No one knew.

He sat in class, dreading even going on while the entire class had no idea.

It wasn't their fault, really. He hid it because he didn't want them knowing. It just kind of hurt that no one really knew that something was wrong.

That they didn't think enough about how he's stopped yelling so much.

How he doesn't talk as much. Sure, he never really made an effort before, but now it's even worse and no one has noticed.

Bakugo is having nightmares about it.

He wasn't there when it happened, but he knows how it happened and now he can only imagine a million different ways of how it went down.

It aches, it hurts so much, he has to put a hand over his chest and bite his lip, blinking back the tears.

It's easy to distract himself.

He throws himself deep into schoolwork and barely even notices his lack of self care until he snaps out of this state of mind days later.

When he snaps out of it, he realizes that he's starving and how sleepy he is.

Not only that, but he feels gross, only telling him that he hasn't showered in who knows how long.

It doesn't really seem important, but he showers anyway, just to kill some time. To distract himself even more with the routine of showering. Wash hair, condition, wash body.

Sometimes he stays in the shower too long after those- episodes.

The only reason he notices is because he'll check his phone and see that the time passed way too quick.

It's not exact healthy, but it's better than the alternative which is to feel everything and fall apart into a million pieces.

His mom is dead and it hurts.

It's only been a little over two months, but this time has been absolutely draining.

He's never felt an emptiness like this in his life. The pain when he found out was like nothing before.

His mom is dead.

Paying attention in class is so easy because it's distracting.

When any teacher asks a question, he raises his hand. He always gets the question right. They usually call on him when they want the class to get going because they know he knows the answer.

It's a win win situation. Bakugo gets to prove that he's smart and the teacher gets to move on. You can add another win for the classmates who don't know the answer.

As Ectoplasm goes on about the differences between derivatives and anti derivatives, Bakugo writes everything down, already understanding the difference and how to get them. He feels a sort of pride when he understands something like this.

When he turns to Iida quickly, he can see that the guy is just a bit confused, so he feels even more proud.

That nerd is quick to pick up on everything in class, so sue him if he's a little prideful of that.

The class days usually drag on like this and it's annoying because most of the week, they don't even do intense training, so he's stuck barely trying. It's a love hate situation because when school is over, he can't force himself to be distracted like he is right now.

Instead, he has to find his own way to distract himself.

Hanging out with his friends is a good way to do this, but, lately, it's gotten a bit tiring.

Not in a sleepy kind of way, but in the kind of way that makes him want to cry and throw punches at anything and everything.

Studying even further is another way.

Training with anyone who's free is probably his favorite, though.

Ever since he started getting tired of having to pretend around his friends, sparring has been his favorite distraction. It's so easy to just throw himself into reading the other person and forget about everything else.

It helps him to become a better hero, too. Just like his mom wanted.

He bites his lip for the second time in five minutes and this time he accidentally draws blood.

Silently flinching at the sudden and sharp pain, he curses for accidentally hurting himself.

Bakugo doesn't even realize that he raised his hand until Ectoplasm calls his name.

"Restroom?" He asks, short and blunt, lacking respect on purpose.

The teacher just nods and he stands up to leave, heading to the closest restroom, wanting to get back to class so that he doesn't miss too much.

He'd hate for Glasses to have gotten the hang of something else while he was gone.

Whenever he's alone, he feels that empty feeling in his chest that hasn't left since his mom died. It's a nagging presence. Funny seeing as the presence is emptiness.

The blond locks the door to the restroom and walks over to the mirror. He tries not to look at himself completely because he's scared so he just locks his eyes on his mouth, which he's looking at to see the blood.

Looking at the red come from his lip is hypnotizing, but he blinks that drifting feeling away, trying to stay in the moment.

He shakes his head which would be comical in another situation, but he can't let himself drift. That would end up bad, so he takes deep breaths, shaking his hands before leaning over and gripping the sink, chest feeling horribly broken.

The quick thought that he has to get back to class flashes through his mind, so he stands up straight, not looking in the mirror, and takes a deep, grounding breath.

It's sudden. Sudden enough to prevent that emptiness from getting any closer and dragging him under.

He washes his hands, splashes his face for extra measure, and dries his hands and face quickly before unlocking the restroom door and flinging it open, heading back to class.

~~~~~

"Just come home."

Bakugo is annoyed and angry.

His dad never even wants to spend time with him anyway. He said once it was because he looked too much like his mom and it made him sad.

Masaru had been drinking, but it wasn't his fault.

"Go home just so that you're never there? No."

Bakugo hears the angry sigh of his dad and he regrets it, hating that he's being such a horrible son right now.

"We can do something this time. I won't make excuses."

Bakugo gets deja vu.

"You said that last time. I'm not going. Just meet me at the cemetery tomorrow."

Then he hangs up.

It's Friday tomorrow, meaning he goes to visit his mom accompanied by his dad.

Of course, Masaru never shows up, but he tells the man to show up anyway. It was supposed to be something they did together, but Masaru never once tagged along.

He was the one who suggested it right after Mitsuki died, but he hadn't visited her grave a single time. The only time he saw it was when they buried her. That was the last time Masaru had even gone near the cemetery.

Every time he would leave the dorm, he had to lie to his friends. Well, he half lied. He would tell them he was getting groceries, but before he would go to the store, he'd visit his mom's grave.

Every Friday for over two months he would escape.

As he gets into bed, he sighs, turning on his side and closing his eyes, a single tear falling as he thinks to himself that he can't wait to go see his mom.

