Cookie: Wheeeeeeee chap 2 *sniff* kinda sad :(

Anywhoo, Kai will be played by none other than Gackt-Sama! He's so pretty *sighs*

Youtube link is one of Gackt's music video "Ghost" It's a very cool video hehehe lots of effects. I think its for the Terminator cause it has scenes from that Terminator show they made O.o

I adore Japanese music and I adore Gackt :3 pic of him on the right!!

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"Until we’re allowed to be free…Agonize over the inserted plug, Reach out your hand even farther, heal me furiously, I beg you"- Gackt

 *+Kai's POV+*

My god...what have I done?

      That damning question kept pounding in my head as my brain throbbed against my skull. I stumbled through the woods, desperate to reach my car before anyone found me like this...before Cedric woke up.

      "Stupid," I mumbled as I trenched through the thickening snow, "idiot. What the hell were you thinking? Haven't you learned your lesson?"

      The moment I had woken up after my lovemaking with Cedric I instantly knew that I had committed a terrible wrong. Looking down at his slumbering face, so young, so innocent, I realized that I should have been stronger. Shouldn't have been weak and given into this kid...this child...

      I choked back a sob as I fought my way through the snow and finally stumbled into the clearing behind John's new wife's house. A grand white mansion near a lake surrounded by woods. A Mansion that looked more like a cathedral then an actual home. No wonder Julia wanted to have her wedding here.

     I straightened and stared at the people laughing inside through the large windows. The women wore fine dresses, the men in dark tux. They all made a pretty merry picture and there she was...Julia...a blonde goddess in her sparkling white wedding dress. She looks beautiful, this woman who unknowingly took everything from me. This blushing bride.

     How I envied her and at the moment...how I hated her.

     I should be happy for John, happy that he found a woman who could support his budding career as an artist but what about me? Hadn't he ever considered my feelings? Ever considered that I would have given my last dollar to be able to see his wonderful art displayed in a popular gallery for all to see? No...of course he hadn't. He had seen a perfect opportunity in Julia and had taken it, leaving me in the dust.

     I sagged against a tree, ignoring the cold. The snow fall had finally stopped but not in my heart...not in my heart.

     "It's better that we end it this way," John had said, getting out of bed just after he made love to me. "This was bound to end anyway, right?"

     I hadn't replied. I had just watched him get dress and leave. That night, three months ago, I had cried for the first time in a long while. Cried until my eyes could shed no more tears and I hadn't cried since then...til now. Now the tears were back, threatening to push its way through but I held them back, desperate to hold onto the shred of dignity I had left.

     John deserved no more tears from me.

    Three months ago when he had left me and after I had cried my last cry I swore to find someone like him...no, someone better than John. Someone who would cherish me, someone who wouldn't leave. But I never thought the first man I'd sleep with after John would be his own brother.

     How pathetic.

    "You weak fool," I whispered, eyes still fixed on Julia. "Weak, weak fool." I tore my eyes away from the magnificent picture Julia made and walked away.

     "Kaito?"

     I froze at the sound of the voice behind me.

    "Kai? Ah, it is you. Where have you been? Remember your speech? You haven't made it yet. Come inside...Kai?"

     I swallowed and looked back. John, handsome John in his white tux. John with dark hair and laughing blue eyes. John who was mine...but no longer. Now he belonged to the woman in white.

     "I'm leaving," I told him.

     John frowned, "What? Where are you going? Hey, why do you look like that? Your suit is all crumpled." He took a step towards me. "Here, let me fix you up before you make your speech-"

      I stepped back before he could touch me. John paused and stared at me, brows creasing into a frown again. "Hey, what's wrong?"

     What's wrong? WHAT'S WRONG? I laughed. Yes, of course he'd ask that.

     "Everything is wrong," I muttered.

     "What?"

     I sighed. "Look, John, I came like you asked me to but now I'm leaving. I'm done."

     "Kai...I thought we went over this already. Just because I got married doesn't mean we can't be friends anymore." He smiled that charming smile. "Right?"

     "John-"

     "John!" Julia stepped out onto the porch and smiled at us. "What are you two doing there? Come inside!" She looked at me and her smile widened. "Kai, come in! You have to make your best man speech. Everyone's waiting for you."

     This is why I couldn't hate her completely, I thought solemnly as I stared at her brilliant smile. She was so damn nice, so damn clueless. She was too good for John.

     "Come on," John said, placing a firm hand on my shoulder, "let's go inside." He paused. "Hey, have you seen my brother?"

