Someone said that choosing to love a person isn't a choice we make. Because it was fate. Neither you two met up with an ill-fated fate, or you two have met to fullfil each other the longing that both of you have.

But in my philosophy, loving someone is definitely our choice. It was our choice that we make. It was us that chose to love that someone. It was our heart that chooses to beat insanely for that certain person.

And in my case, it was Kier.

Hindi ko makuha kung bakit nila nasasabing tadhana iyon. When in fact, there's nothing real from that bullshit destiny other than toying people.

Ang pagmamahal ng isang tao ay sarili nating desisyon. Puso natin ang humuhusga sa nararamdaman natin. It was always our heart that chooses to love. And we, as the owner of it, feels the love that we had inside us.

We may sometimes begin to being greedy, selfish and foolish for our love. But certainly, no one has the right to question our actions for we only know on how to love that way. We love them even if it takes everything.

Marahil dahil sa pagmamahal na mayroon ako para kay Kier, ay magiging isa ako sa mga taong nagiging tanga at mahina. But it's not only that, because I love.

I was the woman who has nothing to be proud of. Selling my body to live everyday that passes by. I was one of those people who haven't dignity. I was a filthy immoral woman who was nothing but a pure shame.

"What are you thinking? Hmm?" I was back on my track when I heard Kier's deep voice from my back.

Inikot ko ang ulo ko upang lingunin siya. And there, I saw him stirring Gael's milk on the glass.

"Wala naman," sagot ko.

Inangat ko ang paa ko mula sa sahig at ipinatong iyon sa malambot na sofa bago pumangalumbabang tinitigan siya.

"Iniisip ko lang..."

Nag-angat siya ng tingin sa akin.

"About?" he asked.

I keep staring at him for seconds before I opened my mouth to speak again.

"Your tattoo back then," I said.

Nakita ko kung paano maglikot bigla ang kanyang mga mata nang banggitin ko iyon.

"I saw it written on a cursive font but..." I think I saw it Amore. It was Amore's name...

"Pinatanggal ko na," aniyang ipinagtaka ko.

"Ha? Bakit naman?" Kuryusong tanong ko.

It was Amore's name so why would he get rid of it? Pangalan iyon ng babaing una niyang minahal kaya bakit—

"Mahal kita," sagot niya.

I-Is that his reason? Because he love me?

Hindi ako kaagad nakapagsalita nang sagutin niya ang tanong ko. I know that he love me. He already said it many times. Proved his love but still... I am not yet used of him saying that sincerely.

"K-Kier..." I uttered his name.

"I love you so what's the reason for keeping that tats?"

It true. Alam ko naman 'yon...

"But still..."

"It wasn't your name. And I don't think writing your name on my skin is a requirement so I can prove my love for you."

What?

"It's not what I mean, Kier—"

"Amore... Her was only proven by ink, Haier. But for you? Hindi ko gusto ang isulat kahit isang letra ng pangalan mo. Because my love for you is surely infinite."

But still again...

Being jealous to a dead is something that creeps the hell out of me.

"A shade of an ink wouldn't testify my feelings. It wouldn't validate how much I love you because it dissipate. The only thing that will attest my love is taking everything even if it's your immorality. And I didn't love you because I want to. I love you because my heart chose you."

Hindi ako umimik. My mouth stayed quiet hearing his words.

"I love you because I love you, Haier. Nothing more and nothing less," he stated.

I didn't waste even a single tick of an arm clock. I quickly stood up and run towards Kier who was seriously looking at me. He already stopped what he was doing just to answer my questions.

Nang nasa harap na niya ako ay agad kong ibinuka ang mga braso ko at ipinalibot iyon sa baywang niya. I instantly wrapped my arms around his waist and hug him tightly. I leaned my head on his chest with my ear directly hearing the beats of his heart.

He returned my embrace as tight as I did. Kier started stroking my hair and planting kisses on my head. I couldn't contain the smile that crept on my lips because of his moves.

"Mahal kita, Kier," bulong ko.

Naramdaman kong nanigas siya dahil sa sinabi ko. Mas lalo kong hinigpitan ang yakap ko sa kanya.

"Mahal na mahal kita..." dagdag na bulong ko.

I can hear the beats of his heart getting wilder from his chest. I can also feel him breathing barely that made me smile even more.

"I need you as much as Gael's need you, Kier," ani ko sa mahinang tinig.

I want a family. A complete family for Gael. A family where we all love each other. Because I want my son to grow up being love by the people who surrounds him.

"Kung okay lang sa'yo, please... Please don't leave us both until then," saad ko.

"Fuck." Dinig kong usal niya sa mababa at matigas na tono.

Naramdaman ko na lamang na yumuyugyog na ang kanyang mga balikat matapos kong magsalita. Nakagat ko ang pang-ibabang labi ko nang maramdaman ko iyon. I heard him sobbing lightly until he turned gurgling soundly.

"I didn't know... I didn't know what to say, Haier," basag ang boses na saad niya.

I tapped his back before moving a step away from him. We distant a bit. There, I saw his eyes sparkling with his shedding tears streaming down to his face. I didn't know what to feel exactly. It was my first time seeing Kier like that. Crying like a lost baby.

I lift up my hands and cage his face with both of my palms. I swiftly wiped his tears off his face. The scene... It made my eyes swelled up.

"If Gael saw you like this, he'll think that I beat you," pabirong sabi ko.

Ang mukha niyang basa pa nang luha ay nakita kong mapangiti dahil sa sinabi ko. He raised his hand and wiped his tears himself. While he was doing it, I rucked up to capture and take his lips with mine.

I didn't move my lips and just keep on pressing it with his. In a swift motion, I felt him held me on my waist before pulling me unto him. He started moving his mouth softly. I followed the movements of his lips as I held him on his shoulder.

Tumigil din siya matapos ang mahigit tatlong minuto. Inilayo ko ang mukha ko mula sa mukha niya. But still holding him, circling my arms around his neck.

"Thank you for giving me another chance, Haier," he said.

I smiled at him warmly.

"If it's you, why not?" I replied instead.

He put some strand of my hair on the back of my ear.

"You can rule me all you want, Haier. You can canon me and I will abide truthfully. I will be submissive if it's you. Entirely, Haier. Entirely..."

Loving Kier was never been easy. I wasn't and never been free. I was jailed from my bitter past. I refuse to middle my affairs when it comes to him due to the fear of repeating what had happened.

Siguro nga ay hindi lahat kaya akong tanggapin sa kung paano ako tanggapin ni Kier at maging si Harold. Ngunit sa kabila sa kung ano ang nakaraan ko, Kier still cared for me the most.

Ang magmahal ng kagaya ko, ay hindi madali. Kagaya sa kung paanong hindi rin madali pagdating kay Kier. I had my flaws as a woman. I was filthy, a shame, lewd, and obscene. But even after that, he still find himself loving me.

Loving a person takes everything that can be taken. We accept their flaws together with their imperfections because we love them. We can be obtain by the secure we feel from them even after everything.

At kagaya sa pagmamahal ko kay Kier, mahal ko siya kahit sa kabila ng lahat. Yes, I do need reasons and answers for my questions and curiosity but... I still find myself loving him purely. Without reason and question why, but with an answer that I love him.

Mahal ko siya dahil sa mahal ko siya.