Kabanata 8:

Letter and Hug

"What a lovely morning." I spoke to the morning air.

The morning sun had that sensational shine. The wind was not furious. Ang buhangin ay kakaiba na parang kumikislap ito sa ilalim ng araw.

I usually greeted every morning with mental reservation and self-aversion from him. Sa umagang iyon ay nag-iba ang tingin ko sa kanya.

I heard enough of his hidden point of view. He had a messy life than I have. I pondered at breakfast that he was shattered by the burden of longing for his mother.

Nabatid kong maswerte ako. I was too fortunate that I have a complete family.

Nagdadalawang-isip ako kung babalik na ba ako sa Manila. I was driven with the freight of my studies and trainings. It had been tough with all my silent frustrations and emotional exhaustion.

To lessen the guilt in my heart, I wrote a message for them:

The place I'm staying in, for the meantime, is placid and secured. There's no harm for me. I can guarantee you that, Mom and Dad. I can walk barefoot in the shore. The waves are calm, and I can think whatever I want. I was honestly and silently crying while writing this letter. I know that all of you right now are worrying. I could imagine the faces and eyes filled with restlessness and concern.

I know it was all too sudden. I dearly hope you will understand me. I'm looking for the bright sides of things surrounded by the sea, sand, and wind to clear up my mind.

I'll promise as soon as I can, I will go back. I love you Mom, Dad, Kylie and Abigail. Please, stop worrying and I'm still inhaling fresh oxygen.

Eirene

Tumakas ang dalawang butil ng luha galing sa aking mga mata na bumahid sa dilaw na papel. I had a quick sensibility over family matters.

Ibinalik ko ang ballpen sa drawer at tiniklop ang papel. I inserted the paper in the envelope.

It might be obsolete, but writing down your emotions in a piece of paper remained timeless. It was like pinning your heart into words. The message I sent via text was rushed and short.

I flopped myself in the sofa while eating the mellow of ice cream. Sumubo pa ako ng isang beses. It was ube flavor with cheese and somehow it chilled out my brain and heart.

"Hey, are you alright?"

A shadow of him standing on the door, hands above the frame caught my attention, as if waiting for me to let him in. His height were inches tall than the door. He lowered his head, so that, he could see through inside.

"Yes. What's up?"

"Pupunta dito ang apat na tabili. We will be having a dinner. Do you want to join us?" masigla niyang imbita.

I scooped another mouthful of ice-cream. Hindi ako sumagot.

Nakatutok ang mga mata ko sa dessert na dahan-dahang natutunaw dahil sa init ng panahon.

Devon sailed in the house. He didn't have to wait for my permission.

I couldn't restrain him. I wasn't in the mood.

He hunkered beside me. He eased his back onto the sofa, evidently showing his freewill self.

"Ang tahimik mo. You look pensive. May problema ba?"

My consciousness revived to life whenever he was an inch nearer. I felt vigilant and alert.

"You want some ice cream–"

Hindi ko natapos ang sasabihin when he hoisted my legs to his thigh with a one ladle of his solidly built arms.

He angled my chin with his thumb to his face. He had a questioning gaze as he nabbed my fragile eyes.

I felt the temperature heightened upon the nearness of his presence.

Nawala kaagad ang katamlayan ko.

I shifted my vision, but he chased my eyes wherever I look.

"What's the problem, Eirene?" he crooned.

"Ang sarap ng ice cream. Nakakatulala sa sarap." pagdadahilan ko.

I intentionally dug the spoon to the bowl. I had internal frantic search on how to avoid looking straight to his face.

Hindi ako makatayo dahil nakakulong ang beywang ko sa isa niyang bisig.

"Mas nakatulala kapag ako ang kumain ng ice-"

I didn't let him finish his words and shoved the spoon of ice cream to his mouth. Tumawa siya. Aliw na aliw na nakatingin sa akin.

"Nanggigil ako sayo, Eirene."

I glared at him.

"Nakakatakot ka talaga babe, kapag natatahimik ka. Parang sinusuntok mo ako ng palihim. You're always giving me deadly glares hmm..."

