STELLA/CHARMAINE

He's changed. 

Something's wrong.

I woke up alone, again. 

There was a glimpse of the man I love last night. But even the way he made love was different. He was rough then tender all at once. It almost felt like a warning from him.

He's keeping something from me, and I don't know why he won't talk to me. I used to be able to understand what he was thinking. Even though he can be moody, he always had this easy smile, but that handsome smile is replaced with an emotionless mask.

I unconsciously rub my stomach. I have to find out what's wrong, not just for me but for our little chip. Maybe if I tell him about the baby, he'll talk to me, open up about what is going on. Our baby and our life together are more important than waiting to surprise him for his birthday.

I hurry to take a quick shower, getting dressed just as fast afterward. While I'm brushing my hair and putting it up in a high ponytail, I see the trail of love bites on my neck that he left last night, and I don't bother hiding them as I rush out of the bathroom.

I shove the copy of the sonogram in my back pocket and head out to see if he's in his room.

I knock when I'm outside his door, but there's no answer. So I try again, a little louder but still no response. When I try to open it, wanting to peek inside, his door is locked.

But then I remember what he said the night of Joey's party about bedroom keys placed over the door frames; I reach up over the edge but don't find any key.

I head downstairs, hoping he's in the kitchen but only find a handful of my Uncle's men are in there, talking and eating over breakfast. They stand, acknowledging me as I walk in. I smile and nod in return and head for the pantry.

I grab a granola bar, hoping it settles my nausea. I walk back out and decide to check my Uncle's office, but it's also empty.

I finally give in and decide to call him. But he sends me directly to voicemail, and I clench my jaw in frustration. My heart is racing as I feel myself getting angrier and angrier as I quickly type and send him a text:

*Me: What's going on, JP?

I see the dots, showing me he's read the message, but then they disappear.

*Me: TALK TO ME JOHN PAUL!

This time there are no dots.

I stop to take a few deep breaths to calm myself; I read stress isn't good for the baby, and I need to focus and not get too overwhelmed.

I remind myself I'll be leaving in a couple of days for Paris, so I need to busy myself and decide I should start loading my luggage, to preoccupy my mind.

But I find myself checking my phone often, hoping to see a response from him.

After packing all the bags that I'll be taking with me, I make sure I have my passport and itinerary in my bag, so they're ready to go.

I look around and feel super antsy and realize I need to eat something. So I head to the kitchen and find Carmela in there, cleaning up from lunch.

She smiles when she sees me, embracing me in a long hug. Then, she grabs my hand, admiring the ring again that now feels like a brick on my finger.

"You pale, dolcezza. Are you feeling okay?" She places her hand on my forehead.

"Si, I just need to eat something." I smile at her.

"I made some beef carpaccio for lunch." Carmela walks to the fridge and pulls out the covered serving plate. "Here. Eat, cara."

First, the smell hits my nose, and I force myself not to gag in front of her, but then I realize I can't eat it to be on the safe side, with it being raw.

I inspect it as she sets it in front of me.

"Oh, that's okay. I'm not that hungry. I think I'll just grab water and some crackers." But the longer I sit in front of the plate, the overwhelming smell hits me like a slap in the face, and I gag. I cover my mouth and run to the nearest bathroom.

My stomach is sore from all the convulsing. Afterward, part of me wonders if the baby is okay with all the constant throwing up.

I rinse my mouth out and step out of the bathroom, finding Carmela standing there. She looks at me and smiles warmly. "How far?" Her eyes move down to my stomach.

I don't know if I start crying because of what's going on with JP or that someone else knows, or both, but I rush to her, hugging her tightly. She quiets me down after a few minutes and leads me back into the kitchen.

"Here."

She hands me some plain toast and then fills a cup with tea. "Ginger tea. Will help stomach. That's what I drink with my bambinos."

I sip the tea and nibble on the toast. "John Paul know, yes?" Carmela asks me as she watches me.

I shake my head. "No. I was going to surprise him for his birthday. But I need to tell him now. Something is wrong with him; he's different and won't talk to me." I feel the tears building again.

