It was well past dinner time and most of the camp had retired for the night.

Vayu was engaged in a deep conversation with Raghavendra and few others, reviewing the updates received from their scouts and planning for the distance still to be covered.

Krushanu, though standing next to his king, was struggling to focus on the discussion.

When the men decided to call it a night and catch some sleep, before resuming what was going to be an arduous journey through the mountains over the next few days, Krushanu spoke "Raja-sa, I would like to have a word with you in private before you retire for the night."

After the other had exited the tent, Vayu muttered, rubbing his temples, "Be quick about whatever it is. My head is pounding!"

Visibly wincing, Krushanu started "I have some... disturbing news."

"More disturbing than the new alliance between Panchagadh and Bhagalpur??"

"Vayu... there isn't a delicate way to share this—"

"Since when have you started understanding the word delicate?! Just tell me what it is. I wish to retire before she falls asleep. We have barely spoken today." his friend dryly chuckled.

Drawing out a parchment from his pocket, Krushanu held it out, "It's about her."

Puzzled, Vayu took the parchment and started reading what looked like a hastily written note. The writing was eerily familiar.

Neck prickling with a sense of foreboding, Vayu turned the parchment. The other side had a few words scribbled by his own hand.

"What is this?" He demanded, quite sure that he wouldn't like the answer.

Jaws clenching, Krushanu spit out the words "This was sent to Abhiraj earlier today, while he was in the camp. By Harinakshi. I saw them conversing in the camp after he took your leave. They seemed to be acquainted and she seemed extremely flustered by the encounter. Hence, I asked one of my very trusted men to keep an eye on her. Soon after, she asked the boy who assists with tending to the bullocks to deliver this note to Abhiraj while he was with his soldiers. My man brought the note to me."

"Why was I not appraised of this immediately?!" Vayu demanded hotly.

Bowing a little, Krushanu explained "I did not wish to worry you unless I had something concrete to bring to your attention. And forgive me, but I decided to see what this could be. Not wanting to lose this note, I made a copy and had it delivered to Abhiraj. The boy was strictly instructed to not report anything back to her. Later, I personally followed her. Very discretely."

"She met him??" Vayu felt like he could barely breath.

"Yes, she met Abhiraj at some distance from the camp by the stream. I couldn't hear them for the most part, but they spoke for a few minutes." After hesitating briefly, he added "With a great degree of familiarity."

"Speak plainly!"

"Vayu... though they didn't engage in any inappropriate behaviour, he touched her a couple of times. They are clearly well acquainted. While attempting to get close enough to eavesdrop on their conversation, I accidently stepped on some twigs. Realising they probably had company, she left. All I could catch was – she thanked him for keeping her secret."

Sounding apologetic, Krushanu continued "Knowing how much she means to you, I truly want to give her the benefit of doubt. I have tried telling myself that she has probably crossed paths with him in the past... maybe in the kotha... that we shouldn't read too much into them coming across each other today. But the letter worries me."

All this time, Vayu's eyes had barely moved away from the note.

Dully, he uttered "Yes, it is extremely well written by someone who supposedly cannot read or write. And the meeting location is cleverly encrypted."

Nodding, Krushanu asked "How do you wish to handle this? Since their departure was delayed, Abhiraj and his men have camped for the night about fifteen-twenty minutes away on horseback. I did not see her handing him anything... but we cannot be sure if she shared any sensitive information with him that he plans to pass on to Panchagadh. If we intercept them tonight and... it will be another two to three days before Patanpur realises that they are missing."

Feeling gutted, Vayu paled, as if all the blood was draining out of his body. He wanted to scream – This is not true! She cannot be a traitor! And yet, the letter was proof that she was. The sight of the same handwriting, which had been the source of sporadic, effervescent joy the last few days, was now the dagger carving his insides.

When Krushanu reached out to tentatively hold his shoulder, Vayu quickly stepped away. Blank faced, he uttered "Keep this to yourself, for now. I will question her myself and then decide on the course of action. I will come to your tent in some time."

