The letters were arriving regularly now and Lan WangJi was beyond relieved. But in all his years at Cloud Recesses, since the time when he was a child and used to go to visit his mother once a month, he had never felt this level of anxiety either.

Suibian was coming.

Lan WangJi could feel his stomach doing somersaults every time this thought occurred to him, and this flip-flopping motion was making him unable to settle. His meditation suffered, and so did his appetite.

What would Suibian think of him? What if Suibian wanted to meet him? What could Lan WangJi say to that?

Would he refuse?

Some of these questions were giving him heartburn with the level of anxious thoughts running around in his head.

Luckily, only one person noticed.

Lan WangJi was trying harder to pay attention to his Uncle's classes too, and his Uncle didn't notice, but his Xiongzhang did.

And so when the knock came again on the door of the Jingshi, Lan WangJi dutifully opened the door and bowed, but today, he was glad to see him.

Before his brother could sit down, Lan WangJi stepped into his space, but made no move to do anything else, relying on the certainty that his Xiongzhang would know what he wanted.

XiChen was shocked.

Lan WangJi never, ever initiated physical contact.

XiChen quickly held him close, before his baby brother could change his mind.

"What's wrong, Didi?" He asked, softly.

He was reminded of the last time he had hugged his brother, when their mother had passed away. Lan WangJi had withdrawn from any physical touching since then, and XiChen missed this feeling. He missed being able to care for his brother like this, to offer silent support.

Lan WangJi waited for a few minutes before shifting out of his embrace and handing him something. Then he went back to his seat at the little table and poured tea for the both of them.

XiChen looked at the letter before sitting down opposite him.

The fact that his brother was trusting him with something so important was in itself a humbling feeling, but also, he knew that Lan WangJi would never do something like that unless he was worried about something.

"Are you sure, Didi?" He asked once more.

"Mn."

"Okay, if you want me to read it." He still paused, waiting until Lan WangJi nodded slightly.

Lan WangJi knew this letter among all of them was the most personal, but it also was making him ask lots of questions and some of them were difficult...he needed a fresh pair of eyes to peruse the letter, and give some friendly feedback.

And XiChen was his only choice.

XiChen opened the letter and began to read silently.

Dear Bichen, (Day 4 - I have stuffed my fist into my mouth to stop myself from screaming out loud)!!!

Guess what? GUESS WHAT?????

A bunch of us decided to fly by sword and we. Are. In. Caiyi Town. RIGHT NOW!!!!!

I am sooo nervous, by the way.

The lectures by themselves are a little bit intimidating anyway, plus the Lans have a rep. I am being told constantly not to get into trouble but really? Would I do something like that on purpose??

It's as if they don't even trust me...

Plus it's not like I can help it, is it?

Who would willingly do something to piss off the people you're staying with, am I right?

Anyway, we had a whole lot of drama even before we found a hotel to stay at. We found one, that was no trouble, but then, all of a sudden and in the early hours of the morning, they woke us up just to tell us that we have to clear out by tomorrow morning. Apparently some twat has decided to rent out the whole hotel because why the heck not, right?

It's for himself and his "entourage"....

I mean...that's so inconsiderate anyway...my Shijie is really tired too. She's not used to travelling for such a long distance and we thought we would rest for a few days before attempting to climb up the mountain.

And then, GUESS WHO THE TWAT TURNED OUT TO BE?

The one and only, Super Twat of the Century, Jin ZiXuan himself, the stuck up Peacock.

Honestly...he's so uptight, if you shoved a piece of charcoal up his backside, you'd get a diamond within one hour...I'm not even joking.

XiChen paused to laugh quietly to himself.

He was already liking this young person.

Lan WangJi sighed. He knew exactly where his brother had reached.

It was funny too, but Lan WangJi was also feeling nervous, especially because of what followed.

XiChen resumed reading.

Bichen...I...the real reason I'm writing this final letter to you, is because the truth is...I'm worried about a lot of things...and they all concern you.

I'm nervous about meeting you...I mean, I really want to. I really and truly want to...but I'm scared that you won't like me.

My brother says that I'm a lot for anyone to take and I mustn't make our clan look bad...and I'm deathly scared that I'm gonna do something that's gonna land me in a whole heap of trouble...but at the same time, I'm...a part of me just wants to rebel already, do you know what I mean?

I just have this horrible feeling, deep inside me that's begging me to go kick something real hard, or...or find something that's going to piss people off and then just do it, you know?

And all the while, I'm trying to talk myself out of it...

I've never told anyone about this before.

