He's still reeling about Todoroki being okay, so even though he knows his boyfriend won't die anytime soon, he can't sleep. He just stares at his open notebook, lamp being the only source of light in the room.

Shoto is asleep just a couple of feet away, blissfully unaware of the turmoil in Bakugo's brain.

He hasn't spoken to his dad in weeks.

It's been weeks, and his dad hasn't reached out to him whatsoever. Is he okay? Bakugo hasn't even thought about that.

Fear hits him immediately.

So he quietly stands up, gripping his phone tightly and exits the room, stepping out into the quiet hallway, closing the door carefully behind him.

Then he's calling his dad, praying he answers.

Actually, what time is it?

He pulls the phone away briefly as it rings to check the time.

3:50 am.

"Hello? Katsuki?"

The relief immediately hits and he answers, glad to be able to call his dad again.

"Hey, dad."

His voice is shot. He sounds like he hasn't drank water in days and lost in a desert for just as long.

"What's with the late night call?"

Remembering all of the horrible things Masaru has done to him, Bakugo gets this hollow feeling in his chest. It comes up with the need to earn his dad's attention. To earn and keep it because his dad isn't a bad person.

Masaru is grieving in his own way.

Sometimes it's hard to try and be the person you were before. It's not his dad's fault his mom is dead.

"I was just doing some work and started to miss you," he admits, somewhat hiding the truth. He did start to miss him, but the reason he called was because of his fear that Masaru could be dead.

"Oh, I miss you, too."

Hope blossoms in him.

He did?

Maybe then can go get coffee this weekend or something. Just so that he and Bakugo can catch up. It's been over a month.

As Bakugo opens his mouth to ask him about doing something, his dad beats him to the punch.

"You have no idea how much I've missed you," his dad sounds sad? Is he crying? "Mitsuki, it's been so hard without you."

His heart stops.

Oh.

Masaru starts openly sobbing and Bakugo realizes that he's drunk. He never sounds drunk, really. It's just things like this that give him away. If it weren't for the really obvious tells like sobbing to his child as if he were his dead wife, Bakugo would never know when his dad was black out drunk.

As the man continues, Bakugo's lip starts to wobble and his grip on his phone tightens.

"Katsuki has been so lost without you and I feel like I can't find him. I can't find our son."

Guilt.

It always goes back to that, doesn't it?

The earth shattering guilt he feels at every mention or memory of her.

He's such a fuck up.

But he finally snaps out of his shock, forcing himself to tell his dad that it's not Mitsuki, and instead, the disappointing son that he blames for his wife's death.

"Dad? It's Katsuki."

The line goes dead.

The blond stands there with his phone still pressed against the side of his face for a solid ten minutes. He just stands there and stares at the elevator doors just down the hall. They're nothing special. It's just those silver doors that stare back at him.

Did he think it was Mitsuki the whole time?

His face falls and he looks down at the floor. More time passes and soon, he drops his hand down, still holding onto his phone. He doesn't know how much time has gone by, but suddenly a door opens to his right. He doesn't exactly care. He just stands there, staring.

Why is it that he's stuck? Not just now, but for months. Since his mom's death, he's been stuck.

There's this feeling in his chest.

It's like he knows nothing will ever get better. He's hurting so bad and nothing seems to help with the pain. Everyone is going to die and he'll have no one. No one will have anyone in a couple of decades, maybe sooner, but none of them seem to care.

They all go around laughing and doing all these things without caring, and, yeah, Bakugo used to live like that, but ever since his mom died, he hasn't been able to go back to that.

Everything hurts too much to ever go back.

He's tried.

He's tried so hard, and he thought he was getting better at living with it. Living without his mom and knowing she will never come back or that he'll never get to see her again.

Therapy was working. He knows it was because the other day when he remembered his mom, he didn't feel like crumpling and letting his grief take over. He didn't lie down and let the days pass in a blur.

Instead, he smiled and remembered how she used to smile.

Now he's left paralyzed with the fear of losing people. His dad, who doesn't give a shit about him. It's almost as bad as Masaru being dead.

"Bakugo?"

He breathes and turns, barely recognizing Sero before he shakes his head numbly.

"I gotta check on Shoto," he whispers, voice failing him as he walks into the room.

