P A R K E R

14 | only one

THE RAIN'S POURING down heavily and I'm actually scared of the thought of dressing up and going to school. This day was defined the minute I opened up my eyes and saw the fat rain drops pouring down and making sounds on my window. The day had automatically taken a turn for the worst.

I don't get how people seem to like the rain. I have never liked it and I don't think I ever will. It makes everywhere gloomy, muddy and it literally drags deep dark thoughts out of me. I watch the rain and my mind starts wandering. Even when Bryce was around, he'll always startle me back to reality from whatever dreamy state the rain drops drags me into. I'll think of my father, my life after Payne, me and him, our friends. Anything at all.

I don't like the rain and it not just because of the fact that I look like a duck when wet.

Something makes me open up my window and the gush of wind that comes running in concludes the decision I've been trying to make all the fifteen minutes I've been staring at my window; no more school for me today. When I happy sigh I jump back to my bed and pull the covers over me.

There's only one good thing with the rain - it helps me sleep like a baby.

My sleep wasn't long lasting however because the minute I start drifting off, my bedroom doors opens up and I hear -

"You're still in bed?"

After that follow a series of pats and shakes from no other than the famous notorious Sean Bryan. I groan turning over, trying to escape his excruciating voice. Why is he here? My eyes snap open when I feel some kind of liquid drop on my face. I didn't hear Sean move so where did the liquid come from. Oh no.

"Is that saliva?" I yell, turning to face him with wide eyes and dropping jaw. "Did you spit on me Sean?!"

He just smirks while I wipe at my face and try to detect the substance. "What if I did?"

"Sean!"

He breaks into a loud laugh, bending over and supporting himself with knees. I glare at him, every second hotter than the last. He eventually stops laughing and rubs the back of his palm around his eyes like a puppy.

"No, Parker, I didn't spit on you. What do you take me for?"

"A disgusting jerky asshole." I answer immediately and he winks. I sigh, "that wasn't a compliment."

"To you."

I sigh again, "What was it then, if not your freaking saliva?"

He bends down towards me and runs his hand through his hair, subsequently making water from his wet hair splash at me.

"Ew, get away!" I yell jumping out. "You were out in the rain? No umbrella or something?"

"I couldn't find where Margaret keeps them so I just ran over here." He slumps down on my bed, stretching his long legs forward. "So why aren't you dressed?"

"Because I was still asleep. I don't want to go anywhere today." I grumble out searching my flip flops.

"Not option. We have school and we're going."

I place my hand on my hip and narrow my eyes at him. "Why we?"

"Us. Me and you. And because you're my only source of transportation." He replies casually, resting his hands behind his head and letting his eyes eye me.

I become conscious of the fact that I'm dressed in plaid shorts and a plain shirt. My hair is still in its ponytail but I'm sure it looks terrible and I most probably have drool on me. If I wipe my cheek now, Sean would know and make fun of me. If there's any, he has either already seen it and shut up about it or hasn't seen it at all. Either way, I can't let the luck run out. I awkwardly shift from foot to foot.

"You can take my car. I don't mind."

Sean puts his hand forward, examining it. "Maybe it's the way I laid down but I think my wrist is broken." He looks at me and concludes. "I can't drive."

"You're impossible." I better get this conversation over and wash my freaking face. "Fine, I'll be out soon."

He nods and I start walking to the bathroom. I look at Sean and he still looks at me, unmoving. I sigh, "Better be out before I come out."

He doesn't say anything and I leave him there, going into my bathroom. I look at my face and sure enough, there's a dried drool running down my right cheek. I blush and roughly wipe at my face. I look at my pale skin and my eyes. The bags underneath are a little relaxed, my eyes don't look dim and tired and I look have a little colour me. I still haven't eaten anything substantial but this weekends, I had the best sleeps I've ever gotten in a long while now.

