Muling nangunot ang noo ko dahil sa sinabi niya. Marahas ko siyang itinulak palayo sa akin. He distant a bit. Naiintindihan ko naman kung ano pinupunto niya, ngunit hindi ko makuha kung bakit siya umaasta ng gano'n. Hindi iyon tama.

What he just said wasn't right. It wasn't good for the both of us. It wasn't.

Kung gusto niya na gawin ko 'yon, he should pay me. He should lay some bills to buy my time. Dahil hindi libre ang oras ko lalo na kapag gabi. Kagaya ng taxi, tumatakbo rin ang metro ko.

Huminga ako ng malalim at tinitigan siya. We stared at each other. Pinantayan ko ang laman ng mga titig niya sa akin. I should do it so I could be able to fight his stares.

"W-what are you s-saying?"

He signed deeply.

"Don't, Haier."

What's with him?

He seems angry while staring at my body. Lalong-lalo na sa suot ko. I couldn't understand him at all. He's acting strangely in front of me right now.

"Magsalita ka nga ka—"

He crushed his lips on me again.

Bigla niya na lamang ulit sinakop ang mga labi ko. Napahawak ako sa damit niya dahil sa gulat sa ginawa niya.

Humiwalay siya sa akin. Napayuko ako.

"Work for me, Haier."

I lifted my chin to look at him. I saw his dark eyes looking at me pleadingly.

"Leave this place and work for me, Haier—"

"No."

"What?"

"Don't look at me that way,"

His forehead creased hearing my words.

Ayaw ko. I don't want him to look at me like that. Kung ang mga kapatid ko ay ayaw kong tinitignan ako na may naaawang mga mata, hindi ko alam kung bakit ayaw kong titigan niya ako gamit ang nagmamakaawang mga mata.

I can feel my inside feeling hurt just by looking at him staring at me like that.

"Haier..."

I stopped him by my hand. Ihinarang ko ang palad ko sa gitna namin upang pigilan siya.

"Y-you... You don't have the rights to order me, Mister," I said.

His jaw tightened.

"You and I... W-we, we only happened in one night."

"Haier—"

"Isang gabi lang. We happened only for one night so stop saying those words on me. Hindi kita kilala at gano'n ka rin. We are totally strangers for each other, Mister."

"What the fuck are you saying?!" malakas na sigaw niya.

I didn't flinched. Hindi ako nagpatinag sa sigaw niyang iyon. Tinignan ko siya ng diretso.

"Stop making it a fuss. If you came here, be here as a costumer and not anyone who'll order for a prostitute to leave the place that gives them their lives."

"You're kidding me, right?"

"I am not."

He puffed a breath as if I was talking some bullshits in from of him.

Inayos ko muna ang buhok ko bago ko ayusin ang suot kong manipis na tila. Nakita kong sinundan niya ng tingin ang mga galaw ko. Nakita kong mas lalong mag-igting ang panga niya nang magawi sa may maselang parte ko ang mga kamay ko.

Tumayo ako ng tuwid pagkatapos ko.

"Act like a mere costumer if you are here," I said after leaving him standing there.

I quickly run outside that place. Pumasok ako sa kwarto kung nasaan ang mga damit ko bago mabilis na magbihis. Kinuha ko ang bag na palagi kong dala-dala at patakbong umalis sa club.

While I was running, I couldn't stop thinking about what he just said. How his jaw tightened while looking at my being. How his eyes darken as he heard every of my words.

Hindi ko mapigilan ang makaramdam ng kaunting saya dahil sa sinabi niya. Hindi man ako nakapag-aral ay hindi naman ako mangmang upang hindi makuha kung ano ang ibig niyang sahihin. But I couldn't accept it yet. I couldn't let anyone drive me again like what happened before. I couldn't.

I know that he's good. Na mabuti siyang tao kaya ayaw kong mapalapit siya sa akin. A man like him don't deserve a woman who's like me. He look decent while I look impure and shady.

I just couldn't taint his name. I just couldn't let myself get involved with a man like him. Dahil hindi ako ang babaing karapat-dapat para sa taong kagaya niya.

Nang nasa malapit na kanto na ako sa may eskeneta papasok sa amin ay dahan-dahan kong binagalan ang takbo ko hanggang sa mapatigil na lang ako ng kusa. Napaupo ako at tumingala sa madilim na kalangitan.

"You did the right thing, Haier. You did it well," I murmured to myself.

I was sitting in the midst of the night when I felt the droplets of the rain hit my skin. Dahan-dahan lamang iyon sa una hanggang sa lumakas iyon at bumuhos ng sunod-sunod. Sa bawat patak ng ulan na tumatama sa balat ko ay nararamdaman ko ang hapdi dulot no'n. It was like a torture yet it was a comfort.