Todoroki is still asleep as he sits down at the table where he had all his stuff. He just sits there and stares into nothing.

~~~~~

It's noon by the time Halfie wakes up and by then, Bakugo has put his head down on the table and just stayed there the entire time. He knows he has to give Shoto his medicine, so for the first time since he got back into the room, he sits up and looks over at his boyfriend.

"Why aren't you in class?"

Oh shit, he forgot about that.

He doesn't remember his phone buzzing or anyone coming to knock, so he shrugs it off and pretends it's not a big deal that he's not there.

It's really not a big deal, but if he tells Shoto that he just sat there staring into nothing for hours on end because his dad hates him and he'll probably never earn his love again, Shoto might make it a big deal.

"Didn't feel like going. I prefer watching you sleep," he jokes, hoping to put out some humor instead of the horrifying emotions that are gathered in his chest.

Shoto smiles at him, staying on the bed, but turned on his side so he can look at Bakugo.

"Are you okay? You look sad."

Looking away, Bakugo nods and tries to will away the feeling of almost being caught. Halfie is sick right now. He needs to get better. Plus, he's just being dramatic. Worse things have happened to other people.

"I don't exactly like studying. Shits kind of annoying," he lies.

That's not what's bothering him, but he won't get into it now.

"I hope you know you can tell me anything. Even if you don't think so, okay?"

The blond just nods, scribbling nothing into his notebook. Just a swirl next to his notes about the Kamakura period.

A groan and movement makes him look up.

Halfie is getting out of bed and stretching, a satisfied hum when he relaxes and he smiles, "I need a shower. I'll be right back."

The taller teen grabs some clothes and heads into the restroom, closing the door behind him and allowing Bakugo to lie down on the floor and stare up at the ceiling alone. He doesn't want to worry anyone. It feels a little dramatic to do this.

He'd rather not do this when other people are around.

Maybe he should just sleep. Yeah, that's not too bad of an idea. He doesn't feel sleepy, but maybe with the lack of sleep, he'd be able to drift off anyway?

So he gets up and goes over to the bed, knowing Halfie won't mind him sleeping next to him.

Sure, Bakugo might get sick, but it's worth it. There's a very low chance of that happening, anyway.

He puts the medicine on Halfie's side of the bed so that he knows to take it before he lies back down and then relaxes into the bed, already feeling the sleep take over.

He's out for about thirty minutes before he feels the bed dip next to him and Shoto is pulling him into his chest, hugging him tight. His eyes barely open and he mutters, "Medicine."

Shoto squeezes him and pulls him even closer, "I already took it. Thank you, Katsuki. Just get some sleep."

The tone in his voice is caring and so so soft. It leaves Bakugo feeling cherished. Cared for. Something that he really only feels with his boyfriend. There are times here and there where he thinks his dad will be the one making him feel safe and cared for. Like everything is going to be okay because dad is here.

But it hasn't happened. Not since those first few days.

He drifts off again for who knows how long until he's shaken awake. It's significantly darker now, meaning he's probably being woken up to go make dinner.

Just the thought of it makes him want to never wake up again.

"Katsuki? Hey, wake up. You have to eat."

He doesn't want to. He doesn't deserve to. How is it fair that he gets to eat and his mom doesn't? He gets the privilege of doing all these things while his mom doesn't.

"No," he says and tries to go back to sleep.

"You don't have to make dinner," Shoto explains, "I'm not telling you to go make it. I ordered takeout for the class."

It's not about having to go make dinner. He just doesn't deserve to eat.

"I'm not hungry," he lies, voice even worse than before. He guesses not really using it and staying up for days will do that. He wasn't up all week, but he only got a few hours of sleep each night when he did sleep.

"You haven't eaten all day. I got your favorite," Shoto tries, shaking him slightly harder.

Mapo tofu?

He can't.

"No."

Bakugo feels the energy shift. Shoto knows something is wrong. Fuck.

"Did something happen? Did I do something?" He asks, genuinely worried that it was his actions that put Bakugo in a low mood. He's such a considerate person, it almost hurts.

"No. I just want to sleep, okay?"

Even without looking, he knows the other is pouting. Of course he is, it's Shoto.

"But I got you your favorite. Please just try it."

He can't betray his mom like that. Not after he took away the last thing from her. She's no longer the last person who helped him with his arms. Bakugo can't take away the fact that her Mapo tofu was the last Mapo tofu he ate. Even if it is his favorite, he won't let that be taken away from her.

No way in hell.

"I don't eat that anymore. I-" he doesn't know why he can't admit it. It's already ridiculous enough that he talks to his mom through the ground, but for some reason, this feels even more absurd. "I just don't eat it," he finishes lamely.

Shoto hums, thinking.

"Oh, I didn't know that. Sorry. Maybe we can share my dinner?"

With a sigh, he turns around and faces his boyfriend who leans away to turn on the lamp. When the light turns on, Bakugo winces, shutting his eyes.

"Sorry, are your eyes okay?"

Bakugo just nods, opening them slowly. When his eyes become accustomed to the light, he looks up and Halfie who's smiling widely with two boxes of takeout on his lap.

By the time Bakugo sits up, Shoto has put the blond's box on the desk and opened up his own. They're soup dumplings, finally something not soba. There are about ten in the box along with some rice and two hard boiled eggs.

Halfie then takes a dumpling and puts it in front of Bakugo, trying to feed it to him.

Suddenly overwhelmed with that feeling of being cared for once again, his eyes start tearing up as he opens his mouth and lets Todoroki feed him.

As he chews, he looks away and tries to stop himself from letting his emotions get to him.

Then there's a hand on his cheek that slowly guides his head back towards Todoroki, wiping away the stray tear that falls.

Halfie just looks at him with an understanding look in his eye and doesn't bring up the tears, knowing Bakugo doesn't want to talk about it right now. Honestly, he probably can't talk about it. Not without having a breakdown.

"Is it good?" He asks, only solidifying the fact that he's an amazing person who understands when things need to be put aside for later.

So Bakugo just nods as more tears flow, finishing the food in his mouth.

He sniffles as he feels his nose start to get runny. Once Halfie has taken a bite of his food, he picks up some rice and feeds it to Bakugo who continues crying as he gets fed, feeling so many things at once.

Talking about this later is not going to be fun.

