I was left there. Standing and unmoved because of Kier's words. I couldn't even utter a word before he left because I was pre-occupied for what he just said. I couldn't process them completely because I couldn't understand them clearly.

"If I should have known your worth, I should have buy you before."

Limang minuto na ang lumipas magmula nang makaalis siya at iwanan ako kasama si Harold. But his last words were playing inside my head nonstop.

I didn't know what to feel because of it. Because I know myself that I can be sale. Na hindi imposibli ang mabili ako. Ang katawan ko. Because I'm living my life being a woman paid off with a service using my body and soul.

Ang pagiging hostis ko ang dahilan kung bakit ganito ang nararamdaman ko ngayon. Hindi ko maintindihan kung bakit ako nasasaktan dahil sa mga salitang kanyang binitawan para sa akin.

What does he really mean by that? What does he mean by knowing my worth so he can buy me even before? What kind of a picture frame does he sees me? And why do I feel like I'm being torn? Why do I feel pain?

"Haier, let's go." Hindi ko nilingon si Harold.

I don't want to see his face right now. Hindi ko gusto ang makita ang mukha niya ngayon dahil baka hindi ko mapigilan ang sarili ko at siya ang pagbuntunan ko ng galit at sakit na nararamdaman ko ngayon. I don't want to inflict pain on him like what I am feeling at the moment.

"Umalis ka na lang, Harold. Hindi ako sasama sa'yo," walang ganang sabi ko.

"But, Haier—"

"Get lost, Harold! Fucking get lost!" I shouted because of too much pain.

I-I don't want this kind of pain. I don't want to feel this. I don't want him to cause pain on me.

"Let's go, Haier—" I cut him off by turning my body to face him.

I lifted my hand and pointed him using my finger. Kita kong napatitig siya sa akin ng husto. Dinuro ko siya habang galit ang mga matang nakatitig ako sa kanya ngayon.

"I-If... If it wasn't because of you, he shouldn't have said those words on me, Harold," my voice was lifeless. "It's your fault. And I hate you so much because of that." I said, emotionless.

Hindi ko alam kung bakit pakiramdam ko ay galit na galit ako ngayon. Galit na galit na hindi ko magawang sisihin ng husto si Harold. But I couldn't blame myself either because of Kier's words. Alam ko rin kase sa sarili ko na may parte ako sa kung bakit gano'n ang naging kilos niya. It was because of Harold and I.

Wala sa sarili akong humakbang at naglakad papalayo kay Harold. Narinig ko pang tinawag niya ang pangalan ko ngunit hindi na ako nag-abala pang lingunin siya. I continue walking just to get away from Harold.

I was walking alone in the midst of the city of Makati. The cars that were passing by lightened my face. The crowded place of where I was, I couldn't even feel them. I couldn't even feel the presence of each thing surrounded me. I was busy thinking about the man who left me with the man I loathe.

Hindi ko magawang alisin sa aking isipan ang hitsura ng mukha kanina ni Kier. Kung gaano iyon kadilim na nagbigay kilabot at kaba sa akin. The way he uttered those words, it was chilly. It sent chill on me. It was too cold.

Pumara ako ng taxi. I wanted to go and follow Kier right at the moment. Gusto kong sundan siya sa bahay niya. I know his place. I know where he was staying. And I wanted to ask him why he was like that. I wanted to know why did he act that way. Dahil gulong-gulo ako. Ginugulo ako ng emosyong nakita ko sa kanyang mga mata.

Nagpahatid ako sa kung nasaan ang condo niya. Nasa loob pa ako ng taxi ngunit kinakabahan na naman ako. I didn't know what to say if ever I am facing him. Hindi ko alam kung ano ang sasabihin ko sa oras na kaharap ko na siya.

"Manong, magkano ho ba?"

Nilingon ng driver ng taxi na sinasakyan ko ang metro.

"Singkwenta pesos, Miss," ani ng taxi driver.

Kumuha ako ng singkwenta sa bag ko at inabot iyon kay Manong.

"Heto ho, Manong," I handed it to him.

Mabilis akong bumaba sa taxi at nagtungo sa loob ng building. Agad akong dumiretso sa receptionist at itinanong ang tungkol sa kanya.

"Good evening, ma'am. How may I help you?" Ang babaeng may maikling buhok at bilugang mga mata ang nagtanong sa akin no'n.

Pinagkiskis ko ang mga daliri ko sa ilalim ng dashboard.

"Ahm, is Kier Szaji De Asis already here?" I asked.

"Yes, ma'am. I've seen him going straight to his unit. Room three-one-four."

"Ahh, gano'n ba? Sige, salamat..." Nginitian ko ang babaing iyon nang magtango siya ng kanyang ulo.

I walked my way to the elevator and get in. Pinindot ko kung saang palapag nakabase ang unit niya dahil alam ko na naman iyon. Habang nasa loob ako ng elevator ay hindi ko magawang ipirmi ang mga kamay ko. I was swaying my hands nonstop so it can lessen the nervousness I was feeling. Kinakabahan ako ng sobra para harapin siya. But I have no other way rather than this.

