I'm exhausted from not sleeping well, throughout the night. But worse than that, I feel the overwhelming guilt, for becoming a burden to Lucy and the boys. It's been a long time since I've felt absolutely useless.

"Stella?" Miles is standing in the doorway of my room, telling me he brought me soup. He sits down next to me on the edge of my bed. He wipes my face and I feel the wetness from the tears, I didn't know were falling. He looks at me for a while before he wipes at his own face and stands leaving the room.

I sleep intermittently throughout the day and wake up again, when I feel the bed dip. I blink my eyes open and see Kai sitting next to me. He holds my hand as he whispers, "noho mākou i ka puʻuwai o ka poʻe e hoʻomanaʻo iā mākou," he strokes my hair and walks out of the room, quietly. (We live in the hearts of those who remember us)

I lay there, staring at the ceiling. I didn't come this far, just to fall apart, again. While my heart hurts, knowing I lost another friend, I need to push forward. I regret not reaching out to Sean all this time, but I didn't want to risk exposing him, but in the end it didn't matter.

After making myself somewhat presentable, I head out of my room. As I walk down the hallway, I hear the twins talking in the living room, quietly.

Kai voices carries as he speaks, "She'll be fine, Miles. It's Stella. You're always saying you want to be strong like her, now's your chance to prove it."

Miles sniffs and my heart hurts, knowing I'm the cause for him being upset. I take another deep breath as I come into view. 

"Hey, guys." I announce my presence. Miles wipes at his face quickly but his eyes are red, giving away his crying.

"I wanted to apologize for losing it. I didn't mean to scare you guys." I sit on the chair next the couch, tucking my feet under me. I explain to them that Sean was killed by the same people who are after me.

"We've talked about this before, but this was a good reminder. Being around me puts your lives in danger. These people...they won't care who you are, if you're young, old, boy or girl, they will kill you for no reason at all, because they can." I look at each of their faces.

"More than ever, you all need to really consider...getting away."

Miles doesn't stop the tears falling down his face. "You want us to leave?" He chokes out.

I shake my head, "No. I don't want you to leave Miles, but if it means you're safe and you're alive, then it's what's best."

"No." Kai stands up, his hands in fists. "If they come for you then, they have to go through us first."

"That's exactly what I don't want, Kai!" I stand, too. "Aren't you listening? They will use you, all of you, to get to me. And I won't let that happen! I've lost everyone I've ever loved or cared about and I won't lose you guys, either."

"We're not going anywhere, Stella." Lucy wraps her arms around me. My resolve is breaking, quickly. Soon, Kai is wrapping his arms around us and then Miles joins us.

"Ohana" Miles says quietly. "You're stuck with us, moms." And that makes me cry harder.

After a while we pull apart, but Lucy keeps holding on to me. I hug her back tightly. "Thank you sweet, Lucy." I kiss her cheek and wipe the tears on her face.

I hug Kai next but then he pulls apart, enough to lean down and press his forehead and nose on mine. I join him, breathing in unison, in the customary practice of Honi.

Miles does the same, pressing his forehead and nose on mine. But then he hugs me tightly and lifts me up, making me laugh. "Put me down, Miles."

I wipe at my face afterwards. "Where is Tej?"

Lucy informs me he had to meet with a client and would be back soon. She tells me he wanted to apologize for upsetting me but she told him it wasn't his fault.

I take a deep breath as I sit at the table, opening my laptop and pull up the curriculum the kids are doing for school, pulling up this weeks lesson plan. I need to get organized for the full week, versus just getting their work ready the day before because of my new schedule.

Lucy brings me a plate of yesterday's left overs to eat. She also sets the white board calendar we have hanging on the wall, anticipating my need for it. 

I list the days I'll be going in to practice the group numbers, but realize they may change if any of the girls have scheduling conflicts. The kids also write down their work schedule for the week. 

"Okay, starting next week, we're gonna have to push school hours back a couple of hours. That means, chores and home work can be done in the morning or evening depending on your work shifts."

They all nod in agreement. I scroll down the screen, checking the schedule. "You guys having been working hard, keeping your grades up and...we are on schedule with everything, so if you guys keep it up, we'll be able to take a break in June. What do you guys think about getting out of here?"

That will be inline with the plan I have for Gio. We can lay low, somewhere far away, while everything settles after I destroy him.

