Kabanata 29:

Ulan

Amping

I blinked once, twice, thrice, and for a hundred times. Nasa palad ko parin ang parisukat na papel.

I couldn't hear anything. Hindi ko marinig ang dumadagundong kong puso.

I couldn't even hear my own loud steps stomping on the floor. I was running down the stairs, expecting him in the kitchen cooking our heavy breakfast.

He was probably brewing his black coffee, or making my favorite green tea, and toasted bread. I was expecting him to be standing at the edge of the counter, displaying his glorious Italian manliness reading a newspaper with a white towel around his hips.

The usual chaotic kitchen was dead with silence. It was bleak with the morning air.

Sinubukan ko siyang hinanap sa ibang parte ng bahay. Sa kwarto ng kanyang yumaong Ina, ngunit wala ang maskulado niyang pigura.

Lumabas ako ng bahay bahagyang tumakbo sa kagustuhan na makita siya upang maibsan ang salagimsim na lumulukob sa akin.

It was just a piece of paper with a written word that spoke a different meaning in the situation scarred me.

Baka nagsisibak lang siya ng troso, o di kaya'y naglilinis ng bakuran para mangamba ako ng ganito.

I felt the dread swarm over me when no one was cutting logs, or a man sweeping the dead leaves in the yard.

"Dev, come out now! Tell me this is just one of your pranks!" I pleaded.

I was expecting his warm body crawling above me.

I was expecting a light kiss on my forehead, a breakfast in bed, with our arms snuggling, and the sun brightened our perfect day.

"Dev! This is not a good joke! Come out now!" nagsusumamo ang aking boses.

I would definitely pinch his butt if that was just a joke!

"Devon!" kahit anong sigaw ko ay walang nagpakitang Devon sa sulok kung saan sa palagay ko ay nakatago siya.

I crumbled the paper, and threw it somewhere.

Pumunta ako ng simbahan na may lumuluhang mga mata.

If Devon wanted to go somewhere, he should have woken me up.

I couldn't stop the burst of my tears. My negative assumptions and worries heightened. It would be only lessened by his presence.

Father Francis was confused when I walked hysterically through the aisle with my eyes streaming with tears.

"Anong nangyari sayo, Eirene? Bakit ka umiiyak? Did Devon try to hurt you?" pambungad na mga tanong ni Father.

"Si Devon po hindi ko mahanap sa bahay. I don't know where he is right now. I don't know where he goes." humina ang boses ko.

"Hindi naman siya pumunta dito, hija."

I didn't reply and just turn around. I started the engine of the jaguar, and called his teenager friends.

"Hindi pumunta dito si boss, ate." parehong sagot nila Leo, Donatello, at Mikey isang kilalang mechanic shop.

"May problema na naman ba kayo?" Rafael asked with a cold concern.

A every tiny detail about his whereabouts didn't pass their lips. They were totally clueless too.

Walang nakakaalam kung saan siya. Kahit siguro ang lola niya.

I would only stop searching for him if someone told me he's not really coming back.

"Ate!" tawag ni Mikey.

I drove back to Sussana Coast. Kalaunan ay bumubos ang malakas na ulan. The rain poured the car.

I was still in the same clothes I had in that morning. My drenched clothes clung on my body. I didn't change. I sat on the wooden floor, wishing the rain would gather me up. Hindi ako pumasok ng bahay.

It was creeping me out without him inside.

I waited with patience until the moon sunk. And with the rising chill, I grew more certain he left me.

I was shivering when I heard a drone of a vehicle.

I know he would come back! He couldn't leave me behind! We had a plan to meet my parents!

Kahit nilalamon na ng kadiliman ang natitirang liwanag kong pag-asa ay marahas parin akong tumayo sa mga nanginginig na mga tuhod.

I sprinted to the back of the house.

My line of sight became blurry.

"Eirene!" Someone shouted, but it wasn't his voice.

My body hit the ground before I could grasp a view of the person.

Sa sandaling pumaitaas ang araw sisimulan ko ulit ang paghahanap sa kanya.

That was the only thing in my mind before darkness consumed me.

***

Nakahiga na ako sa kama nang nagkamalay ako. May nakapatong na maligamgam at basang washcloth sa aking noo. Marky was sitting in a chair beside the bed with his crossed legs.

"You're awake."

"Why are you here, Marky?"

Iyon ang una kong natanong sa kanya kaysa ang kamustahin siya at kumustahin ang pamilya ko. We haven't contacted each other. He was the one who helped me escape, and the one who offered his rest house for my break-a-loose, and self-care vacation.

Tinukod ko ang mga siko sa unan. Tinulungan niya akong maka-upo ng maayos. My clothes were thick and dried up.

Something dinged below my shoulders.

He took the thermometer from my armpit. Bumuga siya nang malalim na hininga ng makita ang temperatura ng aking katawan.

I scanned my eyes around the room. I would find him no matter what.

Doon lang ako nabuhusan ng diwa at nakaramdam ng panlalamig sa nakaawang na aparador ng mga damit ni Devon. It was unoccupied.

Nabaling din ang mga mata ni Marky doon.

"He left without a proper goodbye. I think that will be the answer. We're over. Hindi ko na hahayaan ang sariling maging desperada sa pag-ibig muli."

"I know what's the deal between the both of you."

Inabot niya sa akin ang isang baso ng lime juice, at binuksan ang paracetamol tablet. I swallowed down the medicine with the help of the replenishing and therapeutic juice.

"Eirene, I don't know what's really the problem between the two of you and Mr. Lopez. But an emergency occurred this morning. We have to go back to—"

"What emergency?"

"Your father had a heart attack."

For the past three months I was living in nirvana, but not starting that day. It felt like suffering the consequences of the pleasures of his love, and the heaven of his words.

We were all set by the next morning. Marky closed the door, and started the engine. He turned on the speaker to fill the silence. And a ballad rock blasted his car.

Pero mahirap lang tanggapin na hindi na kita kapiling

Iniwan mo akong nag-iisa sa gitna ng dilim at basang-basa pa sa ulan

I immediately switched off the speaker. Tumingin ako sa labas ng kotse.

Tears filled my eyes as I left everything behind. Our memories, lazy kisses, afternoon cuddles, weekend adventures, normal days with sealed and shallow promises.

It was a love that was faster than the wind. It was like a passionate affair in summer: burning my soul with his own lies, and promises of forever, and abandoned me in the cold when the season ends. It was truly a fleeting romance.

Periedot Spiels