{Jon}

When Jon arrived at his work house, he found Naomi in the kitchen stirring a pot of chill, a gospel music special playing on the television. Naomi beamed broadly at him as he wiped his boots and took them off. "Jon, I have your chill and cornbread all ready here for supper. Patrick took the children to the sledding hill to enjoy the fresh snow."

"Thank you, Naomi," Jon said. "You're a gem. I'll be in the office if you need me; I'm guessing everyone wants to know when their Christmas holidays are happening."

He slipped on the purple and gold sneakers Kurt had picked out for him. He never paid much attention to his clothing before Kurt Visser became his boyfriend; now he felt a little hum of happiness whenever he was wearing something he knew would make Kurt's eyes light up.

As he opened his personal calendar and the website portal where he entered the staff schedules, Jon braced himself to look directly at December once again. Even though he'd pestered people by email and text to get their holiday requests in by Friday, there were two new requests in his email inbox; not technically too late but so close to the deadline it was going to take some serious shuffling to accommodate them.

Noting December 10th was a Wednesday, Jon's thoughts slowed. He was working that evening; maybe they could skip White family cry day this year. Or his parents could have Judah's party without him.

He pressed his lips together, sitting up straight and stretching his neck from side to side. There were really so few things his parents asked of him; this party was the most important day of the year for them. The girls and Cary didn't know Judah--Jon was the only person Pete and Mel had to share these stories with. In the course of their regular lives they didn't talk much about Judah--more than they used to, but they were too busy with their living children to speak of the dead. This one day was set aside to honour the love they still carried for their oldest son and grieve the days with them that Judah had missed this year.

Jon opened a text to his dad: <I work the 10th what day do you want to have Judah's party? I have Fri and Sat off>

He guessed his dad would say Saturday, and thumbed a new date into his calendar on his phone, colouring the square all grey. Days later, a second grey square was marked on his calendar, and he double checked that he'd scheduled someone to cover his shift. On Judah's birthday Jon was there for the people he loved to look after them and make all the words they needed. On Judah's death-day, Jon went somewhere he could be by himself and not make any words for anyone.

Scanning his upcoming school and work schedule made Jon feel hollow, like he was cutting his weight for a tournament--something he had only attempted once before concluding he would rather face a larger opponent fully fed and strong, than fight someone smaller while light-headed with hunger. These family commitments fell smack in the middle of his last weeks of classes; he had to push through and he wasn't sure where he was going to find the reserves to carry everything and finish.

His dad's text dropped into his phone: <Saturday. Please let Kurt know he's more than welcome *red heart*>

A smile ghosted over Jon's lips. All the tears--his boyfriend was going to fit right in with this party. He felt completely inadequate in these moments with his parents; Pete and Mel entered into their feelings so easily compared to him, and after they cried together they seemed refreshed and uplifted and bonded more closely than ever. Jon usually left the evening feeling like he was missing an appendage--like everyone in his family, including Cary, had the human ability to cry and he was defective, dry eyed and aching as he collected the supper dishes to at least do that much for them.

He swiped his calendar closed and the picture on the backdrop of his phone made his stomach relax a little: Kurt had his arm slung over Jon's chest, his cheek against Jon's temple, their eyes narrowed in the light of the setting sun, the red dunes of the Alberta badlands behind them. Jon's lock screen was just the rippling shapes of the dunes; a photo he had taken on this hike together. Over the past month they'd explored quite a bit of the province, within a one or two hour drive from their city.

He tapped out a text to Kurt, something he didn't normally do before his break. <thinking of you. all the December schedule drama. wish you were here *red heart*>

{Kurt}

The text alert pinged from his phone as he was assembling the fourth and final Christmas tree in the basement with Cary. Kurt jumped to his feet to retrieve his phone from the stairs. His lips curled and he perched on the step to text Jon back.

<got you *gold heart* try this> And he sent a link to a playlist he'd been working on for some time, keeping it for a special moment. Scanning the songs, he added: <your ears only>

Now that Jon didn't work nights, Kurt was aware there was a good chance other staff would be in the office with his boyfriend, and kids would be around until their bedtime at 9 PM. A couple of those songs were clearly men singing soulfully about other men.

