*Song for chapter: Lifehouse- From Where You Are

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John Paul

David tells us he wasn't sure if it was her or not when he first came across the videos. Her previous fights had random people in her corner until the most recent videos he found. There was a particular man, he knew we would all recognize when we saw him.

But I knew it was her the moment I saw her laughing as her opponent, who had the fight name of The Bulldog, barked at her.

The room quiets down as the fight started, everyone was leaning forward in anticipation of what would happen. The men began voicing or rather shouting their words of encouragement towards the TV. 

We watch as Stella holds her own well against the other fighter. The men react loudly cheering her on when she throws a straight jab and the other fighter lands on her ass. Even Timo shouts out proudly.

The first round ends as Stella puts her opponent in an umbar, but the bell rings, saving the girl from tapping out.

"Watch who comes in..." David informs us.

The corners rush in and then I see who David was referring to. "Is it him?" I ask Enzo, watching a huge guy with a short Mohawk hairstyle and tattoos on his neck and large arms walk in the cage towards Stella.

"Yes, that's Topo." He says as we watch the screen. A girl stands behind Stella and massages her shoulders. "Pause it!" Joey shouts. He moves to the screen. "Is that Anna?" 

Enzo told us she had cut her hair and the girl has a short bob like hairstyle but her hair is really dark. "It could be, she did dye her hair." Enzo says.

David unpauses the video and we watch the big guy lift Stella's legs on his thighs and rubs them down. I grind my teeth as I watch his hands move up and down her legs.

The bell rings and the second round begins. If anyone had any doubts it was Stella, they flew out the door the minute we see her do the move she always did with me, when we sparred. She rushes the fighter and climbs over her shoulder, swinging her down with her.

The men react loudly, shouting their encouragement and approval of the move. The fight ends shortly after that, when Stella knocks out her opponent, the ref had to tackle her to stop any further hits.

Topo, runs in and lifts her up, She laughs as he carries her around the cage. When he puts her down she runs over and checks on the other fighter, they exchange words and shake hands. I find myself smiling at her kindness that still shines despite what she's been through.

"This was a double feature night, so another fight happened after this one." David tells us.

The men in the room shout out for him to play it. My annoyance with the excitement of the men is building. The same men who showed their displeasure of having to protect her and watch over her all those years, are now excited, cheering for her.

David finds another clip and then plays it. "This next fighter, Diabla, was undefeated, knocking out her all her opponents in the first round."

Timo looks over at David. "I didn't know you were into this kind of thing." David smiles in response, "Don't judge a book by its cover, Boss."

Stella rushes in this time. She gets the other fighter in a clench hold and gets in a few good hits. The men groan and I grimace when the other girl punches Stella.

As they scramble, Stella gives up her back. The men react instinctively, yelling out "two on one" something we yell out when we are training or sparring, to keep someone from choking you out.

The other fighter puts, a body triangle on her. Stella gets out of the compromising position while the men enthusiastically praise her. We watch as Stella stands while the girl is on her back and then drops down on her.

The men groan in unison as Stella does it again but the girl still doesn't let go. Stella gets one of her legs out of the girls hold and starts punching and elbowing her sides and thighs.

"She's doing great, right?" Timo says proudly as he keeps his eyes on the TV. Enzo answers, agreeing that she's doing great.

The bell rings and they separate to go to their corners, we watch as the other fighter stands and shoves Stella from behind; the ref holds the other girl back. Some of the men shout at the TV, while others boo.

Before the second round begins, the other fighter tries to intimidate Stella by running her thumb across her throat when the ref asks if she's ready. Stella beckons her forward with her hand, confidently.

They run at each other, throwing punches. Both of the girls' noses are bleeding as they trade blows. Stella moves fluidly with her combinations and the men cheer loudly when she lands a superman punch. 

They trade punches again and then Stella catches her with an uppercut, the other girls mouthguard flies out of her mouth. Some of the men stand cheering, knowing the fight's over.

Topo runs in again, excitement on his face. I watch as she throws herself on him, wrapping her arms and legs around him. I have an overwhelming urge to punch something or someone, preferably the guy she's wrapped herself on.

"There's another fight, the semi-finals for the tournament were last weekend if you want to watch it..." I vaguely hear David.

"JP?" Enzo nudges my shoulder and I tear my eyes away from the screen. "Do you want to watch the other fight?" The men are already giving their input that they do; so I just shrug.

