
Chapter 12
A/N: Song for the Chapter: The Kill (Acoustic) --30 Seconds to Mars
I love the original version of this song. It would work for this chapter as well, considering the rage that Stella is feeling. But this acoustic version hits on another level, too. And Jared Leto's stripped down voice in it is just....*sigh*
But I also like how what he says at the beginning before he plays "Don't worry, it's a happy song, about losing your mind" because it's true and sad at this point in Stella's story.
It's hard to see where she started to where she's at now mentally with everything that's happened.
Here are other songs I listened to while writing this chapter too.
*Charlotte Lawrence-Joke's on You
*Iggy Azalea Ft Rita Ora- Black Widow
*Faouzia-My Hearts Grave
*Kirsten Collins/KHS Cover -Taylor Swifts-Look what you made me do
**Don't forget to comment! XoXo LJRae
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I focus on taking deep breaths in and out. I mutter under my breath, "Ti prego, non fare niente, Rocco." (Please don't do anything). Rocco gives me a side glance, as he moves his hand away from his gun. I turn around to face Timo fully, for the first time since I woke up in the hospital. Isabella stands next to him, with tears in her eyes.
Zeus and Ares make their way to me, huffing and snorting at Rocco. They whine and nudge my hands with their big heads. I look down at them and softly scratch their heads and ears as they lick my hands, sniffing over the bandages on my hands.
Topo and Mateo burst in the front door, causing Zeus and Ares to bark and growl in their direction. I snap my fingers and give Zeus and Ares the command to sit. They both sit, looking at me expectantly.
Men come running in, from every direction of the house, including the guards from the hospital. Crap. The look of betrayal in their eyes.
Then Carmela comes out of the kitchen as well, followed by Tobias, Santino and Tony. I anticipated this happening, but now that it was here, I don't know if I can go through with it until Timo speaks.
"Don't leave." Timo says again. "Don't leave your family, cara." He takes a few steps towards me.
I scoff. "Family? Interesting choice of words, Timo. You treat this family," I gesture to the men surrounding us, "better than your actual family."
"I'm sorry, I kept the truth from you, figlia."
"Don't call me that!" I yell at him. Zeus and Ares look up at my sudden outburst.
"It was to protect you, to keep you safe, Stella." He speaks calmly. "I never meant to hurt you, you are my life, cara. I know I didn't treat you as a father should but it was to keep you safe, I couldn't let others see how important you are to me. But we are family."
I shake my head. "No. I may have your blood running through me but that does not make us family. Loyalty makes you family. You were only loyal to your business, to this family." I gesture again to the men. "To your empire."
"Dominic and Serena were my family. They died protecting me. Dominic was the only one who told me the truth about Isabella. Annalisa and Joey are family, after what we went through. They didn't hide behind lies, like cowards." I look back at Timo and the rest of the people I had thought of as family.
"Several men have devoted their lives to protect you throughout the years, Stella." Timo tells me, anger is building within him, I can see it and feel it.
"You think I haven't noticed the resentment some if not all have for me, throughout the years, living here? Their devotion was to you, not me." I say as I look at the men around me. Some won't look me in the eye.
"Your men are only loyal—if that's what you want to call it—out of fear. You mask it, presenting it as respect. That type of loyalty doesn't run deep. Instead it's rooted in the expectation of losing their life by not following you. Do you know what happens when loyalty isn't embedded in something stable such as respect like you claim?" He looks at me, not saying anything.
"Your men turn on you. You've already had that happen once and lost good men over it. You're so blind to your own greed of power that you don't realize, you still have a traitor in your own damn home." The men start murmuring, quietly.
"What the hell are you talking about?" He asks me, his voice dropping at my statement. I can see the vein bulging on his temple. Zeus and Ares huff at him as they take on his change in demeanor, towards me.
"How else do you think Sofia and Jimmy knew where we were, the day they took us?" He looks at me, with his brows creasing. "Joey's phone and the SUV both had trackers, I had left my phone here, and the only people who had access to see where we were, are your own people Timo. Someone here, tipped them off—."
"Don't accuse the family of something unforgivable, out of anger towards me, Stella!" He cuts me off from continuing.
I narrow my eyes at him. "Of course. You would rather as always, defend them." I look him directly in the eyes. "Your empire will fall around you, by the hands of your own family, Timo."
"You're angry and hurt. I'm sorry for what you have gone through these past months. It's been too much. I'm sorry I couldn't protect you better." He tells me his features saddened.
