Warning: slight mentions of previous abuse and all the feels

The next 7 months were filled with bliss for the hunter and his angel, barely any fights and the ones they did have were quickly resolved, each one not being able to stay mad at the other.

Even when they did fight, they would still sleep in the same bed, not being able to stand sleeping without the other. That was something they learned the hard way, they had tried to once after getting into a small argument but both quickly caved and apologized, not being able to fall asleep without the warmth of the other.

The first and only time they ever had a big fight was about 3 months after they got together, Dean had been acting weird all week and Cas was starting to worry. Everytime he brought it up he would just get "i'm fine" in response

Knowing that Dean was not gonns talk to him, he decided to ask Sam if he knew what was going on. He went to grab his phone and call him since he was on a hunt with Kevin, not really caring how late it was. Cas got even more worried when Dean didn't want to go with them.

He couldn't find his phone so he just grabbed Dean's since it was on the table next to him but when he picked it up his heart dropped
3 missed calls : Lee Webb
Usually he wouldn't worry but there was also a few messages on the screen
-come on Dean
-i wanna see you
-i miss you

Dean came into the library only to see his boyfriend staring down at his phone, looking completely caught up in what he was looking at "Cas?" He looked up but only for a second before looking back at Dean's phone "who's Lee?" Dean's jaw clenched at the realization

"You looked through my phone?" Cas didn't answer he just looked back at Dean "is that why you've been acting distant all week? Because you felt guilty" Dean who was looking down trying to control his anger suddenly snapped his head up at the last words.

"Guilty? What exactly do you think i did?" Instead of answering Cas just read out the messages "i wanna see you, i miss you, what else am i supposed to think?" "Well when you were looking at my messages did you happen to realize that i never answered him? Or were you too busy not trusting me to even bother checking?"

"I..." Dean nodded laughing a little "of course you didn't because you're just waiting for me to eventually screw this up like i do everything else" Dean looked down and shook his head mumbling "guess he was right" but Cas heard it, which only worried him further.

Cas was about to deny it and tell Dean that he was wrong and that he doesn't screw evrything up, he only makes things better. Before he could, Dean left to go into his room, slamming his door on the way in and ignoring his name being called.

He sat down on the side of his bed, elbows on his knees and head in his hands. He took the bottle of scotch and the cup from his nightstand and poured a cup, trying to surpress all the feelings building up but quickly failing as his anger took over.

Standing up he threw the cup at a wall, shattering at the impact and making a loud noise which caught the attention of Cas who was still sitting in the library thinking over what had just happened. He stood up and ran to his boyfriend's room only to stop at the door when he heard him yelling.

"YOU WERE RIGHT! YOU HEAR THAT YOU SON OF A BITCH! YOU ALWAYS TOLD ME NO ONE COULD LOVE SOMEONE AS BROKEN AND MESSED UP AS I AM, ALL I AM IS JUST A WORTHLESS, DISGUSTING SCREW UP AND I MESS UP EVERYTHING I TOUCH! I MEAN I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN THIS WOULD NEVER WORK, NOT WITH YOUR VOICE CONSTANTLY PLAYING IN MY DAMN HEAD!"

Cas couldn't stand hearing this anymore so he knocked on the locked door, he got no answer "Dean let me in" Dean was standing right in front of the door after Cas knocked, preparing himself for what was gonna happen when he opened the door.

He accepted that it was inevitable so he sighed and opened the door, not really caring that he had tears on his cheeks and no doubt looked like a mess. After opening the door he went back to his bed and sat down, much like before with his head in his hands

He felt a dip in the bed when Cas sat next to him "Dean-" "look Cas-" he interrupted "-you don't have to explain, i get why you wanna break up with me and i don't blame you for not trusting me. I mean hey after all i mess up everything i touch, why should this be any different?"

