P A R K E R

16 | your mind

SEAN'S MAKING SANDWICH for me to eat and I'm a bouncing up and down, a clear definition of a nervous wreck. I haven't eaten in so long. What's going to happen to me now?

"For the umpteenth time, Seany, I'm not hungry." I cry out glaring at his back.

He turns around glares at me back, before placing a plate of a wonderful looking sandwich on in front of me. "First off, don't call me that. And secondly, I was in the morning, you didn't eat breakfast. At lunch time, some kid came and whisked you out. You haven't anything all day, that I'm sure of. You're basically running on liquids." He says picking and dropping a bottle of water that was half empty. "I don't even know how you're still walking."

I sigh, tired of all this. I just wanted to lie down after school and rest my head but no, Sean just had to come on the minute I changed into something much more comfortable. At first it was fun watching him cook, he wore a half sleeved white shirt with dark jeans. I could see his beautiful tattoo out on display and I spent the time admiring it. That is until I find out that the food he's making is for me. I didn't ask for anything!

"I've told you. I. AM. FINE."

"Then eat." He pushes the plate closer, looking exhausted too. "Please Parker just eat this so I won't worry too much. And I already made it."

I look at the sandwich and just the thought of eating it makes me feel like throwing up. When I look back at Sean, he's urging me on with his brows. After another sigh, I pick up the sandwich and tentatively take a bite. It's really yummy and I successfully chew it and swallow it down. I take another bite and it's at the third bite that everything starts coming back out. I rush to the sink and throw up, Sean rushes to my side in a matter of seconds and holds my hair up behind me, his hand rubbing soothingly on my back. I throw up everything and when I'm done, I'm a heaving mess, my eyes clouded with moisture. Sean silently pulls me into a hug and gently pats my back.

"Oh Parker, what am I going to do with you?"

I hug him back even tighter, afraid that if he let's me go, I'll just fall.

Sean cups my face, tucking my hair behind my ear and using his thumb to wipe the gathered moisture that have now rolled down as tears. "Parker, are you okay?"

I say yes in my mind but my head shakes out a no. I'm not fine. Not in the least bit. I'm crumbling on the inside and I don't know what to do about it. I'm ashamed, disappointed and disgusted in myself for contemplating suicide, even if it was just a short while but that's not me, old Parker would never do that.

I want to mourn Bryce but how do you mourn your missing rib? I've never lost someone ever and I've always been the softy type. Now the first person I lose is someone who has been with me since day one. My confidant. My best friend. My first boyfriend. My Bryce. The only person that knows all about me and has never abandoned me. The one who has always been here. And I feel its all my fault.

It's all my fault.

"Its-- it's my fault." I shaky say. I don't have the right to move on. I don't want to.

"What? What are you saying Parker?"

I don't get to answer him because then there's a loud obnoxious knock on the door, startling us both. I free myself from Sean and run upstairs to freshen up while he checks up on who's at the door.

I clean up my face, applying a little makeup to my now very pale face. And changing my shirt to another one. When I come back downstairs, I see Sean glaring at Clement who is inside the living room picking up pictures from where they were placed. Not that they are much pictures anyway. Trey hates pictures.

"Clement?"

She turns around to see me and smiles, "girl you were a bomb back then?"

I narrow my eyes at the picture as I get closer. It's one of me during a really hot summer. I'm dressed in short shorts, a floral print noodle sleeve dress and I had my hair up in pigtails. Trey was beside me, fuming. He just fought with my dad and didn't think it was picture time but mum forced us. I think I'm nine years old.

"Were?"

Clement rolls her eyes, "You're still a bomb, I'll give that to you but nothing beats pigtails and a noodle sleeve."

I find myself laughing at that before Sean speaks up. "You guys know each other?"

Clement slings her hand over my shoulder like we're best friends or even sisters. "Duh, we're stiletto buddies."

I roll my eyes and shrug my shoulder off. "This is Clement and I met her at the cemetery."

Clement falls into the sofa saying, "goals."

I smile, "She's the one who came looking for me in the school and now she's here."

"Okay." Sean drawls skeptically looking over to Clement, then me. "I guess I'll leave you girls to... bond."

"Oh, where are you going off to?" I ask shifting from one foot to another, with my hands stuck in my back pockets.

Sean shakes his phone, "Riley texted. We've got to meet up."

I should have known.

"Riley?" I ask not hiding my distaste. "Your poor phone has now been infected."

Sean smirks, "don't miss me."

"I'll add that to my 'to not do list'." I reply smiling despite the fact that I hate this.

He waves at me and Clement, then leaves.

"If Riley's not a family relation, then don't worry, I won't mind if you ditch me and stalk after him."

I break my stare away from the white painted door. "Why on earth would I stalk after him?"

