Eirene

I stared down at the sunflower hair clip in my hand. It was dulled by the time. I was half of a decade. I reminded myself. I unconsciously caressed my thumb around its pale artificial petals. It was the mere gift he gave to me. Maybe a reminder of those shallow desires and deception.

No matter how much I denied it, those memories were still in me: lingering in my brain and embracing my heart. I should have thrown this to the sea or have been burn this into the flames but there was the slightest reason in me to keep it. Maybe because, it was a symbol of my experience.

Time might have elapsed and many things had change in our lives and ourselves. Those memories were still preserved as if it was stored in a mason jar for so long. But it would never be the way we use today.

Mananatili lamang iyong alaala.

I put the old sunflower hairclip back to the pocket of my trench coat.

Paris in December was quite cold. I think the temperature reached as low as to five degrees Celsius. It was not getting any warmer. It was getting colder by the hour.

I turned my head to the busy and classic-street of Paris. I had picked a seat where I could solemnly examine the people walking across the street and some getting lost in its beauty at night.

Paris known as 'The City of love. There was no surprise if some couples were strolling along the street with lamp posts, and along the pavement romantic places, while holding each other's hand.

Why do I sound like bitter as a balsam apple?

Paris had always a place in my heart. I used to picture myself here when I was still in high school. Now, I still couldn't believe that I have tasted the life of a Parisian. I indulged myself with the beauty of Paris, taking a moment to breath from life.

For few seconds, someone interrupted me, "Excusez-moi..." a French woman drove me back from reality.

The waiter was holding a tray with the Café au lait I've ordered. I smile at her. She also responded with a friendly and accommodating smile. She put the mug down the triangular coffee table.

"Je vous remercie..." I said, politely thanking her before she left me alone for another customer.

The coffeeshop seemed warmer due to the smoke and smell of coffee, as well as, the heater that engulfed the whole place. I took a sip of my coffee while returning my eyes again to the street.

I wondered why Paris would be always that place I would love to visit every year? Why this place remained untouched from the past? They developed the City without taking its heritage.

"A penny for your thoughts." someone said.

I looked up and a tall man in a black cardigan coat with a clean hair cut stood in front of me. He didn't look like a Parisian from his features. He looked familiar though.

"Pardon? Did we meet before sir?" I asked him confusedly.

He beamed at me, showing his perfect teeth. He was staring down on me with amusement in his eyes. "Maybe, you rejected me back then, but I could still remember you." wika nito, stating like something went wrong with me.

I was trying to recall his face. Saan ko ba nakita ang mukha niya? Sa mga magazines kaya? Fashion runways? One of my clients? I did not have a retentive memory to remember every people I encountered.

My eyes narrowed again.

His one eyebrow arched.

Habang tumatagal ang pagtitig ko sa kanya isang imahe ang dahan-dahang luminaw sa aking memorya.

I covered my mouth eventually and a huge smile grew surprisingly in my face.

"Really Ethan? Is that you?" I scrutinized him from head to toe.

His new professional bearing was screaming an immense change: from his leather suitcase and his shining coat. He has the qualities - that women usually fell on: the tidy and the smell so nice type of guy.

His manly perfume filled my nostrils. My second sister would be salivating seeing Ethan's new look.

"Well, you look fantastic..."

I was glad he changed for betterment. I could still remember the previous him: visiting me at the Mansion; and giving me chocolates and flowers while I received deadly glares from Kylie. But it turned out the other way. It was a long story.

He smirked. "Should I court you again? I'm still single you know..."

I rolled my eyes. "My sister is still single you know."

The smile on his face completely vanished. Gradually, he smiled again, but this time it was a sad one. He occupied the seat in front of me. Instead of responding what I had just said he placed the brown leather bag above the coffee table.

"Do you come here often?" he asked, changing the topic.

I easily understood what his trying to avoid. "Not really." I answered.

"Napadaan lang talaga ako dito." He glimpsed outside the window.

"I'm not really staying here for too long."

His forehead made a crease.

"I have a clinic to look after."

"What kind of clinic? Wait--are you a doctor?" he asked consecutively.

I smiled proudly. "A Dermatological Clinic. Yes, I'm a doctor. A dermatologist to be exact."

"I thought you're into business?" He asked in confusion.

I sipped my coffee. I did not answer him straight.

Dermatology wasn't really my passion. I was more into handling a certain business. However, slowly by slowly I began loving it. Dahil narin siguro sa mga kliyenteng may personal issues sa kanilang mga balat.

Despite my dream to handle a beach resort, I stayed in my job. It was still a business anyway.

Outer beauty really loved by many. I wanted to lift the confidence of my clients through my expertise. Behind the main reason of my shuffling course, it was because of my mother.

She loved dermatology, the idea of dealing with the skin problems and diseases back then. Isang obvious na dahilan kung bakit ang ganda-ganda ng balat ni mama. She loved putting low-priced organic skin products. My grandparents could not afford to pay the exorbitant tuition. Kaya't ako na lamang ang pinagpatuloy ni Mama sa kanyang pangarap nang dumating si Papa sa buhay niya. At first, sobrang nahirapan ako. However, there were things you hate at first, and then, you would learn how to love it along the process.

Ethan noticed my silence. "So, doc, is there any ointment that could heal a broken heart?"

