***Song: "Carry You" by Ruelle

STELLA

Another nurse walks in as I'm wiping my face from crying. Her dark, graying hair is pulled into a low bun. Her skin is weathered around her face and she has kind eyes with a warm smile as greets me.

She introduces herself as nurse Dot and tells me she will be the one to remove my catheter and assist me in showering. She hums quietly to herself as she works, but stops to let me know I'll feel some tugging. 

"Alright, Miss Charmaine--such a lovely name by the way--let's get you to the shower." She walks over to me and lowers the hand rail on one side of the bed. She unwraps my head but leaves the bandage over my eye.

She informs me to make slow movements, because my body will be stiff and sore. I move my legs to the side of the bed and scoot to the edge. She tells me to stand for a moment before taking any steps. 

She pulls the IV drip pole closer to me, instructing me to use it for support as well. I move slowly, starting to feel some pain on my left side and lower stomach. Every movement I make seems to be tied to my stomach. I take deep breaths and try to focus on something else. "It's not my real name," I tell her as I wince through the pain. 

"What's that dear?"

"Charmaine. It's not my real name. I had to change it, when I was a kid. I never felt like I lived up to it, you know?" Another nurse walks in to change out the bedding, smiling as she walks past me.

"What's your name then, honey?" Dot asks.

"Stella."

"Well, they both suite you." She smiles as we finally make it to the bathroom.

"You have quite the support group, you know. I've never seen so many gorgeous, Italian beef cakes, all in one room, unless I'm watching Good Fellas  or The Godfather  on TV." She chuckles to herself. "They won't leave and if they do, it seems like more show up! It's like an endless supply of Italian testosterone out there."

I want to laugh but I don't have it in me. It makes me wonder if I'll find anything funny again.

She helps me remove the hospital gown and step into the shower. The hot water, is soothing as it runs down my head and body; my stiff muscles relax under its warmth. I proceed to wash my hair and then my body with her help. 

Once I'm dried, and in a clean gown, she leads me back to the bed. She removes and replaces the bandage on my stomach with a clean, dry one.

"Well, you are one tough cookie after what I hear you've been through. He told me you are not only beautiful and smart but a fighter, a survivor." 

"My Uncle?" It hits me just then, I have absolutely zero relation to Timo, since Bobby Cardinale is...was my father.

"No, John Paul." I look at her, my brows creasing.

"Honey, that boy is driving me nuts, putting holes in my walls and fighting with anyone and everybody, who looks at him wrong." She clicks her tongue. "I've had to stitch him up four times, in the last few days. Just before I came in here, I put a few stitches on his busted hand, but the poor guy is beside himself. He knows he screwed up, royally."

I frown. "He told you?"

"Love makes us do some crazy things. But honestly, men are just straight up stupid, thinkin' they know what's best for us." She says.

"That's not love. You don't hurt the people you love." I tell her as I stare out the window.

"Oh honey, the ones we love the most are usually the ones we hurt the most, not meaning to majority of the time." She tells me as she starts combing my hair. She's gentle, even though my hair is a knotted mess.

"He said if he could go back and do it all again he would, with the exception of the last few weeks. He wouldn't have listened to his father and talked to you, instead of pushing you away, making you believe he no longer loved you or wanted to be with you."

"Yeah, well, he can't take any of it back. It happened. I can't pretend it didn't." I sniffle before I look at her. "I know you're trying to help him, but I can't look at him the same. He lied, he broke promises. He was so cold, cruel. He...broke me." I sob the last part.

She holds me, firmly, as I cry on her. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to unload on you. I'm keeping you from your work." I pull away, wiping at my eye.

"Don't apologize, Miss Stella. You have to let yourself feel everything for the healing to start. You been through hell, child. John Paul screwed up, there's no denying that. You both need time." She sighs deeply, patting my hand. 

She stands telling me she'll be bringing my medicine for the night. I nod sniffling as she walks out of the room. I stare out the window and see the lights of the city, in the distance.

Life can change in a blink of an eye.

I went from being in my own little love bubble; ready for a new adventure. To being scared when I found out I was pregnant, to feeling excitement, but still anxious for the baby. Then feeling hurt, alone and betrayed. And now numb. If it wasn't for the physical pain, my body is going through, reminding me that what happened, was and is actually real. 

Dot walks back in and hands me my medicine with a small jug of ice water. She gives me another hug before she leaves, turning most of the lights off in the room, leaving a lone light by the door on.

 I lay down gingerly, trying not to cause myself any more pain and turn the TV on but nothing captures my attention and I end up turning it off.

The emotions build within me again with each passing minute. Everything replays in my mind like an endless torturous loop.