He walks towards me but I draw one of my guns on him. He stops, looking at the gun in my hand. The sound of several guns being unholstered and cocked echoes throughout the room. I don't have to look, to know they are all pointed at me.
"Cazzo! Che diavolo stai facendo?(Fuck! What the hell are you doing?)" Rocco hisses at me. Zeus and Ares stand in front of me, snarling menacingly, towards some of the men nearest me. They bare their teeth, spittle falling, from their mouths.
Isabella tries to run towards me but Tobias holds her back as she says my name. Carmela is crying loudly. Timo orders his men to stand down, angrily.
Zeus and Ares each bark loudly, lowering their heads, readying themselves to attack. Several of the men still keep their guns pointed at me. I have a moment of realization, that a part of me wants someone to pull the trigger; to end this nightmare, I'm in. To end the pain, the hurt that seems never ending.
I move the gun under my chin and the quiet that fills the room is almost disarming for me. "This is what you all want isn't?" I address the men in the room. Before I look back at Timo. I laugh, coldly. "You fucking put a target on my back, with your protection."
"You can't blame me for what other's have done, Stella." He tries to argue, his voice soft.
"You're right, I can't blame you for what they've done. But can you deny that both your enemies and your men only see me as a means to an end? A pawn in this fucking world you live in. For people to use, lie to and do as they please, not giving a damn about me! I blame you for the choices you've made on my behalf, but above all for lying to me, over and over again!" I yell at him.
JP and Enzo both yell for me, as they push their way through the crowd and run towards me but I pull my other gun on them. They both slide to a stop, their hands out in front of them. Zeus turns towards them, snapping his jaws at them. Tony attempts to move towards JP, but when I look at him, he stops.
Enzo narrows his eyes at Rocco, Mateo and Topo before looking back at me.
"What the hell are they doing here?" Enzo questions.
"You lied to me Enzo, you were supposed to be different from them." My voice shakes. His shoulders sag. "It wasn't my secret to tell, Stella." He looks at Timo, clenching his jaw.
"You promised to always tell the truth!" I shout at him.
"Stella, please put the guns down." JP says taking a step towards me.
"Stay the hell away from me." I clench my jaw, to stay in control. "You played me for a fool the most, John Paul. I'm sure Timo will reward you, for playing your part so well."
"I didn't play you. I love you, Stella. I've always loved you, you know that." He tries to say, his eyes trained on the gun pointed at him but also at the other one I have under my own chin.
"Love? Several of these men were here that day JP, the day you told me you didn't love me!" I shout. Ares moves back next to me, pressing his body against my legs.
A tear rolls down my face, "Love?" I repeat. "Yes...it's so obvious you love me when you're shoving your tongue down someone else's throat. Where's Victoria? Is she going to make a special appearance, too? You want me to watch you sleep with her now, too?"
"It was a mistake." He tells me.
"A mistake?" I scoff. "You said the same thing about being with me, you fucking asshole!" A sharp pain on my side, causes me wince and clench my jaw, bringing my arm that's pointing the gun under my chin down over my side. "Tony was right about you, after all. When he warned me about the men in this family, that the men in this world of yours, can't have just one woman. He said you, Timo—all of you—are all the same."
JP moves towards me again but I raise my gun at his head. "Don't fucking come near me!" I grit out through my teeth. He stops but doesn't move back. Zeus growls deeply, keeping his eyes focused on him. I'm starting to pant from the pain that's coming full force. "You're the worst one, John Paul...because... because I didn't know I had to be afraid of you this whole time."
Another twinge of pain radiates from my side and a whimper escapes my mouth but I grit my teeth. Ares wines at my clear distress. My hands are starting to shake as I keep my guns pointed at JP and myself.
But I fight through it as I'm starting to sweat profusely. "...I would have done anything for you. But you did us both a favor. I get it now...Its a good thing the baby didn't survive. At least now, they wouldn't have to live with the shame of having a fucking coward as their father."
His eyes glisten as his shoulders sag a little, his mouth parting. A part of me feels guilty for hurting him but I push it away. He was just as heartless and callous towards me.
"Stella..." Timo tries to stop me as he steps towards me, but I move the other gun from under my chin and point it at him again. The men move in unison pointing their guns at me. Again he repeats his angry command to stand down.
"Don't," I look at Timo, "after all, no one knows better than me, on what it's like to have a fucking coward as a father, so trust me when I tell you, it worked out for the best." Timo looks down, his jaw muscle twitching. "Do you remember the bullshit advice you gave me about how communication is important in all relationships, except you don't follow your own advice do you?"
