STELLA

My vision blurs as the thundering, galloping-like sound takes over everything else.

A baby. 

"Mom..." Lucy steps closer to me. "You're having a baby!" Her eyes shine with fresh tears as she covers her mouth to hold in her cries. "This is the best news ever!" 

A baby. 

JP touches my arm and I look up at him. "Are you ok, princess?" His worried eyes bore into mine as I struggle to clear my thoughts through the mixed emotions I'm feeling. I'm happy--ecstatic really. 

But then the painful memories of losing our first baby find their way back from where I buried them all those years ago and I feel the anxiety and fear come over me at the possibility of going through another loss and I don't know if I can survive it. 

JP moves to sit in front of me as he cups my face. "Look at me, Stella," His voice cuts through my racing thoughts and I focus on his intense dark brown eyes. I reach for his hand on my face. "I...I...I don't want to lose another baby, John Paul," and the sob I've been fighting to keep in breaks free.

He wraps me in his arms, trying to calm me down. "The baby's fine; you hear that? Do you hear how strong the heart beat sounds?" I nod as tears are free falling, remembering the first time I heard our first baby's heart beat.

"Shh, take some deep breaths, baby." I close my eyes and do as he says and inhale deeply, taking in his scent by the lungfuls. His hold on me is gentle yet firm. 

After a few minutes, he leans back and brushes my hair away from my face as well as wiping the tears away. "It's different this time, amore." He looks back at me and I feel the strength in his confidence. 

"John Paul," Damian interjects. "The reality is, even if the baby survives through the recovery, the effects of the medicine and the trauma of the wound on her side...might prevent the progression of the pregnancy or there may be some developmental reverberations that may occur." 

JP stands glancing at Topo and with that Topo, announces to the older kids it's time to head back home. They don't argue, as they can feel the tension in the room between JP and Damien. They each hug me and tell me they'll be back tomorrow. 

JP walks towards the door and then turns to face Damien, even though he's further from me, I can feel the anger radiating from him and his shoulders rise and fall quickly with how hard he's breathing. "Are you suggesting we terminate the pregnancy?" His words are forced through his clenched jaw.

Damien sighs and rubs a hand down his tired face. "I'm saying you should consider the risks if you don't, John Paul. Not to mention the dangers it poses for Stella. You wouldn't want subject her to putting her life at risk for the sake of what may not be, would you?"

JP's eyes darken as he continues listening to Damien and takes a menacing step towards him. 

"John Paul."

He stops when he hears me, but keeps his eyes are focused on Damien. "Come here, please." He turns all the while still giving Damien a death glare before his angry eyes soften as he looks back at me. I hold my hand out to him and he takes it gently in his and I pull him to sit with me. His jaw muscles tick with the pent up anger he wants to release. 

"Damien," I look over a Damien who's watching us. "I understand what you're saying and you know JP would not want to put my life at risk." I squeeze JP's hand after I interlace my fingers with his. 

"But...you even said, despite what's happened, it's a miracle this baby survived and I think that's worth giving him or her a chance. If my health or life become compromised in any way, then yes, we can look at what needs to be done then, but right now, I think the fact that this baby is here-- alive--is worth fighting for, rather than worrying about all the 'what if's'." 

Damien nods. "As your physician it's my responsibility to inform you of the risks and probabilities, but it is your choice, Stella."

"Thank you. You've always looked out for us and we appreciate everything you're doing and have done for us, don't we, John Paul?" I nudge JP a little and he takes a breath in as he pulls his lips in a tight line and then exhales. 

"Yes, Stella's right, Damien. We are grateful to you and..." JP takes another breath. "Forgive me, for...losing my temper before." 

Damien chuckles. "I would like to say that working for Timo for several years would have prepared me for you, John Paul, but it definitely didn't. No offense," He adds, quickly.

"JP's short fuse is more like a damn ticking time bomb," Enzo snorts. I chuckle at the low growl that comes from JP next to me and snuggle closer to him. 

