- if there is any confusion, her name (Milana) is pronounced (mee-lana) and her nickname (MiMi/Mila) are pronounced (mee-mee/mee-la) -

It was three in the morning when Milana decided to wake up, screaming and crying loudly again. I groaned and then sat on the couch for a few minutes, trying to wake myself up. When I finally had the strength to stand up, I did, going towards my bunk since I put her there.

I didn't know where else to lay her down. I didn't get to sleep until midnight because she kept waking up hungry.

"Mila what?" I asked and then picked her up, a horrible smell coming from her diaper. "Oh my f-"

I bit my tongue and then held her with one arm as I reached blindly into her baby bag, grabbing a diaper and baby wipes. I turned the lights on, squinting slightly at the brightness of them.

"I'm gonna murder Avery." I grumbled to myself as I laid Milana down on the couch. "I know. I know. Your diaper is full, I get it. Mila please, stop crying." I complained as I began to change her diaper.

When I finally changed her diaper, I contemplated what I was going to do with the damn thing. I wasn't going to let her diapers stink up my bus, but there wasn't an outside garbage can I could throw it in right now. The bus was moving.

I groaned, going to the bathroom and tossing it in the garbage by the toilet. I washed my hands and then closed the door as I picked up Milana after fixing her diaper.

She had stopped crying, now sucking on her thumb as she crawled around the couch. "MiMi please go to sleep." I told her, picking her up and cradling her in my arms, rocking her a bit as I picked up her baby pink pacifier.

I placed the rubber on her bottom lip and she brought it into her mouth, sucking and biting on it as she looked up at me with wide eyes. I kissed her forehead and then leaned backwards into the couch. I yawned and then closed my eyes, feeling Mila played with the strings of my hoodie.

I could feel her pulling on them and I huffed, pulling her against my chest as I laid down on the couch. She rested on my chest, her tiny hands slapping against it and pulling on my hood.

"Milana go to sleep." I nearly cried, putting an arm over my eyes. I needed to sleep. I'm up nearly nineteen hours a day almost every day.

I felt her lay her head down on my chest as I rubbed her back gently, knowing that I couldn't sleep if she was still awake. There was no one to watch her so if she was awake, so was I.

I took a deep breath and as soon as I parted my lips, her fingers were scratching my nose and pulling on my bottom lip. I shook my head and then pulled her hand away from my mouth. "Mila that hurts." I mumbled and she was quiet.

I looked at her and she had her head in my sweater, wiggling in my gasp as she cried against her binky. I sat her up and then took the toy from her mouth, running a hand over my face as she waved her arms around.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Please be quiet. Please MiMi." I said but she just kept crying. What do babies like? What keeps them preoccupied? What the hell helps them sleep? "You can't be hungry I just fed you!"

She cried even more and I got an idea. "Come on. Come here." I told her and picked her up, carrying her to my bunk, which had been lined with pillows so she didn't fall from my bunk.

I grabbed Leo and then handed it to her, which she took an interest in quickly. She messed with it in her hands and looked up st me, squealing happily as she waved it around, playing with his 'fur'. 

I shut the light off and then laid down on the couch, letting her rest on my chest while she played sith the stuffed lion. I yawned and she laid down on my chest, yawning quietly herself.

Please go to sleep.

-

When I woke up, Milana was hitting my chest, giggling loudly. "What are you doing up?" I asked, still extremely tired. I didn't even know what time it sas.

I sat her up and then did the same myself, my neck and my back aching from falling asleep on the couch. I rubbed my neck and she smiled at me as she clapped her hands.

"Are you hungry?" I asked and then picked her up before standing up, carrying her in my arms. I went to her baby bag and then found that this wasn't nearly enough things to last for today.

I ran a hand through my hair and then picked my phone up, seeing I had a voicemail from an unknown number. I opened it eagerly, hoping to God that it was Avery because I couldn't do this. This was too hard right now.

I listened to the voicemail and instead of Avery, it was her roommate Jimena. "Hey Shawn... I know you-you want answers for why Milana's with you and why Avery's number doesn't-doesn't work. I just need you to please... please don't freak out, and please don't try to trace this number. I'm at a phone booth, I'm so sorry. She wanted to tell you but-but I guess things don't always go the way you want."

There was a pause and I looked at MiMi, who was looking around the tour bus with Leo still in her hands. "I don't know you that well. I just know your her famous friend who's been by her side since grade school. But she trusted you enough to have her baby with you, her only happiness, please take care of her. She's all alone Shawn. It's a lot but please." She begged me and I took a deep breath.

"I don't understand." I whispered when another break happened, the sound of something creaking leaked through my speaker.

"Avery... She's sick. She has a tumor in her head, she never told anyone. I just found out a week ago when she went in for surgery. That's when I had to drive up to New York with Mila. I'm the one who left her in your dressing room, don't be mad. She wanted you to care for her baby because my boyfriend can't handle a baby and I-I'm not even employed. I'm a drop out. You were her only option." She cried, sniffles and sobs escaping. "Please."

And with that, the voicemail cut.

I stood dumbfounded as the screen of my phone darkened, and then shut off. This was a lot. In fact, this was too much. This was too much information in too little time.

I looked at Milana and she caught my gaze, swinging Leo the lion around before hugging him close. "If you're with me... Avery..." I pondered aloud, nonsense escaping my lips, fragments of my never ending thoughts.

"Avery must not have..."

My heartbeat quickened and I set Milana down on my as I quickly grabbed my phone, scrolling through my contacts to see if I had Jimena's number. Just my luck, I didn't. As she said, we weren't friends. We don't know each other. Why would I have her number?

I threw my phone on my pillow and then pressed my back against the wall of the bus, tears pooling in my eyes as I tugged on my hair. I was so overwhelmed right now. Each new piece of information she told me was like a stab to my chest.

I cried into my arm and I felt a tug on the bottom of my sweats. I shook my head, my heart shattering as the realization set in - Avery wasn't coming for Milana. Avery couldn't come for her. She was dead. My best friend was dead.

I wanted to scream in frustration and sadness, but I couldn't. Milana was inches away from me. She didn't need to see that. I didn't want her to see me break down into a million of pieces.

Mila kept tugging on my sweats, a whimper escaping her lips when I didn't give her the attention she wanted. She hit my leg and began crying, random bits of words leaving her lips.

I flattened my legs down against the floor and then picked MiMi up, setting her on my lap. Her big green eyes were full of tears, her hands in her mouth as she look up at me.

"God you look so much like your mama." I muttered sadly, bouncing her up and down on my thigh. Her crying drop and I sighed, realizing she only did that so I'd pick her up and give her attention.

She reached up and then wiped her saliva covered hands on my face where my tears had fallen. I scrunched my nose up and she pulled her hand away, leaning up to me but then falling into my chest, which made a giggle escape her lips.

"I guess you're my responsibility now love." I said and picked her up, holding her in front of me. "I gotta take care of you..."

I sighed, realizing that I had to go to the store and buy all of her baby stuff. If someone sees me though, I'm in trouble.

I took a deep breath and then kissed Milana's head as she played with the strings of my hoodie. "Don't worry. I-I'll try my best." I whispered, pressing my forehead against her head as she just giggled and squealed.