taking in the much needed air, but it's made it worse and now his anxiety is overwhelming and he can't keep it together anymore.

So as his next breath leaves him, so does his composure, and Bakugo falls.

His knees hit the floor with a loud thud, definitely annoying Iida, who's in the room right below his.

With all his might, he tries to keep the tears at bay as he stares at the floor, palms pressing down on the ground as his vision blurs. His efforts of stopping the tears is pointless as he sees the first few tears hit the floor before they fall consistently.

As he feels a sob make its way up his throat, his hand covers his mouth with a loud smacking sound right before his body wracks with broken sobs.

Aizawa is talking to him, but it's no use.

Bakugo isn't listening to anything he's saying. He just needs to relieve all the emotion that's been overflowing.

The amount of times he's cried in front of this man is so unbelievable, Bakugo just might kill himself.

Immediately, he shuts that thought down and just lets himself sob.

"Get-" his voice cracks with a harsh sob, "out."

He tries to take deep breaths, but it doesn't work. It just makes him sound and look more pathetic as his body shakes with the force of the sobs.

"Bakugo-"

"Please," the blond yells, interrupting, "I need-" a broken breath, voice much softer, "privacy."

The grown man sighs, standing up and walking towards the door. "I'll be waiting outside, down the hall. Come find me when you're ready."

His sensei leaves quickly after that, wanting to give Bakugo his privacy as soon as possible. He probably knew that he was embarrassed. For some reason, that just makes it worse.

Now, in the comfort of being alone, he takes deep breaths, sobs interrupting far too often, but it's less horrifying now that Aizawa is gone. He can pick himself up without being watched. It's routine.

Deep breaths, some mishaps with sobs and hiccups, blowing his nose, rinsing his face, and more deep breaths. He doesn't let the episode continue. He doesn't let it out, just tries to shove everything back inside as quick as possible.

The problem is, it's getting harder and harder to keep it contained the longer it goes on.

That's why this happened again.

And why it's been happening far too often. With much resentment, Bakugo realizes that therapy is probably the only thing that can help him stop these outbursts.

Because of this, as soon as he's breathing normally and his face isn't red, he steps out into the hallway and calls Aizawa into his room to tell him that he's going to give therapy a real shot.

~~~~~

Maybe Sensei was right about being worried about Bakugo killing himself.

Kidding.

Not really.

He's kidding.

Kirishima wants to talk. Aizawa made him leave him alone all night after his- outburst, and he wasn't allowed in class, so right after school, Bakugo was awoken by none other than Kirishima, the shark idiot, himself.

Bakugo stared at him with bags under his eyes and the light from the hallway blinding him. His curtains blocked basically all the light from entering his room, so after giving therapy a real chance, he knocked the fuck out. Apparently for five hours.

It still wasn't enough.

"Bakugo," Kirishima says, much more concern in his voice than Bakugo thought necessary.

"What?" Ugh his voice sounds shot. He hasn't even done anything to wear his voice out.

The red head just looks Bakugo over and frowns, lowering his voice. "Can I come in?"

Clearing his throat, Bakugo nods, opening the door wider for Kirishima to walk in. "You can't stay for long. I have to make dinner soon."

His voice sounded much better now.

The red head doesn't say anything until the blond shuts the door behind them.

Before he can fully turn around to face the red head, said teen attacks Bakugo with a tight hug, wrapping his arms around him and squeezing. The sudden affection has Bakugo feeling so many things, but mostly he's just trying to get himself together because he didn't realize how much he needed a hug.

He almost lets himself sag into Kirishima, but instead he tenses up, trying to do everything in his power to not get emotional.

Fuck therapy.

"I'm so sorry I didn't see how bad you got."

Kirishima's words shock him.

How bad he got? What does he mean by that?

Trying to push the other teen away by his shoulder, Bakugo leans back, trying to get out of the hug because if Kirishima is going to start spouting some bullshit about Bakugo being a villain, he's going to kill him.

"You look horrible, dude and I didn't even notice because I was so mad at you for being an asshole. I'm sorry I didn't notice," Kirishima says again, pulling Bakugo harder into the hug.

Fucking Kirishima and his damn hug. Bakugo feels like he might just fall apart right here in front of his former best friend, who he lost only because he was being fucking stupid about things and didn't realize that no matter what, he was going to care about these idiots.

"It's been over a month and yesterday was the first time I actually saw you. You- yesterday was bad, Bakugo. I was so scared for you even when I was mad. I'm still mad, by the way. I know you were apologizing yesterday while you were trying to catch your breath and I forgive you, Bakugo. I forgave you a long time ago, but it's still gonna take me a while to get over it."

The idiot says all this while keeping Bakugo in a death grip that he's desperately trying to escape. He might start crying and he can't do that. Not again. Not now.

"Let go of me," he demands, still unable to push the other away.

"Bakugo." It's stern and it makes Bakugo stop struggling, listening to what Kirishima is going to say.

"Stop fighting it. Did you hear what I even said?"

Bakugo's breathing is rough from his fight to get out of Kirishima's hold. It's not even that tight, it's just sturdy and impossible to break out of.

"Yeah, I did. Let go of me."

It's defeated and tired, exhaustion hitting him like a bus as Kirishima squeezes him before finally letting go.

As soon as the hold loosens, Bakugo is backing up, away from the red head and almost falls as he trips over his chair. God damn that was too much.

He wishes he could've just let himself enjoy it and hugged back, but he's embarrassed himself in front of Kirishima enough for three lifetimes. It's fucking humiliating.

The embarrassment strikes harder when he sees Kirishima reach out to him when he trips, with an even more worried look on his face than before. What the actual fuck? Bakugo feels so pathetic right now. He just wants to go to sleep and sleep his life away.

All he feels is tired and embarrassment and regret.

"I am sorry," Bakugo says, forcing himself to sit on his bed so he can't do anything embarrassing like fall over, "but I'm really fucking tired right now and I don't want to talk anymore."

It's too vulnerable right now. He feels too exposed especially being woken up and immediately thrown into a conversation so important.

"We'll talk after dinner, okay? I just can't right now."

Kirishima, although it really seems like he wants to, doesn't ask questions, just leaves and lets Bakugo have the privacy he requested. He was probably comforted by the fact that they'd be talking that night.

When the red head leaves, Bakugo spends the rest of the time before making dinner, just trying to pull himself together.

***
Word Count: 3723
I hope y'all liked this chapter. The next one goes up next Sunday at 11:30 pm central time. I love you all and tysm for reading <3