Kabanata 11:

Change

I was ignoring him religiously. I was not in the disposition to deal with him. He had no respect to Doctor Hernandez. I admitted that he wasn't use to live in a corporate life. I couldn't just get his point.

It wouldn't hurt his ego! He had no self-control and humility!

I dried up my hands with a white towel after washing the dishes.

A knock from the door stopped me.

"Hindi talaga siya titigil? Pwes!"

Handa ko na sanang bulyawan ang kung sino man ang kumatok. Ngunit naibaon ko ang mga salita sa aking lalamunan.

It was Dr. Hernandez, wearing his attractive smile. Nakasuot ito ng asul na kurbata, itim na coat at squared na eyeglasses. He somehow lit up my morning. May dala itong dilaw na mga rosas at supot ng pagkain.

"Good morning, Eirene." malugod niyang bati.

"Good morning, Doc." nahihiya kong salubong.

Sinusuklay ko ang aking buhok. I was suddenly conscious of myself.

"My mother wanted to express her gratitude to you with this food she prepared. Malaking pasasalamat niya sa tulong mo." diretsahan niyang ani nang nanatili akong nakatitig sa kanya.

"Don't mention it."

It was another way of saying you're welcome.

"And also, I'm here because I want to ask questions about my brother's condition."

"Oh, sure. Come on in."

Nilakihan ko ang awang ng pintuan. Tumagilid ako para pagbigyan siya ng daan. Inabot niya muna ang mga pasalubong para sa akin. Tinanggap ko iyon ng bukal sa loob.

The food was hot. I would like to have my second round of breakfast. Sa pagpasok niya sa loob ay hindi kumawala ang maprutas na amoy ng kanyang perfume.

"How's Donatello?"

Tanong ko nang pareho na kaming naupo sa sala.

I couldn't visit Donatello for Marky's jaguar was parked at Devon's garage.

I wanted to offer him a drink, but he seemed ready for work. Hinawi ko na lang ang offer. It would only a waste of time for a busy Doctor like him. The local hospital needed him.

"He's alright now, although they are still tiny hives around his back. This is strange. He doesn't have allergy back then. Wala naman siyang signs na pinapakita."

"Sometimes, skin allergies occur at a certain age and at a certain time. It may develop during adulthood or infancy. But in his case, he has this adult-onset allergy. I want to make a diagnosis of his blood, or do other skin tests to verify it. But I'm not yet in the position."

Nakikinig lang siya nang maiigi sa akin.

"I thought you are already a certified dermatologist."

He took it seriously that I passed through all the stages to be a legit dermatologist.

"Sadly, I'm not yet..." My voice lowered.

"Magiging magaling kang dermatologist." He complimented me in advance.

"Thank you for that."

There was something magnetic about him.

"Does anyone in your family has this certain allergy?" I inquired to alter the subject. "It could be one of the reasons."

"Wala naman."

"His immune system might react against the proteins of the shellfish that we had eaten. It was strange na ang bilis ng pag-atake. It usually shows after three to five hours after the intake. Pero wala pang isang oras bago kami natapos kumain ay may allergy reaction na agad na nangyari. Or maybe, he had taken few tastes before the dinner."

"I will confirm it from him. Is it curable?"

"Skin allergies cannot be cured permanently. But it can be prevented, controlled and can be treated for only a time being. It would occur again if preventions are neglected. The longer the skin allergy is tolerated the more chance of death."

I gave him some avoidance measures and prescription in a piece of paper. It wouldn't be that significant to regard my position to give the instructions. A licensed dermatologist would say the same way either.

"How is your vacation here, Eirene? How is Devon as your neighbor? Is he bothering you?" Sunod-sunod niyang mga tanong habang tinatanaw ang karagatan sa labas.

"I think you already know the answer." I handed the paper and he took it.

"Where did you graduate?" He queried.

I think he was being personal. Otherwise, he'd just curious to know my experience in dermatology. We were both aligned in the same field but diversely unlike in terms of expertise.

"From—"

This ain't a song for the broken-hearted.

No silent prayer for faith-departed

I ain't gonna be just a face in the crowd

You're gonna hear my voice

When I shout it out loud

"Goodness." mahina kong daing.

Napahilamos ako sa musikang biglaang gumambala sa aming pag-uusap. Bastos at walang pakundangan talaga!

"Give me a second." I held a hand at him to impose an excuse.

Lumabas ako. It was Bon Jovi's 'It's my life' playing out loud on his house. The loudness was enough to quaver the rest house!

Tumingin kami sa kabilang balkonahe. And there he was. The ever-thoughtless Devon, banging his head, while reclining his back on the old rocking chair. He was slugging down his bourbon whiskey. He was springing his legs and swaying his rocking chair like a rock-enthusiast he was.

"As expected from him." Dr. Hernandez just shook his head as if he was used to Devon's rudeness and discourtesy.

It's my life

It's now or never

"Devon! Can you please decrease the volume!?" Nilakasan ko ang aking boses.

Dr. Hernandez checked his phone.

I'm gonna live forever

I just wanna live when I'm alive

It's my life!

"Hmm...Eirene? I neekd to gho back the hoswptital."

I barely heard Dr. Hernandez voice. The rock music was breaking my ear drums. He patted my shoulder to get my attention. I turned at him and he pointed his phone. We hardly hear each other, so he signaled to me that he would be get going.

"You should go now!"

Because I will throw a bomb to the next door. I thought.

Dr. Hernandez glanced at Devon and walked out to the backdoor of the rest house. I perked up my neck to secure that he already left.

Nang nakaalis na siya ay itinuon ko ang pansin sa aking kapitbahay. Humawak ako sa barindilya at huminga ng malalim.