All the lies. My mom's alive somewhere. JP's hurtful words and actions. My birth father was a monster. I think about what happened to my friends and how they survived. I then think about my baby that I was so scared to have, but now wish more than anything, the baby was fine, still growing within me. Tears fall down my face.

My cries turn to full body, racking sobs as everything comes down on me. Crushing me. I vaguely hear the door open and close as I continue my uncontrolled crying. The bed dips behind me and I know it's JP.

He wraps his arms around me carefully as I lay there, on my side. His hold is gentle, yet firm.

"I'm here, principessa mia. You're not alone," He whispers into my ear, "I'm here. Always." He starts crying with me, his tears falling on my neck.

He moves his hand down, softly placing it on my lower stomach. "I'm so sorry about the baby...our baby." His body vibrates against mine with his own sobs.

I cry harder as I hold his hand over my stomach, our fingers interlacing. I should scream at him to get out, to not touch me, to leave me alone. 

But in that moment, I needed him, only him. We were both mourning the loss of our baby together. I couldn't deny the comfort and safety I felt in his arms, right then.

We cry in each others arms, until exhaustion overtakes us both.

********************

A throbbing pain on my stomach has me stirring from my sleep and I come face to face with JP.

He's still asleep, his lips slightly parted. One of his arms is under his head, while the other arm is over my waist, holding me close to him. I look over his face, the dark shadows and bags under his eyes, aging his youthful face.

I love him. Man, do I love him, but I want the hurt and anger to take over. I need it to, in order to survive and not fall apart, again.

I lift my hand, my fingers hover over his face, desperate to touch him. To run my fingertips over his stubble and then his lips. I want to feel his soft, thick hair in between my fingers and push it back off his handsome face. 

I force my hand back and away from him.

A part of me wishes he would open his eyes but I don't know what I would see, if he did. The intense, passionate and beautiful dark eyes that stir my insides and hold love and desire in them or would it be the severe, cold, hard, eyes that hold disdain, that I remember, most recently.

Laying there with him, I can picture us in Paris, waking up together. The sun streaming in our room as we bask in the morning quiet, in each others arms after making love. We would have talked about what we would spend the day doing, sight seeing, getting to know the city, or taking a romantic walk.

He would make fun and tease me, for writing out an itinerary, of what we would do and then proceed to rip it up--telling me to live in the moment and be spontaneous. Which would irritate me to no end; not having the day planned out. But I wouldn't care at the end of the day because we would be together.

As I watch him sleeping, peacefully, I have an overwhelming rage come over me and I welcome it. It's what I need to fuel me. He ruined everything. He ruined what we could have been.

All the crap he spouted about not caring what anyone else said or thought about us, was bullshit. In the end, he did care. He didn't have enough faith in me or in us, to deal with whatever was going on with him, together.

I wipe at my eye angrily before I see him start to stir and I close my eye, not wanting him to see me awake. I focus on evening out my breathing, as my heart continues to race.

He lifts his hand from my waist and I feel the warmth withdraw from me. He sighs deeply before I feel him brush my hair back from my face. His fingers trace my face before his thumb runs along my bottom lip and I fight the urge to bite his finger off.

"I'm so sorry, my princess. I didn't mean any of it. Please forgive me, amore mio." He whispers, before he leans in and brushes his lips on mine. I battle against myself with what I want and need to do; lie still, shove him away or return the kiss.

The door opens and I hear an angry Dot address him. "John Paul Toretto, what the in the hell are you doing?" She whispers, angrily at him. "What part of she needs time and space do you not understand? Boy, that skull of yours is thicker than a damn brick!"

"I couldn't stay away, Dot. I needed to see her, be close to her." I feel as his fingers trace my face again. "She's so beautiful. I just love her so much." He tells her. "Last night was the first time in weeks that I could actually sleep. I need her."

I hear Dot sigh heavily and I can only imagine she's shaking her head at him. "Well, now that you got your beauty sleep, you need to go before she wakes up. I don't want her all worked up if she sees you. Go home, shower, get yourself some food."

He doesn't say anything, nor does he make any attempt to move.

"John Paul..." She warns.

"Fine." He grumbles. He leans over again and hugs me gently. I force myself to relax instead of stiffening against him. He buries his face in my neck, taking a deep breath. "I love you." He places a soft kiss on my neck then my cheek. My face flinches in response but I can't help it. The bed shifts as he moves away and gets up off the bed.

I watch through my eyelash as he bends down to hug Dot. "Thank you, Dot." He places a kiss on her cheek as she "Mmhm's" him in response. 

She walks over to me and writes on my chart as she reads the monitor that has my heart rate and oxygen level readings, then moves behind me. "Alright Miss Stella, you can stop pretending you're sleeping. He's gone."

I turn to my head to look at her. "How'd you know?"

