Seeing his mom later on that day was the only thing keeping Bakugo going.

He'd have to cancel with his friends at lunch so that they would still have time to talk about going earlier in the day now that he wasn't going. They could go at the original time they'd discussed.

He wouldn't be disrupting their initial plans.

It was good, right?

Sure, he might be letting them down, but he doesn't think he can hang out with Sero like that now that the other teen knows about his mom's passing. He might say something about it and that's definitely the last thing Bakugo wants.

He sighs. He's feeling that weird feeling today.

The feeling where he's a little freaked out about himself, but doesn't care enough to get help.

He can't remember if he showered this morning or if he ate breakfast. He doesn't feel hungry, but it's not like he feels fed.

It's that same feeling he gets when he stops realizing what he's doing, but can remember everything he learned in class. Like, he knows when ceramics became a main art form in Japan.

He can remember what the rules of semicolons in English are.

But he can't, for the life of him, remember if he even brushed his teeth. His mouth feels gross and when he looks down at his shirt, almost halfway through the school day, he notices that some of the buttons are not buttoned and his shirt is somewhat uneven.

That makes him close his blazer just a bit more, and he looks around at the class to make sure no one is looking at him.

He feels stupid when he sees that no one is.

A quick look at the time tells him that lunch is soon. Just a bit closer to seeing his mom.

By the time he focuses on the worksheet in front of him again, which, by the way, is ninety-eight percent complete- when he did all that? He doesn't know- the bell for lunch rings, and everyone gets up, heading for the lunchroom.

It's overwhelming with all the sudden noise and people passing him. His friends call him over and he gets up, not even capable of putting up an annoyed act.

Like he said, he's worried about himself, but he doesn't really care enough to tell anyone about it. Doesn't care enough to try and fix it.

People will just end up pitying him, and that's the last fucking thing he wants. Sero shoots him a few looks, but he ignores them, pretends he doesn't see it.

It's when they sit down, that Bakugo actually sees what he got to eat.

He doesn't care, really. Doesn't even think he can actually eat right now. There's this lump in his throat that makes him feel choked up. Just the thought of eating makes him want to walk away.

While his friends talk, he starts pushing around his food. Just an excuse to not have to pitch in. It's peaceful for a while before Bakugo realizes that he'll have to cancel on them now. Fuck, did he even prepare what his excuse was?

No he didn't and now he doesn't know what to say. Maybe something about his dad would work.

He doesn't really know how to just cut in and say that he can't go today after school to hang out, feeling a little awkward as he thinks about when to do so.

The problem is that Mina won't shut the fuck up.

Mina has really pissed him off recently so he won't feel bad if he interrupts her.

So he does.

"Then he just decided to-"

"I can't make it to the shitty laser tag thing today," he says, voice able to cut through Mina's and make them pay attention to him.

The girl rolls her eyes at him interrupting but smirks at the news that he won't make it.

"What a relief, it would've been a bummer having you around while we're trying to have fun. Ugh, it's like-"

"Mina shut up."

Bakugo looks at Sero who had been the one to cut off Mina this time.

His interruption made the rest of the squad look at him in shock. He's usually one to join in on bashing him, but now that he pities the blond, he's doing this shit.

"What's your issue Sero? You're so fake. Acting like this isn't how you've been talking to him or about him, too," she complains.

The others just sit and watch, unsure of what to do. Bakugo is just glad that he didn't have to tell his lie, so freaking out about coming up with a reason was pointless.

Before Sero can answer, Bakugo interrupts yet again, so done with their attitudes and the lack of response from the rest of the group.

"Who gives a fuck about what either of you two have to say? Calm the fuck down, both of you. Holy shit you're annoying," he says, exasperated, getting up and leaving, throwing his untouched food away.

Of course, the others have nothing to say. They're like fucking robots or some shit. It's like they have absolutely no reaction to anything that Mina and Sero usually say. They don't laugh, smile, join in, protest, deny, or shut down anything they say. They're just there, doing nothing and that drives Bakugo even more insane than Sero and Mina.

