Kiara and Trevor dancing and having fun above.

mizpah

(n.) the deep emotional bond between two people, especially when separated by distance

Waiting until Kiara heard muffled voices outside the door to confirm Trevor wasn't listening, she took a shuddering breath and gathered her nerves. Looking down at her phone screen, she played the first voice message dated the day after leaving for Hong Kong.

On the other end, Chris sounded nervous, "Hey, trouble. I came by your house but you weren't home. You aren't responding to any of my texts or calls and now I'm starting to get really worried. Please call me back. I love you."

While the first voice message left a painful twinge in her heart, it hadn't been as bad as Kiara was expecting. Though she knew Chris had a gentler nature, for some reason she had prepared herself for an onslaught of curses and anger. If anything, his calmer more distressed response only managed to further sadden her. Still, she found herself eager to hear his voice again. Only a masochist would pursue this type of emotional torment– and she supposed that's what she was for putting her mind and body through such methods of sadistic torture.

With renewed vigour, she opened the next message, "Hey, trouble. Apparently it's been a week since you left. Karan told me. Please," his voice broke with agony; "Please come back. I-I'm so sorry for everything but don't do this to us. Please, don't shut me out. I love you."

Kiara let out a choked sob, covering her mouth to smother the sound as she listened to the helplessness in Chris' voice. The desperation with which he begged her to return destroyed her.

Clutching the spot above her heart, she whispered, "And I love you."

Gathering her wits, she brushed away the stray tears and moved on to the next message from a week ago, "Hey, trouble. I promise this will be the last time I call so just bear with me a few seconds. Know that I will always be here whenever you need me and although I wish you stayed, your happiness matters more. You will always have a place in my heart so if by some miracle you find it in your heart to forgive me, I'll be waiting. Be it ten, twenty, thirty years from now– hell even after a hundred, I will still wait for you."

By the end of the voice message, Kiara was sobbing uncontrollably as she thumped her fist against her chest, willing her heart to stop fluttering at the mere mention of Chris. He hadn't said that he loved her. Every message before this had ended with him telling her he loved her but this time it was as if he had accepted that he lost her. As if he understood why she left and gave up all hope of her return. So for her sake, he let her go.

The offensively bright orange pill bottle sitting idly on the bedside table caught Kiara's eye, allowing all those dark thoughts seep right back into her mind. For a moment she was paralysed with self-loathing and grief, simply missing her best friend but she quickly brushed away those thoughts and tossed the pill bottle into the bin.

Every day for the next week, Trevor remained firmly by Kiara's side as he provided her a shoulder to cry on or a sounding board for her thoughts– whatever she needed, he would be. By the end of the week, there was only one thing left for her to do and it was getting some closure. A blast of hot air hit Kiara as she stepped out of her house, spotting Trevor waiting in his car for her. She walked across the driveway towards him and buckled in as they drove in silence. It had been her idea to leave the house and interact with a few friends after two weeks of solitude and as expected, he immediately offered his support. She took whatever he would give, simply grateful to have someone looking out for her.

Arriving at Soho House, Kiara squinted against the camera flashes that went off the minute her car door opened. Offering his hand, Trevor winked at her playfully and helped her out. Knowing she needed the support but would be too concerned about burdening him, he held her hand the entire walk to the entrance. It had been a while since she exposed herself to this much attention so it was no surprise that she had forgotten just how intimidating being in the spotlight could be. Given that this weekend was Kareena's birthday, she had granted Jimmy a few days off but was currently regretting her decision as people pushed and shoved against her.

Muscles tensed as Kiara tried to recall her media training and push through the discomfort, Trevor placed his free hand comfortingly on her lower back and guided her through the crowd. Tears welled up in her eyes as a sense of claustrophobia surrounded her but he quickly reassured her, squeezing her hand and snapping her out of her panicked state. Movements growing sluggish, she sniffled and tried to power through the short trip to the club entrance.

Much to her ire, someone blocked her way and shoved their camera in her face while yelling, "Kiara, what's with the sad face? Trouble in paradise?"

Ignoring them, Kiara continued onwards as Trevor gritted his teeth but followed suit when she gently tugged his hand. While he had a quick temper and was more used to lashing out immediately, he understood she was in no mood to deal with a new scandal so held his tongue for her sake.