"Psh, child. You don't do this job for forty years and not pick up on how to read people." She tells me as pushes the button that elevates the top section of the bed. She wraps my arm in the cuff to take my blood pressure as I adjust myself to a sitting position.

"That and the monitor showed your oxygen and heart rate increase, any time he touched you." She winks at me and I roll my eye. Of course.

"He stayed with me the whole night." I tell her quietly. She hums in response as she pushes the button that causes the cuff to tighten around my arm.

"How can you love, hate and want someone all at the same time?" I ask her, sighing deeply.

"That's your heart and head warring with each other, honey." She says as she sets out my medicine, that includes antibiotics and pain relievers. "Like I said yesterday, you need time and so does he...that idiot, man child." She mutters that last part, and I can't help the smile that comes to my face.

"Alright we need you to try and walk around a few times today. Do you want to try, right now?"

I shrug. "Sure." And then I get excited, asking if she can help me get to Joey's room.

"Of course, I'll take you there, honey. Let's get you in the bathroom first." She instructs me like yesterday, to take my time as I make my way to the edge of the bed and stand slowly.

After using the restroom, she ensures my gown is closed and has me hold on to my IV pole, and her arm, to support myself as I walk. I'm surprised when we walk out of the room, to find two of Timo's men, sitting outside the door.

They stand when they see me. "Signorina" they address me as they incline their heads.

"Buongiorno," I respond. One of them follows us as we walk down the hall.

Santino is sitting in the waiting area and looks up as I approach and rushes towards me, his face alarmed. "Should you be up, principessa?"

"Of course she should, Casanova." Dot tells him, swatting his hands away. "She needs to start moving around, to get her strength back."

"Its good to see you Charmaine. You look good, considering..."

"Thanks, but please call me Stella."

"Oh...okay..." He says his brows creasing. He looks at Dot and she purses her lips at him raising her eyebrows. She guides me as we leave Santino, still looking confused.

She instructs me to page the nurses station when I'm ready to head back to my room as we approach Joey's room. I nod and walk in as she pushes the door open for me. The guard that was following us, heads back to my room, I assume.

I can hear machines beeping and make my way around the curtain. There's another guard sitting on one of the chairs in the room. He stands, nodding at me.

My heart hurts as I take in the sight of Joey. They've cleaned him up, but he's got all kinds of machines around him, with tubes and wires sticking out of several areas on his body. He looks pale and his facial hair has grown out.

I notice a bag next to the window and wonder if it's Annalisa's, when the bathroom door opens and she gasps in surprise when she sees me. She's dressed in another sweats and sweatshirt outfit.

"Char! You scared me." She places a hand over her heart. The guard stands and lets us know he'll be outside the door and leaves.

I look back at Joey. "How's he doing?" I ask as I make my way over, lowering myself in a chair that's next to him.

"The same. But that's better than doing worse." She sighs.

I lean over wincing as I do, reaching for his bandaged hand. "It's hard to see him like this. Since I've known him, he always had that larger than life personality, loud, cocky, crazy." 

"Annoying, insufferable." She adds, smiling and sniffing. "Yeah, I never thought I'd miss hearing his annoying nicknames for me. Or his over the top sexual innuendo and crass jokes."

"It's good to see you out and about. How are you feeling?" She asks me.

"I'm okay. Nurse Dot told me she wanted me to move around more, so I asked her to take me to see Joey."

"What about you? How are you doing?" I ask her. She looks away and fidgets with her hands. "I'm going to start seeing a therapist. I'm having nightmares. Sometimes, I feel like I see Jimmy's or Sofia's faces in a room or even Alfonso...and I have a panic attack." Her voice waivers as she tugs on the long sleeves of her shirt.

"It'll get better with time," I try to reassure, even though I have the same nightmares.

"D-do you think I'm pretentious?" She asks me, quietly. I look over at her but she's not looking back at me.

"Of course not. Sofia said that shit because she's jealous of you, Anna. Don't let her in your head more than you already have. You are beautiful, smart, confident and strong. People are drawn to you because you are magnetic. And here you are, after everything. You're not hiding away, you're brave, Annalisa."

She wipes a tear from her face and gives me a small smile, but her smile falters. I want nothing more than to find Sofia and carve the smug smirk that's burned in my head, off of her face; for what she was a part of, to turn on us the way she did.

I try to change the subject. "JP came to my room last night." 

"How do you feel about that?"

"I don't know. Obviously, I still love him. That doesn't just go away. I mean, I pictured being with him for the rest of my life. But I hate what he did and said. I can't look at him the same."

"Did he tell you why he did it?" She asks me, quietly.

I shake my head. "Not directly but I've heard... and it doesn't change the fact that it happened."

