{Cary}

Cary didn't have a favourite of all his Christmas trees-just whichever tree he was decorating this week. Since it was December third, his favourite was the toy tree and by mid afternoon he was packing up their tools, Kurt glancing at him in surprise.

"Party tonight, Visser," Cary explained. "Girls are coming. Gotta get ready."

Kurt's paint-spattered face lit up under his equally spattered My Little Pony cap. "Toy tree, right? What do we need to do?"

"We are going shopping," Cary said grandly, and Kurt held up his arms like he'd declared a touchdown and then grabbed his coat and marched to the truck.

Cary's annual pilgrimage to Zippity Toys was a highlight of his December. He took his time outside of the store, admiring the display in the window and enjoying the cold, clear winter sunshine. He could feel Kurt bouncing with curiosity and excitement beside him, and he held the door open for the other man.

Inside, Kurt's eyes went wide, taking in the floor to ceiling shelves of brightly coloured toys and dolls. "What are we looking for here, Douglas? Something for the girls?"

"Something for me," Cary said. "I'll know it when I see it."

Cary found his way to the aisle with the model sets: trains and planes and animals, some pre-painted, others grey and blank. He picked up an unpainted grizzly bear, running a blunt finger over its tiny nose longingly before returning it to the shelf to just look.

His hands were too big to work with these models now. He stuffed his hands in his pockets, giving himself a minute to imagine his child hands touching each of these creatures, painting each tiny detail with the careful fingers he'd had even then.

Nobody had asked him what he wanted under the tree when he was a child; his mother bought him technology to keep him quiet in his room, and his father bought him books that were too complicated for Cary to follow, that he would later ask if Ciaran had read.

Cary smoothed the hair down on the back of his neck and rubbed the side of his beard to comfort himself. Maybe it wasn't too late. Maybe if he had tiny brushes he could manage. It couldn't be that different from drawing. He took the bear back, the feel of it in his palm putting a lift in his step and a smile on his face as he hunted for a paint set to go with it.

When he'd made his purchase, he went looking for Kurt.

The other man was in the Lego section, hands clasped tightly behind his back as he gazed at a large box with a spaceship on the front. He seemed to be far away, his face uncharacteristically empty of emotion.

"Was Lego your thing?" Cary asked.

Kurt's face reanimated, his mouth twisting. "My brother Nolan's thing." He tapped the box with his finger and turned aside. "We built that when he was fourteen. Hundreds of fiddly bits. I was just thinking...if anyone had the patience to build Lego with him last Christmas. Or if he even-still plays with it. Maybe sixteen is too old for Lego."

"You're never too old for Lego," Cary said, drily. "Your fingers just get too fat."

Kurt chuckled but passed on the wide-open chance to make a wisecrack--which Cary took as a sign he was probably upset. "You want to get a gift to your brother this year?" he asked.

It was obvious from Kurt's unhappy mouth that he did, but the other man lifted his shoulders. "Better if I don't," he muttered, pushing a colourful chunk of hair back under his cap. "Got what you needed, Douglas?"

Grinning, Cary held up his tiny bag full of the grizzly bear and the grizzly cub he'd gone back for and a collection of tiny brushes to paint them with. "Yuh I did. Next stop: gluten free snacks and cake."

{Kurt}

In the passenger seat of Cary's truck, Kurt tapped his Aunt Aleen's name into a search box and scrolled through her social media page. His mother's sister hosted the big Klassen family Christmas at her acreage every year, and there were a handful of group photos on her feed. Holding his breath, Kurt touched the tag of his mother's name.

At the top of Inge Klassen's profile page was a cozy family photo beside their fireplace; his brother Todd was the spitting image of their father, down to the hard expression on his face and aggressive, wide legged stance. Nolan was almost as tall as their mother now and he looked bored, his grey eyes glancing sideways at the photographer through a shaggy wave of bangs. Kurt's mother had her arm wrapped over his chest, her smile sparkling as brilliantly as her Christmas top. A banner of words along the bottom of the photo said, 'God's richest blessings from our home to yours.'

Kurt pretended to throw up. What a perfect Christian family, just rubbing it in everyone's faces. He shoved his phone in his pocket, but the image seemed to hang in the air in front of his eyes. He propped his elbow on the door and put his hand over his mouth, swallowing back his nausea. You couldn't even see the gap where someone was missing.

Beside him, Cary cleared his throat. "So I'm guessing no one told you it's Jon's birthday today."

Kurt swung his face to look at him. "What? No, no one told me that."

Cary sighed. "Jon's a bit of a grump about his birthday. This tree party on the third is our compromise every year. No gifts, no cake."

"You just bought a cake," Kurt pointed out.

Cary smirked in his beard. "I have plans for that. I'm making this thing with whipped cream and toffee bits and chocolate shavings called 'Sex in a Pan.'"

Kurt burst out laughing.

"Thought you'd both like that," Cary said smugly.

"You're a beautiful man, Douglas," Kurt said.