Actually, I feel so much better telling you this. I want you to know, in an unrelated way, that no matter what happens, I am so grateful to you for your friendship. You have given me countless pieces of advice in the past, and okay, I might have not listened but that's not to say I didn't appreciate it.

Thank you so much. You really mean a lot to me, Bichen. I...I really like you.

Sincerely,

Suibian.

Lan XiChen quietly handed back the letter to his brother, watching the way his brother folded it carefully and tucked it away inside a bulging book. Lan WangJi had to tie a red ribbon around its centre to stop it from falling apart.

It was obviously important to him.

"They sound like a good person." XiChen said, gently.

"It is a 'he'. And I like him a lot too." Lan WangJi admitted.

"You have a lot of letters there." XiChen remarked, uncertain as to what the problem might be or why his brother looked so embarrassed all of a sudden.

"I have saved every one." Lan WangJi told him proudly.

"So what are you worried about, Didi?" XiChen asked, pouring more tea.

"I would like to meet him..."

XiChen had never heard him sound so uncertain before.

"But...?" He prompted.

"I am not sure he...Will like me. Afterwards." Lan WangJi admitted.

"Why?" XiChen was torn between tearing that fear apart and assuaging his feelings, or getting to the root of the problem.

"He...is so interesting....and...I am not."

The silence was heavy between them.

XiChen was considering how worried his brother must have to be, to confide something so absolutely personal to himself. And it was a genuine concern given him sheltered a life Lan WangJi led.

But his brother had always been that way.

"I do not think that you are boring...and neither does he." XiChen replied carefully. "Look, he has said as much, quite clearly. This issue seems to be in your mind, only?"

"He travels, he's funny, and .... I am scared."

"So is he." XiChen shot back, not liking the direction of this conversation.

In the last few months, he had seen his brother opening up little by little, like the first spring flowers after a harsh winter. XiChen wanted his baby brother to fully bloom, not shrink back into himself.

Progress had to be fought for, and he didn't want his brother to retreat from opening up, to experience new things. This year's lectures were going to last a full year, to immerse students from all over the Cultivation world, and XiChen would be lying if he said that cooperation between the Sects was all he hoped for when organising it in the first place.

He wanted WangJi to be able flourish, to make new friends and ultimately, to have new experiences, to learn how to have fun.

Life was about more than just teaching, learning and staying within the four walls of the Jingshi.

Lan WangJi's head shot up at that. He did not have to voice his question, it was all over his face.

"Read his letter again...do the words not sound a little bit desperate to you? He's already admitted that he's nervous but Didi, I think he's just as scared as you are. So in your next letter, tell him that." XiChen smiled kindly at him, and patted the back of his hand as it rested next to his cup of tea.

The soft, soothing scent of sandalwood floated all around them, permeating into the clothes they were wearing.

"If you speak your mind, there's a good chance you will put his mind at ease too. And you have equal say in how much you are willing to give of yourself into this...friendship. Never forget that, Didi. The moment you feel uncomfortable, it's okay to take a step back. You don't even have to give a reason, it is enough that you wish for some space." XiChen stood up to leave. "You should tell him, Didi."

Lan WangJi watched him leave.

Once he was alone, he pulled out the second letter that had arrived with the one he had shown his brother.

This second letter was full of questions, both written down and unspoken. So he read it again, hoping for some clarity.

Dear Bichen, (Day 4 - gosh, we're sooo close!)

There are a lot of pretty girls here. They're selling flowers and loquats by the side of the pier and all along the riverbank. At least Ji- haha! At least my brother says they're pretty. To me, they all look the same, much like the ones back home. I am unsure what to make of this.

Bichen, I am about to ask you a very personal question, but I want you to know for sure, that you do not have to answer it if you don't want to.

Have you ever kissed anyone before?

No, actually it's not even that. I guess more than that, I'm wondering if you've ever wanted to?

I didn't think about it, not really, not until my brother brought it up. He asked why I was flirting with strange (but beautiful) ladies, and I told him the truth, I wasn't flirting, I was just being nice. I can be nice, right?

I'm talking to them just as I would if I was back home...so I'm really not sure where he's getting that from.

We started drinking one night, and the discussion turned to possible wife material...I have to tell you, it made me uncomfortable. And I am uncertain as to why...but my brother had a whole long list of requirements and truth be told, I don't know if it's a ploy to not get married by having the girls jump through hoops for him, or if he's genuinely being serious because that is a one way ticket to permanent bachelorhood. I mean, he was still going after twenty separate items on his wish list...that's not a human being, that's someone who has ascended to the heavenly realm.

