A/N: Just a heads up this chapter may still be a trigger for some as Stella recounts what she and her friends have gone through

Song for the chapter: SYML "Fear of the Water"

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STELLA

A low, steady beeping is becoming annoyingly insistent in my ears. My eyes are protesting my attempt to open them and scrunch themselves tight. I blink a few times, taking in my surroundings with heavy eyelids. 

The room I'm in, is dimly lit, giving off a muted, yellow glow. I'm overwhelmed by a stinging, sterile odor, with a slight bitterness to it. I try to focus my eyes out of their haziness but something is keeping me from seeing clearly.

I try to lift my hands but one hand is held down. I turn my head and see a hand is laying over mine. Someone's head is laying on the bed, turned away from me. I can't see their face. My attempt to call out to them sounds like a groan. 

My throat is dry. It stings and burns when I swallow as if I just swallowed shards of glass. The person moves, slightly stirring and I try to speak but it comes out as groan again.

They lift their head and look around. At first I think it's Enzo, but then they turn to face me. It's JP. 

All I can remember are his angry words and his furious face from that awful night; he told me he didn't love me.

"Char? You're awake! Let me get a nurse." He runs out of the room and yells out for someone to come. 

Why is he here?

He rushes back to me and reaches for my hand but I instinctively retract mine away from his. Hurt crosses his features. My eyes move towards the door as a nurse or doctor walks in, I'm not sure which.

The woman greets me, letting me know the Dr's been paged and tells me to take a slow sip of water. She brings a small water cup with a straw to my lips. The water feels soothing against my parched throat but I find it difficult to swallow.

"Are you feeling any pain?" She asks me.

I shake my head and try speaking again, "no" I croak. That hurt worse than swallowing.

The door opens again and a man walks in, with a white coat. As he approaches, I recognize him. He's the Dr who took care of JP when he got shot. Memories of that night try to filter through but I push them away.

The Dr smiles warmly at me. "Hello, Charmaine. How are you feeling?" 

I move my shoulders a little, not wanting to speak again. I shake my head at him when he inquires if I'm in pain. 

I sit impassively while the nurse takes my vitals. Keenly aware, of JP's quiet presence as he watches me, but I keep my gaze anywhere but at him. He has some nerve being here after everything he said and did.

The Dr flashes a light in my eye and that's when I realize, I can't see out of my left eye. I reach up and feel the gauze over it and I start to panic, breathing rapidly. Understanding now, why it felt like I couldn't see clearly earlier.

The Dr tries to calm me down, speaking softly. "You had a cut over your eye, it's only bandaged, for now. I'll be checking to see how it's healing, in a moment. I'll be right back." He turns to leave while I focus on shutting out the unforgettable image of Alfonso on top of me, pushing his knife on my eye and face.

As he steps out, I see Annalisa, standing in the doorway. Her long, dirty blond hair, is in a side braid. She's dressed in sweats and a sweater. The bruises on her face appear darker than what I remember. We stare at each other for a moment before she runs to me. We hold onto each other breaking down.

"What happened? How long have I been out?" I ask, my voice a hoarse whisper.

She wipes at her tears,"I woke up when I heard a gunshot and I called out to you, but you stopped talking...I thought your were...I thought it was too late, but you blacked out, after fighting with Alfonso. 

I tried to move over to you to see if I could wake you. I was so scared, Char. I kept trying to yell for help and then Enzo ran in but several men came after him. I hid under the bed while he fought them all. He was shot."

I gasp, painfully. "Is..is he...is he dead?" I whisper, tears falling down my face. She shakes her head at me and I sit back relieved.

"He collapsed after he killed the last of the men and then I thought no one would come. I heard more shooting and not knowing who was out there, I figured it was more of Cardinale's men. You started making some noises and I knew I needed to get help. I yelled out for help again and JP and Timo burst through the door."

JP came? I peer over at him and he's watching me, intently. Pain and sadness reflecting in his dark eyes. I turn my attention back to mine and Annalisa's hands. Her right hand, has her fingers bandaged and wrapped. 

"You saved me, Charmaine. When I saw you standing there...If you didn't get there when you did, I don't know where I'd be." She cries quietly. The image of her being strangled in front of me, flashes in my mind.

She holds my face up. "I love you, you know that? I can never thank you enough for coming for me." She hugs me tight.

"Anna, I'm so sorry!" I sob. In between my crying, I tell her if she wasn't my friend or had any association with me, none of this would have happened to her. Everyone around me gets hurt or killed and it's my fault.

She clings on to me, telling me not to blame myself as she cries along with me. Joey comes to my mind and I ask her quietly about him. She shifts in our embrace and pulls back to sit next to me, on the bed.