David clicks the video. Enter the Sandman by Metallica is playing in the background. This time, there are cameras in the cage before the fight begins as she warms up.

She has her in a French braid for this fight and I can tell her hair is longer than the shoulder length she always kept it at.

"She got a tattoo." Enzo says. I lean forward. I can't make out what it is because she's bouncing around too much, but it's just under her left ribcage, above the scar where the incision was made to fix her ruptured spleen.

She looks healthy, well, healthier than she did when she left, but still too thin. I watch as she rolls her head on her shoulders and shadow boxes. Another song begins for her opponent as she walks in. This time her opponent's name is Savage.

The camera focuses on Stella, again. I can barely make out the scar she has over her left eye, but there's a line running through her left eyebrow that tells of it.

When the announcer calls out her name she smiles at the camera, showing her mouth guard with the words: you're next in black letters. She holds a fist up and winks. The men laugh in response. I notice she has another tattoo on her inner bicep.

The round begins, this fight moves quickly as the other fighter does a Judo throw on Stella right from the start. Stella leaves her arm out and the girl capitalizes on her mistake and quickly cinches her in a triangle.

The men are all shouting at the TV on what she should do. Stella leans over and puts pressure on the other girls thigh, while pushing herself through.

"Hey, I taught her that!" Santino says proudly, sitting up as he watches Stella get out of the triangle hold.

Stella moves quickly to side control, before she puts her opponent in a crucifix hold. The men go crazy cheering her on.

"It's game over for the other girl" Joey says as we watch Stella land punches and elbows on the girls exposed head. With both her arms trapped she can't defend herself, but the bell rings, ending the first round.

An older man is in Stella's corner, and I find myself relieved the bigger guy isn't there.The second round begins, Stella throws a combination I haven't seen her use before and lands most of the hits. 

"I taught her that." Enzo says proudly, this time. Santino fist bumps him, while I roll my eyes.

The girls grapple with each other, fighting over a clench hold position but the other fighter sweeps Stella's leg causing her to fall, but as she does, Stella quickly grabs a hold of the girls head and gets a guillotine hold on her.

The girl punches Stellas sides, hoping she lets go but Stella tightens her grip and arches her back, cranking on the girls neck until she taps. 

David stops the video. "The championship is this weekend, but because it's underground it's all very hush hush. The people who load the videos are really good about monitoring the comments and if anyone mentions a location or city, they delete them and then turn off the comments." 

I find myself conflicted, feeling happy to see her face again even if it's through a screen. But then I'm angry and even hurt, to see that she's happy, clearly moving on without a second thought.

I rush out of the room, feeling like I'm drowning in the pain and loneliness that crashes on top of me. I've been in agony, barely getting through each day. My thoughts are always consumed with her and she's...

I wrench the door open to the gym, making my way to the punching bag and begin throwing a fury of punches, screaming and yelling as I do. I just want her back.

My screaming and yelling turn in to choked sobs. If only I could go back to that night I came home from that last trip to Miami before everything changed.

"John Paul, it's okay to miss her. We all do." Tobias calm voice echos in the gym.

"I wish I could go back, Tobias, to that first night I came back from Miami the last time." I tell him quietly. He doesn't say anything, but I can hear him walking closer to me.

"She looks happy...without me."

"She's trying to survive, that doesn't mean she's happy, John Paul. Enzo's says he can hear the sadness still in her voice."

I move to sit on a bench and lean over, running my hands through my hair. He sits next to me, but keeps his distance, wary of my sudden outbursts that I tend to have.

"Her fight name, Phoenix...you know what it represents, don't you?" He asks me. I don't want to admit that it only makes me think about the Harry Potter movies, so I just stay silent, hoping he'll just tell me.

"It signifies, birth, death and rebirth. The idea that the bird is reborn from ashes of the flames of death; she's on her own journey after going what she's been through. She's finding her own strength.

I think you can agree she's always been strong, she's unleashing that strength on her own, in her own way. That doesn't mean she doesn't miss you or not think about you JP. You just have to give her time to find herself and then she'll find her way home again. You two are cut from the same cloth. Life brought you two together once and it will do it again."

"I'm nothing without her." I confess.

"Bullshit." His bluntness shocks me and I over at him. "If you're nothing without her, why in the hell would she have fallen in love with you in the first place?"