"Uh, so can you just pretend I didn't tell you that? And not make a big deal about Jon's birthday?"

"Nope," Kurt said. "I don't believe I can." He flipped the mirror down on the truck visor, rubbing his stubbly face. "I think I'll just step out to the salon to make myself all beautiful for my boyfriend. And visit the flower shop before it closes. Bish, if Jon didn't want a big birthday deal he shouldn't have hooked up with the queen of big birthday deals." He spread his hand over his chest, fluttering his wide blue eyes at Cary. "I'm the queen. In case you were wondering."

"So I gathered." Cary laughed. "Can't deny my life is more interesting with you in it, Visser."

*

On reflection, in the salon chair, Kurt had decided to take a more conservative approach to his boyfriend's birthday than he normally would have. He knew from the quiet, nearly-exhausted Jon that climbed into bed with him every night that his boyfriend probably wouldn't appreciate having his van filled with balloons and confetti, trailing streamers from the license plate the next time he tried to go to work.

That didn't mean Kurt wasn't excited. He arrived home with his arms full of surprises and hurried up to his room. As he got his birthday present ready, the smell of apple cider and roasting chicken wafted through the house. Hopefully Cary was too pre-occupied with dinner to notice the sound of Kurt using his power tools.

When he was finished, Kurt ran down the stairs and slid into the kitchen in his sock feet. "Ta-dah!" he said, making jazz hands for Douglas, whose dark eyebrows lifted in quiet amusement.

"Uh huh," Cary said. "You did something with your hair I guess?"

Kurt chuckled. "No--well, yes--but I got Jon's birthday present all ready. It's a secret for later tonight, so I won't mess with your party plans."

Cary looked a little relieved. "I was worried a giant cake might arrive on the doorstep with you inside."

Kurt was arrested by the image of himself bursting from a cake, chunks of frosting everywhere, wearing a sparkly bow tie and not much else. He laughed. "Douglas you're a genius. Next year, next year."

He heard steps on the front porch and his face lit up. "It's the birthday boy!" He leaned in the hall as Jon opened the door, pulling his tuque off his head and wiping off his boots.

Jon's smile lit up when he lifted his face and saw him. "Kurt. You're home early."

Kurt stepped close, cupping his face and kissing Jon like he was drinking him in. Jon made a soft, glad noise, pulling Kurt close against his puffy parka and standing on his tip toes to kiss him back until Kurt was breathless. Jon smiled against his mouth. "Why do you smell so good? Are you going somewhere tonight?"

Kurt chuckled. "Uh no I am most definitely staying in with you tonight. Did you forget we're doing the toy tree with your sisters?"

Jon leaned back to look blankly at him, his arms still wrapped around Kurt's waist. "Is that today?"

"Yup. It's December third all day, darlin'."

"Wow." Jon's mouth was wry. "I honestly looked at my schedule and couldn't figure out why I put nothing on this evening. Good thing I didn't stay in the library to work."

"Hm," Kurt chuckled. "Good thing past Jon was slightly less sleep-deprived than present Jon."

"Future Jon's going to thank me for finishing all his homework, right?" Jon asked.

"Oh definitely," Kurt said. "But I think he'll understand if you take the night off for your birthday."

Hanging his jacket, Jon gave him a small smile. "I'll take the night off to spend with you. Future Jon and I are in complete agreement about that; you should have more than five minutes of tired, incoherent Jon at the end of the day."

"Mm," Kurt said ambivalently, thinking about the minutes they spent in the dark before sleep. "More than five minutes. And you're not incoherent, love. You just don't use words."

Sighing, Jon leaned against him and buried his face in his shirt. "I don't deserve you, Kurt."

Kurt folded him in a tight hug, his whole heart expanding in his chest. "Well no one's keeping score, so we're all winning." Every night that Jon climbed into his bed and reached for Kurt felt like a gift. He hadn't expected anything from his boyfriend after their conversation about December, but Jon saved the last of his energy to spend on him and as far as Kurt was concerned, that said everything.

"Want to hang out after this party?" Kurt murmured into his hair. "I can give you one of my famous back rubs and you can tell me all the stories I've been missing."

"That sounds amazing," Jon said. "Exactly what I want for my birthday." Kurt smiled privately, trying not to give himself away by wiggling with excitement.

"What time is your shift tonight?" Kurt asked.

Jon's head leaned heavily on Kurt's chest. "Eleven to eleven. Then I'm off Saturday to study for exams."

Kurt rubbed the back of Jon's neck. His fingers told him Jon was tired but not wound up with stress like he sometimes was. Maybe the hug was helping. "Uhh were you planning on sleeping in there somewhere?"

Jon laughed drily, straightening up. "Probably. The couch at work is pretty comfy. We don't have any sleepwalkers right now so I might just nap through the night. It's not ideal but it's the best I got right now."

Kurt smiled with him, but his chest ached sympathetically. This wasn't the time to say it, but Jon's life felt crazy hard to him and he wondered how long his boyfriend could sustain the grind.

1978 words.