(God he loved living in the 21st century. Imagine being gay a generation ago when they could only refer to themselves in the media in coded, hidden ways.)

Jon: <Kurt. *fire emoji**blushing smile**red heart* what are you doing right now>

Kurt glanced up at the dismembered plastic Christmas tree scattered over the sparring floor. Cary had carols playing on his phone and was efficiently straightening each branch before plugging them into the metal 'trunk.' The basement tree was an 8-foot pre-lit fake that looked like Jon might have used if for a punching bag.

Ducking his head, Kurt sent: <you don't want to know all the things we decorated for Advent today *Christmas tree emoji**Christmas tree emoji**Christmas tree emoji**Christmas tree emoji**heart face emoji* miss you too. all my love and hugs tonite *red heart*>

He sauntered back onto the sparring floor and sprawled on his back with a goofy grin on his face. "Jon White. So cute," he said, rubbing his smiling cheeks. "I even just like saying his name. Jon Jonny White."

Cary rolled his eyes. "Aware," he said drily.

Kurt chuckled to himself, fishing a pair of GI Joe soldiers out of the ornament box. If he had to guess from the contents of tote number two, this was the 'toy tree.' "Hey, I had these guys when I was little."

Cary glanced at him. "Yeah those are Jon's."

"Aww Jonny-Jon's GI Joe's." Kurt made the men kiss, touching their faces together. "I love you--I love you too," and then laughed to himself. "Hey, you know what Bea asked me today? You'll never guess."

"You better just tell me then," Cary said.

Kurt made the soldiers march shoulder to shoulder across his stomach. "If me 'n Jon were getting married." He darted a glance at Cary's face.

"Uh-huh?" Cary said. He looked relaxed and interested as he met Kurt's eyes. "And you said--what."

"I didn't know what to say." Kurt sat the soldier men face to face, nudging ones arm up to touch the other on the shoulder. He liked to kiss Jon like that, their legs wrapped up together with no one on top. "Feels kinda fast, doesn't it? Jon doesn't seem like the kind of guy who would just rush into something big like that. An' there's his job..." He frowned, turning the soldiers back to back and marching them away from each other. "I don't see how he can. Marry me. If he even wanted to."

Cary was quiet a moment, adjusting the last branches at the top of the tree. "I figured you would be the one holding back," he said bluntly. "Marriage is a big commitment--one person the rest of your life."

Kurt sat up, keeping his eyes on the soldiers neatly side by side on the floor. "I don't know, Douglas. Maybe I had enough partners to know when I got one I don't want to leave." He rubbed his ears, thinking back to a year ago, chasing a moment of pleasure, the high of making plans with someone he'd never met and would probably never see again. Now it felt like an enormous amount of energy to spend on something that was pretty empty in the end--you had to do it all again the next day or spend the night alone.

"Huh," Cary said. "Well...you know Jon. He's not fucking around. If he's sharing his bed with you, he's already committed."

Kurt slung an arm around his knee, covering the dolls with his hand like a blanket. He hadn't quite thought of it that way; Jon didn't share his body with just anyone. In fact, no one else. His heart rate picked up; he was getting warm thinking about the time together they'd shared just last night. Over the past months Jon had said yes to him in a hundred little ways. "You think he--you think Jon wants to get married?" Kurt couldn't quite ask the full question: to me?

Cary made a dry noise. "No question. I think he's just waiting for you. Sounds like you need a heart to heart with your boyfriend, Visser. Might help if you're clear on what you want, going in."

Kurt met his eyes. "I want to be with Jon," he said simply.

"If he keeps this job?" Cary asked. "If he can't be out, ever?"

Kurt closed his hand on his aching chest, lifting his shoulders. They could figure it out--they'd figured it out so far. It wasn't like they were the first closeted gay couple in the world. "Jon White," he said softly in reply. "Jon White, Jon White."

Cary sighed. "Yeah I hear you. I love him too."

Kurt bit his lip. "If I--if I asked him to marry me. Would you--approve?"

Cary's face lifted as he smiled, his eyes warm and brown on Kurt's. He nodded once. "Plug in the tree there, Visser. Let's see if he'll do the thing for another year."

*What do you think, lovelies? Does it feel fast to you? Or do you think sometimes you just know? Jon and Kurt already proved they can work through hard things...*

1701 words.