"Yeah, but he's the sexiest time bomb ever," I lean up to kiss him and he smiles against my lips. I turn back and chuck when I see Enzo and Anna simultaneously doing the gag me sign to each other. 

I turn back to the Damien. "Can I see the baby please?" I ask hopeful. 

"Of course," Damien responds and starts moving equipment around and plugs in different wires and cables to outlets and monitors. When he turns to me, JP starts to get up but I hold on to him. I need him next to me. He smiles softly at me adjusting himself on the bed carefully. 

Damien moves the blankets back off me and lifts my gown carefully and I see the bandage on my upper right side of my stomach. There's a band on my stomach that Damien removes and the heart beat we heard is gone now, but my focus is on the gel Damien spreads on my stomach; flashbacks of the last time I did this play through my mind and JP squeezes my hand. I glance up at him and he brings my hand to his lips; calming me instantly. 

My mom walks over to us and stands at the end of the bed as Damien moves the instrument in his hand along my stomach, adding pressure as he looks at the monitor and then I see the baby. 

The heart beat is heard again, this time through the speakers of the monitor, showing the picture. "There we are," Damien states. "Based on your measurements it looks like you are around nine weeks." 

"Honeymoon baby, figures," Enzo teases. "JP would want to lock you down quick."

"Shut up, Enzo," JP responds and I laugh through my tears. 

<><><><>

It look a lot of convincing but I sent JP home to shower and change his clothes. Enzo is with Annalisa in her room. She'll be discharged in the morning and we are having her stay with us for a little while, knowing it will be hard to be alone in the house.

"Okay water is ready, Stellina mia," My mom walks out of the bathroom.( my little star) 

She wanted to stay until JP returns and insisted on helping me shower instead of having the nurses do it. She helps guide me carefully to the bathroom and then she has me sit in the chair inside the shower as she proceeds to help wash my hair and then help me with the rest, being careful not to get the bandages wet on my shoulder and side as much as possible. 

Afterwards, she brushes my hair out gently and I smile sadly as she hums. "I'm sorry, mamma." She stops brushing my hair. 

"Why you apologize?"

I wipe at the stray tear. "Because I feel like all I ever do is worry you, and cause you stress. And because I didn't tell you JP and I got married." 

She wraps her arounds around me from behind and leans her head down to kiss my temple. "This is life of any parent, tesoro mio, we never stop worrying for our bambinos. And I am proud of you, always. I wasn't mad you got married," She sighs. (my darling)

"Maybe a little sad, I didn't see wedding, but I know you and JP love each other and I'm happy for you both. And I'm sad, we lose a beautiful friend and soul like Joey, but it is not your fault, figlia mia. This life is hard, and unfair, but you always rise, Stella, because you are not meant to fall and stay down," She tells me in her broken English. (my daughter)

I turn carefully towards her, wincing slightly from the pain the movement causes. "Mamma, after I got shot and I passed out, I saw Timo." I watch her carefully wondering if she's going to think I'm crazy, but she smiles softly at me as her eyes fill with tears. 

"Did he say anything?"

I nod. "He encouraged me to get up, and reminded me that I have his blood in me and to use it to fight." 

She dabs at her eyes with her fingers as she chuckles. "He would say that." 

"I thought I was seeing things. I mean, I probably was, but when he hugged me I felt him, it felt real and I could smell him, you know?" 

She nods back at me and hugs me. "He's proud of you, Stella. And he's always watching and protecting you, piccola." She holds me for a little while longer. (little one) "Now, let me keep brushing hair, I missed doing this when you were little girl and I like doing it now," She smiles. "Even though you are grown now and will soon have your own bambino's." 

I chuckle and turn around and let her continue brushing my hair and she begins humming softly, again. She braids my hair and when she's tying it off JP walks in, looking fresh and clean. He's trimmed his beard and his hair is pulled back neatly into his signature man bun. Cristian follows behind him and has a bag of food with him and a bouquet of flowers in the other hand. 