"He coded twice, once in surgery and then afterwards, when he was in recovery. They don't know if he's going to pull through." Annalisa tells me, sniffling. "I just came from his room."

She tells me it's been four days and that she was discharged earlier in the morning. I look at the monitors and then I ask, what I fear I know the answer to. 

"Chip?"

Tears fall down her face as she looks down and holds my hand. But the Dr walks back in, followed by Timo, Tobias, and Santino, who's also wheeling in Enzo, he's still in a hospital gown. They all look tired but also seem relieved to see me. Timo's eyes hold remorse and pain as he observes me.

"Cara mia, I'm so happy to see you awake. Can you tell us what you remember?" Timo asks softly.

I hold his gaze for a moment before I feel a fire burn within me. Anger. White, hot rage. My eyes move over each of their faces and then I come to JP. The memory of what he did and said flashes in my mind. The way he kissed Victoria outside the diner, burned in my head forever. The monitor reading my heart rate is reflecting my racing heart.

"What do I remember?" I repeat hoarsely as I glare at JP and then back at Timo.

"Let's see," taking a deep breath, " I remember being yelled at, shoved away to the point where I tripped over my own feet, crying for JP to listen, to stop what he was saying and doing. I remember him shouting at me that he didn't love me—to stay away from him—that I was fucking pathetic. I remember him tell Enzo he can have his sloppy seconds and then got a front row seat as I watched him shove his tongue down Victoria's throat, outside the diner." I look over at him, his face is etched in guilt and pain, eyes glistening. I ignore the guilt I feel as I continue.

"I remember being taken by Sofia and your ex-employee, Jimmy, by gunpoint. They kept us in a dark room, tied up for days. I remember learning that I was lucky to have the probability of having one of two assholes as my birth father, Bobby Cardinale or you." He looks back at me, his lips pressed in a thin line.

"I remember learning that my birth mom has been alive this whole time. I remember having to watch as they beat Joey because he wouldn't tell them where you've been keeping Isabella. I remember his cries, screams and wails of pain as they tortured him. I can't forget how I had to not only hear but also watch as they violated and beat my best friend in front of me and there was nothing I could do!" My voice cracking.

"I remember watching Cardinale beat and peel off sections of skin off of Enzo's body. I remember hearing how you all knew about Gio taking my dad-Dominic for a week, a fucking week! Before they mutilated and killed him!" I scream, well, attempt to but my voice is hoarse.

"I remember screaming at Jimmy to stop touching me, to get away from me and a stranger died stopping Jimmy but in the end it didn't matter..." Tears are falling down my face.

"I remember finding Annalisa with that other monster, strangling her after he beat and raped her. I remember fighting with him, and how it felt to have him throw me against the furniture, the pain that radiated out my stomach. I remember gasping for air as he punched my stomach over and over again, but I didn't have the strength to stop him. 

I remember what it felt like to have him on top of me, having his mouth on my body. I'll never forget how it felt as he forced himself into me, while I screamed at him to stop. I screamed for help, I screamed for Enzo to help me." I glance at Enzo and his eyes are red as he listens.

"I even screamed for you to come save me." I look at JP, tears fall down his face.

"But no one came." I look away, wiping my face. "He only stopped because he realized I was bleeding." A sob escapes as I cover my mouth. "He said he was going to enjoy repaying me the favor an eye for an eye. 

I remember getting away, reaching for a gun on the floor. Fighting over the gun and realizing I was going to die because I couldn't keep my grip on it. I was too weak. I didn't know which way the gun was pointing but I pulled the trigger. Not caring which way the gun was facing, because either way it would end." I say quietly. Annalisa rubs my arm with her other hand, crying quietly.

"I'm so sorry, cara. I...I'm sorry for what they did to you...to all of you." Timo says quietly. He takes a few steps towards the bed.

"NO!" I try to yell, shaking my head, rapidly. I muster as much strength as I can looking directly at Timo and JP, I yell at them to get out. My voice cracks again as I scream. "This happened because of you!"

I turn towards JP, "And you! I wouldn't have had a reason to leave the house if you didn't do what you did!"

Tobias and Santino walk out but Timo stands there as does JP. "Get out!" I scream but it only comes out as a loud hoarse whisper. 

The Dr speaks up advising them both to leave, and he'll meet with them afterwards.

"Charmaine, please," JP's strained voice, pleads but I don't look at him. "Please let me explain. Baby, I'm so sorry."

The Dr warns him to leave. JP walks towards me but Enzo blocks him. "Get out of my way." JP growls.

"No, she doesn't want to see you. Get out." Enzo tells him calmly. I worry as he's still recovering.

JP tries to step around him and I start breathing rapidly as he looks at me. "Please just let me explain."

