all the times i've stared blankly at that mirror
looking down, changing pose
thoughts circling endlessly around my head
round and round my body
strangling me slowly

all the times i've lied awake at night
hands feeling every hill
every slope screaming in pure desperation
satisfaction from the voices
poison to my mind

all the times i've sat silently at that table
eyes zooming in at every detail
magnifying every gram, numbers adding up
one becomes a hundred
nothing i forget

all the times i've hidden words from everyone
casual smile to any remark
explanations, excuses, artificial laughs
no-one can ever know
i have to keep going

the desperate grasps, i must hang on
to a truth, a trap made from my mind
hands ripping me from the very road
i thought were there to keep me good
but deep down i knew this wasn't me
i had to get away

now here i am, stronger and free
have lived and thrived as truly me
thoughts do still come, but are wept away
yet i sometimes let my head astray

the truth is, i've kept my distance
from all the words and thoughts and looks
but here i'm forced to do the things
i've been avoiding ever since

there is no way i can escape
I'm hiding, shaking, weeping, crying
i may be grown, but i merely am
a little girl, alone and scared.