When the elevator dinged, mas lalong lumala ang kaba ko. Nanlalamig na rin pati ang mga palad at paa ko. Huminga ako ng malalim at pumikit. I counted until ten seconds before going out from the elevator. Sa bawat hakbang na ginagawa ko papalapit sa unit niya ay siyang bawat hampas ng malakas sa loob ng dibdib ko.

It's room three-one-four...

Nag-aalangan akong pindutin ang doorbell ng unit niya. While I was lifting my hand to press it, I can even saw it shaking.

You can do it, Haier! You can do it!

Pinindot ko iyon. I clicked the doorbell of his unit. I could hear the fast beating of my heart even more because of what I did. But there's no one who opened the door for me. Kaya ang kaba ko ay napalitan ng pagtataka.

Muli kong pinindot ang doorbell, but there's still none. May limang beses ko yatang ginawa iyon ng paulit-ulit ngunit hindi pa rin bumukas ang unit niya. Bumagsak ang mga balikat ko dahil doon.

"Kier..." I uttered his name as if he's in front of me.

Tumalikod ako mula sa pintuan no'n at humilig sa puting dingding ng hallway. I was tapping the floor using my foot while waiting for the door to open. Ngunit dumaan na ang halos sampung minuto ay hindi pa rin iyon bumubukas.

Hindi ko maiwasan ang manlumo sa isiping wala talaga si Kier sa loob ng unit niya. But I was also thinking about what the receptionist had said. That she saw him going up straight to his place.

Nanatili ako sa puwesto ko at naghintay pa ulit ng mahigit limang minuto. Napaupo na ako at napayuko sa lugar kung nasaan ako at naghihintay sa kanya. I was bitting my lip when I heard the footsteps of a man walking near me. Bigla akong napa-angat ng tingin upang tignan kung si Kier na ba iyon.

"What are you doing here?" His voice sent shiver down to my spine.

Napatitig na lamang ako sa kanya. Ang walang buhay niyang mga mata habang nakatuon sa akin ang kanyang paningin ay hindi ko alam kung ano ang mararamdam ko.

"I'm asking you, woman. What are you doing here?" Pakiramdam ko ay sinasakal ako sa uri ng tanong niyang iyon sa akin.

Tumayo ako at tuwid na humarap sa kanya.

"K-Kier..." banggit ko sa kanyang pangalan.

His expression didn't change at all. Kung gaano iyon kawalang buhay ay nanatili iyong gano'n. Mas lalo ko lamang nararamdaman ang sakit sa loob-loob ko dahil hindi man lamang siya kumikibo sa harap ko.

"K-kanina pa kita hinihintay dito," kagat ang labing sabi ko. "Where have you b-been?" I asked him.

"Why? Did I tell you to wait, Haier?" There. At least he called me by my name again...

Agad kong ipinilig ang ulo ko bilang sagot sa tanong niya.

"No, you didn't." I answered. "I-I was the one who did it without being told," I added as my answer.

"Then fuck off, Haier. I don't fucking need you here. Dahil baka siya... Baka siya kailangan ka niya." Masakit. Alam kong masakit dahil ramdam ko 'yon.

"Magpapaliwanag lang ako, Kier—" naputol ang sasabihin ko nang magsalita ulit siya.

"Baka mas magaling siya na paungulin ka kaysa sa akin kaya hinayaan mo siya."

Nabitin sa ere ang bibig ko dahil sa sinabi niyang iyon. Ano ba ang alam niya? Ano ba ang alam niya para magsalita siya ng gano'n? He's making me feel like I was really a trash. That I was really a piece of a trash.

Maybe I was wrong when I thought that he could somehow, understand me. That he could see me not just a woman who's selling her body. But a dignified one. A woman with dignity.

Alam ko na sa posisyon kung nasaan ako ay isa akong babaing walang dignidad. Dahil isa akong hostis. Bayaran. But I was certain that I was more clean compared to others. Dahil sa buong buhay ko, tanging si Harold at Kier lang ang nakagalaw sa akin. Given that I was a prostitute.

Marahil nga ay tama ako nang isipin ko na malayo ako kung ikukumpara sa kanya. Just by looking at our ways on how we live, it was so different. I was right when I thought that I will only taint his name. Na sisirain ko lang ang pangalan niya kung hahayaan ko ang sarili ko sa kanya. I was damn right with that.

Tinignan ko si Kier. I looked at him directly.

"Sigurado ka ba?"

"About what?"

"Na hindi mo ako kailangan?"

Tumahimik siya. He just stared at me.

Sabihin mo lang na hindi ka sigurado, Kier, hindi ako aalis dito.

"Sigurado ako, Haier. Umalis ka na." Pagtataboy niya sa akin.

"If I leave right now, Kier, I will sleep with Harold. I will moan his name in the middle of the night. I will let him touch me the way you did."

I saw how his jaw tightened when he heard me. He gritted his teeth as his lips pressed in a thin line.

"Trabaho mo 'yan. Kaya hindi kita pipigilan."