~~~~~

Halfie doesn't bring it up, which is really nice of him because he knows he's going to talk about it during therapy.

Which he does do because believe it or not, Bakugo is tired of living like this. The thoughts that maybe he should just kill himself creep up and he can't do that to his mom.

He knows he's fucked up, so actually trying in therapy is all he's got right now. He's not sure what else to do at this point.

A lot of stuff comes up when he's talking to Hound Dog, and by the time he's walking out of the room, he feels heavier than when he came in. It's not always like that, but when it is, he usually feels better in the following days.

It's weird, but he doesn't give a shit as long as he feels better in the long run.

Like always, Halfie is waiting outside for him. He always has something for the blond. Today it's a stuffed animal and a blanket.

Shoto is too good for this world. Always thinking of Bakugo and wondering what he needs to feel better.

His cough has gotten much better. It's pretty much nonexistent other than the few times he forgets to take a cough drop or drink water for longer than a few hours.

"How are you feeling?" Shoto asks, wrapping him in the blanket and using his quirk to warm him up.

"Okay. Tired."

After he pressed a kiss to the top of his head, Halfie pulls back and runs his hands up and down his arms, trying to be comforting. It's nice. It goes to show how much he thinks about others, even when it has no benefit for himself.

"You sure you want to be the one making dinner? I'm sure everyone will be fine with cooking their own food from now on," the taller teen suggests as they make their way to the dorm building.

A guilty part of him can't let him stop making dinner for the class.

He's not exactly sure why, but his exhaustion after therapy isn't enough to make him want to stop making dinner. Hound Dog says it's depression.

Breaking news, depression sucks and it sucks for his ambition.

Who gives a fuck about becoming number one?

Not Bakugo's depression, apparently.

Nooo, instead his depression wants him to stay in bed all day and wallow in the pain and guilt in his chest.

Bakugo has never felt this before. Yeah he's had days in the past where he didn't want to get out of bed, but he's a teenager. Teenagers get lazy every now and then and believe it or not, Bakugo is lazy sometimes.

This is deep. Almost as if it's in his bones, refusing to let him get up and enjoy the things he always has.

According to Hound Dog, that's what he's been feeling for months. He wasn't lazy for not wanting to leave his bed, he was just depressed and his mind was fighting against him.

So yeah, depression sucks.

But he doesn't want to let it win. He's not going to.

