Kabanata 7:

Dawn of Long Talk

"I love how responsive you are to my kisses. It wakes everything in me."

If this was all a dream, wake me up! If not, curse me to hell!

After the indulgence of the kiss, I thought it would make me feel any better. But I was wrong. It felt like a sweet crime.

I felt responsible for it. I censured myself more than him.

I shouldn't let myself be drowned to that kiss! I kissed my neighbor that I disliked a week ago! In just a ride and few dialogues with him, I let him kiss me! How could this even possible?

I had the power to say no! Stupid, Eirene!

Ang malubha pa doon ay binigyan ko siya ng hudyat! Saan ko ba nilagay ang utak ko sa sandaling iyon?

Mahirap talaga kalabanin ang apoy lalo na kapag kumalat na ito.

There was a stretch of silence inside the car when we get back to Sussana Coast. I occupied myself to the sight outside the window.

May isang baryong hindi mahulogang karayom ang pagkakadikit ng mga bahay. May mga bahay na umabot talaga sa dalampasigan na naaabutan ng tubig ng dagat.

Noong nasa byahe ako galing Gensan ay nakaidlip ako at hindi ko nakitang may kabahayan pala hindi kalayuan sa Sussana Coast.

"Eirene? Okay ka lang? Hindi ka ba nilalamig?" pagpukaw niya sa aking pagkatulala.

"Medyo." sagot ko sa mahinang boses.

Binigyan niya ako ng isang white t-shirt galing sa likod ng kotse. He had spare t-shirts. Maybe when he wanted to take a dip in one of the beaches nearby.

Kinuha ko agad ito at tinuyo ang aking buhok. Tila binagsakan ako ng isang sakong kahihiyan nang sinulyapan ko siya. Parang sinampal ako ng hangin nang napagtanto ko ang ginawa namin, nang dumulas ang aking mga mata sa labi niya.

"You want to kiss me again? Go, ahead. Kiss me again. I will let you take the lead."

I swallowed hard.

"No. That's not going to happen again."

It was the wind who slapped me hard with some stupid words.

Idiot. Fool. Dimwit. Chump.

I wanted to sulk myself beneath the sheets; lock myself inside the rest house; and stayed aloof from him. It would be impossible. Now, he had tasted my lips. He would seek for more.

"Let's go home, Eirene. I know you are tired."

Naramdaman ko ang pagbilis ng belosidad ng pagmamaneho niya sa ligtas na pamamaraan.

Nagsimula ng kumilimlim nang nakabalik kami. The sun had shrunken, accompanying the atmospheric effect of Sussana Coast. Tuyo na ang mga damit namin. Ngunit hindi ata siya tinablan ng lamig matapos ang halikan namin.

Pinasok niya talaga ang kanyang sasakyan sa lote ni Marky even though he could just drop me off on the sidewalk.

Sa paghinto ng kanyang wrangler ay nagmamadali kong kinuha ang mga paper bags pati ang aking purse. The ice cream was melted. The paper bags were drenched up.

"Let me help you."

He extended his arm to get the paper bags.

I evaded it behind me. Niyapos ko na ang isang supot.

"I can handle this. Thank you for the ride, by the way." I thanked him dryly.

"The kiss?" he was asking for my comment about it. "Ako dapat ang magpasalamat."

He had that glint of elation in his eyes.

He helped me out. He kissed me. It would be considered as a payment already.

I couldn't focus my eyes on his. He kept following my gaze. I didn't have any choice but to avoid it. How could I forget the kiss behind the secluded rock?

Every brush of his lips was mind and skin inducing. If I could only erase it in my head with one swipe...

Tumalikod na ako at nagsimulang naglakad. Sumunod siya at huminto sa hamba ng puting gate.

"Did you enjoy, Eirene? May mali ba akong sinabi?"

It was the longest afternoon for me. I couldn't deny that I enjoyed it somehow. Leave the kiss behind of course. Anyone would probably feel scandalized when someone passed by that rock.

"Yeah. It's fun..." I gave him my genuine and consoling smile before I entered the backdoor.

Sinara ko agad ang pintuan at idiniin ang likod.

I stored the ice cream to the fridge. I took a shower and fixed my toenails. Naghapunan ako pagkatapos. Nang makahiga na sa kama ay hindi ko nakayanang ilihis sa aking isipan ang nangyari.