It's honestly embarrassing the way he leaves, making a scene for the billionth time. He feels dramatic and like he's just asking for someone to notice that something is wrong.

He doesn't go up to the roof or anything dramatic and far like that. He just walks to the closest exit and sits outside right under the windows, so if anyone passes from the inside, they won't know he's there.

Sighing, he just sits there, feeling nothing except annoyance.

Why can't they just let him be? God he wished he could just completely ghost them and never speak to them again, but with these guys, he has to pull away slowly.

Doing things that makes them realize he's not a good person and they should stay away from him will make them less likely to question him.

This strategy is way smarter since they'll feel like they came to that conclusion themselves.

The only person he'll have a hard time pushing away now is Sero. Yeah, Kirishima and Kaminari are closer to Bakugo, but they won't suspect that he's purposely trying to separate himself from them. It'll be harder to convince them than the others probably, but he'll just have to be extra mean to them in particular.

With Sero, though, it's a mystery.

He knows too much. More than he wanted anyone to know and it's way more annoying that it's him because Sero suddenly on his side raises questions.

Bakugo doesn't trust Sero, either, so he doesn't know whether or not he'll tell the others.

Fuck he really has to make sure he doesn't.

So he texts the bastard, telling him to meet him at midnight in his dorm room to talk.

He sits outside as he waits, looking up at the cloudy sky, listening to the drying leaves rustle as the cool air rushes through the air.

It's nice out.

His blazer is not thick enough to fight the cold, so he shivers a little, but it's not cold enough to go inside.

It feels like those days where his mom would call him out to sit with her on the porch. Those mornings where his dad would still be asleep and they had some time to themselves and talk normally.

Those moments were rare, but Bakugo appreciated them, even in the moment and he's glad he was at least able to do that.

Because now as he sits here alone, outside with no one but his memories, tears pricking at his eyes, he thinks about the good moments with his mom. There are actually a lot.

The annoyance fades to pain and sadness in his chest, and pushes him to remember when she had slipped on ice one time when they went out to get groceries. It was just them two and she had been boasting about how many bags of groceries she could carry at once.

Right as she made it to the top of the driveway, she slipped on some ice and fell with a loud grunt, laughing as she rolled over so she was on her back, bags of groceries slowing her movements.

The teen had ran over to her, worried about her until she started laughing which made him join in, laughing at the panic that he felt when the fall was no big deal. Laughing at how she fell, looking a little silly as she tried to catch herself, but failing miserably and she couldn't, making her fall a little more painful.

After a minute or two of straight laughing, Bakugo helped her up and she was okay, glaring at him and making him promise that he wouldn't tell Masaru.

He did during dinner that night, and she cursed at him, calling him a snitch.

The smile fighting its way on her face betrayed her words and she ended up laughing along with them anyway.

Now he's just staring at the ground, head in between his knees and tears blurring his vision.

He sniffles, immediately looking up and trying to collect himself. As soon as he's sure his face is back to normal, minus the red nose, but it's cold out so there's no helping that, the bell rings and he hurries inside before anyone finds out where he was, right by the door.

It's a great place to sit and although he should probably find another place to go when he wants to be away from everyone, he wants to come back to this spot for now.

At least until he finds somewhere else.

The rest of the class day passes rather quickly, which he's thankful for because he wants to see his mom already. As soon as his friends leave for the arcade, he's going and he'll spend almost all night with her.

Since it's starting to get chilly, he'll take a blanket, buy some snacks to eat and some to leave at her grave because she used to like them.

Maybe she would like to have her grave be switched up a little bit?

The vase by her grave hasn't been changed since the first time he went to go visit her alone, so maybe he'll find a nice one that she'd like.

He walks swiftly to his room once classes are over and changes into something more casual, but warm and puts a small blanket into his bag before listening for Kirishima and the others to leave the dorm. When he's sure they've left, he'll head for the cemetery.