"You need to stop this sulking and work on remembering who you were before all of this happened. Be the man she fell in love with, be the man she deserves."

"You've made it this far, John Paul. And while it's been hard, you've come a long way since she left. You're still a loose cannon, but that's one of the things she loved about you."

I laugh at that, knowing it actually drove her crazy. He laughs along with me.

"Come on, let's go. Melanie's asking where we are. You know she's not going to let me hear the end of it, if you don't come with me."

*****

"John Paul, I'm so glad you came!" Melanie gives me a crushing hug.

"Thanks for having me over, Mel." I tell her as I return her hug. "How are you feeling?"

"As a big as a house and still have four months to go!" She exclaims as she rubs her growing belly. My mind travels to Stella again and I take a deep breath.

"JP! JP! JP!" Carmen shrieks running down the stairs. She launches herself towards me off of the third step from the bottom.

"Whoa! Careful Carmen!" I catch her and she wraps her small arms around my neck tightly. "Will you sit by me, please, please!"

Melanie and Tobias laugh as their daughter clings on to me even as I try to set her down. "If you let go, I'll sit next to you." She releases me from her death grip. I stand and see Marco sauntering down the stairs, too.

"Hey kid, how have you been?" I clap his shoulder.

"I'm not a kid, I'm thirteen, turning fourteen next week." He responds with a typical teenage attitude. "Maybe, you forgot since you were in the hospital, last year, when it was my birthday."

"Marco!" Melanie and Tobias scold him.

I laugh lightly. "I didn't forget, Marco, but I'm still going to call you kid, because I'm older than you." He just shrugs and walks away. I head into the kitchen and see little Lola in the highchair.

"P! Up P! Up!" She holds her hands out to me, closing and opening her little hands. She'll be turning two in a few months. She can't pronounce her 'J's very well, so she calls me P. I pick her up and hold her as she lays her head on my chest.

"You're lucky my girls are way too young or I'd be chasing you out of here, John Paul. They seem to forget I exist when you're around." Tobias says as he washes his hands at the sink.

I hand him Lola so I can wash my hands, too. I try to hold my chuckle in as she whines when he walks away with her, protesting that she wants 'P'.

Eating dinner with Tobias and his family fills a small portion of the void I feel, but it reminds me so much of Stella. The kids keep us entertained with their bickering or general kid like behavior.

Marco seems to come alive when I ask him about his football games and tells me about some plays he's been learning. "I could help you work on some drills if you want? I played baseball and football, too, all through high school."

"Yeah, that would be cool, if you're not too busy." He says glancing quickly at Tobias. I peer over my glass of water and don't miss the flicker of hurt come across Tobias' face.

"If that's okay with you of course?" I ask Tobias. He smiles and nods in my direction. Melanie starts to gather everyone's plates. Tobias asks Marco to help his mother.

"Will you come to my dance recital?" Carmen asks me, her big brown eyes looking up at me expectantly as she bats her long eye lashes. I wink at her. "You bet I will, princess."

She smiles at me shyly before her eyebrows furrow. "What's with the face, cucciola piccola (little cub)?" Tobias asks her.

"You're not supposed to call me princess, JP." She turns to me. "That's only for Charmaine--oh, sorry, I mean Stella" Her hand is over mouth like she just told a secret. I try to ignore the uncomfortable twist my heart makes.

"I'm sorry, what would you like me to call you, then?" I put a smile on.

She taps a finger on her chin. "Well, daddy calls me princess so that's okay for him," she smiles over at Tobias. He winks back at her.

"And piccola, or cucciola are taken, too. So...how about, bella, regina mia, cuore mio, vita mia?" (Beautiful, my queen, my heart, my life)

Tobias starts choking on his water, while Mel and Marco laugh. I chuckle too, " Hmm those are good ones, but if I'm being honest, I used some of those for Stella, too. I think you'll want to save those for someone you love, when you're a little older."

"A lot older..." Tobias sputters out, still trying to clear his throat.

"But I do love you, John Paul" She says innocently.

"He means when you're in love, dummy." Marco says after taking a huge bite of one of the cookies, Mel set out. Tobias, smacks the back of Marco's head, not hard but enough for him to apologize to Carmen for calling her dummy.

"Mamma, these still don't taste like Charm-I mean Stella's cookies." Carmen states after taking a bite. Melanie laughs shaking her head. "I know...I know, I don't know why. I follow the recipe she gave me exactly, too. She just gave it something a little extra I guess."