I think I like someone ... enough to want to kiss, but therein lies the problem. I wouldn't want to just kiss anyone, not even for experience. I think my first kiss would be special, and therefore not something to be thrown away to some random person for convenience's sake.

What about you? What would be your opinion on this?

I hope you can put aside any embarrassment you might be feeling and answer my questions as honestly as you are able to, but rest assured that I'm not forcing you to. Nothing will change in our relationship even if you flat out refuse.

We are making our way up the mountain today and since we are walking slowly to accommodate my Shijie, I think we should reach Cloud Recesses by early evening.

Letters are reaching me even faster which leads me to believe that either you are already in Cloud Recesses, or that the Lan Sect had something to do with the pen pal  assignment, though at the moment, it's just a gut feeling.

We are about a third of the way up, and our break is over, so my next letter will come from within Cloud Recesses.

I am very much looking forward to being in the same place as you.

(I have to hold everything in because my brother is already looking at me as if he wants to beat me up...haha!)

Sincerely,

Suibian.

Lan WangJi sat quietly, feeling terribly out of sorts.

He had a jittery feeling in the pit of his stomach, something he had never, ever felt before and was at a loss in how to describe it or define it.

What could it mean?

Why was he feeling so restless? Was it because Suibian was close by? Or something else?

He could say with a tiny bit of certainty that just Suibian coming to his home wasn't completely the reason for his mood. He felt like he was on the cusp of an important discovery, and just needed a push in the right direction...but which direction was right?

Maybe a serious attempt at meditation would help before he began forming a reply, both in his head, and on parchment.

***********

Wei WuXian received his reply, about four hours after sending off his letter with a group of travellers going by sword. They were evidently from the Lan Clan judging from their robes which were white with a cloud design on the lapels and a pale blue similar pattern on their shoulders, returning to Cloud Recesses.

This differed from those of the Jiang Clan as everybody was expected to wear white out of deference to their hosts, but each individual Clan had their symbols embroidered upon their shoulders. Hence their robes were white with lotus flowners upon them.

Wei WuXian had looked up and seen a crowd of Lan disciples leaving Cloud Recesses and wondered what the reason could be, but he had to pay attention to their route and not get lost. They caught up with another group of new cultivators and continued travelling with them.

Given the content matter of his last letter, Wei WuXian did not want to read out loud or in front of anybody else, what the reply from Bichen contained. He had grown quite protective of his friendship with Bichen and did not want either it or himself poked fun of, not even lightly.

Normally he could laugh at himself but this was different. The friendship itself was precious to him, and he considered it his own treasure, to be guarded from intruding eyes, plus in the beginning when he had noticed that his pen pal assignment was far more successful than either of his siblings' were, it became even more important to shield them.

So he tucked it into his robes and made no move to read it.

However, when they reached the Ivory Gates of Cloud Recesses, they were in for a nasty surprise.

Due to their chaotic departure from Caiyi Town, they had forgotten their invitation at the hotel from whence they had made a hasty farewell. Wei WuXian offered to go and collect it after a particularly seething encounter with a member of the Lan Clan.

Wei WuXian wanted some time alone, and he decided this would be the perfect opportunity to read Bichen's reply in peace and quiet, and formulate his reply so Bichen would know that they had arrived.

When he was certain that Jiang Cheng would not be catching up to him, Wei WuXian opened the letter.

Dear Suibian,

I am very happy that you're so close to Cloud Recesses. But I am also very nervous. I am worried about you and what you might think of me, were we to get to know each other in real life...and I am not ready to give up this beautiful dream.

Your letters keep me looking forward to your next ones, and I know that should I wish to know something, I can fully trust you to explain things to me.

I value our pen pal relationship far more than the one in a possible real life, simply because this is familiar, and I feel as if I know you well.

But I am scared that you may think of me as boring...and as a result, you may wish to terminate our writing to each other...and that is a risk I am not willing to take.

In terms of a scale measuring our value to each other, my main concern is that we are tipped in my favour, because the truth is, you bring more to our friendship than I ever could. You are interesting, engaging and you enjoy many adventures...while I...am just me.

Let us not talk of this for now.

Which brings us to your second letter.

You asked if I ever wanted to kiss anyone, and the answer is no...

But now you have put the thought inside my head, I am wondering what it would feel like. Like you, I believe that kisses should mean something, never to be used in a frivolous manner, especially one's first kiss. It seems sacrilegious to consider giving away the miracle of first love just for the sake of experience, and I would always rather wait.

