When he wakes up, he's mortified.

His teachers were teasing the hell out of him while he was completely out of it. He'll never live it down, holy shit.

Then he remembers that his classmates know.

Oh fuck.

That's even worse.

He sits up in a panic, glad to see no one was in the nurse's office with him. It would've just added more salt to the wound that was yesterday.

Or maybe it was still the same day?

He can't really tell, there's light out and he felt like he slept for days, so it must be the next day.

Just as he's about to get out of the bed to get back to the dorms, the door opens and in walks Recovery Girl, walking slowly as her cane taps on the white floors. It's quite loud in the insanely quiet room.

As she nears the middle of the room, she notices Bakugo's conscious state and smiles widely, walking over to him.

With the scowl on his face, she chuckles quietly and shakes her head in amusement, "I see you're back to normal."

Whatever 'normal' is, it sucks, because right then he can feel the immense headache and soreness in his body, not exactly healed, but fairing way better than the last time he was awake. Speaking of which, he had no idea when that was.

"Is it still-"

"I'm afraid not. You came in yesterday and have been asleep ever since. I wasn't able to completely heal you because you didn't have the energy for it. Are you doing alright, boy?"

Despite his efforts to stay in shape and continue his old routine, he found himself unable to keep up with that and ultimately hasn't been doing as well.

He is trying, though.

He eats when other people do, tries to go to bed when Shoto does, and has kept up a workout routine somewhat well lately. But even though he's doing all these things to avoid falling into that pit of depression and letting it take over, he's been unable to stop the feeling that he's stuck.

His eating habits, even though he's tried really hard to fix them, aren't the best, he eats once a day if anything. Just the other night he refused to eat just because it was Mapo tofu.

The food that once brought him comfort during his hardest times has now become one of the things that causes his distress.

It sounds stupid, he knows, but it all comes back to the same thing. He's trying so damn hard and is failing miserably. It's always about guilt. Always.

So he stops caring.

"No."

Recovery Girl's face seems to fall at the admission. More like she was devastated that he was so openly tired of putting up a show. Like she expected him to fight her and tell her that he's fine because if they both pretended he was, maybe he could be.

But he's not. And he hasn't been in months.

Almost a year in just a couple more.

That thought sends him over the edge and suddenly, he can't breathe.

It's almost a year without her and here he is, hyperventilating in front of an old lady who's probably sick of his shit just like his dad is. How could he be so stupid? Letting himself think things like that in front of others?

"Bakugo?"

When she sees his shaking frame and starts assessing his breathing, she immediately takes action, running over to the little freezer next to his bed and pulling something out.

As he focuses on trying to calm down, but unable to because how has she been gone for that long, she approaches his bed again, immediately pulling his upper body closer to where she is on the edge of the bed.

Struggling to get his breath, it's suddenly knocked out of him at an instantaneous shock of a freezing cold object on the back of his neck.

His attention goes from his dead mom to the intense cold feeling of whatever is on his neck and he hisses, trying to pull away from it, but Recovery Girl just follows with him.

"Bakugo?"

He shoves her arm away and leans away from her, successfully getting rid of the cold object.

When he's sitting back and finally getting his breathing under control, he sees that it was an ice pack. Something he should have suspected, but in the moment, he was confused about everything and how he was suddenly pulled out of that panic attack.

"What?" He asks, voice sharp and angry.

"Do you want me to bring someone? Aizawa or maybe the Todoroki boy?"

He shakes his head instantly, not wanting to make it a bigger deal than it should be, but ultimately, after thinking about it a bit more, he nods.

"Shoto."

She just nods, patting his hands that lay clasped together in his lap and jumping down her little stool and over to her desk.

After laying back and sighing heavily, he's aware of so much, thinking about all the bad things that'll come up now. He's still not sure what's up with his dad, sometimes it feels like therapy is working backwards, and now people know about his mom. Something that he didn't expect to have to deal with so soon.

What can he do about it?

As soon as anyone outside of his class gets a whiff of what happened, the entirety of Japan will know by the end of the day. That is if they don't already know.