I take a bite of the cookie and while they are good, it does seem like something is missing. My mind travels to the times when we would bake with Carmela as kids, and then to the times we baked, after we were more than friends, we'd make a mess with the flour or frosting and each time would end with us in the shower together...

"Why won't she come back, John Paul?" Carmen asks me, breaking my thoughts.

I clear my throat. "I...I lie...I...hurt—" I struggle with my words. "I broke a promise." I finally tell her honestly. "So, she's sad and probably still very mad at me..."

"Just tell her you're sorry and kiss her, it will make her feel better." She says turning to me. "That's what daddy does, he gives really good kisses." She smiles at her dad.

"Stella said you give really good kisses, too. I bet she'll feel so much better, even though it's gross how you kiss her. But she liked it so..." She shrugs as she takes another bite of the cookie in her hand.

I laugh remembering how Carmen would be grossed out, whenever I kissed Stella in front of her. "I wish I could, trust me. But she's not ready to see me, yet. Maybe one day..."

"Do you think Annalisa will come back with her, too?" Marco asks, not meeting my eyes. I smirk at Tobias as he furrows his eyebrows at his son.

"I know she would." I assure him. He does a poor job of hiding his smile behind another cookie he brings to his mouth. Tobias shakes his head while I grin at him.

*****

"Can't you just ask your Uncle again?" I ask Enzo. He just finished a video conference between Timo and his Uncle Cristian, prepping for the gathering.

Enzo shakes his head. "Don't you think I already tried that, coglione (asshole)?"

I glare at him. "Well, what about that guy, she's with, Topo? Can't you track his number?" I ask remembering how she launched herself at him, wrapping her arms and legs around him. I can't help but wonder if she's with him now, it hurts to imagine her with anyone else.

Enzo laughs, "you don't get it, John Paul, as usual." He stands, crossing his arms. "They have my number not the other way around. They switch out their phones, frequently."

Timo sighs, dropping his head as he turns around. "I did this...I made her feel like she had no where to turn but to your Uncle. Our families have worked together for years, decades even. I know Cristian has a cutthroat reputation, but he'll look out for her because of our long standing history."

"Speaking from personal experience, he doesn't exactly have that paternal instinct..." Enzo states.

I stand up, furious. "You're supposed to be this damn amazing assassin and you can't even fucking find her?" I scoff.

"She doesn't want to be found." He walks up to me. "But that doesn't mean I won't keep trying. I will find her." I walk past him hitting his shoulder as I do.

"Unlike you, I'm not giving up." He says as he shoves me from behind.

Tobias quietly says my name, trying to calm my obvious anger as I face him. But I turn around to face Enzo, on the verge of raging out and I know by the look on his face he is, too. It's been a long time coming.

We come at each other, throwing blows. The men in the room clear away, giving us space as we throw each other around, trying to take the other out. He throws a straight kick, pushing me back but I move in tackling him to the ground and rain down punches on him until he maneuvers away from under me and we scramble until he's on top and punches me repeatedly. 

We're pulled apart from each other as Timo, yells out. "Enough!" He orders the rest of the men out of the room, with the exception of Tobias.

We're both breathing heavily, both our mouths bleeding. Carmela comes in with two icepacks and hands one to Enzo and the other to me. We each take it and move away from each other.

Carmela has her good days and bad days since her diagnosis of dementia. Her mind isn't what it once was. But today seems to be a good day.

I'm pulled back towards the table and Carmela pushes me to sit. She walks to Enzo and does the same, with him. We move away from each other and she mutters that we are immature adolescents, in Italian.

She places a chair in front of us and sits. "You need work together, no more fighting." She says. "You are her best friend, you know her before world changed for her, first time." She speaks to Enzo and then turns to me.

"Piccolo, you are her amore, you heal her more than once. You make mistakes, yes, but you two are same, you belong together. She still hurting, she needs you." She holds Enzo's hand. "She need both of you. She should not be away, fighting like she is."

She sighs, patting our knees before standing and walks out of the room. Tobias and Timo follow her, leaving us alone in the conference room. We don't say anything for a while.

"I'm sorry" We both grumble at the same time. We both laugh. 

"We're not going to hug now, right?" He asks me.

"Hell, no."

"I meant, it. I'm not going to stop looking for her." He tells me.

"I know. And I know you're hurting just as much as the rest of us."