I hope you are not too offended by my answers. I have tried my best to be as honest and succinct as I can about a sensitive matter, however I would be happy to know if I have helped you.

I am looking forward to your next letters, especially if you could describe your experience in Cloud Recesses. I would love to know what you think of this place. Also the idea of a drop-off place is looking highly appealing right now, and as soon as I have found a suitable one, I shall let you know.

Sincerely and in eager anticipation,

Bichen.

Wei WuXian had to read it again.

He didn't have time to write his answer because late afternoon was quickly becoming evening and he had yet to get back with their invitations, and he did not want to chance getting lost in the dark on an unfamiliar mountain, especially as his Shijie and Jiang Cheng would be waiting outside too.

Luckily, it did not take long to purchase a couple of jars of Emperor's Smile on his way back.

***************

Dear Bichen,

So much has happened since my last letter, but I wanted to let you know that we've arrived safely inside Cloud Recesses and please don't worry...I know you would have!

I met the most stubborn man alive...but I think I can forgive him because: He. Is. A. God.

I swear, I haven't seen anyone so beautiful in my life before, ever, and I think it's a pity because I don't think I ever will again, either. It's such a shame though, because I think he's an ass...

You know how we were talking about kissing before?

And I know I said first kisses mattered and all that, blah, blah, blah...but right now, I'd kiss this man in a heartbeat!

My only problem is I think he hates me...

We did have a tiny bit of a disagreement...but that's to be expected, wouldn't you agree? And really, why does he think being a stickler for the rules is going to endear him to anyone?

But he did me a solid favour...so I guess I'll have to suck it up...sad faces...I really need a hug right now...but I guess I should be used to getting punished.

Really, why is it always me?

I haven't set foot in Cloud Recesses and BAM! I've done something wrong...

Anyway, I'm really tired, that's why it took me so long to write to you. But I have special news and I can't wait to tell you about him.

Sincerely,

Suibian.

*********

Dear Suibian,

I am glad beyond measure that you are safely within Cloud Recesses at last. I feel like this is the beginning of a new start for both of us.

If yesterday was difficult for you, then it was doubly so for me. I met the most annoying man on the face of the planet and do you know what? He loves the sound of his own voice?!!

I had to use a silencing spell on him multiple times yesterday too...normally people understand with it happening just once to them...perhaps he is exceptionally dim-witted...but beautiful to look at.

I am reminded of fake jewels, wondrous to gaze upon but they shatter with an expert blow...I cannot seem to get his face out of my mind.

The fact that you are here will no doubt be a tipping of the scales in my favour. It comforts me that I can and will confide in you.

At the moment, I just feel extremely ticked off...even meditation isn't working.

Either way, today is a rest day before lectures start tomorrow so please use the time wisely to acclimatise to the higher altitude. It has been known to make first-time visitors loopy, hence the extra day.

And regarding your desire to kiss your annoying man...don't. You will only regret giving up something so precious to such an unworthy candidate.

Lan WangJi had to stop for a few minutes, letting the jealous anger subside before resuming his writing. Sometimes it was best not to question what he was feeling...

Do you want me to find whichever disciple reprimanded you? I can tell my brother...he will help us locate him. I can...talk to him...

Sincerely yours,

Bichen.

Lan WangJi banked down on the hugely satisfying addition to his signing off.

He quickly sealed it and sent it off.

***********

Dear Bichen,

Thank God I have at least one true friend here, otherwise the coming days would be simply unbearable. I think that guy has it in for me, you know...I'm stuck copying rules and it's only my first day...I'm going to be here for ages!

But I'm not kidding, I swear, I can turn around and he's there! Like he has some sixth sense about where I'm going to be and BAM! I'm in trouble...

He's really getting on my nerves though. I wanna piss him off for the hell of it now, just for bants. He has a major stick up his.....anyway, let me calm down and I can concentrate on us...

I love Cloud Recesses!! I'm making heart eyes at every waterfall!!! They're so beautiful and you guys get to see that every. Single. Day!!!!

And everything is so green and lush...there's such a peacefulness around ... it's like permeating...I feel so calm...but then there he is!!

You know, Cloud Recesses is such a large place, yet I'm always running into him!! I know you said I couldn't kiss him...but pretty please?? His lips are just begging me to!!!

And I want to do it because I want to see how far I can push him...honestly, making him angry is the highpoint of my every single day. Without a doubt.

I bet, if I kissed him, I'd be flung off the mountain in no time! Like, yeet! Hahaha...