Pinagiling niya ang kanyang mga ngipin at makuyad niyang kinagat ang aking tainga.

"Ouch! Why did you do that?" daing ko.

It stung! I was doubting him if he was a vampire. His teeth were sharp. He could make traces if he would pierce it to my skin.

"Masakit, ah! Wala akong ginagawa sayo!" I scowled.

Hinaplos ko ang parteng kinagatan niya.

"Ikaw nga itong may ginagawang hindi ko kayang ipaliwanag. Are you a kind of pussy wrecker?" I asked him out loud.

"Grabe ka naman, Eirene. Pussy wrecker talaga? Your inner thoughts are way blunt than my heartbeat."

"There were tales in the past that a certain man travelling around the world to deflower virgin ladies. Are you going to wreck my chasteness? You travelled from Italy to Sarangani just to..." I brushed the thought away. "Jezz...Saan ko ba napulot ang sapantahang iyon?" I asked myself absentmindedly.

"This is getting interesting, Eirene. I didn't know you have thoughts like that. I don't travel around to deflower virgins. I only desire alcohol drinks, not to deflower plenty of girls." he tilted his head.

"Wala talaga sa itsura mo ang ignorahin ang mga babae."

"I'll prove it to you."

He tucked a strand of my hair behind my ear. At nilunod ang sarili sa aking mukha. He was scrutinizing any inch and angle of my face. His deep brown eyes were marveling every nook of my face.

What did I do to make him like this? What was actually his plan? What was the real meaning behind this open to view of affection? This little fondness of him that I couldn't even try to get away!

Every time I would eschew, I'm always scooped up in his arms. Is it still normal?

"You are giving me that glare again."

"Why are you fucking doing this to me, Devon? I need a direct answer."

His eyes narrowed. Mas lalong lumaki ang mapanghimok niyang ngiti. Isang ekspresyong nagpapahina sa akin. Nawawala ang pagpipigil ko sa sarili.

"I will show you my intentions, Eirene." he said, seriously.

"Just say your intentions, or I will kick your balls." banta ko sa kanya.

Lalo lang lumaki ang mapanghimok niyang ngiti. I wish I could wipe off that expression away from his face.

"I like that, baby. Wild."

He scrunched his nose to induce a challenge.

"Mababaog ka, baby." pabiro kong sabi.

"Dios Mio..."

Pumikit siya at humalinghing sa headrest ng sofa.

The lump of his throat was moving up and down in a snail-like-paced when he swallowed. The line projection of his neck was persuading me to touch it.

I wanted to know its texture. He was extremely welcoming to my senses. A Greek god was like proffering in front of me.

He had a provocative built. Women in general would find it irresistible. It was a fact.

He had no idea I was salivating at his divine sight.

"Pwede ganito muna tayo, Eirene? Gusto kong umidlip." he pleaded.

I gripped the spoon, to fully control myself.

"Bakit dito pa? Umuwi kana sa bahay mo." pagtataboy ko.

Malaking pasalamat ko at nagawa kong panatilihin ang boses na seryoso.

Tinulak ko siya sa dibdib. I pinched the bulge of his upper arm. I tickled the side of his waist in between his thin shirt. I pushed myself away, but I end up hitting my face to his chest.

"Don't try to seduce me babe. Matulog nalang tayo. This kind of position is proven to be effective." babala niya at hinahaplos ang buhok ko.

Namilog ang mga mata ko.

"I'm not seducing you. I'm trying to get way! At least give me some space to breath. Sa pagkaka-alam ko hindi ganito ang mga Italyano." reklamo ko at niluwagan niya ang pagkakahapit.

"Nope. We are showy and thoughtful. I should kiss your cheeks as a greeting, but we've done more than—"

"Why here?" I cut him off, deadly serious now.

He brought up that kiss again.

Parang binuhusan ako ng malamig na tubig. Nanginginig ang aking mga labi. Gustong-gusto kong magmakaawa na bumalik na siya sa bahay niya at doon na lamang matulog. Kahit ilang beses ko siyang itaboy at pandilatan ay mas lalo lang siyang didikit sa akin!