My eyes drift to the toilet seat and he's not there. Then the tub edge and all around the bathroom but he's not here at all. I slowly free my hair from its ponytail, where is he? I haven't gone to see him. I haven't seen him or hallucinated him. I suddenly feel like crap and its as if I've committed a mortal crime. I can't do this to Bryce, I just can't. He's dead and I'm living. I'm get to live and I don't visit him? I don't think about him? Its like I've betrayed him and I feel like throwing up.

I finish up my bath and when I come out, my mood is worse than when I went it. I don't even notice Sean on my bed until he speaks.

"Parker?" I turn to him and me, thirty minutes ago would have freaked out that he's still in my room and I'm standing here, in front of him with just a towel. But me now is feeling emotionally confused and I can't care less. Sean gets up his relaxed position, his turquoise eyes clouded with worry. "Parker, what's wrong?"

"What are you still doing here?" I sigh out. I have this growing anger in the pit of my stomach and while most of it is directed at myself, the other part is directed at Sean. I don't know why though but I feel like its all his fault.

He wasn't here for me when I needed him, what gives him the right to come here now that Bryce is gone? What gives him the right to make me smile, blush, laugh and forget about his cousin who's lying six feet under? Why the hell is he warming his way into my life? If Sean Bryan thinks he's gonna replace Bryce in my life, then he has another thing coming.

"I was... waiting for you." Sean says slowly as if unsure of what to say.

"Get out." I say walking to my wardrobe. "I want to dress up."

"Parker what--"

"Sean please just go." I say shutting my eyes, I don't open them until I hear him walk out and shut the door.

Then I break down. And the tears come streaming down my face, even with my closed eyes.

I'm overreacting, I always overreact.

Maybe he's not trying to replace Bryce, the rational me thinks. Maybe he's just trying to be here for me. To be a friend that I do dearly need. I can't help but admit that even in Peru, nothing has compared to the days I've spent with Sean. I've felt more alive. He's obviously good for me.

But the question is, do I want good? Do I deserve good? My best friend and boyfriend is lying dead, do I now just leave him behind and move on? He's still with me. He's everywhere. I want to be with him badly. I'm so confused with everything. I don't know if I want Sean out or in my life. I don't know if I'm supposed to try and heal  like everybody tell me and wants me to do. How long do I mourn? How do I do this right?

My hands come in contact with the contents on my table and I shove them all to the floor. My small portable glass mirror shatters into small pieces and I get a feeling I've gotten a few times after Bryce's death, right before I lost my mind and scared the shits out of my family. I crouch down to the floor and pick up a piece. I can see a part of my face and I don't like what I see at all.

My right hand slowly lowers the broken glass over the wrist of my left hand. My hands are shaking and I'm scared. A part of me wants to do it and end things, I'll be with Bryce then and I won't have to go through all this pain, confusion and uncertainty. The other part doesn't want to. She knows doing this would gravely disappoint Bryce and every other person. What about my mum? Trey? Margaret Bryan? Nova?

What are you doing?

I look up in surprise and right there on my wardrobe mirror, I can Bryce sitting on my bed, he's legs crossed. "Bryce?"

He frowns, "where you expecting someone else? Ouch Arc"

"Bryce." I slowly repeat and I drop down the glass, my eyes still on him. "I miss you. I didn't forget you."

He smirks,  "duh, you can't even if you try. We're soulmates." I don't say anything, the word 'soulmates' repeating in my head. "I love you Arc, now get you lazy ass to school."

He goes away but I don't feel sad about it. I tidy up as much as I can, then dress up – wearing Bryce's red Mickey mouse hoodie –  apply a little makeup and rush down.

"Took you long enough." Trey says glaring at me as I jumped down the last step. "The bacon's gone cold now."

"Its okay, I wasn't going to eat anyway." I answer, then turn to Sean who's sitting on the arm of the sofa, scrutinizing me. He probably thinks I'm bipolar now. I clear my throat. "Let's go?"

He nods and slightly stands up, picking up his bag and saying goodbye to Trey. We silently walk to my car and I toss the keys to him, jumping into the passenger's seat. I've never been in a more silent ride my whole life. Sean doesn't say a word to me, he doesn't turn on the radio, he does nothing but drive. I keep on turning to him and his face is as catatonic as it gets. I sigh and relax back on my seat, watching the rain water slide down my glass.