Fucking hell.

The media will go crazy over this story. He's honestly shocked it hasn't come up already, really. As much as he was hoping he wouldn't have to deal with it for a while, he knows that realistically, it feels off that it hasn't already gotten out.

That it didn't hit the news as soon as it happened.

Bakugo is the shit, or, at least he was before his mom died, so all eyes were on him. Especially after first year with the Sludge Villain, the Sports Festival, and then Kamino. So why hasn't the media been on his ass about it?

It's odd.

"Alright, he's on his way over now. Now while you're up, I need you to eat a bit more so that I can finish healing you tonight and you can be out and about by tomorrow," she instructs, meaning he has to listen.

"I'll be leaving to get you some food as soon as Todoroki arrives, got it?"

He just nods, unable to get any words out from all the inner turmoil.

"Alright, then just relax and if you need rest or anything, do not be afraid to kick young Todoroki out. Your rest is important for your healing process. I know you know that, but you need a reminder every now and then. It's okay to do things for yourself."

The blond is glad the woman is facing away from him because his reaction to her last sentence was embarrassing. He felt like ice water was dumped over him. That's something he's been needing to hear from someone other than his therapist.

Yeah, his therapist's advice is important, but hearing it from others means so much.

He's got himself together by the time the door is opened once again, but this time Shoto walks in, smiling at Bakugo when he sees that he's awake.

"Katsuki," he greets, grabbing one of his hands and squeezing as he sits on a chair near the edge of the bed.

Recovery Girl makes her leave after that and leaves the two of them alone, letting Bakugo relax even further now that he knows it's just them.

"Hey, dork."

Said idiot smiles again at the words.

"How are you feeling? The gash on your face is mostly gone and there's less bruising around your temple, but you look like you just woke up from a 100 year nap."

Bakugo can feel his eyes are droopy. They're heavy with stress and exhaustion.

"Mm, I guess fine. My head hurts a lot and my body is sore, but I'll be fine. I've just been thinking a lot and it's not good for me. Not now," he admits, allowing himself to be open with Shoto, "I think I'm gonna try and talk to Hound Dog tomorrow if he's free and see my mom on Saturday instead."

With a proud nod, Halfie rubs his thumb on his hand.

"That's a great idea. Do you want to go alone on Saturday?" He asks, not wanting to overbear on the time Bakugo has with his mom.

With his mood taking a hit recently, he nods at his boyfriend's question hesitantly, not wanting the taller teen to feel bad or anything. That's the last thing he wants for Shoto.

"Okay, I'll just walk with you and head to the park. Is that fine?"

The blond nods, more than happy to have his boyfriend walk with him.

He wishes he could offer the same kind of support that Shoto has been offering him. Yeah, Bakugo gets him flowers once a week and cooks for him, but he's never been there to support Shoto in the way that the taller teen does for him.

If he has, it doesn't feel like enough.

"Shoto."

Said teen looks up at him and raises his eyebrow slightly, silently wondering what he wants.

Knowing that he's got the dork's attention, he gets serious, looking him straight in the eye and steeling himself to do this.

"You know you don't have to be with me, right?"

Shoto furrows his eyebrows, obviously confused.

"I know I don't have to, but I like spending time together. You're the best."

Bakugo almost face palms. He doesn't mean physically.

"No- I mean, you don't have to keep being my boyfriend," he explains, feeling stupid for even saying this. He doesn't want to sound insecure.

"Oh. I know that, too. I want to be with you. I like being your boyfriend. It's like won the boyfriend lottery. Maybe I should start gambling," he trails off, putting his hand up to his chin as he genuinely thinks about starting to gamble.

Before Bakugo can poke fun at him for being dumb or get him to realize that Bakugo kind of sucks, Halfie is shooting up in his seat and gasping.

"Katsuki, with my luck, I could definitely win the lottery. We could be rich. Just think about it."

He face palms.

"We're already rich."

Todoroki pauses and leans back, nodding.

"Oh yeah," he pouts dramatically.