Is he somehow having a celebration right now? He claimed my lips!

He wasn't the typical man who'll waste time extracting his mind on that kiss. He would likely be sleeping by now!

I was rolling from side to side in the bed. I had tried to close my eyes for many times, for many hours. Therefore, at the smallest possible way, slumber would visit me.

I was acting foolish like a high school teenager. I was too fucking engrossed of that kiss!

***

I blew air to my coffee. It was dawn. I didn't get any sleep. I settled myself in the rattan chair for a warmer and comfortable position. My legs curved. My body was veiled with a blanket.

I was in the midst of sipping my coffee when I quickly become conscious of the footsteps from the next house. Is he awake? Why would he be awake at this hour?

Humilig ako sa upuan at tahimik na uminom ng kape. Tinapat ko ang buong atensyon sa dalampasigan.

The door creaked. Iniluwa nito si Devon.

"Eirene...Morning." he greeted, sleepily.

Lumingon ako sa kanya. Humikab siya.

How could someone be so handsome even when yawning? How irrelevant of the situation to give such compliment to him?

He wiggled his head to throw the drowsiness away.

"You can't sleep well? Ilang oras ba ang tulog mo?"

Humikab ulit siya but this time, he covered it with his hand. He just got up from bed. His hair was slightly messy.

"Four hours." I replied thriftily. At sumimsim ulit ng kape.

Why he acted so casually? Ganito rin ba siya sa ibang babae?

"That's not enough sleep to enjoy the day..."

He took steps. He supported a hand on the handrail facing my direction and his shoulder dropped. His usual moves when he wanted to say something, or when he was keeping his words.

"Nakasuot ka na ng dyaket ngayon. You're always topless. I thought you can bear the coldness?"

"Merda. So, you want my jacket off? It will be an honor to be topless every damn morning." he murmured.

"Forget it. I'm not interested." I snapped.

He crossed his arms and released a heavy breath in a manly manner.

Yumuko siya at umanas ng mga tungayaw. Sa wakas ay nagkaroon ito ng lakas para magsalita muli, "Ti va di fare una passeggiata con me? (Would you like to go for a walk with me?)"

"Are you speaking Italian?"

My eyes widened.

"Italian is my third language."

"What? It couldn't be. Wala sa isipan ko na marunong kang magsalita ng Italian."

I was still a bit shocked.

"Yeah. You're surprised and curious now. I love that on you, more than you being annoyed with me."

"Hinuha ko ay mas dalubhasa kang magsalita ng bisaya."

In just one leap, he briskly invaded the balcony. Nagpalabas ulit siya ng isang malalim na hininga.

"I can't speak Bisaya when I'm with you, because for sure there's no intimate communication between us. I rather speak Tagalog, or English para magkaintindihan tayo."

"But can you translate it? I don't really understand anything." I requested.

"Gusto mo bang maglakad lakad kasama ako?"

I couldn't go back to sleep.

Tumango ako at tumayo na. The blanket tripped down from my shoulder.

"Fa freddo."

His fluency in Italian was sexy and raspy. It was music to the ears.

Sinabit niya pabalik ang kumot na pranela sa aking balikat. He rubbed his palms together and emitted a warm breath in between his hands.

I couldn't dodge when I feel the contact of his big palms on my face. My cheeks were squashed. This gesture of him was only appropriate for couples.

Kahit papaano ay nabigyang init ang mukha ko. It wasn't normal anymore. He had this instinctual spontaneity that would make me overthink.

We meandered to the shore. Silence was the pleasant tune between us. Sussana Coast was cloistered from the chaos, from the problems of reality. It was a paradise. How could this place so beautiful? Like I wanted to spend my nights and days in here for the time being.

Mas hinigpitan ko ang pagkakapit sa pranelang nakabalot sa akin.

"You are a dermatologist." pagbasag niya sa katahimikang lumulunod sa amin.

I postponed my steps. "Not yet."

Ito talaga ang iniiwasan kong usapan.

"Claim it already."

"Did you also ask Marky about my private life?"

"No. I want to hear it from you. If you trust me enough, and If not, I won't force you."

"I don't think sharing my private is good."

Talking about it would lead us to endless throwing of questions and answers. It was better to suppress it. I couldn't trust him yet.