She doesn't say anything for a moment. "He talked to me, too." I look over at her. "After I was discharged and was sitting in your room. I yelled at him to get out but he said he wouldn't leave, until I heard him out. I told him he was an idiot and still didn't deserve you...But, I also told him I was glad he told me the truth."

"Is it though? All he did was lie to me. I don't know what the truth was in all the time we spent together." I laugh bitterly. "And it wasn't even that long that we were together, really."

"He did lie, but I know he loves you." She tells me but I look away, as I swallow the lump in my throat. We both just hold Joey's hands and watch him.

"You know what I don't get?" She says after a while, bringing me out of my thoughts. I look up at her.

"How did they find us?" She asks. "How did they know where we were?"

I remind her Enzo found us. My mind worries that she doesn't remember seeing him before all hell broke loose.

She shakes her head at me. "No, not after. Before, at the bank..."

I realize, she has a point. I had left my phone at home, charging. It was why I had bought a new phone that same day. Joey's phone and the car both had trackers though...

"The trackers." I say quietly. But that would mean...I look up at Annalisa and her eyes meet mine.

"Someone told them." We say at the same time.

But who? We already knew Jimmy was a mole working for Gio, this whole time, but now there's another traitor? And then I remember the call Sofia got before she left the basement. 

"Someone called Sofia before she left the basement, they told her Timo was coming. That's when she ordered Jimmy to finishes off Enzo and take me upstairs. She told him to meet up at a rendezvous point. I assumed it was one of her men, but it must have been someone who works for Timo." I tell her.

Her words about getting to Isabella also come to my mind. She said she now has help on the inside. Annalisa asks me if I'm going to tell my Uncle Timo.

I laugh not meaning to sound callous, but I remind her, he's not my Uncle. He's nothing to me. It's ironic really, considering I always wanted him to treat me more like family and now more than ever, I understand why he could never do it.

"Nothing was real, Anna. Everything was a lie."

"Our friendship is real." Annalisa says she walks around to me and she kneels down in front of me.

"I can't be here any more, around them. Everything has changed. I don't know who I am anymore. I don't even want to be called Charmaine. It's not my name anyway. " Tears of hurt, betrayal and anger build in my eyes.

She sits on the arm of the chair, leaning over me to hug me. "You're the strongest person I know, Char—er, Stella. You're the one who's brave and you're fearless. When you love, you love with all of your heart. I don't care who your father was, you're nothing like him. You can come live with me. You're my family." She holds me tightly and I cry onto her lap.

She insists on walking me back to my room, when I tell her I want to lay down. As we step outside Joey's room, we hear loud voices and turn to see Joey's sister, Mia and Annalisa's brother, Vince. They're talking to Dot, trying to get information on Joey. Vince sees us and gasps audibly.

"Shit," Annalisa mutters. I see the apprehension in her face as they rush over to us.

"Anna! Are you okay? What happened? Where's Joey? Is he okay? Why didn't we get notified sooner?" They bombard us with questions.

I hold my hand out to stop them. "We're okay. Joey...Joey still hasn't woken up. He looks rough, just prepare yourselves. The doctor can tell you more, but he was beaten and tortured."

Vince turns to Anna and reaches out to hug her, but when he touches her, she flinches away. I hold Annalisa and give Vince a small smile. Vince informs us that his and Annalisa's father informed them we were taken.

They ask who was behind it. Despite how I feel about Timo, I wont' spout off his business out in the open. "I can't go into too much detail." They nod in understanding and look over at Annalisa, watching her sadly.

Mia lets us know hers and Joey's parents have been trying to catch a flight back from a trip they had taken to New Zealand.

"How have you guys been?" I attempt to steer the conversation.

"Good, we're engaged..." Mia says, she lifts her hand for us to see the ring. I can see she's trying to contain her excitement. I feel a ping of pain in my heart, remembering my excitement, from when JP proposed to me.

I put on a smile. "Congratulations!" I hug them both again. As I'm pulling away from them, I curse when I see Tobias and JP coming around the corner, down the hall.

Vince and Mia look at me confused, then turn to see the group coming towards us. I say a quick goodbye them. As we turn to go back to my room, JP yells out for me. I try to pick up the pace but it's not that much faster, given my condition.

I grit my teeth as I push myself forward. The guards outside my room stand as I approach. I instruct them to not let him in. They look at each other, before nodding at me. Annalisa helps me in as JP reaches us and the guards stop him.

"Lasciami entrare." (Let me in) He says menacingly, but the guards don't move. Annalisa stays outside to keep him out. I look up at him before the door closes, separating us.

His eyes plead with mine, "Charmaine." 

**********

**Do you think Stella should give JP a chance to explain himself? Or is too little too late?