"I'm sure. I just-" he sighs, and it comes deep from his soul. He's tired. "I don't know, but I need to make dinner."

Todoroki hums, understanding.

Bakugo wants to scream and punch everything because of how much he loves his boyfriend. He's so amazing. He could write poems about how Shoto's actions every day are more beautiful than the sunset in the summer or the northern lights in the winter.

And Bakugo sucks at poems. He can't even interpret them right when Present Mic has them break them down in class.

Maybe Shakespeare knew what the fuck was up when writing his love poems. They probably could've been better if they were written about Shoto himself, honestly.

"Katsuki?"

The blond is pulled away by those embarrassing thoughts by the object of those thoughts, leaving him blushing as if Halfie could hear what he was thinking.

He must be slow to turn away because his boyfriend makes an amused sound.

"Are you blushing?"

This asshole loves to tease.

He turns his head farther and accidentally missteps, making him trip away from the Half'N'Half idiot. His ankle twists slightly, not enough to hurt, but enough to make him stumble.

He catches himself, but Shoto also gets a hold of his arm, making the blond turn to him since he was caught off guard.

It all happened so fast, but when he realizes he's fine, he can see his boyfriend's smug face as he gets to see the bright blush on Bakugo's face. Stupid smug bastard.

He groans and pushes his face away, shy about being seen like that.

"Were you thinking of me? Is that why you're blushing?" He mumbles out, speech slightly impaired by Bakugo's hand.

"If you don't shut up, I'm not making you any mochi."

With a pout, Halfie backs off and sighs dramatically, leaning heavily on Bakugo and hiding his face in his neck, tickling Bakugo.

Both the feeling of being tickled and the antics of his boyfriend have him laughing, trying to shove him off as Todoroki wraps his arms around him, burying his face even further into his neck.

He feels light as he laughs, loving how Todoroki makes him feel.

It feels like a treasure to be able he like this with him, heart lighting up as he feels Todoroki smile and shoulders slightly shaking as the idiot laughs, too.

He's not sure why it is, but being here with Shoto always makes him feel better. It's not like he's completely better and forgets all of his problems when they're together. No, it's more like he knows Halfie accepts his problems and loves him for him.

Shoto doesn't love him despite his issues. Shoto loves him for him, that means issues and all.

It doesn't really make sense to him. Like how does this blob of happiness and positivity even come to love someone as brash and rough around the edges as he is?

"You're the best," he admits out loud, knowing this idiot needs to hear this.

Now Shoto is the one caught off guard, and he pulls back from where he was buried in Bakugo's neck. His face displays his shock and a small smile, clearly enjoying the words.

So Bakugo continues, "I'm serious. I'm lucky to be with you. I've never met anyone who makes me feel like you do. I just hope I can do the same for you."

He stares into Shoto's eyes in determination, wanting his boyfriend to know that he means what he says wholeheartedly. That there's not a single lie in his statement and Shoto deserves to know so. No matter how embarrassed he feels being so open about this.

It's the best decision to make. Staring into Todoroki's eyes, that is.

Because in doing so, he can see how his eyes widen and a glint, almost a sparkle with how happy he looks, eyes scrunching up.

It's beautiful.

"You do," Shoto says, voice low. It's like it's a grand secret that only the chosen ones can hear, "you do. Katsuki, you really do."