     Yes, I thought. I had just slept with him, pretending that he was you.

     I shrugged his hand away and stepped back. "Sorry, Julia but something came up. I...I gotta go."

     "Kai?" Julia lost her smile. "What happened?"

    "I'm sorry." I turned and walked away. I could hear my shoes crunching against the snow but wait...was it the snow I was hearing or the sound of my own heart? Tears threatened to spill again at the thought. Oh John....

     "Kai! Wait!" John grabbed my hand. "What's going on? Hey! Kai!"

     "Please," I begged, "let me go."

     "What?"

     I raised my voice. "Let me go, John!"

     John released his hold. "Kai...where are you going?"

     My chest tightened to the point where I thought I'd suffocate. "I'm going somewhere where you're not."

     I glanced back and gave him a weak smile. "Congratulations, John. I hope you found everything you wanted in Julia."

     I left him and Julia standing there staring after me. I got in my old blue Toyota and just drove away. At first I didn't know where to go but then I found myself parking in front of my apartment. Tired, I walked up the stairs, unlocked my apartment door and dragged my weary self in.

    Clicking on the kitchen light, I went straight to the refrigerator and took out a beer. "Congratulation, Mr. and Mrs. Fitzpatrick," I mumbled, raising the beer up in salute after opening it. "May you two have a happy life together."

    I stumbled to a stool and sat down, taking a deep drink from the bottle. The bitterness hit me but I kept going until the bottle was half full. Tomorrows Sunday so maybe I can drink myself to oblivion. Instead of forgetting about one thing I now needed to forget about two things.

    John...and now Cedric.

    Cedric...sweet Cedric. He had been so sure of himself when he had approached me boldly but once we got in the bedroom I knew he hadn't had much experience. I had to guide him but it had been all sweet...his neediness, his eagerness to please me. He had kept calling my name over and over again as he hovered above me, that sweet look of strained pleasure on his face.

    No, he was nothing like John.

    I closed my eyes and rested it against my arm on the table. No, Cedric was nothing like his brother so how could I have slept with him? My only excuse was that I was desperate. So damn desperate.

    The knocking on my door jerked me away from my drowsy sleep. The banging got louder and I groaned, my head already throbbing from a headache.

     "Coming," I grumbled. "I'm coming!" God, who could it be at this hour? I opened the door and froze. "Cedric?"

     Cedric stood before me, hair messy, cheeks flushed and suit disarrayed. "Kaito."

     I stared at him, completely surprised by his appearance. "Cedric? What are you doing-"

     "You left," he accused.

     I swallowed. "I had to."

     "You left me."

    I closed my eyes. "I had no choice."

     "There's always a choice."

     I opened my eyes and stared at him. "Cedric, what we did...I'm sorry. I shouldn't have taken advantage of you. I'm the adult here. I shouldn't have-"

     "I wanted to do it," he said, cutting me off again. "And I'd do it again."

     God, he was serious. "Cedric, no. We can't. It can't happen again. I was wrong." Using him as John's replacement would be wrong. I couldn't use this boy like that.

     "Kai," Cedric grabbed my wrist. "I want to."

     I pulled away. "Go home, Ced."

      He blinked at me. "You're turning me away?"

     "Yes."

    "Don't." A pause. "Please."

     Why is it that he looked like he was about to cry? Like an abandoned puppy, he stared at me pathetically. Cedric, who we all had thought was too mature for his age was looking at me like this. He was still a child after all.

    "Don't," he repeated, taking another step to me. "Don't." His lips grazed against mine. "Don't." They  trailed down to my jaw, to the corner of my eye. "Stay with me."

    "I'm sorry, Ced. I just can't. I can't." I stepped back and closed the door at his tortured eyes and leaned against it. I should have known that Cedric had wanted more from me than "just sex." I should have known...

     Now it's too late.

    "Kai?" I heard Cedric's voice from behind the door.

    I stared up at the ceiling, telling myself to walk away and not answer but I answered him anyway. "Yes?"

     "John and Julia are going to their Honeymoon tomorrow."

    Ah...there's that aching pain in my chest again. "Yes. I know."

     "Will you be lonely?"

     Yes.

     "No."

     "Liar."

     I chuckled and sniffed, rubbing my eyes tiredly. "Ced, please. Go home."

     "I'll be back tomorrow."

     "I won't let you in."

    "Then I'll keep coming back," he said firmly. "And I'll wait right here by this door until you open it for me."

     "Go home," I repeated and finally walked away from the door. "I've had enough of Fitzpatrick men."

      I've always been a bad liar.