Cas' heart broke more and more with every word "Dean i'm not breaking up with you" "yeah not yet, but it will happen eventually. At some point you'll see how broken i am and you'll realize that I'm just not worth it" Cas took Dean's jaw between his finger and turned him so that he was looking at him.

"Dean listen to me and remember these words okay?" He nodded "i love you okay, i will always love you and i will never ever leave you. I'm sorry i didn't trust you, i was worried that i was losing you because of how withdrawn you were being, i thought of all the things i could have done wrong. I picked up your phone to call Sam because i couldn't find mine and that's when i saw those texts on the screen. All i could think was what if i wasn't enough for you, but i do trust you, i never thought that you were going to screw this up i was just terrified that i already did"

"How could you possibly think that you weren't enough for me? I have never loved anyone the way i love you and i would never do anything to hurt you. I'm sorry for the last couple days i know I've been acting weird." Dean sighs before explaining everything

"Look you weren't completely wrong i was acting weird because of those messages but not in the way you think. Lee Webb was a hunter that me and my dad worked with alot when me and him were teenagers i mean hell he was my best friend and he was also the first guy i ever had feelings for"

Cas nodded, letting him continue "well one thing led to another and we started seeing eachother, i mean in secret of course because we had no idea how my old man would react. One day he was helping us out with a case and my dad went out to kill the thing but he left us at the motel since Sammy was sleeping and we had to watch him. What we didn't count on was him coming back early and finding us making out on the couch"

Cas wiped away a few stray tears from the hunters cheeks as he thought of the memories "he was so angry, i mean seriously i don't think i had ever seen him so pissed and I've done some really stupid crap in the past. Lee ran before my dad could get to him but i wasn't so lucky" he shook his head

"Lee texted me about a week ago telling me how he opened a new bar and that i should go check it out and that we could catch up and i guess all the memories just started flooding back you know. I mean i can still hear his voice in my head, the things he said to me not only that day but all the years after it, up until the day he died." He let out a bitter chuckle

"No matter how many times you tell me you love me i hear his voice telling me that nobody could ever love a monster like me, that i was the one he should've been hunting. No matter how many times you kiss me i can still feel the punch he landed in the same places" he turned to look Cas in the eyes "you sure you still want to be with someone as broken as i am?"

Before responding Cas kissed Dean, first on the lips, then the nose, forehead, both cheeks and then again on the lips "i don't care how many kisses it takes i will do everything i can to help you forget what he did. I told you i would never leave you and i meant it, this doesn't change anything"

He let out a light chuckle "actually it just makes me want to be with you even more, you finally talked to me instead of leaving all of this bottled up. You have the weight of the world on your shoulders and i all i want is to help you carry it" Cas put his hand on Dean's cheek and he leaned into the touch, closing his eyes

"I just want you to stop feeling like you have to hide your emotions and your problems from me, nothing you tell me will ever change the way i feel about you. Just as long as you talk to me."

And thats exactly what Dean did, well the best he could at least. The next few months instead of drinking his problems away he would talk to Cas about them before they went to sleep. Or whenever he had a nightmare instead of going to the kitchen and drinking alone in the middle of the night, he would pull Cas closer into him and immediately feel better.

Or Cas would wake up and calm him down or help him through it. Of course Dean wasn't the only one, Cas had been going through similar situations as a human and Dean would help him every single time. They were eachothers support for the things that they couldn't tell other people.

Dean knee that Sam was aleays there for him but he never talked to him about this sort of thing because he didn't want him to worry but with Css it was different since it was the both of them being there for eachother.

In the months following that fight Dean's behavior changed alot, he was less worried all the time, he drank less and he was just generally happier. What he didn't realize though was that Sam had picked up on the change and was starting to get suspicious of his brother.

Authors note: hey babes i hope you like this chapter i know it's really long and it was just centered around one fight but i think this was really important to their relationship and to show more of Dean's past with he who shall not be named because we all hate him. Okay that's all thanks for reading and i hope you're enjoying it, love you guys so much💖💖