"Of course. Trust me, so far, no one knows anything is amiss."

* * *

Is this how a man being marched to his own execution feels? Vayu wondered as he took a heavy step into his tent. The silence within, which usually felt soothing at the end of the day, was stifling.

A dim lamp burning on the table in a corner, revealed her huddled form in the bed where she lay with her back towards him.

How can she sleep soundly after clandestinely meeting another man in the woods? That too, in our bed! Fury barely contained; he briskly approached the bed.

But before he could utter a single word, she sat up and turned to face him. The sight rattled him. She looked completely distraught; breathing shallow, eyes swollen into barely open slits, kajal and bindhi smudged, cheeks streaked with tears.

Extremely shocked, he heavily sat down on the bed, wondering what power this other man had over her that a few minutes with him had so badly broken her heart. 

My ever-strong Harinakshi - who did not shed a single tear when I lied to her about the numerous imaginary women, I supposedly kept in Dasi-Mahal. 

Or when she learnt of my real fiancée. 

Not even when she informed me that, despite all the heartache it would entail, she was ready to share me with Samidha.

Though not sure if he really wanted to hear her side of the story, a story where someone other than him potentially featured as a hero, he hoarsely uttered "What happened?"

Rushing to bury her face into his chest, she erupted into silent sobs.

Even as they caressed her back, his fingers itched to slay the man who had caused her so much pain.

A part of him tried to play her advocate – She couldn't have gone to meet him willingly. The scoundrel must have forced her into meeting him! Probably blackmailed her with something about her past. Abhiraj is just as two-faced as his father! I will send him the heads of all his fifteen men for the tears he has inflicted on her!

Firmly tilting her chin up, he gritted "Tell me, what has happened. I will not spare that—"

She stammered through the sobs "Maa-sa... she didn't make it. I hoped... and prayed... all this time... that maybe... but no... she is gone."

This had been the last thing he expected her to talk about.

Taken aback, he mumbled "You learnt of this from Abhiraj?? But didn't your mother pass away long back? When she handed over your responsibility to Chandrika bai??"

"I suspected... but still hoped. She was alive... when we left." she hiccupped.

"How does Abhiraj know her?" a pause later, he added in a taunt voice "And you?"

Hari stilled, as realisation dawned that momentarily deserting all logic, her heart had leapt into his arms seeking the tenderness, that only he could offer. Wretchedly, she mused - This was exactly why I had requested Bhai-sa to meet me away from the camp and then requested his silence. Why am I talking to Raja-sa about Maa-sa?!

As she tried to conjure some tale, blinking hard, Vayu's hold on her hardened.

Holding out the parchment, he warned "Think very carefully before you utter another word. I will not tolerate any more lies from you! This, here in my hand, has all markings of treason!"

Paralyzed by fear and incomprehension, she stared at the letter. Why does he have the letter that I had sent to Bhai-sa? And how did Bhai-sa arrive at the stream if he never received my letter?? Was he just out for walk?? No no... that doesn't make any sense. The boy confirmed that he had delivered my letter. Then—

"You wrote this! Just like you wrote all those letters from Dasi-Mahal! You have been lying to me all along!" Vayu growled.

She recoiled at the accusation.

And then her stomach churned violently. Did he take the letter from Bhai-sa after killing him?!

"What did you do?" she demanded, eyes brimming with horror.

"What did I do?! What have you been doing all these months?! Have you been planted here as a spy? Was dangling you tantalisingly in front of me in the kotha a part of some elaborate scheme?? Did you meet Abhiraj today to pass on some information?" he hissed back.

"Raja-sa! I did not pass him any information. He just wanted to know... why I am here. Sending me out... to offer you Paan in Chandanpur... was Bai-sa's idea... Bhai-sa has nothing to do with this! Please tell me... you haven't hurt him!" She begged, now shivering slightly as visions of a bloodied Abhiraj swan before her eyes.

