*This chapter would come directly after Chapter 42 'Drag Queens LIVE at the Wonderlounge' and heads up, you'll need a fire extinguisher and a box of Kleenexes lol.*

{Kurt}

"I can't feel my legs," Jon said, trying to tug the fur coat over the bare skin of his thighs as their breath made smoke in the parked car. "Or my feet." He tapped the wedged toes of his tall white boots together.

"Probably for the best," Kurt said philosophically, starting the car with a roar and snapping the vents to 'max heat'. His own toes were numb in his heels; when he wiggled them he couldn't be sure they were actually moving.

Jon lifted his chin to fiddle with the feathers at his throat. He unhooked the choker with a sigh of relief and slung it over the rear-view with the rest of Kurt's beaded necklaces and spangled mirror-ball. "You okay?" he asked, glancing at Kurt as he unpicked the pins from his wig and peeled it off with the stocking wig cap.

"Oh fuck yes," Kurt scoffed, popping the collar of his suit jacket up around his neck and hugging his arms against himself for warmth. "I'm with you. I'm just so fucking glad you didn't start a brawl in the Wonderlounge. No way we could have kept that off YouTube."

Jon scratched his fingers through his hair, his eyes lowered. "I'm glad you're glad." Under the glittering mask of his make-up, his face was hard. "I still think stomping on Nicky's face would have been the perfect end to my night. Too bad bloodstains are a such a pain to launder." He flicked his fingers over his pearl-studded mini-skirt.

Kurt laughed a little hysterically, clutching his phone in his pocket. He was buzzing from adrenaline and too many Coke and limes. "Let's go home, darlin'. I just want to peel you out of those clothes and--" He caught the rest back, his ears burning. "Well. Whatever. Whatever you want." Shoulder checking and pulling out into the intermittent night traffic, he felt himself begin to relax.

"Hm." Jon's mouth dimpled in a smile as he slouched in his seat and slung one boot up on the dash, exposing yards of pale, muscular thigh. "You know exactly what I want, Kurt Visser. I'm just over here waiting for you."

Kurt missed the next stop sign, blowing through the empty four-way intersection, and Jon grinned, swinging his bare knee. "Eyes on the road, Visser, or I'll die a virgin."

*

If he was being honest, Kurt couldn't have said what he wanted. His fingers shook, unhooking Jon's clothing, and goosebumps chased over the bare skin of his chest and stomach, even though their bathroom was full of steam from the bath Jon had drawn. He kissed Jon with his eyes open, glad his partner had washed his face clean so he could pick out the familiar constellation of freckles over the bridge of Jon's nose. Jon was hanging onto his shoulders, wrapping a leg around Kurt's hip like he would climb him to get closer. Kurt would have let him; he would have folded Jon right into his body, head to toe. He felt like he was falling, and Jon was the sturdiest thing in the room.

He pushed his hands down the smooth curve of Jon's back to cup his ass, kneading the firm muscles there and Jon made a helpless noise. Burying his face in Jon's throat, Kurt nibbled and sucked on the tender spot where Jon loved to be kissed, feeling Jon's breath catch as his whole body drew taut and trembling as a bowstring in his arms. Jon's hands stroked through his hair, pulling gently and then releasing--the way he knew Kurt loved, and Kurt hummed, relaxing.

This was his husband. This was Jon. Kurt knew almost every inch of his body now--he knew where Jon was ticklish, and where he didn't like to be touched; he knew how to kiss him and how soft to unfurl Jon like a secret just for him. This. Kurt wanted just this moment, unmixed with any other time with any other person, like it was his first time too.

He hugged Jon closer, swallowing down the other memories. He pushed the Kurt who knew too much away from right now, so there was just this--just Jon laughing as they clambered into the tub together, and Jon kissing him under the spray until he almost couldn't breathe but didn't want to stop, and Jon murmuring in his ear, "Show me what to do, Kurt. What's your sexy gay hygiene routine because your ass is so soft and clean, I wanna know all your secrets."

They streaked naked across the hall to their room, giggling as they passed Cary's closed door. The big man had waited up but, picking up the mood of the night, had not lingered beyond a gruff, "Sleep tight, gays."

"Oh we plan to," Jon had said cheekily.