"John Paul loves you, dolcezza. He always loves you. He will be happy, amore." She holds my hand, rubbing it soothingly. "When bambino come?"

I smile as I pull the sonogram out of my back pocket. "Early spring, in April." She gasps when she takes the picture from me. I watch as her eyes fill with tears as she looks at it and then hugs me tightly again.

"Please don't say anything to anyone. I need to tell JP first."

"I no say anything." Carmela cups my face with her hands. "You will be great mamma and John Paul great papa."

I'm suddenly overcome with fatigue and tell her I'm going to go and take a nap. She nods and then tells me she'll bring me something to snack on later, even though I told her she didn't need to do that. She just shakes her head, telling me it's for the baby.

I fall asleep quickly, but it doesn't feel like I've been sleeping long when my phone wakes me up, and I jerk awake.

I look at my phone, blinking the sleepiness away, and see Enzo's name flash across my phone. "Hello?"

"Hey Stella, were you sleeping?"

"Yeah, I don't know why I'm so tired lately." I lie, yawning into the phone, but I'll tell him soon, too, after I talk to JP first.

"Hope you're not coming down with anything." He comments. He's so sweet to be so concerned. I guess I could tell him I have a condition that will last for approximately the next eight months give or take; I laugh at my silly thoughts.

"What's so funny?"

I forgot I was on the phone. "Oh, I just saw a funny commercial, sorry."

"Well, I was going to suggest we go out to eat, but maybe tomorrow if you're feeling better. I want to see you before you leave." Enzo tells me.

"Yes, let's plan on that."

"Okay, I'll see you tomorrow then, around 7?"

"Sure, sounds great," I tell him. "Bye, Enzo."

"Buona Notte, Stella."

I check my phone and see it's almost nine. I slept the entire afternoon away, longer than I thought, but I still feel tired. I realize JP never responded to me, either.

He has to be in his room by now and head to his side of the house. I knock, and there's no answer. I expect his door to be still locked when I check the handle and am surprised to find it's unlocked, letting me know he's been home.

I walk in but see he's not there. So I text him, asking where he is, but he doesn't acknowledge the text.

Fine. I'll wait then.

I peruse his book collection and then turn his sound system on, playing some music in the background.

I settle into the couch, and I dive into the book, hoping to get lost in the story and escape my reality for a little bit.

<><><><><>

I wake up the next morning, with my neck kinked, from the awkward position I slept in, on his couch. I look over, expecting to see him in bed, but the bed looks untouched.

He never came home.

I hate the sick, heavy feeling I have in the pit of my stomach. I stand up slowly to stretch out my legs and stiff neck and back muscles. I check my phone and am no longer surprised not to have any responses from JP.

Nothing.

I head for my room to change out of my clothes and take a hot shower to soothe my stiff muscles, but I can't help the damn tears coming. I know pregnancy messes with your hormones, but I have to reign in my emotions.

After my shower, I call Annalisa and let her know what's been going on. She tells me she's on her way, and when she sees JP, she will follow through on the threat she gave him in San Diego and will castrate him.

When she arrives, I tell her how he's been behaving—reminding her of how short his conversations were while he was in Miami. "Shit, I really thought he was just busy. But this doesn't make any sense. Why would he ask you to marry him, only to turn around and behave this way?"

"He won't talk to me. It's like there was a switch. I can't read him like I used to." A knock at the door has us both looking at the door.

"Come in," I call out.

Joey walks in. "Hey, have you guys seen JP?"

"That asshole's been skirting you, too?" Annalisa questions mockingly. He frowns at us as he walks in.

And as he gets closer, he steps on the jeans I had changed out of this morning, and my eyes widen as he bends to pick them up, and the sonogram I had in my back pocket flutters to the ground.

Annalisa runs to grab it, but Joey picks it up before she can even reach him.

Joey studies it for a moment, and his eyebrows furrow before he lifts them high. "Is this what that day at the clinic was about?" He questions loudly.