"Bhai-sa?? Which Bhai-sa??" Vayu was baffled.

"Abhiraj Bhai-sa! He just happened to meet me today... he has nothing to do with my being with you."

Why is she referring to Abhiraj as Bhai-sa?? As he wondered, though inadvertently relieved at her way of addressing Abhiraj, she almost screeched, clutching his arm "Why do you have this letter?!"

When he did not respond, chest heaving, she questioned "Did you kill him?!"

Dazed, he asked "Who are you?"

"I promise you, Bhai-sa is not part of any conspiracy. In fact, there is no conspiracy! Please... I haven't been in touch with any of them for years now. I haven't looked back, even once since I left. They don't mean much to me... never did... apart from Maa-sa. But... I cannot be the cause of their deaths..." she sniffled in reply.

Losing his patience, Vayu shook her "He is fine! Now tell me, what's your connection to Abhiraj?!"

Startled at his tone, she replied "He is my half-brother."

Still not sure of the circumstances of her birth, Vayu muttered uncertainly "You are Raviraj's daughter?? Did he frequent some kotha that your mother lived in? Or did he keep her somewhere??"

"No... my mother was his third and youngest wife."

So, she is Raviraj's legitimate daughter. Vayu's eyes almost popped "You are a princess of Patanpur!"

As she silently nodded, the wheels in Vayu's head spined. Didn't she just say that she left Patanpur years ago?? Does that mean...

"Were you supposed to marry the Raja of Jaigadh?"

Hari almost started hyperventilating. Of course, he knows! Everyone probably knew of the marriage that was on the cards between Patanpur and Jaigadh. Will he think I was an ungrateful daughter who let down her parents? Someone who brought dishonour to her family...

"Running away... wasn't my idea! Maa-sa made me leave. She didn't want me to marry that old man. He already had three wives and many more concubines! She said – he was known for his... perverse behaviour. She said – the world outside couldn't possibly be worse than what awaited me within the walls of the Jaigadh palace. She made me promise that I would go far away and never allow any palace walls to imprison me. Maa-sa loved me with everything in her... till her last breath."

Once again, realising that her mother was truly gone Hari broke into sobs. All the bravado of years was washed away revealing a very broken daughter.

Vayu resumed rubbing her back, letting her express the grief that was buried all these years under doomed hope.

Though he was saddened by her loss, he was probably more astounded by the discovery - She was not a princess of Patanpur but the princess. It seemed too bizarre to be a coincidence. The girl - father had been keen to bring home as my bride. She is now my wife. Of my own choice! What is destiny, if not this?

When she whimpered as he tried to draw away, Vayu assured her "I will be back in few minutes. I absolutely must talk to Krushanu."

After relaying a quick account of what he had learnt so far from Harinakshi to his astonished friend, Vayu announced that Abhiraj did not pose a risk and hence no retribution was warranted.

Leaving Krushanu to mull over Harinakshi's unexpected background, Vayu returned to his bed to his overwrought wife. His own head was too muddled with the implications to further question her that night. And hence, they lay silent embracing, seeking comfort from the other, each tormented with their own thoughts.

All that night, Hari clung to him, desperate for his warmth. And she tried to clutch on to hope, that her revelations had not broken them. Surely, his arm around me, even now, means he does not find me despicable, right?

* * *

Before dawn, Vayu slipped out of the bed, and her arms, muttering something about needing to meet Raghavendra. Hari apprehensively watched as he quickly dressed in silence and exited the tent.

Unable to interpret his silence, and scared too, she dragged herself out of the bed and called for her attendants. The newly employed women, lacking in both courage and concern, did not enquire about Hari's swollen eyes. They just brought in the water for a quick wash and helped her dress for the day.

She was almost ready when one of the king's attendants delivered the message that she was to travel in the bullock cart that day and that Raja-sa had already rode away. Her heart dropped deeper in her belly.