"Get away from me!" I scream, recoiling into the bed as much as I can until the pain radiating from my stomach causes me to gasp loudly. Timo grabs JP but he tries to get out of his hold. The Dr moves to help Timo.

"Please just let me talk to you, please! I'm so fucking sorry! I didn't mean it, I didn't mean any of it. I love you!" He yells as they force him out of the room.

 Annalisa holds me, as I cry uncontrollably. The Dr comes back in, straightening his coat. He apologizes, not realizing that I did not want to see them. He tells me he'll come back to inspect my eye and incision.

I shake my head at him, "No, I'm fine. You can do what you need. But why do I have an incision?" I immediately think of the baby since I don't remember Alfonso cutting me.

"You're spleen was ruptured from the beating you took."

He inspects the incision on my stomach and feels around my stomach. The stinging pain from his touch causes me to clench my jaw. As he starts unwrapping the gauze around my head, he instructs me to keep my eye closed. He peels the bandage off and I feel his fingers prodding around the skin of my eye.

He changes out the bandage on my eye and then rewraps the gauze over my head again. "It's healing but we need to keep it wrapped up for a while longer. We'll check your vision in the next day or two. Your other incision is also healing nicely." He gives me a small smile.

"The baby?" I ask him quietly; his smile falters.

"I'm so sorry, Charmaine. The pregnancy didn't survive what you went through. You sustained, too much trauma, in your lower abdomen. You had internal bleeding and as I mentioned your spleen was ruptured. When JP and Timo found you, your body was already miscarrying, hemorrhaging, actually. We had to perform an emergency D & C—a removal of the tissues—in order to repair the other injuries. I'm so very sorry."

Tears fall as I listen to his explanation of everything. It hurts to hear him refer to my baby as just 'tissues'. I picture seeing the baby on the monitor. My baby was real, I saw his or her heart beat, and I heard it.

I vaguely hear the Dr tell me, a nurse will come in to take out my catheter. He tells me that she'll assist me in taking a shower as well. I'm also told that I should be able to go home after another few days as long as there are no infections or complications. He briefly mentions something about an evaluation before he asks me if I have any questions for him. I shake my head in response.

"If you need anything, don't hesitate to have the nurse page me." He walks out of the room.

Enzo wheels himself closer to me. He holds my hand in his. "Stella, I'm so sorry. If I had gotten to you sooner..." I look over at Enzo, his eyes are red rimmed, filled with tears.

I shake my head at him. "No. No, it isn't your fault. Don't blame yourself, please. Annalisa told me what happened to you."

Annalisa squeezes my hand, telling us she's going to check in on Joey, to give us some time. I shake my head at her. "No, you need to go home and rest." I whisper to her.

She tries to shake her head in response, but I squeeze her hand. "I need some time, alone. Please."

I look at Enzo, as he holds my hand, firmly. "I just need some time." I tell him, too.

Annalisa pushes Enzo out, leaving me alone as the tears fall down my face. Sobbing, quietly. Hating the fact, that the only person I want with me right now—holding me, is the one person that pushed me away, and treated me like dirt. The one who broke me.

JOHN PAUL

"Timo, please. Just let me talk to her." I plead angrily, as I'm being shoved out of her room, roughly.

He looks up at me. His tired dark, eyes look over me. "John Paul, she doesn't want us around, right now. You have to respect her wishes. That's the least you could do after...after what happened."

He means after what I did.

I groan in frustration and anger, punching the wall next to me repeatedly, as I replay what she told us. He touched her, they both did. But that motherfucker beat her and forced himself on her. My hand bleeds against the drywall that's cracking and splitting with the impact of each blow as I picture his face.

Santino holds my arms back. "Basta!" He tells me. I get out of his hold angrily, pushing him away from me.

I walk towards Timo again. "She has to know, I didn't mean any of it. I can't lose her, too, Timo."

"JP, you have to give her time. And even then..." He pauses. "You have to prepare yourself. Sometimes, there are things...words you can't take back." My stomach turns at the thought and I feel sick.

"I can't live without her, Timo." I say quietly.

"I thought the same thing a long time ago, John Paul." He holds me by the shoulders. "But you just take it one day at a time." He embraces me. I don't know if it's the exhaustion from the lack of sleep and everything coming to a head at this point, but I break down. 

I should care that I'm crying in front of everyone but I don't and I hold onto him tightly. I haven't cried as much as I have in the past few days, since my mom passed. I wish I could be as open with my father but he always made me feel weak, less than, for showing emotion.

The door opens to her room and I pull away. Annalisa wheels Enzo out and they look at me as I walk up to them, pleading with them to let me see her.