"You fucking lied to me for years. You looked me in the eyes and lied to me about my dad-Dominic. You said you talked to him when he was already taken!
"And you," I face JP again, "you knew the whole time, and you said nothing! You all knew!" I scream.
"I wanted to tell you, Char-Stella, I—." JP says.
"But you didn't!" I cut him off.
Tony steps up, now. "Stella, listen. Don't blame John Paul for what he said or did. I forced him break it off with you, I was wrong and I'm sorry, piccola."
Timo scowls at Tony, as he moves closer towards his son.
"Forced him?" I question. "How did you force him Tony? Did you put a gun to his head? Did you threaten to kill him, or me?"
No one says anything.
"No, Tony. You didn't force him. You manipulated him, like you tried to do with me and he made his choice, like the weak, coward he is but you knew he would, didn't you? You must be so proud of him. You were right, he doesn't have the balls, to stand up to you. I guess I should thank you, too. I mean, what kind of relationship crumbles that easily, right?"
Tony looks away as I glare at him.
"Stella, I should have talked to you instead of what I did. You're right, I am weak and should have stood up to him. But you know I love you." He takes a step towards me but Ares and Zeus growl at him, to keep him back. JP's face contorts in anger.
"I fucked up, I don't deny that. You can't just leave. You always do this! You always run when things get hard, you can't keep running away from your problems! You need to fucking grow up and deal with shit instead of always running away." He yells at me.
"You're a fucking hypocrite! You wanted me to leave, you asshole! You're getting what you wanted. You wanted me to hate you and I do! I fucking hate you! I wish I never met you! I wish I never gave in to what I thought was love with you! I wish I never had to come live here!" I scream at him, at all of them. I grind my teeth as another surge of pain runs through my side.
"You hate the things I did, the things I said, but you don't hate me, amore mio." His deep voice is calm and it resonates through me. "I hate myself for the both of us, trust me. And you can deny it all you want, but what we have is real." He tells me, his dark eyes trying to convey his words at me. I look away at their intensity. "You know me. I have and will always love you."
"You don't destroy the people you love!" I shout. Another waive of pain hits me and the urge to vomit comes with it. I double over, falling on one knee as I groan in pain. I hear Carmela gasp and Isabella calls out to me. I gasp as I struggle to speak through the pain.
"It's like Enzo said, you only think you know people, and it turns out I never knew you, not the real you. But the truth is, you didn't know me well either, if you think you had to hurt me the way you did in order to let you go. Yes, I would have fought and argued to understand what was going on, but I'm not desperate enough to have kept chasing after you if you just talked to me."
I laugh through my tears. "It's funny really, I got played by the person who supposedly wanted me in the first place." Zeus and Ares move close to me, whining and sniffing around me, trying to figure out how to help me. Ares moves under me trying to get me to use him as leverage.
"Cara, you're still healing and in pain. Please put the guns away." Timo says quietly.
I fall on my knees again, when I try to standing again, clutching my side, crying out in pain. Rocco comes to my side, immediately. Zeus growls at him but I push his head away with my shoulder, giving him the command to sit. "Take me away from here." I whisper, in agony.
JP threatens Rocco to not touch me. I want to yell at him to shut the hell up but I only manage to groan in pain.
"Topo, Mateo what the fuck is going on?" Enzo asks them angrily. Mateo looks at Enzo to respond, "Take it up with Cristian." They both move closer to me and Rocco.
Enzo looks down at me, "What did you do, Stella?"
"Doesn't feel good to be on the other side of a secret does it, Enzo?" I look up at him. "It's my turn to be selfish." The hurt on his face, almost makes me second guess myself. Almost.
"Stella, you don't know what the hell you're getting yourself into. Cristian is my Uncle, but you don't make a deal with the Devil and expect to give nothing in return, even if it's your own life." He tells me.
I look directly back at up him. "There are worse things than death, Enzo. Watching your friends get tortured and beaten and you can't do anything to help them. Hearing their cries and screams so much it's engrained in your head, that you can't remember what the sound of their laugh was like." I turn to face JP. "Or imagining spending the rest of your life with someone, planning a future, giving your whole heart to them, only to have them rip it out and throw back in your face without a second thought."
I look at Tobias, Carmela, Tony, Timo and Isabella. "Or finding out you've been lied to, your entire life by the same people that claim they love you. Trust me Enzo, betrayal is worse than death. Death is easy. Nothing can happen to you after you die."
"Don't do this, Stella. Please." Enzo urges me, his eyes pleading.