But maybe it was better that way, as Hari was too distracted to ride Veerawati that day. Many more tears were shed as the cart trudged up the slopes of Torawati.

It almost felt like a redo of another journey in the same region from about four years ago. But in some ways worse than the past. Back then, her heart had mourned the goodbyes bid to her mother, but there had been a slight sliver of hope of seeing her again. Now, not only was that hope lost, but her heart was heavy with fear of losing her husband's affection too.

When they briefly stopped for lunch, Hari was further discouraged by the distance that Vayu maintained. Agreed, he was busy. But all she yearned for was two kind words... or just one smile... anything that would have confirmed that her betrayal was not completely unforgivable. She couldn't swallow even half a flat bread.

The sun was already setting when they reached the campsite that evening.

Vayu immediately got busy receiving a local Thakur, who was awaiting their arrival, especially since the man had arrived with some food and a few hundred arrows. As he heard the man ramble on, Vayu's gaze repeatedly drifted in the direction of a tree that Hari had settled under as she waited for the men to finish setting up his tent for the night.

And though a part of his heart panged at the sight of this listless figure, so different to his usually lively wife, he was still furious at her deception.

He had been feeling like a fool since the night before.

For only a fool would not have recognised all the contradictions that had been flashing in my face!

The way she was never intimidated by his title or wealth.

The haughty jut of her chin, always ready to challenge everyone around her.

Her disdain for all things royal.

The grace with which she had carried herself at that wedding in Sompura.

Or her knowledge and understanding of  the geo-politics of their region.

The easy authority with which she conversed with his generals or soldiers.

Or just the fact that she could not cook even a simple flat bread!

She never cowered in my presence because she always considered us as equals!

But we were never equals. She always had the upper hand. Because she always knew my truth and I believed all her lies.

All this time, I was baring my heart and soul to her while she chose to hide almost all of herself from me.

He wasn't the only one who kept evaluating her past behaviour considering the new information. Krushanu, too, was experiencing similar epiphanies.

I should have known things weren't as they seemed, the moment Chandrika refused to send her to Raja-sa for a night. Or at least when Chandrika demanded Sola Shringar for her.

No wonder, she always feels so at ease ordering me around... Right from that first time when she asked me to write down her demands for Raja-sa... to demanding updates on his whereabouts!

How did I not recognise the signs when she burst into the tent and carried out all the rituals for formalising their relationship without seeking Vayu's permission?!

Or the way she always does whatever she wishes to, hardly ever caring what social norms dictate... like she expects others to fall in line with whatever she decides.

Such confidence would  have been almost impossible to develop in a girl coming from a humble background.

And no wonder Vayu is so drawn to her. Deep within, he must have realised long back that he has met his match!

So many things suddenly started to make sense to Krushanu.

Surprisingly, though he still didn't engage with her much, Shera lingered by her side that evening. And it brought her some hope. Perhaps, he knows his masters' heart better and recognises that it still beats for me?

That night, for long, Hari anxiously awaited Vayu's return to their tent. It was well past midnight when he slipped into the bed and went off to sleep with his back to her.

Quite tears that flowed were quickly absorbed by the satin pillow covers.

* * *

The following morning, after quickly readying for the travel ahead, without caring what the attendants dressed her in, Hari again rode in the cart.

She watched her surroundings with mixed feelings. Considering this was the region of her ancestors, she thought, she should have experienced a deeper sense of belonging. But she couldn't. Her heart was set on Sudhagadh, and on Dasi Mahal in particular.

When her gaze drifted over the sparrows twittering in the trees, her heart longed for another glimpse of Chanchal chasing them amongst the lemon trees in her backyard.

When the sun started descending, she was wistfully recalling all the sunsets she had witnessed from the terraces of Dasi Mahal. Obviously, the ones spent in his company had been the sweetest! But even the ones when she stood staring at the road awaiting his return had been tinged with an endearing bittersweet flavour.