Although, his fashion style had changed, there was still the old Ethan in him.

"Ointment used for the skin and not to heal a broken heart. You're just silly heartbroken, Ethan."

Natahimik siya. My tongue has always been blunt and honest kaya siguro wala akong masyadong mga kaibigan. Few friends can suffice.

"May nanliligaw ba sa kanya ngayon? Or she already had a family?" Tanong niya makalipas ang ilang segundong pagkabigla sa sinabi ko.

I should not have brought back the sensitive topic. "Wala pa nga akong boyfriend. As if I would let that happen..."

"I maybe asshole before, but I'll be better for your sister and when I say I'm serious, I will be dead serious in loving her - getting her back to my arms for real."

Seryoso nitong wika.

I thought a man like him wouldn't be staying in one girl at a time. Somehow, people really change when they found the one. It made me think. I hope he also changed for good. Sana katulad din siya ni Ethan. Kahit wala na siyang balak balikan ako.

How impossible, Eirene! He's the real asshole. Mark that! I don't even know if where he is now.

"Ok, Mr. lover boy. As what you have said. Boto naman ako sayo."

"Well, hindi na ako mahihirapan. Tutulungan mo naman ako diba?"

"Tutulong lang ako kapag masyado ng pahard-to-get ang kapatid ko."

I took another sip of my coffee.

"Kailan pala ang flight mo?"

I gulped before I answer his question, "Two hours before my flight."

His eyes widened in surprise. "Too lucky, same as mine."

With that, Ethan and I decided to kept ourselves accompanied to the Charles de Gaulle Airport since the coffee shop was just nearby. We talked about random things about his life while we were walking until we had arrived in the airport. He was my past suitor. I didn't feel the natural awkwardness between us.

Magkaiba ang seat namin. Ethan insisted na tulungan akong ayusin ang aking luggage. Since he worked as a businessman kailangan niya daw ng comfortable seat sa first class, for it he was exhausted from a businesss deal in America.

Dumaan lang pala siya sa Paris para mag-chill sandali. While ako na nagtitipid ay nasa economy class. I did not want to waste money for a comfortable seat in first class. I could really manage. Hindi naman ako masyadong prodigal na tao. Matagal ang byahe galing Paris to Manila. Mabuti nalang nakapagbook agad ako ng ticket lalo na′t maraming umuuwi at bumabakasyon.

"Ladies and Gentlemen, please take your seat and fasten your seat belt for about a moment we will be departing Charles de Gaulle Airport." A mild voice echoed inside the plane.

May mga paalala ang Flight attendant announcer about the safety measures to keep the flight safe. Sumunod lahat ng pasahero sa nagdedemo na Flight attendant sa aming harapan.

In just a minute, matapos magself-belt nagsalita ulit ang announcer para sa departure. "Everyone get ready for the gate departure."

I felt the sudden movement of going up. I tightly held the arm rest of my seat and closed my eyes. When the turbulence gone. I sighed in relief. It was not my first time in a plane.

I went all alone with my travels. Since that day, I ran away to be free. It was hard to be just alone. Like living alone and traveling alone. But still, there was a sense of peace and freedom when you're alone.

"Ladies and gentlemen welcome to Ninoy Aquino International Airport."

I was reverted to reality dahil sa masiglang announcement. Ang mga passengers ay banayad nang lumalakad palabas ng airplane and others were still getting their luggage's.

"Thank you for joining us on this trip and we are looking forward for the next journey! Merry Christmas and enjoy the rest of the holidays!"

Fourteen hours was the duration of flight. Nakakapagod sobra. Sa labing-apat na oras na byahe ang ginawa ko lang ay matulog, bumangon para pumunta ng restroom, at magnilay-nilay ng tingin sa labas ng bintana. Syempre, hindi ko nakaligtaan ang pagkain.

Sinalubong ako nang mainit na singaw ng hangin ng Manila. Na-cast out ang trench coat kong makapal sa panahon ng Pilipinas.

Alas dyes na ng umaga kaya di mapagkakailang mainit parin kahit pasko na. Hinubad ko ang aking trench coat saka sinabit ito sa aking braso. Tanging black fitted turtleneck na lamang ang nagpaiwan.

Nagsimula na akong naglakad palabas ng airport pagkatapos ma check out ang aking luggage pero sa kalagitnaan ng paglalakad ay may sumigaw ng aking pangalan.

"Eirene!"

It was Ethan's voice.

He was shouting my name for three times. Why would he just come over here? And what made me completely stopped in my tracks when I shifted my eyes to the man beside Ethan.

My heart created a loud painful pang. My mind just hanged in the midair. My eyes couldn't look away how much I wanted not to stare at him. The noise of the airport seemed muted for a moment. The people and their jet lag faces blurred in my peripheral view.

He was wearing an Armani business suit. He stood there, totally different. Like a complete stranger, wishing I never meet.

I could picture the old version to the new version of him in front of me. He used to wear dark jeans, a hat and a simple shirt, that perfectly hugged his biceps.

When his eyes met mine, memories that were long time hidden crashes out like waves in my head. And for a fleeting moment, I was reminded again with the silent hatred that I had have been carrying for half of a decade.

It was him. The man who broke me into pieces.

Periedot Spiels