He can't wait to relax with his mom and rant about everything that's happened this week. He misses being able to tell her in person or over the phone. He misses being able to hear her breathing and her yelling.

The thoughts make him get choked up and painfully sad, so he shakes his head. Willing the sadness away because if he goes down with a red nose or puffy eyes, someone will notice.

His class is the best in the school for a reason. They're hyper vigilant and although they haven't paid enough attention to him or cared enough about him to find out about his mom's death, they'll be able to tell if he's been crying.

So he takes deep breaths until he hears the group that was in Kirishima's room, leave.

He waits exactly five minutes (because that's all he can force himself to wait for) and bolts out of his room.

After grabbing the class credit card, he makes his way out the door, making sure he has the blanket and a list of the things he needs to get for the upcoming weekend.

Before he can even leave, though, a voice calls for him and he freezes, hoping it's not someone from that stupid squad, before realizing it wounds way too monotone to be one of them. Even Shinso and Jiro don't sound that bored.

"Bakugo, can you wait for me? I'd like to come with you this time," Todoroki calls.

Bakugo is immediately consumed by anger, wanting just one day where he's able to spend hours talking to his mom without interruptions or nuisances around.

No one knows about his side trips and he doesn't plan on changing that now.

"No. Not this time." He just hopes the idiot doesn't fight him on it.

"I really want something from the store and I want to come. I'm so bored here," the taller idiot sighs.

Bakugo fights the urge to punch him in the face for taking away time that he could be spending with his mom.

"Get Deku to teach you how to play Clue or something. Not this time," he practically shouts, trying to figure out a way to make him give up before coming up with an idea that might work, "actually, I'm going again tomorrow. If you let me go alone today, I'll make your shitty Soba again even though it's already been your pick. I'll even make it today if you want."

Todoroki's face lights up ever so slightly at 'soba' before he's back to fish face.

"What is it about today that you never let anyone go with you?"

Bakugo is actually taken aback by this question. Not really sure how to answer it because he didn't think anyone actually cared that he didn't let people tag along. Most of them don't want to go anyway.

"It's the only time I get away from you losers. You're wasting my time. I'm leaving. Just text me what you wanted. Either way we can go tomorrow, shithead."

He leaves quickly after that, not wanting more time to be wasted.

Stupid IcyHot.

He takes a while at the store before visiting his mom, not sure which vase to choose because his mom loved red. She wasn't always so sappy, but she did say it was her favorite color ever since he was born. Red like his eyes.

The problem here was that there were so many red vases. So many she would have liked. So he started eliminating them based on things she might not have liked.

The ridges in that one would have annoyed her. The curve of that one might've made her roll her eyes with distaste. He's stuck between two of them now. Ugh, okay. The smaller one is more to Bakugo's liking, but the bigger one is more convenient and it did look more his mom's taste.

Paying for the vase, flowers, and snacks quickly, he heads for the cemetery, taking deep breaths as he looks up to the sky.

It's been cloudy recently. It kind of smells like rain, but that wasn't going to stop him.

He hadn't texted his dad this time, just going alone without expecting the man to show up. It made it easier. It made Bakugo less mad. It's just frustrating to him how his dad can't just come by. Just once.

"Hey mom," he greets when he walks up to her grave, kissing his hand and pressing his hand onto the picture of her.

"I can stay longer today, which you'd probably hate, but you're stuck with me. I brought snacks to compensate and I even got you a new vase. I hope you're not mad that I'm switching the older one out for this one," he says, placing the blanket down on the ground and setting up the new flowers.

He puts the old flowers and vase into his bag, deciding to throw the flowers away later.

"This week was shit, ma. Ugh, I could have done with your karaage. No one makes it like you do and you know it's one of my favorites," he says, finally sitting down.

Running his hands over his face, he exhales deeply.

He hates that he always waits for a response from her. A swear at him or even a smack over the head. He misses it so much. It aches when the smack or retort never comes.

It aches in a way he never thought possible. Too much. Too deep in his chest.