At noon, when they had stopped for lunch, Vayu still refrained from exchanging a single word with her. Hari's anxiety surged and her hopes that he would be willing to overlook her betrayal crashed.

After another day was spent on the road, embroiled in her despairing doubts, by evening, she had reached the point where she had to push for the verdict. Whatever it was. For this state of limbo was far too agonizing.

After quickly splashing some water on her face, she walked over to where Vayu stood in discussion with Raghavendra and Krushanu. The audience was going to be both a shield and a test. She hoped he would extend her the courtesy of not turning her away in front of others. And if he did, that would imply that there was barely any hope for forgiveness.

"Khamma Ghani, Raja-sa" she greeted, stopping two paces away. As the other two men acknowledged her with a slight bow, she rushed on "I understand you are busy... but I would like to have a few minutes with you. In private."

When Raghavendra amicably started "Raja-sa, I can come back in some time after—", Vayu cut him short, firmly announcing to her "I will come to our tent when it is set-up."

He is turning me away... Hari suddenly found it hard to breathe. Her dread must have spilled at his feet, for he added in a very slightly softer voice "It will accord more privacy. I won't be long." She silently nodded and walked away.

As the men assigned to the task unloaded the four carts filled with what was considered the essentials for his majesty's one night stay, Hari started hating the bed, satin throws, mirrors, tables, carpets and silver. Everything being carried inside!

Some thirty minutes later, Hari was pacing in the newly set-up tent. Every second since she had left him had dragged excruciatingly slowly. Shera, who had followed her into the tent of his own accord and settled in one corner, observed her movements with one eye.

With no other way to release her pent-up frustrations, she thoughtlessly kicked one of the big heavy wooden chests and then yelped. Seating down heavily on the floor, she pressed on the toe which was vehemently protesting her actions.

As she blew on the toe whilst cursing her own stupidity, the flap opened, and Vayu stepped in.

Embarrassment flooded her cheeks that he had found her thus. But it soon turned to euphoria, when he reflexively rushed to her side and knelt "Why are you on the ground?! Are you hurt??"

For a fleeting moment, she considered pretending to be in great pain for it seemed to pull on his heartstrings. But then shame pricked at her conscious and she truthfully replied "It's nothing. I just stubbed my toe. It will be fine in a moment."

He raised a brow "You stubbed your toe on a clearly visible box? Which is placed to one side on the tent..." Scrunching her face, she timidly confessed "I... might have kicked it..."

After watching her with an inscrutable expression for over half a minute, Vayu stood up. Stepping closer to the bed, he prompted "You wished to speak to me.", as he untied the sword at his side.

Forgetting the slight throbbing in her toe, she too rushed to her feet. But now that he just stood there, without any questions, all her practiced answers seemed useless.

"Raja-sa... you are angry at me." she started by stating the obvious. When he did not respond, she blinked a few times trying to figure out how to present her case. Finally, she pushed on "I wish to assure you that I have never betrayed your confidence. And I would never do that in the future too." Nervously licking her very dry lips, she almost whispered "If you let me stay by your side."

"Really?? All this time... you could read and write but you did not let it on. And I am supposed to believe that you were not spying?!" he challenged her.

He believes the worst of me. Cold sweat dotted her forehead.

"Tell me that you never read any of my correspondence which I unwitting left around our room!"

When her sealed lips and wide-open eyes confessed her guilt, disheartened, he turned his back to her. 

Catching on the tension in the tent, Shera sat up and woofed at Vayu as if wanting to know what was expected of him. But Vayu quickly shushed him with "Not now Shera!" and the dog lay down quietly in the corner.

After few seemingly endless moments of fidgeting with her odhani, she started in a shaky voice "I admit, at times, I have happened to glance at your letters... but I have never even dreamt of using any of it to harm you... or Sudhagadh. I understand why you might find it hard to believe me, for it is true that my father raised me to be his spy, if the need arose. But my loyalty lies with you. And only you."