Unsatisfied with her lack of response, another reported butted in, "Moved on so soon from Chris? Trevor, are you two dating now?"

There was that name again and as per usual, it never failed to send Kiara's heart into a flurry. Chris fucking Evans was the bane of her existence and the love of her life. No matter how upset she was at him or how much distance there was between the two, she couldn't help but long for him.

Enraged at the paparazzi for hounding her while she was so clearly upset, Trevor let that violent wrath seep into his eyes as he grabbed the man by his collar and dragged him over, "Get. Lost."

There was so much rage in Trevor's body that he was practically vibrating, releasing his control over his usual killing calm. His face had slowly turned a bright shade of red as he tried to restrain himself and shoved past the remaining paparazzi. Finally entering the club, Kiara stole a moment for herself as she regained her composure while he signalled to the bartender for two tequila shots. Clinking their shot glasses in cheers, the two friends downed the tequila in one go as she steeled her nerves and turned towards the table of celebrities. She watched as Ranbir threw his head back and laughed, unequivocally carefree, while the infinitely polite Sonam stood beside him, looking regal as ever as she elegantly brought a hand up to hide her smile. 

Watching the two friends interact as if there wasn't a single problem weighing on their hearts– their conscience, Kiara's confidence wavered. She thought she would be ready to join them again but the seeing them happy and content in themselves brought those thoughts to a screeching halt. It would absolutely devastate her to ruin this moment in the selfish pursuit of revitalising herself. She didn't belong in their world anymore, at least not while storm clouds of depression constantly raged over her.

As if immediately reading her thoughts, Trevor rested his hand on her lower back, the warm solidity of his presence instantly calming her. She looked up to find his attention already on her as he kissed the top of her head before gently guiding her towards the table. The best way onwards was upwards so it was time for her to step back into the spotlight. It was for that reason that she confirmed her availability for filming to Kabir. By this time in three days, she would be back in America to start filming for her new project.

On the other side of the world, Chris remained slumped in the makeup chair as he ran through his lines while the makeup artists flitted around him, making last minute corrections to his appearance. Of course the dark rings under his eyes from sleepless nights and the sickly yellowish pallor as a result of missing meals didn't help. It had been a month since Kiara left, stealing a part of his heart along with her. He hadn't been able to eat, sleep or even breathe properly since then. Robert, Scarlett and Chris had all stopped by to check in on him but none had managed to lift his spirits for longer than a few minutes. Still, he appreciated all their efforts and plastered on a smile– one that he would continue to wear until it felt real.

Ana popped her head into the trailer, informing Chris it was time to start filming as they walked together to set. She had been cast opposite him in numerous film projects now, enough times that gossip channels and tabloids begun speculating about their relationship. 

While nothing romantic had ever happened between the two actors, it didn't help that word of his breakup with Kiara began circulating so now the public suspected him of being unfaithful. He wondered if she had read the magazines and also come to the same conclusion, believing he lied about waiting for her. Well, he hadn't. He knew love when he felt it but what they had? It was an entirely different beast. Their love possessed the kind of intensity and passion that he had never felt before. And it was for that reason that whether she believed him or not, he would continue waiting for her.

The shoot had run well into early the next morning as Chris sat outside his trailer and watched the sunrise, basking in its comforting warmth. His solitude was disrupted as Ana ran up to him, wheezing and out of breath from overexerting herself, and thrust her phone into his face. Glancing at the article headline, he reeled back in shock as it read, 'Trying to forget the pain? Kiara Mathew lets loose with long-time friend, Trevor Antony, as they party it up in Soho House Mumbai'. A clear shot of Kiara with her head thrown back as she laughed at something her friend said accompanying the article.

While it was clear Kiara and Trevor hadn't been out alone by the group of celebrities surrounding them, there was no stopping the rush of jealousy coursing through Chris' veins. He had known of her friendship with the Indian-British businessman but had neither bothered to question her about it or been formally introduced to him. The fact that he was drowning in regret and suffering while she seemed perfectly fine– thriving even, sent that rage burning through him. After all they had been through, how could she brush their relationship off like it didn't matter? As if it had never happened?