"The stupid idiot squad thought I was gonna go to that shitty arcade with them- or was it laser tag? I don't give a shit, it was stupid anyway. I'd much rather be here. You were always smart. Why hang out with idiots when I could be with you?"

He grabs the bag with snacks and takes out the ones that his mom loved, placing them next to her gravestone.

"I got your favorite. I don't know why you loved that shit, it's too sweet and gross. I can't believe that you liked candy so much. So weird- oh," he says, interrupting himself with his thoughts.

"I forgot to tell you that, again, that IcyHot idiot tried to come with me. I was trying to come off as unapproachable as possible, and this dumbass just walks up and tells- tells me to wait for him. I almost socked him right there. I just told him to tag along with me tomorrow."

The blond opens his bag of chips, leaning forward as he continues.

"I didn't wanna have to leave the dorms tomorrow, but for some reason he really wanted to tag along, so I'll humor him. Annoying fucker. I wonder why he wasn't up Deku's ass and annoying him instead. He just wasted my time."

And he continues ranting, telling her about the stupidest things that he knows would have made her laugh so hard she cried.

He talks until his throat becomes tired of it and then talks some more, feeling dumber and dumber every time he pauses to let her talk only to remember that she's not there.

She's not really there.

His mom is gone.

He talks until it start drizzling.

"Damn. It's raining now?" He complains, taking out his phone to check the time.

It's dark out. Real dark and it had been for a while, but he didn't think it was that late. When the screen lights up, he curses, realizing that he'd completely lost track of time. "It's nine, crap," he says, trying to gather all of the stuff quickly as he starts saying his goodbyes.

"I wish I had more time, ma. If IcyHot is busy tomorrow, I'll come visit you again. I promise. I'll see you soon," he says, shouldering the bag and hesitating to leave, pausing as the light drizzle gets a little more serious.

He gets choked up, tears brimming at his eyes when he wishes she was there to give him a hug goodbye.

"I love you. See you soon."

After pressing another kiss to her grave, he turns and rushes away, hoping he makes it back in time for curfew.

Since he's coming back tomorrow, he'll leave the rest of the shopping for then. Right now, he'll just stop at the store quickly for the Soba he promised Todoroki he'd make.

Sure, he usually makes the noodles from scratch, but it's already late and he knows most of the class has already eaten. Probably leftovers.

As he's making his way to the store, a bolt of lightning strikes in the distance, making him curse as the rain starts getting harder. He pulls out his phone to check for any messages, annoyed when the raindrops blur the screen and mess with the password.

After blinking, he realizes that the blurriness wasn't all the rain's fault.

Once his password is finally right, he sees that all the messages he got were mostly from Todoroki and Deku, some newer ones coming in from Kirishima and the others.

Todoroki's are mostly about the Soba, letting the blond know he'll wait for him to make dinner because he really wants Soba.

Bakugo rolls his eyes, sniffling a bit as the burning in his eyes continue. A hug from his mom was really all he needed. He shakes his head at the thought, already at the store.

After replying to Todoroki, he pockets his phone and focuses on which noodles to buy.

Since he's not making them himself, he really needs to get some good ones. He doesn't take too long, though, knowing he's on a time crunch.

He's out the door and halfway to campus in under five minutes, which is pretty fast, but not fast enough as it starts absolutely pouring down on him.

Much to his dismay, Aizawa's caller ID pops up on his phone and he fights the urge to throw the damn thing on the ground.

After watching the screen for a bit, he answers the call, really wanting to hang up, but forcing himself not to. He guesses that would be rude, especially since he already answered.

"Hello?"

"Bakugo."

"Sensei," the blond retorts, annoyed behind belief.

"Where are you?"

"On my way back. I was busy."

"I don't care if you're busy, the least you can do is check your phone. That way I don't have to resort to calling you, which we both hate."

Bakugo knew that he hated it much more than Aizawa did.

"Okay, well I'm alive. I'm two minutes way, so get off my back," and it's hard to let the call go on in silence as he holds back sniffles. He hasn't stopped crying since he left the cemetery, and although he's not outwardly sobbing, his nose is runny.