Jon flipped the lock on his door, and Kurt padded, naked, to the bedside table to light their candles. The flare of the wicks catching, the smell of beeswax and Jon's clean sheets settled him more fully in this moment. His feet hurt but his stomach wasn't rolling with alcohol and Jon's face was bright with interest in him as he clambered under the covers and held them open for Kurt to join. It was both familiar and delightful to  climb on top of Jon, to lie against the warmth of Jon's strong body while they kissed. Kurt watched Jon's face as their tongues lazily twirled around each other, his fingers tracing swirls on his chest and then sliding down past Jon's stomach to touch him, just softly, teasing him--no one wanted to come too soon tonight. Jon tipped his head back, and they moved together until neither of them to stand it any longer.

Kurt assumed Jon wanted the same thing he liked, so when Jon flipped onto his stomach, putting his chin on his shoulder to give him a lidded 'come hither' look, Kurt's breath caught. The spread of Jon's bare shoulders tapering to his narrow hips--the burnished gold of the wedding band on his finger next to his cheek made Kurt's eyes sting and narrow like he was looking directly at the sun.

"Coming, Kurt?" Jon asked huskily.

Speechless, Kurt dropped a line of kisses across Jon's shoulders and laid down on his back, nudging Jon's knee up with his own leg. Every inch of his skin was hyper-alert to Jon's body now as he tucked himself against the cleft of Jon's ass. He put his face next to Jon's to feel his lover's breath against his cheek, conscious of his height advantage with Jon pressed underneath him, and how his long arms could trap Jon and pin him like this.

Jon's ribs lifted in a big breath, and he reached back for Kurt's arm, wrapping it around his chest with a pleased sound. His free hand fumbled under the pillows and chucked the lube back to Kurt--that was pretty clear. Jon wasn't afraid. This was his very first time--there wasn't anybody else he was thinking of, just Kurt. Just right now.

Kurt chuckled, his heart kicking a bass beat he felt from his throat to his tailbone. He managed to get the lube open one-handed and stroked it on himself, and then inside Jon. Shuddering, Jon lifted his knee higher, opening under his massaging fingers.

Kurt went as slow as he would have liked his first time, and Jon was whimpering, whispering his name before Kurt felt easy in his stomach about trying this together. Finally, Kurt slipped part-way inside him, making Jon groan with relief. (So warm. So soft and tight.) Kurt caught his breath, kissing the back of Jon's neck as he eased himself in further, until Jon made a muffled, questioning noise.

Kurt stilled, feeling the tension in Jon's back and his heaving ribs underneath him. "Give yourself a minute, love," he said low, his lips brushing Jon's neck. "It's a muscle--you won't break. Just give yourself a minute to relax."

Jon took a huge, shaky breath and let it go, his body releasing piece by piece in Kurt's arms. He turned his face so his cheek smushed into Kurt's nose, and Kurt nibbled the ticklish spot underneath Jon's ear. Jon laughed and then sucked in his breath in a soft noise of surprise and pleasure. Kurt felt his body opening underneath him and nipped Jon's shoulder gently, barely able to keep from thrusting himself into that inviting warmth.

"Jon, you feel so good," Kurt whispered, to keep himself right here with Jon in his arms--not a body he was using, a person he loved. He moved in a slow stroke that already had him tremblingly close to climaxing, and Jon's whole body rippled with his movement, his arms pulling Kurt tighter against him.

"That okay?" Kurt managed, almost beyond the ability to make words.

"Yes," Jon said, high and breathless. Kurt moved again and Jon's words turned into a cry of pleasure.

"Ohhh fuck, I'm so sorry." Kurt laughed into Jon's shoulder. "I'm not gonna last a minute with you doin' that." Making the words gave him just enough focus for two more strokes before he lost himself in a cascade of pleasure, hiding his face in Jon's back.

Jon was laughing breathlessly as he slithered an arm free and rolled them both over. "Darlin', what was that?" Jon asked. Colour was high in his face and flushed down his chest and stomach to his obviously unfinished erection. "You play with me for half an hour? And then you're done in fifteen seconds?"

Kurt couldn't stop giggling, covering his blushing face with his fingers. "I know, I'm sorry. You just feel--like oh my god Jon--I can't even. I never. I never get to do that. I liked it so much." When he peeked through his fingers, Jon's eyes were crinkling back at him with good humour. "Are you mad?"

Jon sat back on his heels with a laugh that was half a groan. "No I'm not mad. You were amazing, Kurt, and I want more."

Kurt was still giggling. "Oh definitely me too. We'll try again in a bit, I promise."

"Well, what are we doing with this?" Jon gestured at himself.