"You mean, move?" Miles asks.

"No, not move but we can go on vacation. We can use the first few weeks of June." I tell them.

"Can we go to New York?" Lucy questions, excitedly. I hope I hid my expression well enough, not wanting to disappoint her. But that's the last place I want to go, especially with everything that will be going down with Gio. 

"I thought you wanted to go there for your birthday trip, in September?" I question, silently praying she's not set on going there.

"Yeah, you did, Luce. Plus, it's my turn to pick where we go on vacation," Miles tells her. Lucy frowns knowing he's right. We try to take trips when there's a break in the school schedule and also for their birthdays.

Kai walks to the door when we hear a knock. He opens the door and Tej walks in.

"I want to go to Abu Dhabi." Miles informs us.

Lucy snorts. "You only want to go there because you just watched the Fast and Furious 7 movie, last weekend."

"Abu Dhabi is a great place to visit, just be mindful of the do's and don'ts of the country." Tej advises, sitting down next to me. He rubs my shoulder and places a kiss on my head.

"Like what?" Lucy asks curiously as she sits at the table with us.

"Hmm, let see." Tej rubs his short beard. "Modesty is really important there, for cultural reasons. Basically, no shorts or tank tops, especially if you visit a mosque, which I highly recommend. Limit public display of affection with the opposite gender, greet everyone you meet, even if it's in English and don't initiate physical contact, with the opposite gender, unless they do first. Those are the key ones."

"And don't be afraid to try the street food, it's amazing. I know in some countries, you might end up in the hospital or have the runs for a week, from eating the food, but not there." 

Lucy giggles and Tej smiles at her.

"You should come with us when we go!" She exclaims.

Tej chuckles, "We'll see, I haven't been there in a long time. When are you planning on going?" 

"In June, if we keep up on our school work and our grades up." Lucy informs him.

"If I don't have anything else going on, then I'd love to join you all." He says, to which she claps happily.

"Heeyyy!"

We look over at Miles, a look of betrayal on his face as he looks at me and Lucy.

"You guys got pedicures without us!" Miles accuses. Lucy and I look at each other and laugh.

****

The next week and a half flies by quickly with my schedule much fuller now. Most of the girls at work have been supportive of my new role. Although, they might also be a little wary of me, after witnessing the exchange, between Ginger and I.

Word is Ginger is trying to change her schedule to take the performance lead of the other days in the week, I don't work. I wouldn't mind though; it would be nice not seeing her sour expression not only at work but the days we practice. 

I don't think she likes that I ask the girls to give their input on the moves or if they have something that would work better, I encourage them to speak up. Some of them have been dancing since they were kids and have more experience than I do, but they are just as encouraging with me, too.

Tonight, will not only be the first time I lead the performance numbers but also attending the after hours event. Rio informed me that I will be getting an additional bonus for the working the extra hours.

Eva, was very happy to hear the news about the switch up with Ginger and I. She expressed that Ginger was not the easiest person to work with and extremely demanding with costume or outfit requests.

"Raven, I need the songs for the group numbers tonight." Eva rushes towards me. I hand her the piece of paper and then attempt to put on the hot pink wig on but it isn't cooperating very well.

"Can I show you a trick, mija?"

"Please!" I beg and she chuckles, squeezing my shoulder. She sets the wig on the table and then helps reset and adjust the wig cap, I'm wearing. I can tell from the small adjustments she made the wig will sit better, but then she grabs some wig tape and places it on the front and then grabs the wig and instructs me on how to put it on.

I usually flip my head upside down and then adjust it, but the way she showed me, instantly cut a good two minutes of my usual time.

"Wow, thanks Eva! That's so much better. You're going to have to show me what you did with the wig cap, too. That alone was a big help!"

"You bet!" She winks, swatting my butt before she leaves to meet with the DJ.

Letty comes bouncing in, followed by Cinnamon and Baby.

"Are you ready for your big leadership debut, boss bitch?" Letty asks me, grinning widely.

I laugh and slip on the torn black tank top over my cheetah print bralette for my outfit then lace up my gladiator heels.

"Damn girl, you've got the best shoes!" Cinnamon tells me, eyeing my gladiator heels.

"You have the same shoes!" I laugh.

She laughs, "I know, we have great taste!"