As soon as he sees the UA front gates, he sighs in relief. "I'm already at UA. Fuck off," he says, and abruptly hangs up. He finally gets to sniffle in peace, but tries relentlessly to get the crying under control.

His eyes and nose always get red and puffy when he cries and it's so obvious, so he needs to stop.

The redness isn't going to fade away immediately, but the less red, the better. Maybe he can just blame the rain? It is pretty cool outside and raining really hard.

After walking up the steps to the dorms, he finds himself just standing and staring at the doors, not making a move to go inside. In the patio, he's shielded from the rain.

A moment.

He just needs a moment to collect himself and his thoughts and go back to his regular old self. As he's trying to pull himself together, he looks down at himself. He's making a puddle in front of the door.

His clothes are drenched and the bag he's carrying has water in it, meaning the blanket he took is also soaked through.

Sighing, he turns the bag over, making sure to hold the stuff through the outside of the bag so they don't fall out, just the water. And then he's back to staring. He really doesn't want to walk in and deal with everyone.

The crying has stopped but the thought of having to walk into the building has his eyes welling with tears again as his head slumps down, chin touching his chest.

He can't be acting like this. He's not weak.

So he takes a deep breath, standing up straight and opening the door to the dorms with purpose and annoyance. His shoes squelch with every step and he wants to throw them at the first person who even tries to talk to him.

Of course that person is Todoroki, stepping into the hallway as Bakugo is tugging off the shoes.

"Bakugo. You were gone all day. Where'd you go?"

Bakugo glares at him before walking past, heading to the kitchen to drop off the noodles. "I was out. Just- I need to change. I'll be back to make dinner."

The blond had to hold himself back from blowing up and cursing because he really just wants to be left alone. This idiot doesn't get it, but maybe he's just hungry. He did say he hasn't eaten because Bakugo promised to make him Soba.

"Okay. It's no rush," the taller teen calls out.

Bakugo just hopes that Todoroki hadn't been able to tell that he was crying. If Todoroki of all people could tell, then everyone would be able to.

Finally at his floor, Bakugo stops standing up straight and slouches in relief at the thought of being alone in his room. As he's walking down the hall, he curses whatever god is against him when Kirishima's door opens and reveals the red head.

Immediately, he looks at Bakugo, and the look he sends him has Bakugo freezing in his steps.

He looks like he knows something. Did Sero tell him? Shit. He should have asked to meet with Sero sooner so that this wouldn't happen. Damn that fucking snitch-ass bitch.

"Bakugo."

His voice sounds empathetic. Too soft.

"Shitty hair," Bakugo says, voice monotone.

It's then that Bakugo feels less paralyzed by Kirishima's gaze, realizing that this guy probably wants to talk about something serious, so he starts walking towards his room again.

"Hey- wait," the red head calls.

Bakugo holds back a sigh, turning around to look at the other teen.

"Are you okay? You don't look so good man."

Bakugo wants to punch him in the face. Okay? Fuck him. Fuck everyone for looking at him like he's going to fall apart at the drop of a pin.

But he can't get mad. Not at Kirishima and not for this. As much as he wants to distance himself from him and the others, he can't force himself to be too mean about it.

So Bakugo lies.

"I just got caught in the damn rain, stupid. I might get a cold if you don't let me get changed already. I'm making Soba for dinner if you haven't eaten. Get some or not, I don't give a fuck."

He leaves Kirishima after that, bag weighing his arm down as it becomes heavier and heavier by the second.

Once he's in his room, he sets it down harshly, not caring about the contents inside, just wishing to change and dry his hair so he can finish making dinner quickly and be back in his room.

He just can't wait for Tuesday. He needs a day off from school before he has to go to therapy that same day.

Stupid Aizawa.

***
Word count: 4411
Hey yall I hope you liked this chapter. The next one will go up next Sunday at 8pm central time. I love you all and tysm for reading<3