"Reason number one thousand and six, on why I never had kids; they cause you to worry and age you with all the anxiety and stress they give you, wondering if they are ok," Cristian states smiling at me as he hands me the bouquet of flowers. 

"It's good to see you and I love you, too, Cristian," I chuckle as I pull him towards me to kiss his cheek and he kisses my forehead; his lips lingering for moment. He clears his throat as he steps away, but I see the emotion in his eyes and I grin widely at him.

Cristian clears his throat again, feeling awkward and then sets the bag of food on the table next to the bed. "Well, it's not five star quality but definitely better than the shit they give you here," He states gruffly and I laugh as I move back against the bed when my mom stands and walks to grab chairs, but he takes them from her and sets them next to the bed. 

JP sits on the other side of the bed and rubs my legs. "Feel good after a shower?"

"Totally, but now I'm starving!" 

He chuckles and then proceeds to feed me dinner. Everyone shares things the kids have been up to and I bite back a smile when Cristian pulls his phone out to show me a video he took of Toby shooting hoops on the miniature basketball hope he has in his room. "The boy's a natural," He tells us proudly. 

"Aw, Tobin's lucky to have such a proud nonno," I tease and Cristian narrows his eyes at me as his face reddens slightly. (Grandpa)   

My mom stands and then surprises us--Cristian more than anyone--when she sits on his lap. "Sì, è fortunato." She agrees smiling at Cristian. (Yes, he's very lucky) 

And then she kisses him lightly on the lips before she runs her fingers through the sides of his hair and she wraps her arms around his shoulders. 

We finish the rest our meal in easy conversation. There's an obvious avoidance of any talk related to or about what is planned for Jimmy and the Albanians and I'm okay with it for now. I just want to focus on being in the moment with the people I love. 

Cristian kisses me goodbye as does my mom before he leads her out of the room, holding her around the waist. 

JP turns off most of the lights in the room after a nurse comes in to check on my vitals and on the baby. He lays next to me on the bed and places his hand on my lower belly, causing me to smile. "I love you, princess." 

"I love you, John Paul," I turn to face him slightly. "Will you tell me what the plan is, JP?" I ask him quietly. 

He shakes his head back at me. "Not right now, amore." 

"JP..."

"No, Stella. You just woke up after being unconscious. We'll talk about it, but not right now, not tonight, okay?"

I sigh heavily. "Okay." Knowing it's pointless to argue with him. He starts rubbing my stomach gently. 

"JP, when I was unconscious...after I was shot, I heard voices," I glance over at him when he stops rubbing my stomach. "They were familiar voices, encouraging to wake up, to get up and not give up and then I saw everyone we've lost." 

I turn on my side as much as I can to face him and he helps me when he sees me wincing. "I know I was probably hallucinating, but JP, when I hugged Timo, he felt so real; they all did." 

He lifts his hand to run his fingers along my temple and then down my jawline. His eyes move back up to mine. "After I overdosed I saw my mom, too." He rests his hand on my hip now. "I remember she smelled the same." He smiles softly. 

"What did she say to you?" I ask quietly. 

He sighs deeply as he looks up at the ceiling. He doesn't say anything for a moment and I see the tears reflecting in his eyes. "That she loves me, but was disappointed with my choices." I wipe at the tear that rolls down his face. "That even though her time with me was cut short, she taught me better on how to treat those we love than how I treated you." He wipes at his face before he turns back towards me. "But she said she knows I can make things right and told me not to waste another chance to be with you again." 

He picks up my hand caressing it in his before bringing it to his lips. "JP, what you said keeps coming back to me..." 

"About what, principessa?" His thumb rubs those soothing circles on the back of my hand I love so much. 

"That even if we walked away from everything, this life would follow us. We would always be a target in some way. And let's be honest, even if we upped security, things could still happen. I mean look at what happened?"

"I should have---"

I cut JP off. "This wasn't your fault, JP, " I caress his cheek wanting to erase the guilt etched on his face. "But...I think we've waited long enough to do something. Don't you?"