"Sh!" Annalisa shushes him. "Shut the hell up, Joey!"

"Are you pregnant? Who's the father? Is it that asshole, Chip, you guys were talking about that day?" He questions, Annalisa.

Annalisa and I burst out laughing; I'm laughing so hard I'm crying. It feels so good to laugh, despite the pain I'm going through. I wipe at my eyes as my laughing fit settles.

"Well, are you?" Joey questions Annalisa.

"No. I'm not, Salvatore. And even if I were, it would be none of your damn business." She tells him, folding her arms. Then his eyes settle on me, and his face reflects his understanding.

"Is this why JP's been acting weird?" He asks me.

I look at Annalisa before I answer him. "He doesn't know yet. The only ones who know are Anna and Carmela and now you. Oh, and David."

"What the hell do you mean, he doesn't know? He's been home for a couple of days, and you haven't told him yet?" He looks at me angrily.

Annalisa storms up to him, grabbing a fist full of his collar, yanking him down hard to her level. "Don't you talk to her like that! Your fucking asswipe of a friend has been icing her since he's been home. He won't talk to her, won't return her texts, calls, anything.

Char was going to surprise him for his damn birthday, but now that asshole can fuck off. He didn't even come home last night, and if you so much as tell him anything, I will pulverize your most prized body part with my bare, fucking hands." Annalisa is breathing heavily after she finishes her rage-filled threat.

Joey grips her hand and pulls his shirt out of her grasp, and straightens his shirt as he glares back at her.

"You have to tell him, Char." He looks at me. "Something's wrong. If I can tell, it can't be good. He won't talk to me either. But if you tell him, maybe he'll tell you what's going on."

"How Joey? He won't even return my texts." I tell him. The damn never-ending tears are starting to build in my eyes again.

"I'll text him and make him think I need to see him." He offers.

I shake my head. "I don't want to have to trick him into talking to me."

Joey pulls his phone out as it goes off. "He just asked me where I am." He tells us.

"Joey, promise me you won't say anything to him. I will tell him. But I have to do it my way."

"Fine." He agrees, even though I can tell he doesn't like it. He puts his phone back in his pocket without responding to JP.

After a moment, he looks at Annalisa. "So, who's Chip?"

<><><><>

We're sitting around in the family room, joking about how Joey thought Chip is a guy Annalisa is currently seeing when JP walks in.

"Joey, I've been texting you. Why haven't you—" JP looks at me and then tries to hurry out of the room, but I run after him.

"John Paul!"

He keeps walking away quickly. "JP!"

"Wait, JP. We need to talk."

He heads up the stairs, and I have to skip two at a time, almost tripping at the top to keep up with him. By the time I follow him into his room, I'm completely winded.

I close the door behind me as I lean over, my hands on my knees as I try to catch my breath.

"JP, look at me. What's going on."

He doesn't say anything at first, but then he finally turns to face me; his dark eyes are hard and cold. "I always knew you were special, Charmaine but not that fucking special, that you can't take a fucking hint."

I'm stunned, speechless.

I open my mouth to say something but nothing comes out.

"What, all of a sudden, you're at a loss for words?" JP laughs coldly. "Let me spell it out for you. It's. Over. Clear enough for you? Or do I need to draw you fucking pictures?"

"Wh—why? Did...did I do something?" My voice wavers as my chin trembles, and I struggle to keep myself calm.

"You don't belong here, Charmaine and I'm not your fucking knight in shining armor. I can't be what you want me to be." He raises his voice.

"I never wanted you to be anything but you, JP. I only want you. You know that. I love you." I move away from the door. "We...We don't even have to go to Paris. I just want to be with you." He turns away from me and presses his hands on his head, then pulls at his hair groaning in frustration.

"Please, don't do this, JP. Just tell me what's going on. Don't shut me out. Come on; it's me. We tell each other everything." I close the distance between us and touch his shoulder.