Maybe it's better this way.

Sean parks into a spot and I start gathering my things. "You should keep the keys, I'll come find you." He nods, I nod and I come out the car, opening my umbrella and making a run for it.

O_o

"Finally its coming to an end." I exclaim gesturing up to the roof with my hands.

Nova laughs, "I don't see why you hate the rain so much. It leaves a nice refreshing scent around after it's over."

I make a gag sound, "have you seen me today, two teachers have threatened to give me a detention because I was caught sleeping in class. I've been dreamy all day long and I honestly felt like bawling my eyes out. I haven't smiled all day."

"Are you sure its because of the rain, or some other reason?" Nova asks raising a brow at me before turning to the lunch lady who dumps spaghetti on her plate.

"What other reason?" I skip my turn and grab an Apple.

"I don't know, maybe you haven't smiled all day because you had a fight with Sean."

I sigh, "I told you, we didn't have a fight."

Nova rolls her eyes, sliding into our seat. "Then what do you call two people casting longing looks at each other, avoiding each other and not saying a word to each other."

"Um, I wasn't casting longing looks." I deny, quite appalled by the accusation. "Nor was I avoiding. We just didn't have anything to say to each other."

"Since when did Sean and Parker have nothing to say to each other?" Nova asks proceeding to fork spags (how I abbreviate Spaghetti) into her mouth.

I look at, my mind trying to bring up an answer to that rhetorical question. Since when did Sean and Parker have nothing to say to each other? I come up with a blank. Even way back, we always conversed. Whether we were fighting, teasing or being normal. Bryce and some other friends even complained sometimes about being left out whenever Sean and I slip into a mood.

Speak of the devil...

"Hi, ladies." Sean greets sliding into the seat. He wasn't sitting near me – across, actually – but his scent flooded my nostrils and I immediately felt warm.

Nova greeted him with a wide smile, "Hi Sean."

"How's it going?" He asks turning his Spags around.

"Fine, Parker here was just talking about you." Nova stupidly says and Sean looks up from his food, our eyes meet because I had been staring at him.

I look away, cheeks warm and jaw dropping at Nova. "No, I wasn't."

Sean smirks, "I don't mind."

I turn to him, "I wasn't talking about you, she's lying."

"I'm not." Nova has the guts to say. "She was saying something about how--" I cut her off by stomping on her foot. She yelps and turns to me, my eyes and brows are screaming, what the hell?! She sends me a sheepish smile and silently returns to her food.

I look up and Sean's smirking at me. I clear my throat, "So... you're no longer avoiding me?"

He shrugs, "I was giving you some space."

I nod waiting for him to continue. He doesn't so I prompt, "and?"

"And, I couldn't keep away."

I smile, rolling my eyes, "You aren't mad?"

Sean opens his mouth to reply but just then, my personal Harpy catwalks to us, sliding her perfectly manicured hand over Sean's shoulder and sitting herself down. "Hi, Sean."

Riley Trinke.

If Sean is surprised by the act, he doesn't show. He smiles, "Hey, Riley."

I don't here anything else because my eyes are trained on her hand over his shoulder, her fingers doing some weird dance on him. I want to glare, gawp and vaporise her entire being. I don't understand what's going on. Does she know who she's touching like that. Sean Bryan. My---

"Um excuse me?" Some small voice interrupts and I tear my eyes away from Riley's hand and turn to the voice, as do the rest of the table.

There's a thin, small, obviously freshman boy with large eyes looking at us all. "Um-- I'm looking for a Parker."

"That's me." I answer raising a finger up.

He focuses his large eyes on me now. "Uh, there's a Clement looking for you outside."

A what?

•  •  •

Longer chapter. Thoughts? Do you think Parker's overreacting with her emotions? What's Riley up to? And a what again?

Sorry for the sad mood, next chapter wouldn't be sad at all.

* next update - Thursday *

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