~~~~~

He makes his rounds, asking the entire class one by one what they want in the near future so that he can go get the ingredients for that.

Bakugo only does this once a month because there are around twenty people in the class, he can't make twenty dinners in one week, so he just gathers information on who wants what, and makes only one person's suggestion per day.

If he's having a bad day and needs a distraction, he makes the more complicated foods, and saves the easy foods for the days where he's mostly okay.

He's been making dinners for everyone even before his mom died, but now he actually looks forward to cooking for the class. Only because it's something he can get into and not think.

Maybe cooking is his favorite distraction.

Yeah, no.

Sparring is pretty great.

"Sushi."

Bakugo nods, writing it down on his phone as he leaves without another word.

It's easier this way to just get whatever ingredients whenever he's going to make them during the week.

He plans out the days he'll make what, but he never really knows if that'll stick because his bad days come at random times.

It's all weird, but it works for him and that's what matters.

As he makes his way to leave, fixing his shirt and sweater, someone calls for him and he rolls his eyes, already knowing that boring voice.

When he turns to him, he sees that the idiot is walking towards him.

"You didn't ask what I wanted to eat," Halfie says.

"Cause I already know your dumbass wants Soba."

The blond starts walking away, exiting the building as he turns up his music.

Just as he's about to start making his way down the dorm stairs to the gate, there's a tap on his shoulder and he grumbles in annoyance, just wanting to see his mom.

He can still hear the other teen over his music.

"Do you need help?"

Bakugo makes eye contact with gray and blue eyes, genuinely curious as they look at him, a hint of concern in them, which angers Bakugo slightly.

He pauses the music coming through his earbuds.

"No, stupid. You'd probably be more of a nuisance, idiot rich kid."

The taller teen makes a face.

If Bakugo didn't know any better, he'd say this idiot was pouting.

"Can I come with you?"

He wants to see his mom alone. Definitely not.

"No. Now let me go get the stuff for your shitty soba. I'll make that tonight."

Bakugo breaks eye contact with him and turns away, turning his music back on and louder so he doesn't hear this guy anymore.

Once he exits the gates, he sighs in relief at the sudden feeling of being free.

It's cloudy, but no where near close to rainy and the wind feels wonderful as he listens to his music.

The thought of texting his dad that he was on the way to the cemetery brings him a wave of anger and sadness.

Masaru never shows up and it gets Bakugo so mad. He decides to text the man anyway, hoping he shows up this time. Once he's done that, he heads for the small store on the way, hoping the entire time that he gets a notification from his dad that he's on his way, too.

It's after he's bought the flowers and halfway to the cemetery that he gives up hope on getting a message from his dad. It's nothing new, obviously, but he still can't help but feel a little disappointed in him.

To stop the wave of emotions, he breathes in the cool end-of-fall air, closing his eyes as he pays attention to his music.

When he opens them, he looks up at the sky, watching the white clouds pass. He holds the flowers tightly and continues his walk to the cemetery, getting there quickly after.

Making his way to his mom's grave is familiar, sadness getting harder and harder to ignore as he approaches the beautiful headstone. It's pretty. Just like his mom was.

He bites his lip, removing his earbuds, breathing turning shaky and uneven as he sits down, placing the flowers next to his mom's grave, moving the flowers he'd brought last week.

They were still alive, but his mom deserved new flowers every week.

"Hi, mom."

Maybe it's weird that he talks to the headstone. He doesn't care. It helps him and it feels good to talk to his mom.

"I killed it in training this week. I know I always do, but you always liked hearing about the challenges."

He wipes away some of the dirt on the headstone before continuing.

"So Mr. Aizawa thought it would be funny if he put us through fucking hell. Well, it was a freezer kind of hell. It was so damn cold and you already know how that is for my quirk," he goes on.

Somewhere in the story he starts laughing, telling her about how Deku ate shit after slipping on ice at full speed, but it shocks him when he realizes he's laughing alone.

His mom is not here.

He bites his lip, pretending it doesn't bother him and continues the story, feeling like if he thinks about it too much, he'll offend his mom or something.

It's stupid, maybe, but he can't help it.

By the time he's done with the training stories for the week, he feels more relieved than when he got here.

Talking to his mom usually does that.

"I had to come here, right? But right when I'm about to leave, that fucking idiot IcyHot stops me and tells me that I didn't ask him what he wanted to eat this month as if he doesn't want the same damn thing every time," he scoffs, rolling his eyes.

"Holy shit, and Kirishima wanted to be a dumbass and asked for a random Norwegian dish he saw online recently. He's a fucking weirdo, I have no idea why you liked him."

The blond spends way too much time sitting next to his mom's grave, snapping out of his happy daze when he notices that the sky is turning pink and orange.

"Shit," he cursed, standing up, dusting himself off.

"I gotta go get the groceries now. I took way too long. I never shut the fuck up, huh? Hopefully they don't ask too many questions. I promise I'll be back next week. I miss you mom. Bye."

He kisses the headstone and rushes to leave, going towards the grocery store which is different from the place he bought the flowers.

Fuck.

At least he feels somewhat better.

***
Word Count: 2366
Hey yall I haven't posted in forever BUT I hope yall like this fic so far. I think I'm only posting once a week every Sunday at 8pm central time so I'm posting the next chapter on Sunday. Anyway I love you all and thank you so much for reading<3