I hear the DJ start his welcoming speech for the night. I turn and face the girls in the room."Okay, it's time, ladies." I raise my voice. "If you forget a move," I glance quickly at Baby who struggled with some of the choreography, "just keep moving."

Ginger snickers loudly, in the back along, with her two followers. The DJ's voice carries, he's about to begin announcing our names. We line up and I move to the back since I will be announced last, now.

"Break a leg!" Ginger smiles sweetly as she passes by me.

"You too!" I smile back at her and her smile turns into a scowl.

After we're announced the chattering of the crowd quiets down before the music begins. The number starts out well, and just as we are towards the end, out of the corner of my eye I see Baby slip and pulls down Ginger with her.

The other girls notice and move in front of them while they hurry to get up and join us again before the song ends.

Once we rush off the stage, Ginger rips into Baby. Screaming at her while the other girls try to keep Ginger back.

"Ginger, everyone slips or has slipped at one point or another. It was an accident. It's over now. Leave her alone." I walk up to her.

She scoffs. "I should have had Rio fire her while I could." She turns, stalking away back towards the dressing room.

"Are you hurt?" I turn to Baby.

She shakes her head and wipes at her face. "No. I'm sorry, these are new shoes. I should have made sure to I put enough resin on them."

"No one got hurt. That's what matters, even if it would have been nice for you to take out Ginger."

She looks up at me and I wink at her. She smiles at me as I walk away. The rest of the night goes on without an other issues, thankfully.

Rio walks into the dressing room as I'm finishing changing out my outfit. It's not uncommon for him or the other bouncers to come in, intermittently, throughout the night. But no one's ever fully nude. Well, except Ginger, she walks around naked all the time.

"Nice job, tonight." He leans against the partition between mine and the other stations. He doesn't hide his appraising look over me as his eyes travel down my body.

"Thanks," I mutter. I fix my different colored wig and reapply my lipstick as he keeps watching.

"Are you ready for tonight?"

"Technically, it's morning, but yes, I'm ready." I respond. He chuckles and cocks his head to the side. The diamond earrings in his ears glistening under the glare of the lights. He rubs his short beard.

"I just wanted to remind you of a few things, hermosa." He moves to stand behind me as he looks at me through the mirror.

"It is your first time, after all. There's no easing into it, slowly..." He picks up a strand of hair from my wig before he trails a finger from my shoulder down to my elbow. "These men, are dangerous. Do not speak unless they address you. Your job is only to entertain...entiendes?

Even though the girls aren't necessarily engaged in the conversation, they're all watching and listening, intently.

With Letty's insistence on teaching me Spanish, I know he's asking me if I understand. I nod my head, looking at him through the mirror.

"Bien, nos vemos alli." (Good, I'll see you there) He turns to address the other girls in the room. "Ladies." They all look at him and smile as he walks out of the room.

We finish getting ready and head out of the dressing room. I follow the other girls because I have no idea where I'm going. They walk as if we are headed to Rio's office but instead of turning right they make a left at the end of the hall.

We come to a door with Roman standing outside of it. Eva slips out of the door and give us our assigned posts. Roman opens the door and steps inside holding it open for us. The music is muted in here, compared to the larger room of the club.

There's a stage and a few other platforms in the room. My eyes scan the room and I recognize a few of the regulars but several others I don't know, there's at least twenty or so men in the room.

I walk towards the stage and make my way up the stairs. Letty and Cinnamon both filled me in on what we typically do before hand. Mostly we just dance to whatever music is playing and sometimes, we are asked to do a group number depending on what Rio wants.

Other nights, he asks the girls to mingle and entertain the men in the room, including lap dances if they are requested. But the same rule applies of no touching, unless the dancer allows it.

We begin dancing as the music begins. I keep my eyes on Rio as he sits at a large round table where a few other men are. I watch as they converse but several of the men, keep their eyes on us as we dance. Some of the conversations get heated with a few men leaving, but nothing out of the ordinary.

The night progresses and I spend the last half hour conversing, with one of the regulars after we are permitted to mingle.

"See, it wasn't that bad, right?" Letty says, as we are changing, at the end of the shift.

"No, but now I'm dying to go home and soak my poor feet in the tub." I tell her.

"Epsom salt baths are a dancing girls BFF" Cinnamon tells us as she pulls on her jeans. Letty nods agreeing. I make a mental note to stop at the 24 hour convenient store on my way home. Thankful, I don't have to dance again for another two days.