"You mean retaliate?" He questions. 

"I mean, they've hit us over and over again and each time getting closer and closer to us, to those we love. The men and the families that work for us directly that have already been affected---they need to know their fathers, sons, uncles, mothers and children's deaths won't go without consequence." I take a deep breath as I start to feel a throbbing pain begin on my side, the medicine must be starting to wear off.

"You have some of the top assassins at your disposal, JP, use them." I tell him rolling on my back again.

"People are not disposable to me, principessa," JP sits up. 

"I know they're not, JP, and I didn't mean for it to sound like we should start throwing our people to the wolves," I move my head to look over at him. "What I meant is, we are the wolves. You have elite men and women who are trained and skilled in doing things not only quietly but expertly."

"I know you're not including yourself in that elite group, Stella," He says lowly as he turns to face me. 

"If I didn't have this tiny little bean growing inside of me, I sure as hell would, John Paul. They came after me. You saw what Luan was going to do to me if Jimmy hadn't walked in when he did. Not that I'm grateful to the asshole, but you know what I'm talking about," I look back at him as I see the truth of what I'm saying registers.

I sigh deeply. "Obviously, since you knocked me up, I'm not going to be in the front lines of whatever we do, but I'm not going to sit back either." He frowns back at me and I chuckle as I hold my hand out for him. 

He grabs my hand in his. I smile at him, "Kiss me." 

He leans down and kisses me softly. "You and I, mio bel re...We need to make a stand against these assholes." (my handsome king)

"What about Jimmy?"

"We'll get him, too."

"I don't know if I should be proud or worried by the look on your face." JP tells me. 

"I'd say it's safe to be both," I tease. "Now, hold me please. We need to rest. We have a lot of work to do tomorrow and since I have to stay here for a few more days, we need to do things remotely. I know you have a plan in mind and I want to hear about it, but I also have a plan and I want Cristian, Enzo and Topo here to discuss it." 

JP nods and then takes a deep breath as he looks at me thoughtfully before he turns next to me. "I have a confession, princess." 

I move my head back to look at him waiting to hear this confession of his.

"Sean was here for the first couple of days, but I ended up sending him away." JP watches me carefully to see my reaction. 

I'm surprised for sure.

"I can see how much he loves you, Stella," JP tells me. "I would be lying if I told you it was easy and that I was fine watching him be near you, but...I know he was--is very worried for you." 

"Does he know I'm awake?"

"I had Adonis inform his father, Declan. I assume he'll give him the message." 

"Doubtful, he wasn't a fan of me." 

JP narrows his eyes at me. "I didn't exactly make a great first impression," I chuckle. "It seems I'm not up to par for what fathers think their sons should look for in a girl. Tony hated me, too, remember?" 

"Fuck them." JP responds as he wraps his arm around me carefully. 

"I'll call Sean in the morning, if that's okay?"

"Are you asking for permission? Because I can say no," JP I can hear the smile in his voice. 

I hit his arm. "No, I'm not asking for permission but I want to make sure it's okay with you, I want to respect how you feel about it, too." 

"You know, I'm no saint, amore and I don't like knowing he would jump at the chance to be with you, not that I blame him; but I know he would love to hear your voice," JP strokes my hair.

"Thank you for being honest and so mature," I grin at him and he rolls his eyes at me causing me to laugh. "Ow, don't make me laugh JP!" I hiss as I hold my side.

"Do you want me to have them bring you something for the pain?" He sits up concerned.

"No," I shake my head. "I don't want to take anything else that could comprise the baby." 

"Just so you know, at nine weeks the baby is the size of a grape or olive not a bean," JP gives me a lopsided smile and my heart melts. "I was looking some things up on the way back." 

I brush his lips lightly. "I hope we have a boy that looks just like you." 

"Well, that's interesting because I'm really hoping for a baby girl that looks just like you." He pecks my lips lightly. 

I lay my head on his chest, yawning loudly. He presses his lips on my head holding me close to him as we drift off to sleep.