"Because I can smell jealousy on you. Don't tell me you think he's cheating? I don't want to have to behead a cute guy like him." Clement says looking up from the picture that's still in her hands and raising a brow at me.

I scoff. "He can't cheat. We're not together?"

"Why not?" She asks lazily dragging her eyes back to the picture. "How can you not date that? He's hot."

I don't answer her and instead pry the picture out her hands. "What are you still looking at in here?"

"That kid is bringing out the pedophile in me." She replies crossing her legs.

I raise a brow, "Who? My brother?"

Clement smirks, "Now that just makes things a lot more interesting."

I roll my eyes, going off to drop the picture back in its place. "Not you too. I don't see what you girls see in my brother."

"Well, if you see it, then it becomes a problem." Clement says following me into the kitchen. "An awkward, weird, blood curling, cringy problem. All summarized into one word; incest."

"That makes sense." I agree opening up the fridge. "What do you want to drink?"

"Beer." She instantly replies, "are you eating this?"

I bring out two bottle of Trey's beer and see that Clement is referring to the sandwich Sean made for me. "No, you can have it and I could make more if you want."

"Please do, I'm starving." She practically moans out. "You know what, I like you."

I smile, "me too. You're not as bad as you want to be."

"Oh I'm bad. I'm just keeping me on a leash in here. I don't want to scare you off. Yet."

I stuck my tongue out to her, "I'm so scared, I'm shaking."

She rolls her eyes, "You're gonna be my first preppy friend."

"Who says I want to be friends?"

"We're sharing beer on a kitchen counter and you're feeding me. Babe, we're already besties."

I laugh, tipping my beer to her. "I'll drink to that."

"To our boyish names, although my original name is Clementina," gag. "So, to our boyish names, hot brother and friend and piles of sandwich."

"Cheers." I say out and we both drink off our bottles. Then I laughed, "Who the hell saddled you with a name like Clementina?"

"My first foster parents. I should have known they hated me from the beginning."

"Oh."

Clement rolls her eyes, "don't get all sappy and pity like on me."

I gulp, "sorry."

Clement and I end hanging out that afternoon way into the evening. She's an amazing person to talk to and she never runs out of what to talk about. I learn that she's been through four foster homes and now lives by herself with her friends, or as I'll like to call it, 'gang'. She attends online school, because according to her humans are different types of animals and young animals of different kinds – teens – shouldn't be allowed to spend hours cooped up together and expected to 'get along'. Even in the zoo they are separated. I laughed at that. She works as a waitress in a bar and online schooling helps her with lots of time on her hands.

She has a boyfriend but its not a serious thing and she's more than ready to dump him for my brother who she hasn't met yet. She just turned eighteen, literally two days ago and insisted for a whole minute that I regard her as big sister. She loves heels but can barely afford them so she's stuck with boring cheap shoes. We apparently have a lot of thing in common. We both love Chinese, heels - our thing, Five seconds of summer, vampire movies and now we both hate Riley.

I even talk to her about Bryce and Sean. I tell her about how we've been friends and how he's a major asshole. I tell her about how they are both related. I tell her about my time in Peru and how it barely helped. Its surprising how much I tell a girl I just met. We just met but being with her is so comfortable, I feel like we've known each other forever.

"Now, I get it. You think you can't date the hottie because he's your late boyfriend's cousin." She concludes out loud.

"No," I start saying. "I can't date him because we don't like each other that way. Have you forgotten all about his assholiness?"

Clement rolls her eyes, turning around on the sofa to face me. "From what I heard, little hottie digged you."

"He left." I sigh, then shake my head. "That's not the thing. I don't like him that way. I don't like anybody that way anymore. In fact, it feels like I'll never find love or feel anything like that ever."

Clement looks at me, then places her hand on her chest. "You're making me all mush."

I give her a half smile.

Clement sighs, "You know what I think? I think that someday you will fall in love again. And you would have moved on without even realizing it. Its going to just as magnificent as the first time. Much more."

I smile, a genuine one. "I didn't take you for the love believer type."

She smiles and sighs relaxing back into her chair. "I do believe in love but not the Cinderella, snow white type. In my opinion, its going to be like a beautiful painting with different strokes and different colour. Its gonna be tough, simple, hard, sad, happy, everything. But in the end, it is what it is – beautiful."

I let my mind drink up everything Clement just said, then my phone chimes and when I see it, it's a text from Sean.

Sean - I'm done and yea she's a little hot but not nearly as interesting as you are.

Goodnight, beautiful.

I smile and one word resonates in my mind.

Beautiful. Beautiful. Beautiful.

"So tell me," Clement says drawing me back to reality. "How exactly did your boyfriend die?"

•  •  •

Time for the big question to be answered. If you haven't, please make sure to comment how or what you think happened to Bryce.

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