"No, JP." Annalisa tells me sadly. "She's too fragile right now. She just found out about the baby. She even asked us for time alone. Don't make things worse, please." She excuses herself, telling us she's going to go to Joey's room.

I had talked to Annalisa after she was discharged. She didn't want to listen to anything I had to say, at first. When I told her why I did what I did, she called me a fucking idiot and told me I still didn't deserve her, but she was glad that I told her the truth.

Enzo stands to face me, he's still unsteady but straightens himself as he looks at me. "Try to put yourself in her place. After the shit you pulled. And she found out she's been lied to her entire life. The man she thought was her father was actually her uncle, and now she thinks Cardinale is her father." 

"You've known the truth, too and didn't say anything to her." I say annoyed at his judgmental tone.

"I only found out recently not years and I tried telling her but your asshat dad cut me off, that night, on Joey's birthday. I respected your wishes." He looks at Timo. "Assuming you would tell her soon, but you didn't."

"I know you're not attempting to lecture me right now, Enzo." Timo clenches his jaw.

Enzo shakes his head. "No. No, I'm not. I'm just trying to help you see it from her point of view."

"You don't understand..." Timo begins.

But Enzo continues, "You took the choice away from her to be able to chose and figure shit out on her own as it happened. You didn't believe in her and her ability to handle the truth. She's proven that she's stronger than you all have given her credit for."

I storm towards him, pushing him up against the wall. I hear the guys telling me to stop but I don't care. "Don't talk about her like you know her. You think because you've been around for a few months you know her? You don't know anything."

"Get your fucking hands off of me." He says slowly. "I know you all looked at her everyday in the eyes for years and lied to her. You had plenty of time to tell her the truth, but you didn't. Just a couple of weeks ago, instead of talking to her about whatever shit you were dealing with, you pushed her away. You fucking shattered her—"

"Uh uh. Not today!"

We all turn and see Dot bustling down the hallway towards us, her nostrils flaring, angrily. I move away from Enzo as she reaches us.

"For the love of all that is holy, will y'all stop having your macho man showdowns, in the middle of the damn hallway. I know you are some big shot benefactor for the hospital." She addresses Timo, looking up at him. "But this isn't the damn Sopranos!"

There may have been a few other issues come up between my father and myself, during the last few days here and now this, with Enzo. She stops when she sees the hole in the wall.

"Oh, hell no!" She looks around at us and her enraged eyes land on me as she sees the blood dripping, from my hand.

Shit.

"I know you didn't put your damn fist through my wall, John Paul!" She walks up to me, tugging my shirt down so I bend down enough for her to grip me by the ear, harshly. I wince as she yanks me by the ear, leading me to another room, but not before I hear the snickers from everyone watching.

She orders me to sit my ass down as we walk into another room. "First, you break your stitches not once but twice, then I had to stitch that jackass of your father up when you knocked him out in the lobby the other day and now you tear your hand up." I sit glowering, not able to meet her angry gaze.

She busies herself getting a tray full of supplies. "Don't think I don't know what you're doing, child. But no matter how match pain you're trying to inflict on yourself or those around you, it will not change what happened or make you feel any better."

"She doesn't want to see me, Dot."

She clucks her tongue. "Well, what did you expect, son? You think because you got that hot, Italian smoldering look going on, she would swoon over herself, to have you pay attention to her, after what you did to her? Please."

I ended up telling Dot everything about Charmaine and I. She didn't shy away from calling me a dumbass and if she had the mind to, she'd slap me. But since she didn't know me then, she said she'd reign in her desire to beat me senseless. Not that I had any sense to begin with, she added.

"So, what do I do?" I sound pitiful.

"Nothing," she pours some antiseptic over my hand and I clench my jaw from the stinging pain that radiates throughout my hand. "Lord give me strength, you're going to need more stitches!"

I look up at her, confused. 

"Don't you give me that look." She continues to work on my hand. 

I was so ecstatic when Charmaine woke up, but the look on her face when our eyes met only showed worry, confusion, even fear.

"Listen, John Paul. She needs time to process everything." Her warm eyes looking over me. "Love makes us do stupid, shit. But it can also heal with time. You need to be patient, which I already see is going to be damn near impossible, for a hothead, like you. But if you want to give yourself a shot, give her some space, but let her know you're here for her." 

She sighs deeply. "Now, if I have to fix you up one more time before my shift is over, I'm going to slap you to sleep, then slap you for sleeping, you hear?"

"Yes ma'am."

She puts her hands on her hips. "Don't you ma'am me."

"Yes, Dot." 

She smiles at me before she heads to the door, then stops. "I'll be in the next room with your girl. If I feel generous enough and you behave, I might even put in a good word for you." She winks as she walks out the door. 

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