"What do you mean by - raised to be a spy??" he whirled around in astonishment. He had been angry at the secrecy maintained but he hadn't considered her capable of real espionage.

Her eyes held a distant look as she unveiled the past. "As I told you the other day, Maa-sa was father's third wife. Her beauty caught his eye while he was being hosted by an inconsequential Thakur. Her parents had passed when she was a toddler, and her uncle was only too happy to oblige the King. She was about fourteen when father brought her home as his wife. Though not in love with him, she was still a very dutiful wife. In the beginning, his other two wives just looked down on her for her lack of connections to a powerful family. But later, as father continued to favour her for years, they hated her for apparently stealing their husband. As their beauty withered away, my mother's bloomed."

Pausing briefly, she continued "She was very young when I was born and there were some complications. Though she survived my birth, she couldn't bear more children. Perhaps my stepmothers had hoped that she would now fall from grace. But already blessed with five healthy sons, it didn't really matter to father that Maa-sa couldn't bear him more children."

Squinting slightly, she shared "So, it couldn't have been because I was a girl... but father begrudged me, probably for endangering his favourite wife's life. For years, he never paid me any heed. Maa-sa was left to her own devices when it came to me. The other wives never helped or advised her but were always quick to criticise everything she or I did. And they used me as a way to complain about her to my father. Though he never said a word to Maa-sa, he would try to appease them by punishing me."

Her eyes hardened recalling the hours spent sitting alone in corners when she was very small. Or later, carrying out chores around the house.

"Even though we didn't lack servants, I was repeatedly assigned to help in the kitchen!" she frowned.

He suddenly realised that it was probably then that her aversion to cooking took root.

Her frown eased as she continued "Another task I was often assigned to was - to sit at the back of home schoolroom where my brothers were taught by their Guruji and run errands like fetching water or refreshments as requested. Or wipe the slates and portion the chalk. Probably because the older ladies were least interested in education, they supposed sitting for hours in a classroom must be a burden for me too. Alas, to their bitter disappointment that worked in my favour."

Her lips curved into a slight sardonic smile.

"I was about ten. My father's cousin was visiting with his family. Probably in an attempt to impress each other with the talents of their offspring, all the girls were asked to sing. The girls visiting us all sang many ragas with ease, but when it was my turn, fumbling a great deal, I just managed to sing the bhajan my mother sang every day. My stepmothers tsked how - everything that shines isn't necessarily a diamond. Of course, the remark was supposed to imply that my mother was just a pretty but silly woman."

"Next, the boys were asked to recite the multiplication tables and quizzed on several topics they were learning. What they didn't account for was that many times when my brothers or cousins took too long to respond, I would impatiently and excitedly shout out the answer. Probably I was smarting from my stepmothers' remarks and determined to prove to all that my mother wasn't a brainless beauty!" pride shone in her eyes as she shared the memory.

"At the end of the evening, my uncle proclaimed that I was the cleverest young girl he had ever come across. As he gifted me a gold coin — probably thinking that just being called clever wouldn't be enough — he complimented my father that his daughter was blessed with both beauty and brains."

Beauty with brains. Yes, that's her! Vayu begrudgingly felt grateful to the uncle who had first recognised and highlighted her potential, for it had clearly set her on an unexpected path.

"I think that day father looked at me, properly, for the first time. Over the next few days, he often questioned me and decided that I was worth investing in. The teacher was instructed to formally accept me as a student too. And my stepmothers were no longer allowed to punish me. If they complained about me, father would silence them with a stern - Let her focus on her studies. I have big plans for her."