Kurt stretched out long on their bed, unable to believe how good he felt right now. "Whatever you want, darlin', holy jeezus. You can fuck me missionary for all I care."

Jon blinked and he touched himself unconsciously. "Can we?" he asked.

Kurt was amused he didn't know this already. "Sure." He flipped the lube towards Jon and picked up his knee with his hand. "Climb aboard."

He was rewarded by the blaze of joy that lit up Jon's face. Jon laid his body over Kurt's, stroking his hair back from his face. "Kissing first," Jon murmured against his mouth.

Kurt had not really thought through his impulsive offer. He did not normally let someone take him from on top and he found himself a little short of breath, blinking on Jon's face to fix in his mind that this was just Jon, only Jon, lying heavy against him. Jon's eyes were closed as he kissed him, his expression blissfully peaceful in the flickering candlelight. Kurt folded his arms behind his head, gripping the hair at the nape of his own neck where Jon couldn't see his white knuckles, trying to match his breathing to Jon's and anchor himself in the beautiful fucking present moment.

Jon sighed happily. "Love you, Kurt Visser." The warm vibration of the words went through his bare chest into Kurt's own ribs.

"Love you back, Jonathan," Kurt said huskily, lubing himself up. This obviously meant something to Jon, so forget what he normally did. He could deal.

Jon checked his face. "Is this okay for you?" he asked. "Underneath me?"

Kurt lifted his chin, his heart expanding that Jon knew to ask and cared to check. "It's you," he said. "I'm good, Jon." He picked up his own knee and guided Jon inside, shifting his hips to make the angle more comfortable for them both.

"Oh wow," Jon whispered, eyes dropping closed. "Kurt." He was holding himself up on his forearms now; that helped. Jon scootched himself a little more snugly against him and started to move, experimentally. With his head bent, all Kurt could see was the flexed muscles of his shoulders above him and he made noise without meaning to, a small, frightened hum that came from the Kurt he didn't want to hear from tonight.

Jon froze and his head snapped up, concern plain in his face. Kurt smiled, blinking tears out of his eyes. (Why the fuck was he crying?) "Can you just look at me?" Kurt asked. "Please Jon?"

Jon's throat moved, and Kurt felt him soften inside him, starting to pull away. Kurt swiftly clasped his hip with his free hand. "Don't--you feel so good. Please just--" Kurt moved underneath him, sliding over him and Jon made a low noise, hardening again to join the movement.

"Too fast? Need a minute?" Jon asked, his voice rough.

Kurt shook his head quick. "Nuh-uh--I been doing this forever. All stretched out and good to go for you. I just need to see your face." The last words were breathy.

Jon bit his lip, holding his eyes and finding a steady, forceful rhythm that curled Kurt's toes. "You look so beautiful like this, love," Jon said. "It's distracting--I want to watch you underneath me and I want to--" He slowed for an agonizingly long stroke that pulled a note of pleasure out of Kurt's body. "--That," Jon said, grinning, his tongue stuck in the corner of his mouth as he concentrated. "Love hearing you sing."

Kurt sniffed, smiling back. Tears were sliding into his ears and he decided to just ignore them. He didn't always know why his body wanted to cry--he felt enormous with happiness right here with Jon's hazel eyes looking into his, Jon's body moving with his.

"Still good?" Jon asked, his eyes following the tears slipping down Kurt's cheeks.

"Mm-hm. Don't you dare stop," Kurt managed. He grabbed Jon's arms, arcing in a wave while Jon's body carved him open, singing out as he unexpectedly came again. Jon cried out with him, shuddering and dropping his forehead against Kurt's chest.

Tears were still trickling out of Kurt's eyes as he wrapped his arms around Jon, pulling him down to smother him like an extra-heavy blanket. When Jon drew back to look at him, Kurt hid his face in his hands, but his breathing had gone to pieces, giving him away.

"Love." Jon's hands touched Kurt's arms light as feathers. "I'm so sorry I should've--"

"I'm good, Jon," Kurt said behind his fingers. The waver in his voice made it sound like a lie, but to the bottom of his heart it was true. "I am." He sucked another breath in, trying to get a handle on himself. He was shaking all over and he curled up small, tipping towards the weight of Jon in the bed. "I dunno why. All the tears all of a sudden."

Jon made a worried noise, and then Kurt felt him pulling the duvet up to tuck them both in. "Are you sad?" Jon asked.

Kurt shook his head. He was so happy with Jon beside him after a night on the town together.

Jon's hands were running lightly over his body like he was checking for the break. "Are you hurt? Kurt, I didn't hurt you, did I?"