"Okay. I'm just going to share mine then." He shrugged his shoulder. "I was a total drunkard in the entire years in Italy after my mother died. This land was a gift from my father to her. Kaya nakapangalan itong lupa sa kanya. We were happy and just living normal here. But they were changes that's really hard to accept. Kaya nag-rebelde ako."

There was a note of excruciation in his voice.

"Why would a man find another one? Love is for eternity..."

A sudden rush of anger drifted in him before he was submitted to a brooding silence.

He had a tight belief over matrimony to infinity. As his credence, his father shouldn't marry another woman and remained tied with her mother for the rest of his life.

Dahan-dahang napawi ang inis ko sa kanya sa isang malabong dahilan.

"Ikaw Eirene, maghahanap ka ba ng iba kapag patay na iyong asawa?" he ventured in a hurried eagerness after his deep thoughts.

Nagtagpo ang dalawa kong kilay sa isang linya. "Why are we talking about marriage? I don't even have a boyfriend. Not that I'm looking for one."

"Okay, ganito nalang." He stroked his jaw. "Kunwari ako ang asawa mo. Kapag ba patay na ako ay maghahanap ka ng iba?"

"Why would you ask me that?" I asked in disbelief. "Sarili mo pa talaga ang ginawa mong example."

"Sagutin mo nalang." he asserted tenderly.

"It depends." I started, taking some air.

The morning chill penetrated my skin.

"We're just humans. We say a lot of promises, but in the end, we failed to commit to it. We failed to pursue it. Maybe, I'll find someone who will fill the void again." I answered coldly.

"Malas pala ako. Kapag ako ang mauna baka mapupunta ako sa impyerno. Dapat pareho kina Romeo and Juliet."

"Romeo is a fuckboy. Well, I never wish my love story to be like Romeo and Juliet." Nanlilisik ko siyang tinitigan.

"At least love story ang sa atin. Hindi horror."

"I'm not even referring to you."

"I'm just kidding, babe." Ngumuso siya.

He was being playful again. Did he had any plan to stop me calling that ostentatious endearment?

His face changed to reminiscing and serious when he didn't receive any humorous comment from me.

"Seriously, let me continue the tale of my life. So, he sent me to Italy under my grandparents' care. I was drowning in alcohol, cutting classes, and clubbing. No girls involved of course. I'm just not into that yet. Inuman lang talaga. Pala-igit man gud ko." he emphasized the last words.

"Pinabalik niya ako dito pagkatapos magkolehiyo." he continued. "Kahit papaano ay nakapagtapos din ako. At pinatira sa simbahan ng isang taon. Ayokong magtagal sa simbahan. Kaya tumira ako dito. I couldn't leave this place behind. Babalik at babalik parin ako dito."

I had mistakenly assumed him with bad adjectives. It was just all a cover. He was brave to view his sentiment.

Ganoon niya ako pinagkakatiwalaan para mag-open up sa akin.

"Kung magtagal ako sa simbahan baka maisipan kong maging Pare. Gusto ko pa namang dumami ang lahi ko."

He let out a chuckle. He flattened his facade quickly, noticing the reaction on my face.

"How about you, Eirene? Gusto kong malaman kung bakit pa dito? Maraming magagandang lugaw sa Luzon, pati sa Visayas."

"Marky suggested everything about this vacation. Malayo at mas tahimik."

Short. Subtle. Precise. He didn't have to know more.

"Kilala ang Mindanao sa putukan. Hindi ka man lang ba natakot?" Kunot noo niyang tanong.

"Why would I? Haka-haka lang iyan ng ilang taga-Maynila. This place is beyond beautiful and peaceful." Sabay lingon ko sa kalawakan ng karagatan.

"Are you staying here for few months?" pang-iiba niya.

I glanced at him.

"Maybe. I can't decide how many months I'll be staying here. As long as I'm ready to go back, I will.

"Good. Very good."

He stalled. We were in a hidden part again. Don't tell me he would kiss me again?

Inabot niya ang mga kamay ko. He stuffed my cold hands to the pocket of his jacket. My face almost crushed to his chest.

I was indolent again to push him away. Natahimik kami ng saglit. Tanging ang alon ng dagat lang ang naririnig.

"Did you think about the kiss, babe? Because honestly, I'm still thinking about it right now."

We were both thinking the same turmoil. Hindi lang pala ako nag-iisa.

Periedot Spiels