But seriously, you don't have to find him for me.

And I thought of something really funny too, I thought, what if your really annoying guy and my really annoying guy are one and the same? You said yours is really beautiful and I told you, so is mine...but I want to tell you, if ever in the future we both like the same guy, I'd give him up in heartbeat, if it was you!

I'm totally serious.

Lectures start today after the gift giving ceremony...sigh....that's gonna be kind of boring...I might just ditch my brother...

Anyway, gotta go...my Shijie has cooked my favourite!

Sincerely yours,

Suibian.

Lan WangJi looked at the bottom of the page where not only had Suibian added Lan WangJi's addition, but also drawn two kissing rabbits, one on top of the other. It made Lan WangJi smile fondly...

Suibian never failed to make him happy.

*********

Dear Suibian,

It eases my worries when you are here. I do not need to see you, but the very fact that you are somewhere here...it lightens my heart.

That particular student is at it again...I do not understand why he riles me up so badly! I hate him, but I don't. He's too beautiful to hate and I just want to push him up against...against anything and bite him...

I am too angry to meditate...my cultivation is suffering...

Sincerely yours,

Bichen.

Lan WangJi sealed it, still seething.

He had not, since his first ever missive, sent such a short letter to his friend before, but these were...extenuating circumstances.

He needed to go somewhere and punch something...

No...he had to find a suitable place to use as a drop-off point. Somewhere where they could leave things for each other, but that was dry and hard for others to find...

Lan WangJi left the Jingshi with a mission. He was posting his letter, and wondering where such a place would be.

The offices which dealt in correspondence were close to the entrance of Cloud Recesses and it was further than where the guest disciples from all the other Sects were allowed to stay.

The last thing Lan WangJi wanted was for Suibian to get into trouble, especially if after lectures finished, he didn't have much time left to drop off his things. So wherever Lan WangJi decided had to be easily accessible for both of them, yet out of the way to allow the secret exchange.

There was a small sloping bridge that crossed a tiny brook nearby, and in truth, the bridge was not needed except when the ice melted in summertime and the brook became a tiny river. Just under the left side was the stump of a tree, hollowed out by squirrels long ago and now abandoned.

Lan WangJi cleaned it out and placed an oilcloth inside to keep the contents dry, and then covered up his gift with another oilcloth and dumped dry leaves on top, so even if anyone stumbled upon it, they would only see his camouflage.

Then on his way back to the Jingshi, he heard an angry voice shouting from around the corner.

From his position now, he couldn’t see anyone but could hear everything.

"If you get in any more trouble, mother and father will be forced to call you back! What the hell? It hasn't even been a week!"

That was the Jiang heir...

Another voice...but the words were scattered on the wind...

"Will....stay...that...permanently..."

"What did you say?" The shouting voice got louder.

"I said, if you carry on scowling like that, one day the wind is gonna change and you're gonna wind up looking like that for the rest of your life!"

Lan WangJi froze.

He had heard that before.

Suibian had said that to his brother...and written it in a letter to Lan WangJi.

But just as he thought he was going to get a glimpse of his pen pal, a gaggle of twenty youths came around from the side and Lan WangJi shrank back, trying not to peek.

All were wearing the white guest disciple uniform and there was so much noise happening that it was impossible to be able to tell who had spoken.

Lan WangJi was out of sight, and with his heart beating a mile a minute, he waited until the noise died out before coming out from the side of the building. Goosebumps had spread out all over his skin, and the fine hairs on his arms were standing to attention.

He had never felt like this before.

He'd had to actively stop himself from interrupting those students in order to get a glimpse of Suibian...but that annoying jerk was there, in the midst of that crowd and Lan WangJi didn't want to risk it.

How was it possible that that idiot was everywhere?

*********

A/N

Good morning everyone,

Am I dragging it out?? Gosh, I hope so!!!

Can you believe it, this is the hundredth chapter?

5K is a happy medium and allows me to write for the other book too.

A while back, I asked a really good friend and excellent writer to complete her story by writing a love letter between Wei WuXian and Lan WangJi, especially because in that story, Searching for Perfection, a specific letter from Lan WangJi to Wei WuXian was the big reveal...

She refused, and so I came up with the idea for this series.

Her Wattpad name is AitchNKay and if you haven't already read any of her amazing writing, please check out her books available on her home page:

The Diary of Lan Zhan

A Phoenix Rising (my absolute favourite!)

A Phoenix Reborn second part

Arli

Searching for Perfection

Those Thirteen Years were a lie

Second Time Around