He presses a kiss to the blond's lips and it's the best thing Bakugo has ever felt. It's like this every time, and each time, Bakugo feels fireworks going off in his chest. A stark difference from the dark guilt.

~~~~~

"Bakugo's mom died? What? When?"

Bakugo freezes.

It was the middle of training. Suddenly a couple of people grouped together and started whispering amongst each other as other classmates paired off to spar.

His heart felt like it stopped. Not just because people knew now, but being reminded when he's not exactly expecting it is like a stab in the gut. It physically hurts to remember that his mom is gone.

He slips when he hears, making Kirishima hit him full force with his hardening right in his face.

Immediately, he pulls back, eyes widening. Kirishima is still, reeling in shock for a second before he rushes forward.

Bakugo feels stuck too as all he can focus on is the group of people behind him whispering about how she died, and why Bakugo didn't tell them. He doesn't even feel the pain in his face or the worried hands on him.

His mind becomes fuzzy, and distantly, he realizes that's probably from the hardened punch to the face he got from his best friend.

"Katsuki?"

A soft voice pierced through all the others and makes him tune out the others that are whispering about him.

As soon as he makes eye contact with the soft voice, he's met with the pretty eyes of his boyfriend. Oh, it's Shoto.

The pretty eyes turn from looking soft to concerned.

"You have a concussion."

"Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry. You put your arm up like you were going to block and then you didn't and I accidentally swung too hard. Oh-"

"It's okay, Kirishima. We're sparring. It's bound to happen," Todoroki says, comforting Kirishima the best he can. If he waited a second longer, he would've spouted a million more words and sounded like Deku.

Mind muddled, Bakugo grimaces.

"I don't want Deku here," he mumbles, speech slightly off.

Kirishima makes an offended noise, "Don't compare me to him, bro," he frowns, before making a concerned face himself, "you're talking weird. I'm going to get Aizawa."

He runs off, leaving only him and Shoto whose focus that was solely on him before, is being pulled away to the group of people behind them.

Shoto finally realized what they're talking about.

"Let's get you away, okay? It'll be fine. You know that, right?"

He doesn't know that. As soon as everyone gets word about his mom's death, it'll be all they talk about. They'll be able to use it against him. And that's just the people that are trying to be heroes. Imagine the villains that'll use it.

That can't happen. He won't survive it.

Even with all the therapy he's gotten these last few months, he still won't be able to live through something like that.

He's fucking weak. People will know his weakness. Everyone will in just a few days.

Shoto pulls him away and starts taking him to their teacher who was already on his way with Kirishima.

"Bakugo? What happened?"

"I didn't dodge. Oops," he mumbles with a shrug, not having the energy to speak any louder or clearer.

"No, I mean what's wrong? Why were you distracted?"

Before any of them can speak, Uraraka is running up to them and apologizing profusely. Bakugo knows that it's probably about him, but he doesn't really get why.

She turns to Aizawa, "Did you know about his mom?"

The man looks confused and annoyed for a second before he puts it together. When he turns to look at Bakugo, all the blond does is nod.

"Okay, Uraraka I need you to go over to that group over there and tell them not to spread this information. Just give us space so Bakugo can get healed."

The look on the girl's face was sad at first, but then it turned more worried and determined.

"Okay, sensei. Make sure he's okay."

She really changed her tune about him, didn't she? It's not like he's suddenly a good person because his mom is dead. This is exactly what he means when he said people would treat him differently. Why is she suddenly nice to him after he's been such an asshole to everyone?

Uraraka runs off after that and Aizawa continues to lead them away.

Aizawa leaves his hand on Bakugo's shoulder, almost as if he think Bakugo would run off if he didn't have it there. Bakugo has to hold back a laugh at the idea of him running away and Aizawa chasing him. Kind of like in those cartoons he used to watch when he was younger.

At the thought of that, he sighs heavily.

Usually his thoughts about when he was younger include his mom.

His mood sours immediately and he starts feeling really bad, head pounding and face hurting like a bitch. It feels like it's on fire, actually, and the more he focuses on how his head feels, the more he can tell that there's blood running down his face.

Ouch.

"My head hurts," he admits, dumbly.

No shit. He's fucking bleeding like crazy.

"I know, I'm so sorry, bro," Kirishima gets in before Aizawa can say anything.

He can see Shoto look over at Kirishima and motion that it's okay.

Even all sweaty, his boyfriend looks like a gift from the heavens. God damn, that's his? Todoroki is his boyfriend?

Who the hell did he make happy in his past life?

Whatever he did, he's grateful.

The pain gets sharp and it starts feeling like his head might blow up, so he stops, reaching up to massage his head.

A hand stops his own before he can try to soothe the pain, and he hears a panicked, "Woah, hold on," from Kirishima.

Was it really that bad?