Then he's sitting back up and pointing at Bakugo, "But that's our parents' money. We could have the lottery money for us and we'd be rich on our own."

Giving in to his boyfriend's antics, he nods and crosses his hands over his chest.

It's quiet for a while after, making Bakugo think about his classmates, the reason he's here in the first place.

He takes a deep breath, trying to pull himself together and gain the courage to ask his boyfriend about the situation that his classmates are definitely still talking about.

"What does the class know?" He asks tensely.

Halfie leans closer to the bed, resting his arms on the mattress, head resting on his hands as he looks up at the blond.

"They know how and when she passed. They've all been giving their condolences. Aizawa had them keep the information on lock down, so no one outside of the class should be aware just yet. Some of our classmates are pretty loud, though, so I'm not sure it'll stay this way for too long."

Just the thought has anxiety choking him and making him feel restless, head pounding.

It's just so shitty that he has to worry about this. Why did she have to die? The ache in his chest increases tenfold as he wonders why this happened and what he could have done to stop it.

He just needs to know if there was any way he could have prevented her death. If he'd gone home that weekend instead of staying at the dorms with his friends, maybe she wouldn't have been there and she would have been alive and well.

"Aizawa is doings his best to contain it. He even told us that if anyone outside of the class brought it up, he'd suspend them for as long as he wanted. He's doing his best."

He finds it a little hard to believe that it can be contained now that so many people know. He appreciates the man doing everything he can to stop this from spreading, but with this many people, it'll be next to impossible

"I know it seems impossible, but just trust this. He's buying you as much time as he possibly can so that you can heal a little more from this. Think about it, if this had happened at the beginning, you would've been inconsolable, but today, you're here taking it in stride. You'll be okay."

Bakugo knows that he's right, but the situation is little funny. Yes, he's able to live with at least his class knowing, but he's in the infirmary because of this.

So he laughs a little.

"Taking it in stride, huh?" He asks, motioning to the bed he's on.

Shoto smiles and shakes his head once, "You know what I mean."

Bakugo nods at that. Yeah, he does.

Honestly, though, it's going to be really hard to live with his class knowing. He knows they'll give their condolences and support and all that shit, but he's just gotten somewhat okay.

He just started making progress.

It's going to be so hard to make some more in order to be able to deal with this. He already feels the toll. It's going to suck so fucking hard.

"Hey," Shoto calls, pulling him from his thoughts.

Bakugo looks up and into his eyes.

"It's going to take a lot. I know, but I'm here, alright? Whatever you need, I'm here for you just to make it a little bit easier. We're a team. You get what I mean?" He asks, trying to get the blond to know that he's not pitying him.

Bakugo takes it in, nodding as he breathes deeply.

He's not alone. He has Shoto.

Maybe it won't be all bad that his classmates knew. Sure, it sucked when Sero and Deku found out, but Iida made it easier for him. He gave Bakugo the space he needed and helped him when he wasn't doing that great.

He's not expecting all of his classmates to be so accommodating or anything, but he also knows that some of them aren't his biggest fan. Mineta hates his guts and Ojiro can't stand him most days. Don't get him started on Asui. That girl would punch him if she wouldn't get reprimanded for it.

That's why he was a little surprised that it was Uraraka who got all pissy at him when Deku got suspended and not Asui.

All he knows is that even though it might not be all good, it also won't be all bad. And that's the part he's really banking on because he needs support if he's going to get through this. He knows that now.