She sighed "For some time I was happy. Though no one seemed to grow fonder of me... they all mostly left me alone. Then one day, about two years later, he instructed me to work on a rangoli design outside the door of a room where he was receiving some guests. I was instructed to keep my eyes on the rangoli, but ears trained on the conversation inside. Halfway through their meeting, father excused himself to attend to another matter. Left to themselves the men unreservedly debated on the virtues of proposal and what they were likely to settle for. Father summoned me another room and asked what I had overhead before returning to his guests. Whatever I conveyed to him must have been useful, for after that day he frequently set out similar tasks for me. I was still glad thinking that this is probably what he meant by his big plans for me." 

He uneasily ran a hand through his hair, as she continued after a momentary pause, "But then one day a new teacher was appointed to teach me how to encrypt and decrypt written and verbal messages. Once, he sent me to stay with a friend's family for a month, citing reason for visiting the temple in their region, and asked me to send letters to Maa-sa with messages encrypted for him. Father had some concerns about this supposed friend's alliance. I had to report all the visitors of consequence, any marriage alliances under considerations and anything that stood out to me."

Agitatedly, she shared "Believe me, I was in a constant state of fear! So scared that someone might figure out what I was doing! I mean, how hard would it have been for them to throw me in the well in their backyard and claim it was an accident?!"

To use a twelve-year-old daughter to spy - Raviraj had been a truly despicable man. Vayu's gaze hardened. A part of him wanted to hold her close and assure her that it was all in the past but another part was still impatient for some answers and assurance that he has never been just a mark for her.

She went silent for a few moments.

Briskly shaking her head, she went with a troubled countenance "I was about to turn thirteen when there was a big argument between Maa-sa and father. He had started looking for alliances for me but Maa-sa insisted that I was too young to be married off. Father insisted that these things would take time and he was just sending out my horoscope to check if any of the kingdoms that he was interested in had any prospects."

Her gaze grew melancholy "Grudgingly, Maa-sa agreed, with the condition that the boy should be young and unmarried. Few months before, she had started suffering from sporadic bouts of stomach aches. Perhaps that was the reason she caved in. Then few months later, for some time, she was very happy about some proposal that was being seriously considered by father. Apparently, it met her conditions and-"

"Were you happy too?" he interjected, as his heart started racing.

But to his disappointment, she shrugged dismissively, not understanding the reason for his question, "I didn't care. Maa-sa was unwell and I had no wish to leave her. My heart was breaking at the thought of going away. Father had already started impressing upon me how irrespective of where I landed, I was to be his eyes and ears. That I owed my loyalty to Patanpur, irrespective of which family I was wed into. Marriage sounded more like being assigned to a clandestine mission than anything meant to bring me joy. I didn't want to marry anyone, but I understood that I must do what was expected of me. Anyway, for some reason that proposal fell through."

Grimacing, she continued "Around that time the Raja of Jaigadh visited Patanpur. One evening, while walking in the palace gardens, I happened to run into him and my father. I don't know if he first expressed his interest or if father proposed the match but soon it was announced that I was to be wed to the Raja of Jaigadh. Maa-sa was shocked that father would consider marrying me off to a forty-year-old man with three wives. In fact, she was livid! For days she raged and ranted. But father did not see it as an issue."

Of course, he didn't see it as an issue! The man never cared a bit about her! A means to an end – is all she was to him. Vayu recalled her once claiming that the women in palaces had even less control over their destinies than those in the kotha. Now he knew where her thoughts came from.

Her voice dulled "The wedding preparations started but then the war broke out. While father was away, Maa-sa's health worsened. I think worrying about my future hastened her deterioration. But even when her body was failing her, she did not let go of her hopes for me. One day, she ordered me to flee with Chanda before the men returned from the war and my fate was sealed."

A tear slid down her right cheek "And selfish me... left her alone in her time of pain. Perhaps, I don't deserve any happiness."

Taking a few steps forward till she stood just inches away from him, she spoke staring up into his eyes "Maybe I deserve to be punished for failing her, but not for betraying you or for harbouring any ill-will for Sudhagadh."

"Did you come looking for me in Chandanpur?" He still couldn't comprehend how they had managed to find each other.