It felt as if Chris couldn't breathe, his ribs caging his lungs with every movement. He was practically itching to get out of his skin as he abruptly got up and left the set, needing to blow off some steam. Rushing home, he immediately changed into some sportswear and headed down to his home gym. Throwing one punch after another at the boxing bag, he kept picturing Kiara and Trevor together which only managed to further enrage him. The afternoon sun dipped low behind the faraway mountains as his rage finally faded but even after physically exhausting himself past capacity, his mind continued churning. Needing to distract himself for a few hours, he quickly freshened up before heading outside.

Tugging his baseball cap low on his head to hide his features, Chris headed over to his usual bar. Ordering a beer, he sat alone in a corner booth and mulled over the past events. Rage and jealousy were lousy friends, only heightening his misery and convincing him to act on his most reckless impulses. He debated calling Kiara and demanding answers but knew that she would simply let the call go to voicemail, which meant all of this excess energy would fester inside him. Huffing in annoyance, he took a giant swig of beer and closed his eyes, sighing in frustration.

After hours of searching, Karan had finally managed to narrow down two locations the American actor frequented. He looked around the bar, nostrils flaring in anger, and spotted Chris nursing a beer in the corner. Walking up from behind him, Karan flicked his forehead and sat in the empty seat opposite him.

Chris looked over, rubbing his jaw in annoyance, "Look if you're here to talk about Kiara, I'm not in the right mood so can we please not fight tonight?"

Karan glared at him, brows lowered and ready for a confrontation as his knee bounced with irritation, "That's fine. I just came to say one thing and then I'll leave."

"What?"

"Do you think Kiara's life was easy?"

"What's that supposed to mean?"

Karan paused, debating whether or not it was his place to intervene in their relationship but he was already too far gone to stop now. Witnessing Kiara break down right in front of him and being unable to do anything but watch had shaken him. The realisation that he was a major contributor to most of her trauma fractured his reality. Desperate to somehow brighten her life, he spent days searching for Chris and evading Samuel's questioning before eventually finding a bar the celebrity frequented.

Sighing in annoyance, Karan explained, "She lost her mother when she was fourteen. Left with a single father who worked all day to cope with his grief, she spent her entire childhood being a mother to her maniac of a brother."

Confused as to where this was going, Chris remained silent and let him talk, "Kiara and Vijay's friendship was a blessing in disguise. She brought stability and purpose to his life while he taught her how to prioritise herself for a change. For the first time in her life, she had someone to look after her."

Taking a large swig of his beer, Chris watered down his fury as he tried to listen with a clear head. Polishing off his second bottle of beer, he ran a hand over his face and groaned under his breath at the faint throbbing of an oncoming migraine. Swallowing his pride after being deserted by Kiara, he stayed put and let her brother explain.

Continuing his spiel, Karan elaborated, "They were inseparable– wherever one went, the other followed. They were each other's platonic soulmates," Chris grunted irritably at this but he continued to explain; "She lost her best friend. Her twin flame. It doesn't help that she felt responsible but it's understandable that she wanted to be left alone to heal."

He tried to make Chris understand as the actor leaned back and looked away, refusing to relive their breakup, "Don't be fooled by her blasé attitude and how she behaves like nothing happened. She's well-versed in pretending like everything is okay while her entire world crumbles."

Thinking back to the photos, Chris remembered the haunted look in Kiara's eyes– one that would likely never disappear after losing someone this integral to her life. He knew her well enough to see right through her paparazzi-ready mask of fake smiles. Both men held eye contact, realising they had a mutual understanding, but neither one backed down as they remained stubbornly resolute.

Karan continued hitting him with brutal truths, "Maybe she isn't always able to express it, but she loves you. Probably more than she loves herself and that worries me so," leaning forwards to emphasize his point; "don't fuck it up."

With that Karan stood up and left the booth, having satisfied his brotherly duties for the day, as Chris remained stunned in his seat. Spinning the beer bottle in his hand, the condensation soaked steadily onto his skin as memories of Kiara drifted in and out of his head.

Shaking himself out of his stupor, he quickly turned and called out, "Does that mean there's still hope?"

Ignoring the attention they had garnered, Karan looked over his shoulder and sighed, "It means you better make up your mind because she's coming back in three days." 

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