"Listen! You fucking neighbor!" I shouted at the top of my lungs.

Subalit hindi ko nakuha ang kanyang atensyon. Nangibabaw parin ang ingay ng musika kumpara sa boses kong sabog na sabog sa irita. Ang ikinagalit ko ay lumagok lang ito ng alak bilang sagot sa aking pagtawag!

"Turn off that fucking music! or else I'm going to throw this fucking sharp, big stone to your fucking head! Do it right now before I would really do it right now!" I exclaimed in my loudest voice.

Stone? I wasn't holding anything!

My heart is like an open highway

Like Frankie said

I did it my way

My ears wanted to burst out also. He didn't seem to be aware of the disturbance he's making! Shouting at him was pointless. I scanned around and a small bucket lighten my mind.

I wasn't in my rational state of mind to think about the outcome of my action. I was in verge to throw it at him but he stood up quickly and turned down the volume of the music.

I just want to live while I'm alive

It's my life!

Life! life! life!

"Did you say something babe–?"

Kagyat na naputol ang tanong niya nang wala sa sarili kong naitapon ang maliit na balde sa kanya. And it hit his upper arm!

"Oh! Fuck!" Mura niya at nabitawan ang bote ng whiskey. Nabasag ito sa timbered na sahig.

Malakas yata ang pagkakatapon ko dahil napangiwi siya sa sakit. Given the fact that the bucket I used was made of heavy metal. It would ache him so badly. Pero hindi iyon dahilan para kaawaan ko siya.

Maybe I should run to him and ask if he's okay? But

I scurried inside the house. The music was turned off. And it was replaced by his curses.

You deserve it, moron!

•••

I started the day the next morning by jogging along the shore. Suot-suot ko ang aking sports bra, my ever-comfortable leggings, tennis shoes and my pink jacket.

Jogging burned calories. It increased circulation and blood flow throughout the body which delivers great amount of oxygen and nutrients to help skin cells regenerate. Nakakatulong din ito upang mailabas ang mga hindi kanais-nais na toxic sa katawan.

And speaking of toxic, he was heading to my direction. He was in his bomber jacket and black jogging pants.

"Don't disturb me." Tahas kong ani nang nakalapit na siya.

Itinaas niya ang mga braso sa gilid ng kanyang ulo as if he was surrendering himself to a crime.

"Babe, wala pa nga akong sinasabi. Kumalma ka muna, okay?"

Nagpatuloy ako sa pag-jojoging. If I would hear another nonsense from him. It would be unlovely to end my day!

Sumunod siya at pinantayan ang bilis ng aking pagtakbo.

"I'd like to apologize for what I did that evening and yesterday's morning. It was rude of me." he sounded genuinely apologetic.

Huminto ako sa pagtakbo at ginaya niya rin ako.

"It's good to know you know how to say sorry."

"I already said my apology to Doctor Hernandez."

May binunot siya sa kanyang bulsa.

"Ito may pruweba ako. We talked about it."

Hinarap niya ang phone sa akin. I saw their conversation in their message board.

Nagpakumbaba siya at kinain ang pride.

"That must be edited."

"I would not do such thing. I apologize..."

Kumipot ang aking paningin.

Nabahala kaagad siya at dinagdagan ang sinabi. "Sincerely."

"Apology accepted." I said blandly and paced up.

He looked slight upwards, displaying his Adam apples.

"You're still cold toward me. I need you hot toward me, babe."

Ibinalik niya ang phone sa pocket ng kanyang bomber jacket. He changed his position. He jogged in backward motion, but he was facing me, his hands under his head.

"What are you doing?"

"To have a better view." His lips jerked a smile.

"Ang ganda mo talaga. Inside and out."

"Matagal na." I rolled my eyes.

Admiration swirled around his face.

"Can I be your husband?" He asked absentmindedly.

"No."

How could he ask that so confidently? Despite the red flags he had shown me?

"This is my first rejection. Hindi naman masakit. Medyo lang. I can bear all the rejections, babe. I'll be a good man from now on. Not forcefully but willingly." He promised reassuringly.

I stopped jogging. He did stop too.

"I'm not forcing you to change."

Tinagilid niya ang ulo niya para matingnan ako ng maayos.

"I'm willing to change, Eirene."

He stepped closer.

I stepped back and maintained a good distance from him.

"I thought you already changed."

Change. Why would he have boasted to me that he changed when in fact there's no change that happened to him? He was full of words yet lacking of action.

"I can't control myself. Hernandez is a good man, Eirene. Doctor like you and a responsible one." He paused mid-sentence. "He i-s a threat for me." he trailed off. "Woman like you always fell for a good man and honestly, I'm not a typical good man. Sorry if I did that. I'm just a human. I have flaws." He explained.

He was jealous obviously. He was wooing me. I did not realize that. Ano? Gagalaw nalang siya na hindi ako pinapa-alam?

Napatingin ako sa ibaba, humihingal parin. Napahawak ako sa aking beywang.

"Is it still swollen?" I changed the topic.

Sumunod ang mga mata niya kung saan ako nakatingin. I was staring down his belly. I couldn't meet his eyes.

When I looked up, isang pilyong ngiti ang pinakawalan niya.

"Swollen? You are staring down my belly. My junior? No, babe. Now you ask about it, it's starting to swell."

Gumulong patiwarik ang aking mga mata. "Moron, I'm talking about your arm I hit yesterday."

"I'm fine. Parang basahan lang ang hinagis mo." pagmamayabang niya.

"Good."

"So, are we good now, babe?"

Are we really good now? Is he capable to change? Sa kabila ng aking isipan, why not guide him to change?

Periedot Spiels