Confounded, she muttered "Why would I?? Don't you remember, you came to the Kotha with Thakur-sa? I never went looking for anyone! Well, unless you count that time when I had to go looking for our goat Kali when she was missing for a day... and once for Suraj, when he had ambled away one night because Bala didn't tie him one properly. But I don't recall ever looking for any man..."

As his brow creased in irritation, realising she was transgressing from the real topic, she exclaimed "Raja-sa, my point is, I never set out to deceive you!"

"So, hiding your identity all this time... you really don't consider that a betrayal?! You must have some strange idea of what trust between a husband and wife is meant to be like." he scowled deeply.

She audibly gulped, before speaking again "Forgive me Raja-sa but I cut my ties with Patanpur the day I rode away with Bai-sa. From that day, I no longer thought of myself as a princess of Patanpur. These past few years, I have been just Harinakshi. Just Chandrika Bai-sa's ward. Whatever information I withheld; it was partly out of my instinct for survival but mostly because I didn't think it relevant."

His voice rose, as Vayu gripped her arms, "Not relevant?? How is you being the princess of Patanpur not relevant?! I have been trying to think of any way to get my family to accept you as my wife and the queen of Sudhagadh. And you withheld the information that can be pivotal. That you are Raviraj's daughter!"

"Who sided with your enemies during the war! Who denied access to your allies and caused much disadvantage to Sudhagadh. Had it not been so, perhaps your father and brother would have returned safe from the war. I know you hate him for his fickleness. And I did not want you to hate me for being his daughter! Please don't think me responsible for his choices." she implored for his understanding.

To her dismay, he got angrier "Do you still not see what you hiding the truth has been costing us?! I have been duelling with my mother with her having the upper hand because of your murky background! Do you not understand she and others might view our relationship in a different light if they knew of your noble origins?!"

"So, you are not mad at me for belonging to Patanpur? For your loss??" she was dazed by his declaration.

He snapped back "Why would I hold a child responsible for the outcome of that war? Was it your decision to switch alliances at a crucial time? Or did you kill my father or brother? I am not mad about the past - it cannot be changed. Well, at least not at you. But you are letting it deny us a future that we want! What sort of love do you bear me if you are not willing to fight for your rightful place by my side?"

She silently mulled on his question. Or was it an accusation?

At length, she uttered "Raja-sa, do you not see, the virtue of my noble birth was lost the moment I spent a night under the roof of a kotha. It means the world to me that you are willing to forgive the blood that flows in my veins, but the world will never absolve me of the water I have consumed for years as Chandrika Bai's ward. You know, I came to you pure and untouched, but who else will believe it?"

"I don't care what others believe! But I do care whether you are truthful to me or not!"

Though his claim that she mattered more than anyone else delighted her beyond measure, she still flinched at the tone.

Swallowing all the apprehensions rising within, she jutted out her chin "The only truth that matters is my feelings for you. And I have never hidden them. Whether it was my indifference at the beginning, the care budding in my heart as I got to know you, or the limitless love that I now bear you. And it is only because of this love, that I now stand in front of you and demand for your understanding."

Not able to refute her claim of always having maintained her integrity when it came to her feelings, his heart still embroiled in conflict, he wordlessly turned away.

But the very the next moment, most of his unease ebbed as she slipped her arms around him, embracing him from behind. And she breathed easier than she had in days, when his arms rested over hers and his thumbs stroked the skin, they had been forced to stay away from for almost two days.

Not wishing to miss what seemed like the end of some tense period, Shera too trotted over to rub against Vayu's leg and was in turn delighted to get his ears scratched. 

Thus, they stood huddled, a while, in silence, with their hearts beating inside three ribcages but speaking one language.

* * *

(Hi Dearies,

How are you all doing? Hope you enjoyed this part mostly focusing on HaVa's conversations. Do share your thoughts.

Lots of love, May)