I stand shakily, holding onto Rocco's arm, forcing myself to an upright position. My vision is starting to go fuzzy and my head is spinning. I hold on tighter to his arm. "I'm taking control of my life back, Enzo. And not you, John Paul, Timo or anyone else is going to tell me what I can and can't do anymore."
I call out to Santino, who stares back at me, surprised, before he walks over to me tentatively. I hold my shaky hand out, giving him the notes I wrote to Joey and Annalisa, telling him to make sure they get them. He looks down at the notes and nods back at me.
"What about Annalisa, Stella? You're just going to leave her?" JP asks me.
I laugh bitterly but then wince as the pain radiates out of my side. "You don't get it, JP. She never would have been hurt, if it wasn't for her association with me. I'm doing her a favor by leaving." I moan as the pain is getting stronger and sharper.
"I never wanted any of this. I'm just tired, I'm so fucking tired of everything. All the lies, all the bullshit. Everything that happened, what was it for?" My voice trembles. JP's eyes are tearing up as he watches me. And for a just a moment, it feels like he and I are the only two in the room. For a split second I wonder how it all came to this.
Another waive of pain shocks through me and my legs give out but Topo grabs me, holding me upright. His quickness surprises me, considering Rocco was standing right next to me."Please," I say weakly. He takes my guns out of my hands and gives them to Mateo.
"She's not leaving." JP is pointing his guns at Topo and Rocco.
"We don't answer to you or anyone else in this room. She is leaving." Rocco tells JP. I give the command for Zeus and Ares to sit and stay, weakly but they listen. Topo picks me up and starts to carry me out. Zeus and Ares whine and start barking.
"Wait!" Timo calls out. "Take this. Dominic left it for her. He hands something to Rocco, but I can't see what it is. Prenditi cura di lei, per favore." (Please take care of her)
Topo looks at Timo, nodding as he responds to him. "Con la nostre vita." (With our lives)
JP starts to walk towards us but Santino and Enzo hold him back. Topo turns and walks us out of the house; the door closes behind us, drowning out Isabella's cries and JP's shouts for me as well as the whines and barks of Zeus and Ares.
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I wake up startled and gasping for air. I don't know if it's from the nightmare I was having, or the increasing, throbbing pain, I'm feeling in my stomach. It's still dark outside, I don't even know what time it is.
I look over and see Topo still sleeping on the other bed in the room. His gun is next to his head, his large hand laying over it. Mateo and Rocco are in the room next door. We stopped in some hotel off the side of the highway.
My mind immediately went to all the horror movies, I've seen where couples stop to spend the night, only they never leave. Instead they get killed by a crazy serial killer, or the owner of the hotel turns out to be killer, who collects their wallets, wedding rings or eyeballs.
I keep my thoughts to myself though. The guys are already giving me the silent treatment for the shit I pulled back at Timo's house.
I groan quietly as the pain, shoots out from my incision as I sit up. I make my way to the dresser, where a ziplock bag, filled with the pain medicine was set. I open it and try to read the label on one of the bottles, but I notice most of them are ripped or scratched off.
Great.
I rummage through the bottles and pick the one that looks the closest to the one I was given previously. I head to the bathroom and some water. I fill the cup again to get the bitter, chalky taste out of my mouth. I glance up at the mirror, staring back at my reflection.
I focus on the scar that peaks above and below the eyepatch. The scar is thin from what I can see. I decide that I'm ready to see what it fully looks like underneath. I slip my shaky fingers, under the elastic band around my head and lift it off of my eye, carefully.
The scar is thicker above my eye, splitting my eyebrow in half. I don't know if my hair will grow back in that section. My eyelid is drooping a little, from the scar healing, I hope. My actual eye is red—irritated and my vision is a little hazy but I can see for the most part. I go to my bag and grab the cream and dab some on the hardened skin.
My tears are soaking my shirt. I didn't realize I had even started crying. Placing my hand over my mouth as my sobs are growing, louder, I lay on the soiled carpet of the hotel, holding myself tight, feeling so alone.
I feel something being draper over me and then I'm picked up off of the floor. Topo breathes heavily from having to bend down and lifting me to carry me to the bed.
"Let yourself feel the pain, piccolo cucciolo (little cub). You will learn to use it, later." He tells me quietly.
He begins humming a song softly and I feel him rub my hair softly. My crying settles to small whimpers with shuddered breaths. The song is soothing and with the medicine kicking in, the relaxing, deep rumbling of his voice finally lulls me to sleep.
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