Tumayo ako at ibinuka ang magkabila kong mga braso bago mabagal na umikot. I was circling in the middle of the rain while spreading both of my arms. Napapikit ako.

I really love it everytime it rains. Dahil kahit masakit ang bawat bagsak no'n ay magaan naman. It was like my life.

Umiikot ako nang maramdaman kong may humawak sa kaliwang braso ko. Napatigil ako roon at lumingon sa likod ko.

It was him. The man I was thinking earlier.

He was soaking wet because of the rain while standing next to me. His eyes were like a mirror. It reflects the things that I wanted to hide from him. He was staring at me. Searching for my soul.

"What..."

"You'll get sick, Haier," bagkus ay sabi niya.

This is not right.

Sahihin ko man sa sarili ko na hindi ito tama, ay hindi ko rin maitatanggi sa sarili ko na gusto ko ang kung ano'ng mga ikinikilos niya. I like the way he touches me. It was good. It was good when he says my name.

Naramdaman kong mag-iba ang tibok ng puso ko habang nakatuon sa kanya ang mga mata ko. Unti-unti kong nararamdaman ang hindi pamilyar na tibok no'n.

"Let's go. You need to change your clothes."

Hindi ako umangal. Nagpatangay ako sa mabagal na hatak ng kamay niya sa braso ko. I moved my legs and stepped my feet to walk after him. Even the way he hold my arm, I didn't felt unease. Hindi ko maramdaman ang pandidiri niya sa akin. It wasn't like that.

Tahimik niyang binuksan ang pintuan ng kotse niya bago ako sumakay doon. Siya na ang naglagay ng seatbelt ko bago umikot sa kabila at pumasok. Binuhay niya ang makina ng kotse niya bago iyon paandarin. He opened the stereo of his car and lower the sound of it.

We were both silent. Hindi ako umiimik at gano'n din siya. Gustuhin ko man ang magsalita ay hindi ko alam kung ano ang sasabihin ko. I said that we are strangers. That he shouldn't treat me like I am not. Because we definitely are.

Tumingin na lamang ako sa bintana. I saw the night lights of the city. Nakikita ko rin ang mga taong naglalakad sa gitna ng ulan habang nakapayong. They seems okay. Lahat sila.

Humilig ako sa bintana ng kotse niya. Looking at the wide city of Makati, the tall and huge buildings, I really wanted to live those place. But maybe I wasn't meant for it. I was born poor. And I will die poor.

Tumigil kami sa harap ng isang mataas na gusali. Nauna siyang bumaba kaysa sa akin. Kinuha ko na ang bag ko bago pa man niya mabuksan ang pintuan sa gawi ko.

"Come here," bumaba ako.

I still didn't say a word. He held my arm again and guided me to walk inside the building. I saw people looking at us and whisper something. Hindi ko mapigilan ang manliit sa sarili ko.

They are wearing clothes that are branded and designers. Habang ako ay nabibili ko lang sa mga tiangge sa Baklaran. They are rich and sophisticated. Habang ako ay isang hostis na nagtatatrabaho sa isang club bilang kabuhayan.

I am a trash compared to them. I shouldn't be here. I don't belong to a place like this.

Mas lalo lamang akong napayuko nang maisip ko kung gaano kalayo ang agwat namin sa buhay. It's not only about the looks but even about the status. We are far way different. Ibang-iba at malayong-malayo.

He's out of my league.

Nakarating kami sa elevator na tahimik pa rin kaming pareho. But I felt him glanced at me once. Ngunit hindi ko siya nilingon pabalik. I was ashamed. My existence was a shame.

When the elevator dinged, we went out. Naglakad kami patungo sa kwarto niya. He opened the door of his unit and entered. Doon na ako napatigil. Nilingon niya ulit ako.

"What?" he asked.

Tinignan ko siya. Napapikit siya at basta na lamang nagtango ng kanyang ulo.

"I understand. Don't worry, I'll pay for your time," it slapped me.

Pakiramdam ko ay sinampal ako ng mga salita niya. Nakaramdam ako ng kaunting sakit sa loob-loob ko ngunit pinili ko ang huwag intindihin iyon at hindi na umimik. I was the one who said it. Ako ang nagsabi no'n. And he's only doing what he thinks was right. Iyon nga.

I forced my smile. Alam kong halatang pilit iyon. And I know that it didn't reach my eyes. But I still smiled. Pasasalamat na rin at sinusunod niya ang dapat na stado namin.

"That's good—"

"Kahit bawat segundo ng oras mo, babayaran ko, Haier. Hanggang sa kahit singko wala na ako, babayaran pa rin kita hanggang sa kahuli-hulihang sentimong mayro'n ako."