He turns on me so quickly; I don't have time to react as he grips onto my arms tight and slams me against the door. I gasp in surprise and fear as he looks at me, pure rage radiating out of him, and my eyes are wide as I look back at him.

"I don't want you, Charmaine." He says through his clenched teeth. I take a sharp breath in as the pain sears through my chest, and then he moves away from me again.

"You don't mean that, John Paul." I cross the room towards him again, stunned but unwilling to accept what he's saying.

"I just said it, didn't I. This was never going to work out, and you know it. We were doomed, to begin with." He isn't looking at me as he speaks.

"But you asked me to marry you. What about last night? What you said?" I struggle in vain to maintain my composure; my hands are starting to shake. My breathing, as well as my heart, are accelerating.

"It was a fucking mistake; this whole thing was a fucking mistake." JP tells me. He brushes past me and leaves his room, but I hurry after him again.

"JP, wait.... I have to tell you something important...You need to know." I sob as I rush my words.

"I don't give a shit what it is. I want nothing to do with you." JP snarls as he makes his way down the hall.

"JP, please!" I cry out, but he keeps walking away, and then I feel the anger surge through me, hot and boiling.

The anger gives me the strength I need at this moment.

"I don't believe you, John Paul!" I shout behind him.

"Believe what you want, I don't give a fuck! You're not my problem anymore." He says as he rushes down the stairs, and I pick up speed as I grab onto his arm.

Annalisa, Joey, and Carmela rush out of the kitchen after hearing our shouting.

"So that's it, then?" I move to get in his way, and he turns his face away from me.

"Look at me!" I shove him hard. "Look at me!" I scream. "Say it to my face, you fucking coward!" I hit him on the chest.

"Say it!" I hit him over and over again as I continue to scream at him. "Say it, you damn coward!"

"It was all fucking lie, then? All the promises of loving me, forever? Of never wanting anyone else? Huh? Fucking say it!" I scream.

Several men are coming into the foyer, with all the yelling and screaming, drawing them out from different parts of the house.

"I don't know what's going on because you won't fucking talk to me. But, if this is what you really want, then at least have the balls to say it to my face, you fucking asshole!" I yell at him.

JP grabs my wrists to stop me from continuing to hit him. "I don't want you!" He yells back in my face; his face is red and his eyes darker than usual. "I don't love you!" He shoves me back hard, and I trip over my own feet. Pain radiates through my wrists as I catch myself on the floor.

"You son of a bitch!" Annalisa lunges at him, punching him in the face. She tries to hit him again, but he grabs her wrists and shoves her back too, but Joey keeps her from falling.

"What the fuck, John Paul! What the hell are you doing?" Joey yells.

"Stay the fuck out of it, Joey!" He yells back at him.

"John Paul, qual e il problema?" Carmela asks him, but JP ignores her and walks over to me. (what's the matter)

"Stay the fuck away from me!" He says through his teeth.

I look up at him as he's staring down at me furiously. He moves to walk away, but out of instinct, I quickly grab onto his leg. "JP, please don't do this. Please don't leave me; I love you," I sob as I hold onto him.

JP yanks his leg out of my grip. "You're fucking pathetic." He spits out.

When he turns around, Carmela pulls him down by the arm and slaps him across the face, and he keeps his face to the side, breathing heavily.

I stand up slowly, tears falling down my face as I watch Carmela talk to him.

"Sai meglio che trattare una donna in questo modo, specialmente la donna che ami." (You know better than to treat a woman like this, especially the woman you love.) She grabs his face to have him look at her. "Questo non sei tu." (This is not you.)

JP removes her hands from his face and makes his way to the door without saying anything.

"Wait." I say quietly.

And I'm surprised he stops.

"You forgot this, you fucking bastard."

I throw the ring he gave me; it hits his back and clatters on the marble floor. He stands there for a moment but then walks out of the house, slamming the door behind him.

I fall to my knees, sobbing.

~~~~~~~~

A/N: Well, that was just as intense re-reading and editing it as much as it was writing it the first time and I still cried my eyes out! hahaha 😂 😭 😭