"Kumportable dito."

He reasoned out and pouted his lips.

"Wala bang couch sa bahay mo?"

He put his middle finger on my lips.

"Shhh..." He hushed me down. His eyes were shut, wearily.

"About the kiss. You could just keep it. Don't bring it up again."

"Dahil madadagdagan pa?"

He squinted his eyes naughtily.

I punched his muscled bicep. "In your dreams."

Humalakhak siya. "Kaya nga, I'm dreaming of our next kiss."

"Shut up, Devon."

"Huwag maingay, babe. Natutulog yung tao eh."

No girls. Inuman lang. My mind froze at the sudden thought.

I highly believed he had been with girls. He had been in clubs. There were drinking, music, and girls in the club!

I was very sure that he had entertained numerous girls. I wasn't born yesterday! I was aware of men in his stamina!

Wait, why does it bother me?

Makailang minuto ay naramdaman ko ang kawalang imik niya. Niyug-yog ko ng kaunti ang balikat niya. Nakapikit na nakatingala siya sa ceiling. Sinisiguro niya paring nakasirkulo ang isang bisig niya sa aking beywang.

"Devon...are you still awake?"

He croaked as a response.

I watched him intently.

Matulis ang kanyang ilong. May tamad na mga mata, mga labing bumabalantok kapag naaliw sa kanyang nakikita o naririnig. His squared-jaw shape of his face, his protuberant body, murky brows, and penetrating eyes. He has really the physical qualities of an Italian.

"You have the finest genes..." I whispered inaudibly. "Devon..."

"Hmm?"

"Can you teach me some Italian?"

Dahil doon ay binuka niya ang kanyang mga mata. Inilagay ko ang bowl sa mesa.

Kumuha ako ng isang rolyo ng tissue habang naghihintay sa sasabihin niya.

"Amore a prima vista."

His Italian baritone droned to my ears.

Pinunasan ko ang gilid ng aking labi. He eyes tumbled to my lips, and back to my eyes.

"It means?" Umarko ang isang kilay ko.

"Do you want to hear the English translation of it?"

He threw a measuring eye at me, asking me if he could continue.

"What's the big deal of the phrase anyway?"

"Love at first sight..."

I could see the vulnerability in his eyes. Those orbs that would overthrow my knees.

"Iba naman..."

Napakurap-kurap ako.

It was ridiculous I visualized that he's referring it to me. I wasn't assuming.

The reason to assume was too strong to ignore though. He was giving me hopes. I had to remind myself to be careful around this guy.

"Mi sono perso."

Ngayon naman ay napatitig siya sa aking mga mata.

"I'm lost in your eyes..."

Umangat ang gilid ng kanyang labi.

Natameme ako.

Sa dinami dami ng Italian words and phrases na pwede niyang ituro bakit puro mga pang-romantiko pa?

"Tell me something in Bisaya." I demanded, changing the topic.

"Higugmaa ko, karon, ugma, hangtod sa kahangtoran. Unta di ka mobiya sa akoa kay murag ikaw na gyud akong ginadamgo ug ginahulat."

Nagsitaasan ang mga balahibo ko. Hindi ko man alam ang kahulugan ng mga sinabi niya. Pero malambing, malamhing, at nagsusumamo iyon sa aking pandinig.

"Huh?"

"Huwag munang alamin, babe. You're not ready to know the meaning of it all."

He chuckled. He embraced me with his two arms, and he sprawled now with me. I was in the top of him. He stashed me in his armpit. He nestled to my neck as if he found his home, or his pillow of comfort.

I was squeezed to him. We were chest to chest. We shared one bubble of warm to each other.

I couldn't find any right words to say to complain. I was too stunned to realize that I'm falling asleep in his arms.

I didn't know if I'm still breathing nor reducing oxygen. I didn't feel forced, or creeped out honestly with that. All I know I was in solace at that time.

Periedot Spiels