Kurt shook his head harder, reaching out to clasp the back of Jon's neck because he couldn't find his voice to say--That felt as good as anything in my whole fucking career of fucking.

A cry shook out of him and he couldn't, anymore. He couldn't keep the Kurt that knew too much apart from right now--he knew exactly how good that had been, how gentle, how careful. He knew exactly how it didn't feel--it didn't feel out of control and too fast for Jon's body to enjoy it--and it didn't feel like "Shut up Kurt, no one cares what you like," and it didn't feel like "Please don't leave me this time," and it didn't feel like "Please don't hurt me again," and he couldn't pretend he didn't know how singular and rare this man with his hands on him really was compared to anybody else Kurt has stripped down to his skin with--and that hurt. Not this time, all the other times that weren't like this one--that hurt.

Jon wrapped his arms around his heaving shoulders. His breath caught and he made a soft, cracked sound in Kurt's ear. Kurt turned his face to him, finding his damp cheek with his nose. "Why are you crying, Jon?"

"When my person is crying, sometimes I cry too." Jon's lips brushed Kurt's cheek and his hand stroked the hair on the back of Kurt's neck. "You wear your heart on your sleeve, love. With all your hurt pinned to the back."

Kurt squeezed his eyes shut on a fresh flood of tears that threatened to bust him open. "It's fine. I'm fine. Nobody needs to deal with all my drama." His voice was thinner than he would have liked. He shoved the heels of his hands against the heat of his stupid, crying eyes. "Sorry for crying, god. You're gonna get so sick of me."

"Kurt," Jon whispered. He tugged on Kurt's hands, trying to pull them away from his face. "Look at me. Please look at me."

He let Jon uncover his face but he couldn't breathe, he felt so frightened and exposed opening his eyes with tears on his face and no rational explanation and no way to make them stop.

"Hey," Jon said softly. Tears slipped out of Jon's own eyes as his full mouth tucked in, dimpling his cheek in a smile. "Hi. It's your husband, Jonathan. Remember me?"

Kurt snorted a small laugh, his hands weaving around the back of Jon's neck. "Mm-hm."

"I am not. Going to get sick of you crying. I think you are sad for good reasons." Jon's face crumpled a little, another set of tears sliding down his face. Sniffing hard, he shook them away. "So you can just cry about that. I don't mind crying too. Tears are just--part of the deal with you. And I--" Jon's chest hitched and he blinked more tears off his lashes. "I love you, Kurt. You're my heart."

(There were tears on Jon's face and he wasn't mad at Kurt for crying.)

Kurt pushed his hot face into Jon's chest, taking in a huge breath and releasing it. It was doing something to the mess in his chest to have Jon holding him, crying with him. Like there wasn't something wrong with him--it was okay to cry, to unpin his heart and turn it inside out for a little airing out and Jon wasn't going to say "That's enough, not one more sound out of you."

It was Kurt's very first time crying with a man who just cuddled him as long as it took for the wave of feelings to pass through him. Jon kissed his tearful face and passed him Kleenex after Kleenex because Kurt Visser's husband knows to always keep the tissue box close at hand.

*You'll remember that in the following scene Jon has made up his mind to quit his job, because it's too hard on Kurt. This is what happened, behind their closed door.

Even with it all polished up here, I feel like I made the right call to jump right to Cary and Misty the cat on Saturday morning. This scene doesn't tell us anything we don't already know. And Kurt cries a LOT over the course of this weekend, even without this scene!

What we find, by this part of the story, is for all his emotional expressiveness Kurt has kept his own grief and hurt to himself. He's never had someone who had the patience for his big feelings, except his Grandma Visser. Definitely he's never had a man who had patience for him. Jon is the first person who actually puts his arms around all of Kurt and holds him close.

I've been missing these men and their lovely world so much I couldn't resist dipping back in for a little treat. We're all winning!

What do you think, lovelies? Should I include this chapter in the novel, proper? Anyone else missing Jon/Kurt and Cary?

P.S. I did not include condoms in this scene--I would have if either Jon or Kurt were planning to have multiple partners. Personally I think a major bonus of having one long-term lover is the freedom to enjoy skin on skin, and medical journals support that this is a low risk choice, provided you're taking care with lubrication and hygiene. Since I have a uterus, I use another method to prevent pregnancy--not a concern for Jon and Kurt ;) If you have had a different experience, feel free to share! I'm always open to learning.*