"Katsuki, we have to go to Recovery Girl, so don't mess with your head, okay?"

Since moving his head hurts, the blind just mutters a quiet "okay" before there're back to walking towards Recovery Girl's office. When they get outside, the sun hurts his eyes and he squeezes them shut, groaning at the pain it causes.

Before he knows it, a hand is grabbing his and Shoto is talking to him.

"Just keep your eyes closed. I'll lead you. You won't fall."

It's so nice, he finds himself smiling.

God, he's such a mess right now and his boyfriend holding his hand has him all giddy. He's not some middle schooler with his first ever relationship. Instead he's a high schooler with his first ever relationship so he has to grow the fuck up and stop blushing when his boyfriend smiles at him.

When they finally get to Recovery Girl, she has him sit down as soon as they get there and she starts checking him carefully.

If he closes his eyes and really imagines it, it's almost like it's his mom checking him for bruises after he fell off of his bike. If he imagines hard enough, he can even smell her perfume and the sound of her worried voice.

"I'm wrapping you up and never letting you leave the house again."

He has to bite back a wobbly lip.

"My my, Kirishima really did a number on you," he says.

When he opens his eyes, she's pulling away from him and grabbing her light. Then she's leaning back in and motioning at the device in her hand, letting him know she has to check his eyes.

For what? He doesn't know,

It's already obvious he has a concussion, but what does he know?

He's just the idiot who got his face bashed in.

"Can I go to sleep?" He asks, not wanting to be awake because of the pain in his face and head. Can't she just heal him already?

"Not yet, Bakugo. If you want to go back to your dorm, I can't let you go to sleep then, but if you want to sleep, you can stay here where I can keep an eye on you."

She flashes her light in his eyes, and it hurt, but he has to let her get a good look, so he stays as still as possible, feeling his eyes tear up just a bit at the pain it's causing.

When she pulls the light away, he groans at her words and sighs heavily.

"Okay, I'll stay here. I just want to sleep."

Kirishima whispers something to Shoto and looks at him. He better not be talking crap about him.

"Hey, what are you saying?" He prompts, not liking that they're hiding something from him.

Kirishima pulls away from Shoto and smiles at him, teeth on display, "I was just telling Todobro how cute you are when you're delirious."

Bakugo is not cute.

He splutters, face heating immediately as he turns to Aizawa, looking at him to make sure he's hearing this bullshit, too. The man just nods at him knowingly as if he's on Bakugo's side, too, and thinks this is complete nonsense.

That has Kirishima bursting out laughing and Bakugo flipping their teacher off,

The damn man is mocking him. Stupid sensei.

"Fuck you. All of you. Let me get some sleep, in case you forgot, Kirishima went unbreakable on my fucking face and that shit hurts like a bitch."

He's not saying that to make himself look like the victim, but just enough so that they feel bad.

Kirishima pouts in guilt and backs off, but Shoto smiles and leans closer to him, putting his hand on the side of his face.

"Aw, do you want us to take care of you?" He asks, voice overly kind. This asshole is mocking him, too.

Bakugo pulls back and slaps his hand away.

"Asshole. All of you, out," he huffs, crossing his arms over his chest and turning away from them, "except Recovery Girl, obviously. You're nice. You can stay."

The woman just raises an eyebrow and shakes her head.

"How nice of you to allow me to stay in my own office, little Bakugo," she says sarcastically.

He fights back a curse at her, and instead leans back into the bed and throws the covers over him, ready as fuck to get his sleep on.

"Yeah yeah I'm the best. Just heal me and let me sleep."

After the others leave, she does just that and finally puts him somewhat out of his misery, letting him sleep after what felt like ages of just sitting around, talking, and letting her clean his wounds.

This better be the best sleep of his life.

He'll deal with the issues that come with everyone knowing about his mom dying when he's awake, whether he feels better or not.

***
Word Count: 5244
Chat being poor is not for the weak. Every time I cry it has something to do about being poor. I'm not even joking 99% of the time I'm crying about ts. I am not a cryer. I cry about once a month max. It's not a flex and I'm not trying to be quirky like yeah I don't show my emotions (because I do I just can't cry a lot of the time)😝 no this shit is annoying esp cause when I do finally cry, I cannot talk. It's impossible actually. Not even like my talking gets shaky or wtv cause it does at the beginning but then when I actually start crying, I cannot speak a single word. It feels insane actually like I want to say smth but I just CANT. Idk how that works but annoying honestly. Like I need to have a breakdown or smth soon because everything is too much. I just hate being poor and people with money will never know this kind of pain. Anyway mb yall I just needed to vent. I hope y'all liked this chapter. I'll try to write some more on the next one, but I can't make any promises about it actually being longer. Next chapter goes up next Thursday at 11:30 pm central time. I love you all and tysm for reading<3