|MISGUIDED GHOSTS|

The library was dark and empty, but it was still better than being in my parent's bedroom. I can't be anywhere near that house right now, things are not okay there. Things are bad there; I can feel it.

It's like watching a horror movie on the edge of your seat because you know something bad is bound to happen at any second. No one has to tell you that it's a horror movie, you can just tell by the vibe it puts off. I'm getting bad vibes from my childhood home...

So yeah, I'm alone in the library now. I'm pretty sure I spent a lot of time in here when I was alive because my spirit is drawn to it now. Anytime I need to think, or need alone time, I end up here.

Josiah knew. I could see it in his eyes. He knew how I felt, his brown eyes were sad for me.

He knows me so well, we don't need words to communicate. I don't know how, but he knows me.

I didn't bother to tell him where I was going, he'll show up when I need him, at the exact moment. He's good like that.

But for now, I need a chance to breathe, to process my thoughts and feelings. The memories are wearing me out. There are so many things I missed, so many things that I didn't know about.

I'm worried I can't handle it. Wonder if the truth is too much for me? I've been searching for it so long, I never stopped to think if I wanted to know my whole story. I'm beginning to wonder if I will regret it. It's not a good thing to look into every crack of your past, and digging out the bad things.

Some things should just stay hidden; some secrets need to stay unknown. There's a reason I don't remember all this, my mind is protecting me; shielding me from the wrath of my dark past.

The more memories I relive, the more troubled my spirit gets. I'm debating on whether I should just stop now and move on to wherever I'm headed without knowing. Maybe my mental armor should just stay on.

But then again, could I really let that happen? Could I move on without knowing, without figuring out how I got here?

The answer is no. I can't move on without understanding myself. I need to find myself.

I'll just tell Josiah I need a break from reliving my reality.

Suddenly, someone cleared their throat in the library. I wasn't alarmed, I knew it was him.

"Hey there." He said when he knew I could see him.

I retucked my legs into my chest, forming a pink sweatered ball.

He joined me in the floor. "Are you okay?"

I hoped he wouldn't notice the evidence of tears on my face. "Not really." I said.

"What's wrong?" His eyes were so warm, I could almost feel actual heat radiating from him.

"It's getting too hard."

"What is?"

Why does he even bother to ask? I know he knows the answer. "These memories, they weren't what I thought they would be."

"I warned you." He returned.

"I know, I think I underestimated the severity of it."

His face morphed into a kind smile. "Do you want to stop?"

Do I? "No." I answered him and myself. "I just wish we didn't have to go over so much of it. I can't stand wondering what they are building up to."

"I see. We could skip to the really important parts if you want, but it might be a bit of a shock."

"Okay, that sounds a little more bearable...I think." Although shocks aren't usually good...

"Would you like to take a break from the bad memories?"

Actually, that sounded really good. "Yes, I do. Do you have any happy ones to show me?" My voice seemed more excited with every word. Anything is better than more bad memories.

He chuckled to himself. "They weren't on the list, but we can make an exception I guess."

My heart fluttered from the small amount of good news, or perhaps from our sudden change of location. We were now swaying... If I'm not mistaken.

I looked around, yep, swaying. Swaying in water to be more specific. We were sitting in a boat.

"Where are we?" I asked. I didn't recognize this new place.

"This is the most recent, happy memory." Josiah explained.

I didn't say anything, I just took in as much as I could. If this is my happy place, I want to remember it well.

There were lots of green trees surrounding this watering hole. It's a lake I assume, though I don't remember ever being here.

Flowers littered the nearest shore, and a picnic basket waited for us up on a small, grassy clearing.

I heard a splash behind me, and I turned toward the sudden sound. It was Baylor, I identified his messy brown hair instantly. This time, it was spiked in all directions from the water.

"Harley, come on in!" He called in our direction.

I noticed that he looked much younger than the first time I saw him, which was from my prom memory. He wore a boyish grin, and his face was free of facial hair.

It felt like he was looking right at me, but I know that couldn't be true.