"Yeah, I get it. Thanks, Halfie."

~~~~~

When he gets released to his dorm after therapy the next day, he goes straight to his room. Class ends in a few hours and the resurfacing of everything has him exhausted.

His body is numb and his mind is racing with a million thoughts as he lies down, immediately falling asleep when he hits the mattress.

It's after classes that he gets a knock on his door and he hesitates to answer it after waking up.

After another knock, the person on the other side speaks up.

"Katsuki?" Shoto.

Thank fuck.

He opens the door, beyond grateful to see his boyfriend's face and warm smile. It's insane to Bakugo, really.

The boy with the coldest childhood having the warmest smile.

When Halfie hugs him, he feels like he's being pulled back together. His arms wrap around him tightly and having his face buried into the neck of his sweater and inhaling his clean scent, makes Bakugo relax into the hug.

It's the best feeling.

Then he pulls back, mind filled with questions on the news about his mom's passing. His anxiety has him by the throat and makes him feel like he's choking.

It's almost a year since then, and he's still falling apart.

"Who knows?" Is all he asks and Halfie immediately understands.

"From what I've gathered, still no one outside of the class. They're keeping it real tight lipped. They haven't discussed it ever since that day in training as far as I'm aware."

Again, he relaxes just a bit and nods in acknowledgment.

"Okay, okay. That's good. How-" he clears his throat, "how is the class? Do they seem weird?"

Shoto thinks about it for a few seconds before shaking his head, "No. They were at first, but they all came to an agreement to leave it be. They know and they're sorry for your loss, but they're trying not to make it a whole show. They know it's a big deal, but they don't want you to worry about them."

Bakugo furrows his eyebrows and feels insecurity rising in his chest.

"Are they talking about me?"

"Mm, not in the way you think. That first night, they all met up in the dorms. Iida set it up and gave us a list. It had three things on there. One was to not tell a soul about it, not even relatives in case of news spreading outside of the school. Two was to keep things quiet. That meant no get togethers in solidarity or sudden apologies. Three was to treat you the same. Nothing was going to get better for you if they were all suddenly so nice. They know that won't help you."

The insecurity is somewhat erased and replaced with gratitude towards Iida.

He didn't owe Bakugo anything, but here he was making sure Bakugo wasn't attacked with apologies or sudden pity.

So Bakugo breathes in deeply, relieved at this information and ready to face his classmates downstairs. He's got to make dinner. He's actually kind of eager to make dinner tonight. Tired of laying around all day and ready to throw himself into a complicated recipe.

Maybe one of Iida's because ever since he found out that Bakugo likes the more difficult dishes, he started looking for some interesting ones that he liked.

Plus, he kind of owes him for the meeting and all that.

He's still in his uniform clothes from the other day, so he goes around getting clothes for a shower.

"I'm gonna shower and then go make dinner. You gonna come with me to the kitchen?" The blond asks, mood just a tad better than it was just ten minutes ago.

"Yes. I like watching you cook. You look so happy. Even when you're sad, cooking just makes you walk a bit lighter sometimes."

Bakugo feels a little flustered at the extra information.

"A simple yes would've been fine, Halfie."

The other laughs quietly, telling Bakugo that this idiot did that on purpose.

He has to get used to that soon because Shoto is always pulling shit like that just to make him embarrassed and see his face go red.

The blond turns away and walks into the restroom.

"Alright alright. Stay or leave while I shower, but I shouldn't be too long," he says as he closes the door.

"Okay," his boyfriend calls through the door.

Then he's getting ready for his shower, glad that Iida and his boyfriend dealt with his classmates for him so that he didn't have to do it himself. He already hates the thought of them knowing. It would have been worse to also have to deal with their half assed apologies.

As he scrubs himself clean, he hums happily knowing that dinner tonight is going to come out so fucking good.

***
Word Count: 3349
im back from the dead. I didn't post last week and didn't even tell y'all. Sorry about that I just needed a break. This was a short chapter, too and the next one will probably also be short because classes start on Monday 😀 im so excited 😃 ugh anyway I went home last week. I didn't even stay a week because the mfs at work were throwing fits about me taking days off. Then when I got to work on Saturday they ended up sending people home so they DIDNT EVEN NEED ME IM SO PISSED. anyway 😛 chat is it still seasonal depression if i have it all year☝️🤨 lollll😀 it's just worse rn for some reason but im trying 😔 ermm sorry about the short chapter and the lack of posting last week. If I end up not posting next week, I'll let yall know this time. I hope y'all liked this chapter, the next one (hopefully) goes up next Thursday at 11:30 pm central time. I love you all and tysm for reading<3