"No, Baylor, I don't want to." My voice called from inside the boat with us.

A younger Harley was brought to my attention. She looked almost exactly like Baylor, besides girlish features of course. She wasn't blonde, but I kind of figured that after seeing myself as a kid. Her dark hair blew wildly in the wind, and it had a slight wave to it. The curls must have disappeared in my later days.

"Why not! Are you scared?" Baylor responded. His voice covered a laugh.

"Actually yes! You know I don't swim in water I can't see through!" She yelled back.

"There's nothing in here that will get you, come on kiddo, please?"
He splashed around.

"Why does he call her kiddo?" I asked Josiah.

Josiah was amused by my question. "Baylor was born exactly three minutes and forty-eight seconds before you, and he never let you forget it. It was sort of an inside joke between the two of you.."

Well that explains it I guess.

Baylor swam over to the boat now like a lurking animal. "I'd hate to flip you out of the boat, but I would do it if I had to..." He said in a taunting, playful voice. He grinned from ear to ear.

Harley squinted her eyes at him, perhaps pondering if he would really do it or not. She rolled her eyes, apparently making her decision.

She slipped her shirt and shorts off, tossing them aside, revealing a red bikini underneath.

She tested the water, giving it a skeptical look, then she dove in.

Baylor cheered her on.

Josiah and I watched them from the boat. I soaked in the sound of their laughter, and the twinkle of their smiles, knowing I probably wouldn't see them for a while.

"How old are we here?" I asked.

"Fourteen." Josiah responded without a need to think.

"And this was my last happy memory? I was eighteen when I died right?" That has to be a mistake, I mean that's four years...

His eyes were glued on the smiling teenagers, maybe trying to savor the moment too. "Yes."

"Yes what?"

"Yes this is the last one, and yes you were eighteen when you left that world." His response was reserved, like he was holding back the bad news until the last possible second. "This was the last time you were able to be truly happy."

I wasn't sure what to say to that.
"My last one..." I repeated it quietly to myself, trying to get used to the thought. My last real smile.

"Things didn't go so well after this." He said.

"What do you mean?" I asked. My mind was hungry for more answers.

His eyes locked on mine now, and he gave me a tiny, encouraging smile. "Maybe you should just enjoy this moment before we get into that."

I decided he was probably right, I mean he always is... "So what's in the basket?" I asked, changing the subject.

His smile spread across his face. "It's actually the exact picnic I brought to you the other day. Baylor is the person that put it together originally."

"So cookies and tea then?"

"Yes, they were actually just made by your grandmother about an hour ago."

"Really? That's awesome!" I got a little too excited over the fresh cookies.

"Yeah, she lives in that house right up there."

I followed his pointing finger to the small house on the shore behind us. I didn't recognize the house, but the one next to it stood out. It was the one I thought was my house before. It was covered from the woods, but the second floor and roof was visible over the tree line.

"That's the house I thought was mine isn't it?" I asked Josiah.

An alarming thought occurred to me. If that's the house, then this is the lake.

My heart began to race as thoughts of Larson, and the beast, and the dead fish crossed my mind. "Josiah, let's leave." I whispered.

I scrambled to my feet, realizing in the process that this was also the boat Larson and I found that day.

"Harley, it's okay, it's just a memory." Josiah said. He was right next to me now.

"I don't care, we need to leave, please." My volume increased as my hands began to shake. "Please Josiah."

I was tight against his chest in the dark library before he uttered another word. "I'm sorry Harley, I thought you would want to see the memory."

I took in deep breaths of air in an attempt to calm myself. "No, I can't take it right now... Let's just sit down for a minute."

We eased to the floor, propped up against a bookshelf. His body was close to mine, warming me.

We were silent for a while. I didn't really have anything to say. Why would he think it was okay to take me there?

"You know Harley," Josiah said in a voice just above a whisper. "That place used to be your Heaven."

I thought about his words, trying to decipher their meaning. I'll never be able to see that lake the same ever again, not after the horror I witnessed there not too long ago.. "Well, it's not anymore." I said simply, "It's my Hell now."